To practice improving the sound of your voice as a sexual cue for creating sexual rapport, you’ll need to get a sound recorder.
The voice that you hear when you speak is not the voice that other people hear. When you speak, the sounds of your voice vibrate through your head and chest. But a listener only hears the sound vibrations from your voice that travel through the air, which sounds more stripped down and flat compared with the warm, resonant sound that you perceive.
The only way to have an objective ear about your own voice is by recording it. It’s the easiest way to listen to your own voice and accurately assess it.
Once you have a sound recorder, realize that the only thing keeping you from having a sexy, attractive voice that women will respond to is your own set of habits. Fortunately, poor speaking habits can be unlearned and you can develop new ones that will dramatically improve the sound of your voice so that it’s no longer merely a voice, but acts as your sexual cuing magic wand at your command.
Voice Exercise #1: Voice Assessment
Your first assignment is to find out what you actually, really sound like. Again, the voice that you hear when you speak is not the same voice that everyone else hears. What other people hear is more thin and flat because they’re only hearing that part of your voice traveling through the air.
Find a book, magazine, or newspaper and read a few paragraphs aloud into your sound recorder and listen to the playback of your voice.
Once you’ve listened to your voice, ask yourself these questions. Do you like the sound of it? Do you imagine that your voice would create sexual rapport and attraction in women when they hear it?
Now before you become overly paranoid about the quality of your sound, keep in mind that even the vast majority of professional singers don’t like sound of their own voices. Even most professional singers will admit that their voices are full of flaws.
But even if you do feel that your voice is relatively smooth and nice to listen to from the recorder, a lot of us will choke up when talking to other people, particularly choke up when speaking with an attractive woman. Out of excitement or nervousness we start speaking faster and we don’t breath as deeply as we normally would, so we don’t get enough air to make the sound of our voices as resonant or as clear as we normally would sound.
That’s why to keep a resonant, calm and steady voice that expresses emotion and sexiness, you have to be relaxed. If you’re not relaxed then you’re not breathing properly and you’re speaking too quickly which makes you sound high-pitched, nasally, and nervous.
So of all the techniques I’m going to show you for developing the sexual cue of voice, being relaxed is the number one way to improve the sound of it.
And one of the simplest ways to relax is to learn to breathe smoothly and deeply as a matter of habit. Breathing smoothly and deeply calms your mind, relaxes your muscles, and keeps a consistent airflow necessary to project, resonate, and keep a consistent smoothness.
Since sound is caused by the vibration of sound waves in the air, the more air you breathe in and breathe out to form the sounds of words, the more projection and resonance you can attain.
However, a lot of people breathe very shallow breaths throughout their day which precludes them from having a sexy voice. What you want is to get into the habit of breathing more fully and deeply.
Posture and Breathing
To begin with, to breathe more deeply, you want to keep a straight posture. Slumping forward even a little partly collapses the upper rib cage and prevents the lungs from being able to expand with air.
To feel for yourself what I’m talking about, and how important it is for speaking purposes to have a healthy volume of air going in and out, sit down in a chair with your back straight, in proper alignment, and your shoulders down. Make sure that you’re not slumping forward or that you have your shoulders rounded forward.
Begin to count slowly from one to ten, and as you continue to count, slowly round your shoulders and move them toward your knees as if you’re bending down to look at what’s under your chair. As you curl down, you’ll begin to notice your voice begin to choke, until it’s nothing more than just a husky wisp.
Once you’re hunched all the way down to your knees, try taking a deep breath and you’ll notice that your lungs just physically can’t expand but a little.
Even a small amount of slouching will constrict your breathing, that’s why you want to keep a good straight posture at all times.
The Relaxed Breadth
However, keep in mind that when I say to breathe deeply, you don’t want to unnaturally force deep breaths. The key to good breathing for speech is that it’s not forced. You want to maintain deep, but RELAXED breathing. You shouldn’t feel any self-induced pressure to inhale or exhale.
A good, deep breath should almost feel more a like a relaxed sigh…. So go ahead and sigh right now. (SIGH) You’ll notice as you sigh, you become MORE relaxed. A sigh is taking a deep breath that relaxes you, it’s not something that’s forced or feels laborious.
As an exercise, pick up a book or magazine to read aloud. As you read, experiment with breathing more deeply than you normally would. Don’t force the breaths; you should remain relaxed and natural as you read. The point is to get out of the habit of that shallow breathing you’re used to taking.
Practice this breathing exercise every day and write down your results in your journal.
Voice Exercise #2: The Breathing Exercise
For this next breathing exercise, I want you to slow down your speaking pace and become more intentional about your breathing.
