Being a Bedroom Bull doesn’t mean being a jerk-wad. Here’s 10 big mistakes guy make in the bedroom.
#1. Cuddle After Sex
If you’re not spending at least fifteen minutes in “afterglow cuddling” with a woman after sex, start doing it. Use a watch and time it to make sure you meet the minimum time requirement.
I’m not talking about lying next to her, but being WITH her – cuddling, caressing, whispering, or even a back massage. If you touch, kiss, and cuddle after you orgasm, she won’t get that letdown feeling.
This is your time to reward her with connection for how responsive she was in bed. Tell her how connected you feel to her.
You don’t have to cuddle after sex every time. But fifteen minutes on average is a good rule of thumb.
#2. Be Discreet
The fear that you will tell your friends about sex will make her sexually inhibited. If a woman hears that you were bragging about your exploits with her, it will damage her trust in you permanently and your potential to mold her into a sexually fun and free woman will be over.
Less is more when it comes to talking about sex to others.
#3. Never Judge Her
Never judge a woman adversely for anything that she does sexually.
The fastest way to shut a woman down is to demonstrate that she’s lost status in your eyes when she shows her sexuality. Sexual openness should always be something that you admire in a woman, not condemn.
Make it clear that you think that the traditional system of values where a man is admired for having a lot of sex but a woman is condemned is hypocritical and ridiculous.
#4. Never Compare Her
NEVER compare a woman to past lovers.
Not only is this downright mean and thoughtless, it makes it harder for her to let go of her inhibitions and open herself up to you.
Never ever point out the flaws in a woman. Women are already acutely aware of their flaws. Don’t get linked to them.
Your woman needs to feel confident and good about her sexuality, even if she’s not perfect yet.
Instead, point out the best in her. Then you get linked to everything she likes about herself. This encouragement will allow her to grow and improve more than any criticisms.
#5. Sex is Not Conditional
Sex should never be conditional.
If she tells you, “I want more cuddling after sex,” never tell her, “Well give me more blowjobs if you want more cuddling.” With time, this will make her grow to hate you.
#6. Don’t Push Her to Orgasm
Orgasm is important for a woman. It releases all sorts of good brain chemicals, instilling joy and loyalty.
But for a woman orgasm is not the sole purpose of sex. And sex without orgasm is not automatically the frustrating disappointment that it would be to a man.
Many women cannot reach orgasm through normal intercourse. By focusing on it if she’s having trouble reaching one, you make her feel inadequate.
Rather, your focus should be on having fun and sexual expansion, with orgasms simply a happy byproduct of that.
Once she’s reassured that there’s nothing “wrong” with her, the pressure will be off and she’ll feel free to surrender, let go, and her orgasm will come in its own time.
#7. Don’t Tune Out During Sex
Don’t fantasize to yourself or “space out” during sex.
Some guys have orgasm by closing their eyes and shutting out the woman to focus on the sensations.
You may be on her, but you’re not WITH her if you’re lost in fantasy inside your own head.
Some men don’t realize that their mind is wandering while they’re having sex. It occurs so often that they just take it for granted.
Don’t use a woman to create novelty in your head because you aren’t innovating in the bed. Don’t fantasize to tune out. Rather, use your fantasies to tune in.
In the Blissnosis program I’ll show you exactly how to involve your woman in your fantasies, and to share them together and make her an active participant.
#8. Don’t Make Demands
Never make demands to get what you want from a woman in the bedroom.
Out of utter frustration you might tell her, “I’m giving you a choice. You can either give me a blow job right now or after we watch some television together, but you are NOT going to sleep.”
Yes, making a demand may work temporarily. Particularly when a relationship is young and new and your woman is in love, your woman is more likely to submit to demands.
But although a selfish demand seems to work in the short run and you get your way, it’ll make it less likely for a woman to do it next time.
When people are forced to do something they don’t want to do they develop a negative emotional reaction to the very thought of it. It takes the form of a sick feeling in the pit of their stomach whenever thinking about having to do it.
Demands at best work in the short term only. Demands may get the job done in the present but they sabotage the future because of the aversive reaction and rebelliousness they create in a woman.
For example, when you demand sex from a woman, she’s likely to develop a sexual aversion to you. She’ll want to avoid sex more and more making you increasingly frustrated to get it.
So never make demands as a shortcut; patience in the normal course of Blissnosis is the way to go.
#9. Never Lose Your Cool
When a woman feels secure and cared about, she can be turned on about being fucked in every conceivable manner while having her hair pulled and her ass slapped. She can even be turned on about watching her man have sex with other women.
For that to happen though, she needs to feel you are a man who will protect her when she needs to be protected.
That’s why you must never become angry, loose your temper, or attempt to punish her. If you do, then you don’t control the situation and you yourself are out of control.
Angry outbursts in a relationship should be avoided at all costs, because they represent an extreme form of abuse. When you fly into a rage with condemnations or obscenities or merely yell, you have become her greatest threat.
When that happens, she will lose all respect for you. The magic will be over and finished with.
As soon as you tell her that you’re displeased, even in a calm tone, she will have a line of excuses to defend herself. She’ll try to rationalize her behavior and see you as me versus him. She’ll associate and anchor to you defensive, negative feelings.
You are her protector so she has to know absolutely you will not emotionally harm her. Always respect her feelings. Always think about how what you do and what you say will affect her feelings. No mistake your woman makes should ever be viewed as an excuse to get angry.
This means that when you feel irritated, instead of venting out your anger, walk away. Leave the situation that’s causing you to be angry, even if it means leaving your woman for a while.
#10. Apologize for Real Mistakes
If you accidentally hurt her feelings, she feels her power has diminished. Restore her power immediately.
Give her a sincere apology, take full responsibility for your actions, show remorse for your errors, and suggest to her how it will never happen again.
This is not supplication or being a Wuss. Quite the contrary, this is being a Man.
Occasional mistakes will not diminish you in her eyes as long as they’re seen as mistakes. An apology quickly heals the wound.
But apologies are only as effective as your ability to follow them through.
When a mistake turns into a habit, repeated again and again, your relationship is at risk.
Bad habits will kill your relationship much more quickly than single mistakes. Be aware that apologies will mean very little to her when you’re not acting congruently with your promises to stop.
Your pal, Jesse