Tip #1. Have your place READY for a lady.
If you want a woman to spread her legs fast, your place has to be READY. This doesn’t mean you need some insane Daddy Mac love pad with the potion of seduction enveloping every little item and cranny. What this DOES mean is you need your place presentable at every moment.
When you step out the door, is it dirty? Do you have old socks or pizza boxes hanging around? Would you bring a girl back to your pad, given its current state?
If the answer is no, you need to work on that spatial hygiene. Now you don’t need to be able to eat off the floor, but you do need your bathroom to NOT repel with its smell, your floor to be visible, and your general organization to be a cut above the mad professor.
Go too far and you look a bit like a neat freak – but that’s miles better than looking like a slob. The worst stereotype about neat men is they aren’t interested in ladies – and hopefully, you’ll be able to prove to your targeted woman that isn’t true within a few moments.
However, if you manage to elicit a lady’s disgust factor (and everyone has theirs triggered by different things – although generally, the closer you get to the toilet, the higher the risk) you can ruin a night’s worth of work. Nothing like having your place be a deal-breaker.
So, take the time. Keep it clean. Always. You never know when opportunity will present itself. Be a boy scout and be ready.
Even better, have your showcase skill or some other interesting object(s) in easy view. If you play guitar, don’t keep it in a closet, but set it up in your main room or bedroom in plain view. If you want to bring a woman over to “look at art” have the art book handy and displayed.
In other words, have the bait you’re using to lure to your lair in easy reach. When you arrive to show off that new CD, it looks more natural and genuine if it isn’t in the bottom of a drawer. If you want to show off your photo skills (one of my favorites), have your camera ready to go.
This isn’t rocket science. Just have a place that wouldn’t threaten anyone – and hopefully lends itself to playfulness and interest – and keep it that way. Easy. Still, plenty of people forget this, end a night prematurely because they aren’t ready to entertain, and never get another chance. Just don’t do that.
Tip #2. Take care of your own hygiene.
You’d be surprised how often bad breath is the deal-breaker. In fact, an offending smell is one of the most unattractive things known to humanity. Chances are at some time or other in your own past it ended what would have been a beneficial connection.
So, considering we lose any sense or our own scent very quickly, it’s best to play it safe. Assume you smell awful, and take the necessary precautions. Brush teeth twice. Bring along some sort of breath saver (I like the film ones because they’re small and make no noise in pockets). If you sweat, wash, and if you can’t wash, deodorize.
Cheap aftershave – used in MODERATION – can be a godsend.
As far as fashion goes, you don’t need to be straight off a Paris runway. In fact, unless you have talent in this area, simple is the best way to keep it. A nice pair of chinos and a plain black shirt is PLENTY as long as you wear it with confidence.
Flashier things can you some attention, but before you put them on you want to be sure it isn’t the wrong kind. Simple is fine. Really. Just look clean and fresh and you’ll have no problems.
Carry around an odor and stains and no matter how cool you are, you’re cutting yourself off from most women (hot granolas excepted).
Tip #3. Be playful and fun and extend your meeting.
This can mean getting a number or email, shifting your locale, or any of a million other things. The main purpose here is NOT to bring a woman to bed, but merely to ATTRACT her. All you need be concerned with is getting her interested enough that she wants to spend more time with you.
Best to do it with your relaxed and playful attitude, but if time is short, you can get a number with little more than confident politeness. Don’t worry about what comes later. Just get her into you to begin.
Tip #4. Change locations.
This can happen at the same time, or at a later date. This is where your scene-shifting skills come into play, where the fact that you are somewhere TOGETHER is both natural and enjoyable. If things are going well at this point you can shift quickly into physical contact, but at the least you should start introducing familiarities like hand-holding and relaxed (unpervy) touching. You’re building to a later point here, so don’t try to take more than is being offered – you’ll get turned down and likely lose a number of points, digging yourself a deep hole.
Just concentrate on establishing and strengthening your connection here. Again, that should be your ONLY GOAL. If what you really want is to sleep with this girl and spread her legs, fine. That comes later.
Don’t be the shortstop who looks where the throw’s supposed to go and misses the ground ball. Stay focused on your contact with the lady. The rest will follow successfully.
Tip #5. Now you’ve established contact, and the lady is into you.
What do you do? BRING HER HOME. Her place or yours – whichever works with the seed you’ve created earlier (Have you heard the new Coldplay album?) Once you get her there, don’t rush things – she’s already basically said she’s interested in going further, but push too fast and you’ll turn her off and undo all the good you did earlier.
Instead, take your time here. In fact, if you wait just a little bit longer than she’s comfortable with – or play hard-to-get yourself (I don’t think you get to sleep with me just because we both like Coldplay!) that’’s even more powerful.
All you need now is the transition to PHYSICAL connection. Ah, that’s always a great place to trip yourself up, isn’t it?
Tip #6. Stuck In A Rut With Girls?
Now here’s some advice if you get stuck in a rut.
Have you ever spent time traveling?
When you travel, all of your old environment anchors are, at least temporarily, interrupted.
All those old patterns of thought and behavior, clean. Old ways of being, clean. And most importantly, old expectations, clean.
Everything is fresh again.
Man, I love that feeling. It’s my favorite part of traveling. When everything is fresh and new, everything seems possible.
And no matter what you’re doing, you will someday, sometime get stuck in a rut. You don’t feel like going out. Or you feel discouraged. Or you’re bored with what you’re doing. Sometimes a rut is easy to get out of, sometimes not.
You need to zig when you normally zag. Run when you normally walk, walk when you normally sprint. Do whatever you need to do, but change it up. Don’t let your mind settle into any of its usual patterns.
The mind is a funny thing. Oftentimes, we aren’t even too aware of WHAT triggers our patterns, or WHAT reminds us of a state of mind.
It could be the sofa you always sit in when you watch television. Or the poor lighting in your room that makes everything look dreary.
Basically, Pavlovian animals that we are, as long as we sight or smell or generally SENSE something IN THE SAME WAY we did during a previous state of being, that link can throw us right back into our old ways.
So, if you find yourself playing through the same depressing scenarios and expecting the worst –then you really need to start doing things differently.
Perhaps you can take a vacation and get out of the city, your apartment – remove yourself from all familiar sights and routines.
Or try taking new routes. Go to new places – don’t keep hitting the same bar but go somewhere completely NEW and different.
It’s amazing how much a new place can free our minds.
And on top of that, your mind doesn’t know what to expect in a new place. If you’re in a rut, it’s because you’re conditioned to expect failure. The most important thing is to get OUT of that environment.
But always, always remember, whatever negative patterns you had in the past were just patterns. You can break them – and when they start to creep in on you, make a change.
Your pal, Jesse