Read the following passage from your exercise booklet aloud into your recorder. But take the time to stop and breathe, so that every sentence has full breath support behind it. It should sound something more like this:
When the sunlight / strikes raindrops / in the air, / they act like a prism / and form a rainbow. / The rainbow is / a division of / white light into many / beautiful colors. / These take the shape / of a long round arch, / with its path high above, / and its two ends / apparently beyond / the horizon. / There is, / according to legend, / a boiling pot of gold / at the end. / People look, / but no one ever finds it. / When a man looks / for something beyond his reach, / his friends say / he is looking for / the pot of gold / at the end / of the rainbow.
And so on. Spend time reading while taking extra time to breathe. It’s a great way to overall improve your breathing in general.
And pay attention to your breathing all week. Monitor it throughout the day. Everywhere you go, be conscious of it. In different situations, spontaneously ask yourself how you’re breathing. Whether you’re working, reading, watching television, or spending time with a friend, pay attention whether you’re breathing shallow or deeply and adjust it. And notice how, when you’re speaking on full, relaxed breaths, how the difference in your new voice effects those around you differently.
Voice Exercise #3: The Volume Exercise
Now, let’s do some exercises that deal with the volume and projection of your voice. Of course, there will be times when you’re in an intimate situation with a woman, when you’ve already developed some sexual rapport with her, and a soft, almost breathy voice can be good for creating a sense of allure and intimacy. But when you’re speaking softly like that, I only want you to do it because you consciously CHOSE to speak softly for creating a particular effect – not because it’s the normal way you speak.
Because, the fact is, many of us run around speaking as if we’re talking privately to ourselves and to no one else, as if what we have to say isn’t all that important, as if we’re afraid others might judge us based on our words.
Take for example, Michael Jackson. On stage he belts out his songs with feeling, with emotion, with projection. However, when he’s speaking in an interview he speaks very softly as if he’s full of fear and self-doubt.
Having volume and projection is usually purely a matter of breathing fully and a matter of letting go of that fear of being heard by others. Even if you’re not shy per se, you may be holding back your voice so as not to make waves, so as to blend into the crowd and not be noticed. If you don’t speak very loudly it could be your breathing, but most likely, psychologically, something is holding you back. Most likely you’re afraid to be heard.
To remove fear and doubt, and allow your voice to energize your whole body as you speak, it’s good to keep in mind to be playful. Have fun with your speaking voice. Let go a little, and don’t take yourself so seriously.
For this exercise, start laughing out loud. Just laugh. Go ahead and laugh out loud. Really laugh. There’s no need to worry about looking dignified. Just laugh out loud and become comfortable not only with the way you sound, but also with the volume of your voice.
If you find that you gave a half-hearted or weak laugh, or didn’t laugh at all, it probably means that on some level you’re shy of using your voice. You’re shy of being heard. And you have to get over that. I want you to really laugh now, laugh out loud, laugh so that your neighbors can hear you.
Don’t be afraid to play. I don’t care how stupid or unnecessary this exercise may sound, you need to get used to making noise. This is an exercise you should repeat every day for a few weeks until you’re not shy about the sound of your own voice.
Now pretend your Tarzan of the jungle. Beat your chest and make that Tarzan animal call. If you don’t know what Tarzan sounds like, pretend as if you’re the king of the jungle and imagine the kind of animal call Tarzan would make to call the other animals.
I want you to come away from these exercises with the idea that you need to make a conscious effort to speak more loudly with volume… to speak as if what you have to say is important… to speak as if to be heard by others. Remember, that speaking is suppose to energize the whole body… the more you speak the more energy you’ll have, and the more people will stop and listen to what you have to say.
Voice Exercise #4: Volume Exercise #2
For this next volume exercise, read the following passage, found in your exercise booklet, out loud into your voice recorder. It goes like this,
You know what I find really interesting about different people. You know when you just meet some people, and they’re nice and friendly, and you seem to get along with them. And yet, there’s something missing. You don’t feel that spark. But then, with others, there’s something about them that you just can’t quite put your finger on. There’s something about them that you find mysteriously attractive. Maybe it’s the way they smile. Or maybe it’s the way they look at you. Or maybe it’s the way their voice seems to penetrate you with its command and presence. Whatever it is, you don’t meet this kind of person very often. But when you do, you feel that spark. You feel that spark start here inside your chest and it just spreads out all over your entire body, until you just can’t resist that feeling of attraction and you just want to talk to that person more and more.
However, when you read this passage, focus on projecting your voice as if you’re talking to someone across a table in a noisy restaurant, so that others would pay attention to what you’re saying, as if you have something important to say.
Now, this doesn’t mean shout or make your voice hoarse. If you breath properly with deep, relaxed breathing, your voice shouldn’t become sore.
Voice Exercise #5: Chest Resonance
Now let’s move on from volume and projection to creating warmth and resonance in your voice. You don’t want to sound nasally or squeaky, that will turn a woman off and hijack any chance of creating attraction.
To practice speaking with resonance, make a long “uhhhhhh” sound out loud.
