Seduction Science

Top 10 Mistakes Men Make In The Bedroom

Being a Bedroom Bull doesn’t mean being a jerk-wad.  Here’s 10 big mistakes guy make in the bedroom.

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#1. Cuddle After Sex

If you’re not spending at least fifteen minutes in “afterglow cuddling” with a woman after sex, start doing it.  Use a watch and time it to make sure you meet the minimum time requirement.

I’m not talking about lying next to her, but being WITH her – cuddling, caressing, whispering, or even a back massage.  If you touch, kiss, and cuddle after you orgasm, she won’t get that letdown feeling.

This is your time to reward her with connection for how responsive she was in bed.  Tell her how connected you feel to her.

You don’t have to cuddle after sex every time.  But fifteen minutes on average is a good rule of thumb.

#2. Be Discreet

inbed

The fear that you will tell your friends about sex will make her sexually inhibited.  If a woman hears that you were bragging about your exploits with her, it will damage her trust in you permanently and your potential to mold her into a sexually fun and free woman will be over.

Less is more when it comes to talking about sex to others.

#3. Never Judge Her

Never judge a woman adversely for anything that she does sexually.

The fastest way to shut a woman down is to demonstrate that she’s lost status in your eyes when she shows her sexuality.  Sexual openness should always be something that you admire in a woman, not condemn.

Make it clear that you think that the traditional system of values where a man is admired for having a lot of sex but a woman is condemned is hypocritical and ridiculous.

#4. Never Compare Her

revenge

NEVER compare a woman to past lovers.

Not only is this downright mean and thoughtless, it makes it harder for her to let go of her inhibitions and open herself up to you.

Never ever point out the flaws in a woman.  Women are already acutely aware of their flaws.  Don’t get linked to them.

Your woman needs to feel confident and good about her sexuality, even if she’s not perfect yet.

Instead, point out the best in her.  Then you get linked to everything she likes about herself.  This encouragement will allow her to grow and improve more than any criticisms.

#5. Sex is Not Conditional

Sex should never be conditional.

If she tells you, “I want more cuddling after sex,” never tell her, “Well give me more blowjobs if you want more cuddling.”  With time, this will make her grow to hate you.

#6. Don’t Push Her to Orgasm

Orgasm is important for a woman.  It releases all sorts of good brain chemicals, instilling joy and loyalty.

But for a woman orgasm is not the sole purpose of sex.  And sex without orgasm is not automatically the frustrating disappointment that it would be to a man.

Many women cannot reach orgasm through normal intercourse.  By focusing on it if she’s having trouble reaching one, you make her feel inadequate.

Rather, your focus should be on having fun and sexual expansion, with orgasms simply a happy byproduct of that.

Once she’s reassured that there’s nothing “wrong” with her, the pressure will be off and she’ll feel free to surrender, let go, and her orgasm will come in its own time.

#7. Don’t Tune Out During Sex

tuneout

Don’t fantasize to yourself or “space out” during sex.

Some guys have orgasm by closing their eyes and shutting out the woman to focus on the sensations.

You may be on her, but you’re not WITH her if you’re lost in fantasy inside your own head.

Some men don’t realize that their mind is wandering while they’re having sex.  It occurs so often that they just take it for granted.

Don’t use a woman to create novelty in your head because you aren’t innovating in the bed.  Don’t fantasize to tune out.  Rather, use your fantasies to tune in.

In the Blissnosis program I’ll show you exactly how to involve your woman in your fantasies, and to share them together and make her an active participant.

#8. Don’t Make Demands

Never make demands to get what you want from a woman in the bedroom.

Out of utter frustration you might tell her, “I’m giving you a choice.  You can either give me a blow job right now or after we watch some television together, but you are NOT going to sleep.”

Yes, making a demand may work temporarily.  Particularly when a relationship is young and new and your woman is in love, your woman is more likely to submit to demands.

But although a selfish demand seems to work in the short run and you get your way, it’ll make it less likely for a woman to do it next time.

When people are forced to do something they don’t want to do they develop a negative emotional reaction to the very thought of it.  It takes the form of a sick feeling in the pit of their stomach whenever thinking about having to do it.

Demands at best work in the short term only.  Demands may get the job done in the present but they sabotage the future because of the aversive reaction and rebelliousness they create in a woman.

For example, when you demand sex from a woman, she’s likely to develop a sexual aversion to you.  She’ll want to avoid sex more and more making you increasingly frustrated to get it.

So never make demands as a shortcut; patience in the normal course of Blissnosis is the way to go.

#9. Never Lose Your Cool

uncool

When a woman feels secure and cared about, she can be turned on about being fucked in every conceivable manner while having her hair pulled and her ass slapped.  She can even be turned on about watching her man have sex with other women.

For that to happen though, she needs to feel you are a man who will protect her when she needs to be protected.

That’s why you must never become angry, loose your temper, or attempt to punish her.  If you do, then you don’t control the situation and you yourself are out of control.

