Club Pickup: Be Happy, Be Social, And Drop Your ‘Big Strategy’

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Has this ever happened to you?

You have some “grand strategy” of openers, lines, and routines for working the club tonight.

You get there, but you don’t open the first girl you see. 

Wait, you see a good set… you hesitate for a minute for “the right moment”, but then the girls by random chance walk away. Damn! :confused:

That’s alright… you walk around the room but for some reason now you’re still not opening. 

You begin to panic—this is just not what you planned.

You begin to feel frustrated with yourself for not opening. 

And because of the frustration you feel even worse—you’re not even “in state” anymore. How are you possibly going to open girls now??

You had to pay a $10 cover instead of $5- you are frustrated.

You’re not wearing what you imagine are your best clothes- you are frustrated.

You didn’t approach the girl like you thought you would– you are frustrated.

You are no longer in a good state – you are even more frustrated.

Now even more negative emotions go through your head—damn I fucked up, and I had such big plans for the night, even worse!

I hate to admit it, but this has happened to ME in the past more than I can count. So I know how it feels.

Here’s the deal though…

This frustration, fear, worry, and negative feelings in the club or bar come out because of your attachment.

Attachment to your “grand plan” or strategy.

But if you drop your “grand plan” for the night and instead expect nothing, then nothing can frustrate you.

If you don’t cling to anything, you can’t feel disappointed.

Your clinging deflates your state because the social dynamics in the club are in constant flux and you cannot cling or hold onto it.

The situation will be constantly slipping out of your hands, foiling your thought-out plans.

Expecting outcomes in a club is like trying to hold a waterfall in your arms that is rushing toward some unknown outcome. And you get frustrated and then your internal state fizzles.

But if you don’t expect anything, if you have no “plans for the night” to hold onto, then nothing can frustrate you.

Frustration and negative states and thoughts are purely a product of your expectations.

Try this instead: don’t go into the club with any “grand plans” inside your head of what you’re going to do that night.

Don’t go in with any thinking-based strategies in your head AT ALL.

Instead, focus on what you FEEL in your BODY.

Aim to feel a pure happy, joyous state- for no reason at all. Just because you’re alive. Or just because you get fun and joy out of watching others around you, the people you don’t even know, having fun and joy.

Smile with your mouth. Force yourself even.

And do that for 30 minutes. Can you go to a club and stand there, like a complete dork, smiling and feeling joyous for 30 minutes? Maybe getting onto the dance floor and dancing like a crazy person… for just YOURSELF and for your own enjoyment?

Then, even without all of your plans and expectations, even walking up to a beautiful woman will not frighten you.

And only then, only once you come home from the club feeling rejuvenated and your batteries recharged from feeling such a great state all night, do you want to maybe consider any “planning” or “strategies”.

~ Jesse