Where do you feel the physical vibration when you say “uhhh”? Most likely, if your resonance is poor, you’ll only feel the vibration in your throat. Touch your throat for a moment, say “uhhhh” and you’ll feel the vibration there on your fingertips. Now touch your chest and say “uhhhh” and you probably don’t feel much vibration there at all. When you speak only from your throat, you don’t get much resonance in your speaking voice.
Now try to move the vibration of the “uhhhhhh” down to your chest. You may have to play around for a while to get it there. But you’ll know you have it when you feel a strong vibration there. Your chest and throat should both have that vibration when you speak.
Repeat this exercise every day for a few weeks and throughout the day, monitor your speaking so that you can feel the sound vibration not just in your throat, but in your chest as well. At the same time, ask yourself throughout the day how your much resonance your voice has and adjust it.
Voice Exercise #6: Resonance and the Larynx
Another method of making sure you have resonance is to keep your larynx positioned down. Often, that nasally, pinched voice that you sometimes here can be eliminated by lowering your larynx.
To lower your larynx, hold your Adam’s apple, which feels like a bump in the front of your neck, between your two fingers. Gently hold the end of it where it extrudes the farthest out… that’s where your Larynx is.
Now say “a… e… i… o… u…” You’ll notice that you can feel with your fingers that your larynx moves down about a quarter of an inch when you speak.
Now practice speaking “a… e… i… o… u…” into your recorder, making a conscious effort to keep your larynx positioned down in this new placement.
Then practice speaking “a… e… i… o… u…” into your recorder, making a conscious effort to keep your larynx positioned up. You’ll notice that your voice sounds much more nasally.
So one of the tricks to developing resonance, is to speak with your larynx positioned down. Try practicing speaking with your larynx positioned down with the resonance exercise found in your booklet.
Voice Exercise #7: Resonance: The “H” Sound
Now that you know how to create resonance in your voice through, number one, breathing relaxed and deeply, two speaking so that you feel vibration in both your chest and throat, and three positioning your larynx down, I’m going to give you a few verbal exercises for developing your resonance.
Practice speaking out loud into your sound recorder the following sequence of vowels which start with an “h”.
Breathe deeply like a sigh and say Ha, ho, hu, hi.
and again, breathe and say
ha, ho, hu, hi.
and again. Breathe and say ha, ho hu, hi for a few minutes.
Record your voice into the sound recorder and notice how it changes or improves over the session.
Voice Exercise #8: Resonance: “H” Words
Now practice speaking aloud into your sound recorder the following one syllable words, using relaxed deep breathing, a lowered larynx and vibrating from the chest and throat.
Breathe… how, have, hoe
Breathe… head, him, hear
Breathe… her, help, hen
Breathe… hide, horse, hay
Breathe… high, hound, who
Breathe… hill, half, hand
And again… how, have, hoe
Head, him, hear
Her, help, hen
Hide, horse, hay
High, hound, who
Hill, half, hand
By the way, the reason the words begin with an H is because that’s the normal sound you produce when breathing naturally. Spend a moment now to pant like a runner, like this (demo). You’ll notice that the sound of your breaths naturally starts with a soft H.
Continue to produce the one syllable H word sequences for five minutes or so, playing with the amount of resonance you can get in your voice.
Voice Exercise #9: Resonance: “ng” words
Now the English language has three commonly occurring nasal sounds: “ng” as in “sing”, “m” as in “swim”, and “n” as in “win”.
Try it for yourself right now. Say “swim” but prolong the “m” sound. Like this “swimmmmm….”.
As you prolong the “m” sound, hold your fingertips up to your lips. Where do you feel the vibration? Around your lips? Around your nose? Or perhaps your forehead.
Continue to repeat the words “swim”, “sing”, and “win” but prolong the end nasal sounds of “m”, “ng”, and “n”. Then concentrate on feeling the vibrations, not just on your lips, but throughout your entire head.
Again, repeat “sing”, “swim”, and “win” over and over again for a few minutes, focusing on feeling the vibrations throughout your head. Then, once you can do that, see if you can start to move and feel the vibrations in your chest as well. You want to gradually practice expanding the field of vibration of these naturally nasal sounds from your lips, to throughout your head, to down through your chest.
And gradually, with practice, this exercise will give your voice more resonance that is sexy and attractive to listen to.
Voice Exercise #10: Speaking More Slowly
Now let’s move on from resonance of the voice to practicing tempo, the speed at which you tend to speak. It’s really important not to speak to others too quickly. Speaking quickly conveys nervousness and prevents you from breathing deeply and often enough to speak with a resonant, warm voice.
However, when you slow down your speech, not only can you speak with resonance and warmth but it helps people to understand what you’re saying. When you slow down your speech, you can place added emphasis on words and create drama and interest in your speech with pauses and silences.