Angry outbursts in a relationship should be avoided at all costs, because they represent an extreme form of abuse.  When you fly into a rage with condemnations or obscenities or merely yell, you have become her greatest threat.

When that happens, she will lose all respect for you.  The magic will be over and finished with.

As soon as you tell her that you’re displeased, even in a calm tone, she will have a line of excuses to defend herself.  She’ll try to rationalize her behavior and see you as me versus him.  She’ll associate and anchor to you defensive, negative feelings.

You are her protector so she has to know absolutely you will not emotionally harm her.  Always respect her feelings.  Always think about how what you do and what you say will affect her feelings.  No mistake your woman makes should ever be viewed as an excuse to get angry.

This means that when you feel irritated, instead of venting out your anger, walk away.  Leave the situation that’s causing you to be angry, even if it means leaving your woman for a while.

#10. Apologize for Real Mistakes

If you accidentally hurt her feelings, she feels her power has diminished.  Restore her power immediately.

Give her a sincere apology, take full responsibility for your actions, show remorse for your errors, and suggest to her how it will never happen again.

This is not supplication or being a Wuss.  Quite the contrary, this is being a Man.

Occasional mistakes will not diminish you in her eyes as long as they’re seen as mistakes.  An apology quickly heals the wound.

But apologies are only as effective as your ability to follow them through.

When a mistake turns into a habit, repeated again and again, your relationship is at risk.

Bad habits will kill your relationship much more quickly than single mistakes.  Be aware that apologies will mean very little to her when you’re not acting congruently with your promises to stop.

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Please leave a comment
  • FRANK BAKARI

    ALL THE ABOVE IS VERY TRUE,IT IS OF GREAT ENCOURAGEMENT TO ME,KEEP UP.

    • http://www.seductionscience.com Jesse Charger

      Thanks frank

  • Roberto

    That was GOOD, Jesse. It’s OK to say, “I’m sorry”, and to MAN-UP to your mistakes. Some PUAs tell men to NEVER apologize. A$$-holes and bad boys NEVER apologize…BIG mistake!

  • Joe R

    Hey Jesse I think you are right on the money, I was taught by my mom if the woman you are withis causing you to be angry then you should leave her and walk away and cool down and return to clear things up.

  • suryathakur

    whant.femeil.sex.patner

  • nexy

    i think its gud for a man to apologize wen wrong. But wen ova done u become a BIG WUSSY. Keep up d Gud work jesse

  • manoj

    good work friend keep it continue,m agreed with u

  • Felix

    Dear Bearcungopthoryx… ummm… I mead… mean… Derek: for the first time in the techno-guru life of your life-saver site, you have spoken here a bit about the true nature of a man.
    You see, just about any boy can become a seductive bull and just about any woman can do what a man can do, only in a different, maybe even better style.
    But it takes a genuine man to care for the soul of a woman, riddled with insecurities and fears, needs and wants.
    This is where the men are separated from the boys.
    Yeah, one might have seduced 30 women for one or two weeks, but can one take one woman for a lifetime ?
    Being the alpha male is easy, Mr. Right takes the holy butter out of a man.
    Run the PMS gauntlet and you’ll see what I mean.
    Back to my mead, dear Bear… Derek.

  • Bill

    lol I like how every page here has the “Get the Blissnosis program” added at the end.
    Seriously tho, this is good advice. Like all of it, not just this page. 5 Steps to Getting a FFM Threesome With Two Girls is still one of my fav articles.

  • Clown A

    Good stuff Jesse, I tend to “judge” girls’ kiss when making out. That became a kinda habit as i like to tease girls all the time. They either got slightly angry or disappointed..

  • Heather

    From a female perspective, no truer words have been spoken. So guys, no conditions, no demands and no anger!!

    “When people are forced to do something they don’t want to do they develop a negative emotional reaction to the very thought of it. It takes the form of a sick feeling in the pit of their stomach whenever thinking about having to do it.

    Demands at best work in the short term only. Demands may get the job done in the present but they sabotage the future because of the aversive reaction and rebelliousness they create in a woman.

    For example, when you demand sex from a woman, she’s likely to develop a sexual aversion to you. She’ll want to avoid sex more and more making you increasingly frustrated to get it.”

    • http://www.seductionscience.com Jesse Charger

      well said

  • Reece Green

    Dude I’m so glad I found your website. Me and my girlfriend have been together or 2 yrs now and things are pretty rocky but we both want to try new things and make it work. Im usuall pretty skeptical with online advice on sex and relationships but you’re making alotta sense to me. Part of our problem is we think we’re not well balanced on the “sexual seasaw”. I feel like I always want head or sex and she never wants either, though she claims she does all the time. We’re working on it…. I’ll continue looking through your advices and viewpoints. Thanks a million!

    • http://www.seductionscience.com Jesse Charger

      Great man, so glad to hear it !!

  • chingi

    number seven is the disadvantage of jerkin off (masturbation).. Thanks thou for the heads up

  • Anonymous

    No. not at all.





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