How To Build Rapport With Women In Nightclubs And Bars

A club is a very fantasy environment to a girl.  It is like nothing is real in the club.  There’s lights, dancing, all these guys and girls, strangers, everywhere.  And when you talk to a girl in club and touch, she may be attracted to you, but it’s like in a way she doesn’t even see you as a real person.  You’re just this total stranger who is getting her hot maybe, but that’s it.

You have to become a real person to the girl you’re talking to.  You have to crystallize yourself into a real, live, concrete person that is more than just about giving her good feelings, more than just touching her and talking to her.

Because if you blab to the girl the whole time where you’re doing 80% to 90% of the work, the girl will not sleep with you.  And if you get her number, she will flake on you and never meet up with you outside the club.

Because she just knows you as hot fantasy guy, and the next day when she’s up and going to school or work and she’s back in the real world, she’ll be nervous about meeting up with club fantasy guy who is like from another planet.

And because you did all the work, you didn’t give her a chance to chase you, you didn’t give her a chance to invest BACK in the interaction, so she won’t feel invested.  She’ll just feel like if she returns your calls, she doesn’t really know you as a real person, and you’ll just aggressively chase her down like you did at the club, and it will be intimidating – even if she totally liked you in the club, the girl will chicken out and avoid you.

So you rarely get laid from a club girl unless the girl games you a bit, invests in the interaction, and has connected with you.

So at some point in the interaction, you want to shift gears, take your foot off the gas, pull back, and let the girl game YOU.  You give her a chance to invest back in the interaction and make a real, deeper connection with you.

And the interaction goes from you doing 80% or 90% of the work, to a more 50% you, 50% her NORMAL conversation about NORMAL topics like your interests and background, eliciting the girl’s values, and the more get-to-know-you type conversation.  You go from a 90/10 to 50/50 talking ratio.

Okay so how does this go down.

You’re talking, talking, talking, touching, touching, touching.  You’re waiting for the point when the girl will stay there, even if you shut up and stay silent.  That’s what they call in pickup the Hook Point.

So you withdraw.  You lean back, and you stop talking.  And if you’re passed the hook point, your withdrawal will create a space, a vacuum, and the girl will usually ask you a question to fill in that space or vacuum.   She will start asking questions because SGE wants the interaction to continue.

And the girl will usually ask you a very uncreative, auto-pilot question like, “Where you are from?” or “What do you do?”

But that’s good!  Because now the girl is effectively gaming YOU.  When a girl starts asking you questions about yourself, she is CHASING YOU.  She is investing back into the interaction, she is putting WORK into getting to know you back.  And girls want what they work for.

So the girl starts asking you questions about yourself, like “What do you do?” and you want to keep that going, so you answer her questions with answers back, continue to express yourself to inspire attraction.

And the more the girls finds herself gaming you by asking you questions, in the same way chumpy guys usually try to game her, the more she will find herself genuinely LIKING you as a real person.

And she gets to know you, she invests BACK in the interaction, and she’s gaming YOU.  Then a girl will return your calls the next day and meet you in the real world outside the club.  And you lower your flaking ration significantly.

So how long does it take to get to the Hook Point?  Well you can hit it fast.  Some girls, right after you open them, if you come in strong and relaxed and dominantly, will want to go 50/50 with you right off the bat.  Other girls, it could happen in a few minutes, or if they’re trying to ignore you and you have to stay in set and keep talking and keep talking and pass their congruence tests, it might take 10 minutes to finally hook the girl.

Because remember, the longer you stay in set, the more attractive and cooler you become to the girl – so you’ve got to hang in there until you reach that hook point, the point where the girl will invest back into the conversation and start gaming you back.

So to summarize: whereas maybe the interaction starts off where you’re doing 90% or 80% of the talking, staying in set and passing congruence tests like the girl trying to blow you out, eventually you hit the hook point where the girl is listening to you, and then you just stop talking, look at the girl, and wait for her to respond.  She starts asking you questions to fill in the space, because now SHE wants it to continue, and you shift to a 50/50 conversation ratio.  She goes from NO investment in the interaction to having a LOT of investment in the interaction.

Now she invests, she chases, and she gets to know you as a real person, instead of just cool fantasy club guy.  And she’s far more likely to feel comfortable meeting up with you the next day OUTSIDE the fantasy club environment.

So how do you know WHEN you’ve reached the hook point with a girl, and she’ll start gaming you back?  The easiest way to test is to just shut the fuck up, lean back, and see if she contributes back to the conversation.  If she does, you already passed the hook point.  And again, it can happen fast, right off the bat, a minute in, maybe 10 minutes in, but it tends to happen relatively quickly, faster than you’d think.

Because the mistake that guys tend to make is that they fall into the trap of talking too much.  They just talk, talk, talk, and dominate the conversation because they’re anxious about keeping the girl’s attention.  But remember once the girl is just standing there, listening and not going anywhere, you go to chill back and give the girl HER chance to start investing in you and chasing you and getting to know you.

Talk Common Interests

Okay, so you’ve reached the hook point, and the conversation goes more 50/50 and it’s more of a getting to know each other, let’s really connect with each other kind, we already like each other kind of conversation.

In other words, it’s building rapport and rapport conversation.

So back to the basics.  Find out if you guys have anything in common.  Common interests, common hobbies, common friends.  Where you’ve traveled and where you want to travel.  What you were like as a kid, and that sort of thing.

Remember, she’s already gaming you, so you can just chill back and talk about normal stuff without trying to impress her at all.

As long as you give her that full frontal searing eye contact with physically, a smile, you’ll keep the underlying sexual tension going.

Cold Reading

This is where you can do some deep level COLD READING as well.

Find a quality you like about her, compare that quality to the average person’s, and then ask her why she has that quality.

So find a quality you like about her, “I really like how you’re so smart – and traveled to X Y and Z.”

You then compare that quality to everyone else’s, “You know because most girls I meet, they’re attractive, but they’re kind of dumb and ignorant to the world.”

And then you ask her why she has that quality. “So why are you so well traveled and so smart? Did you have a cool grandmother who took you on trips of something?”

So that’s an easy formula for making the girl open up to you on a deeper level and really connect without.

Again, 3 steps: find a quality you like about her, compare that quality to the average person’s, and then ask her why she has that quality.

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