Take the line for instance, “Excuse me, but I just had to take the chance to tell you that I find you absolutely beautiful.” Now this line itself is not very powerful as I just spoke it. In fact, any line you use, no matter how good it supposedly is, will lose its power if you speak it too quickly.
Now imagine we slow this line down and say it to a woman slowly. Slowing it down a little gives the line more emotional impact and makes you sound more relaxed and confident.
However, we can slow it down even further, by adding powerful silences. For example, a pause after “excuse me”, a pause after “tell you” and a pause after “I find you”. With the three pauses it sounds like, “Excuse me…. but I just had to take the chance.. to tell you… that I find you…. absolutely beautiful.”
Notice how much more powerful that sounds with anticipation and drama than when read fast like, “Excuse me, but I just had to take the chance to tell you that I find you absolutely beautiful.”
Now you try saying the line, which you’ll also find in your exercise booklet, into your sound recorder. Record it once aloud speaking quickly, and then record it again speaking slowly and then a third time with the power pauses. Listen back to your voice and notice how all the recordings sound different. And decide which one you think sounds the most powerful.
Voice Exercise #11: Tempo Exercise
In general, when speaking, make a conscious effort to take your time. Don’t be hurried. Make others wait for you to gather your thoughts and to speak clearly.
For this next tempo exercise, read the following passage at a normal pace, which is also found in your exercise booklet, into your recorder.
“What I find really interesting about listening to a person’s voice, is the pace at which they speak. Because when you meet someone who speaks clearly, so that you can catch every word they say, so that every word is enunciated and clear, you just find yourself intrigued and fascinated by every word they say. Like take the word chocolate. It’s so much sexier when you say chocolate. Eating rich, dark, chocolate and drinking delicious red wine. And it’s almost as if, the warmth of that voice just wraps itself around you like two strong arms giving you a great big hug.”
Read the passage once at normal speed into your recorder. Then read it again, but this time slow it down and add the pauses. When read more slowly, it should sound more like this,
“What I find really interesting… about listening to a person’s voice, is the pace at which they speak. Because when you meet someone… who speaks clearly, so that you can catch every word they say… so that every word is enunciated and clear… you just find yourself intrigued and fasc-in-ated by every word they say. Like take the word chocolate. It’s so much sexier when you say choc-co-late. Eating rich, dark, choc-co-late and drinking de-li-c-i-ous red wine. And it’s almost as if… the warmth of that voice… just wraps itself around you like two strong arms giving you a great big hug.”
Then play back the recorder back and notice which of the two recordings you prefer. What sounds more like a sexual cue for creating attraction… when you read the passage at your normal pace, or when you slow it down and add the pauses? Record it again and play around with the speed. Notice, what speed gives you the best sound of voice. What speed makes you sound sexier? What speed makes you sound cool, calm, and collected?
Voice Exercise #12: Putting it All Together: Harvest Moon
Now we’re going to put all of these elements of the TREV system together… tempo, resonance, and volume. Find the poem “Under the Harvest Moon” by Carl Sandburg in your exercise booklet, and read the poem along with the following emphasis.
First, read “Under the Harvest Moon” as you would normally into your sound recorder.
Then read “Under the Harvest Moon” into the recorder focusing on projecting enough volume, as if you’re reading to be heard.
Next, read “Under the Harvest Moon” into the recorder focusing on resonance, so that your voice doesn’t sound squeaky or nasally, but has a nice resonant warmth to it.
Next, read “Under the Harvest Moon” into the recorder but this time focusing on having a slow, sexy tempo and making sure to enunciate all of the words properly.
And lastly, record the poem into the recorder a number of times playing with all the elements of TREV. When you’re done, play the recordings back and write down in your journal how your voice sounds through all the variations. Note which reading you like the least, and which reading you like the most. And practice getting into the habit of speaking the way that sounds the best to you, all the time, everywhere you go.
The TREV Formula
So, to conclude the sexual cue of voice, remember the TREV formula – tempo, resonance, and volume.
Don’t take your voice for granted. It’s a critical sexual cue for creating sexual rapport. How you say your words is more important than the actual words themselves. How you say your words is what will bypass a woman’s critical mind and directly stimulate her limbic brain into feeling attraction… or not.
Be that hypnotist, that special person who can hypnotize people just with the sound of your voice, no matter what you’re saying. Be that person who can grab people’s attention in an instant, relax them, make them feel good, and do it all with an aura of confidence and authority. Your voice is a Porsche under the hood, waiting to come out – so use it.
You’ll find however, that even though when you’re practicing, your voice sounds resonant, smooth, sexy, and pleasant to listen to, in the real world bad habit can throw you back into your old way of speaking.
And keep practicing – with time, your voice will improve and you’ll be able to move people emotionally and sexually with the sound of your voice alone in ways you didn’t think possible.
Your pal, Jesse