Here’s a quick way to handle any situation with a woman…
Ever been stood up?
Have a woman show up an hour late with little or no warning?
Whine when she isn’t getting her way?
Suuuuure you haven’t.
The truth is, most of the time this sort of behavior is YOUR OWN fault. It comes from your initial meetings – either she didn’t have as much fun with you as she should have, or you gave an indication that you can be walked over, or she just plain didn’t get excited by you.
These are all things you can solve by perfecting your relaxed confidence and playful attitude. That’ll get rid of most flaky behavior.
But sometimes women do this just to see what kind of man you REALLY are. Maybe she wants to see you again – but refuses your first request for her digits.
She might say she does that because she doesn’t want to be seen as easy – hell, she might even believe it.
But what this REALLY does is reveal who she’s dealing with. How do you react to the pressure? Do you get nervous, defensive? FLEE? Do you bow your head, shrink your shoulders, and say “That’s ok, I was just wondering. Nevermind.”?
I used to. I also used to drool over my Gerber’s meals. Doesn’t mean I still have to.
Oftentimes the woman just wants to see if the confident face you’re presenting is for real. Women have tons of tests they use on men – most of them unconscious – but after being approached by hundreds or thousands of guys over the years, women need this sort of thing to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Don’t be thrown. Recognize it as a test, and don’t let it break your character.
Now, that doesn’t mean you get pushy. Lots of guys know they shouldn’t just cave in – but they swing too far the other way, and scare women off. You want to stay playful – like what she decides to do in any situation isn’t given huge importance in your life. You’re going to have fun regardless – and if she’s smart, she’ll join in, but if not, her loss.
So, if she rebuffs a digit query, PLAY with it. “Yeah, that’s a good idea. Truth be told, I just always wanted to write one of those “For a good time call…” messages in the little boy’s room.” Keep playing with her – that sort of an opening allows for all KINDS of fun – and then later say “Excuse me, I gotta use the bathroom (beat beat), what’s your number again?”
If you’re in a bar and the woman doesn’t want to be led to another area, feel free to TEASE. “Ok, the REAL reason I’m asking is because you look like you need the exercise. I was trying to be discreet, but now you’ll just have to do your laps by yourself.” Make sure you handle this playfully, and don’t be scared to throw her by SHOWING YOUR BACK.
That’s right, if she’s not playing along, there’s no better way to say “You’re no fun” than to withdraw attention. If you’ve done the job of piquing her interest, chances are VERY good she’ll work to get it back.
And that’s what you want. You don’t want to constantly try to please her – she’ll know it, slowly lose respect for you and set the bar higher and higher. And the farther you’ll bend over backwards to please her, the less she’ll like you.
But if you make it clear that being boring, being difficult, or – worst of all – being (legitimately) bratty isn’t something you’re going to allow into your life, not only will you gain her respect and pass her tests, you’ll probably have to deal with such behavior a lot less.
A few more examples. If you’re on the phone and you’re lady gives you a wishy-washy “Maybe” when you set up a meeting, cut off the possibility of a no-show from the get-go.
“Listen, if there’s one thing I hate, it’s flaky people. You sound like you aren’t sure about this: if you’re not going to show, tell me now. That’s cool – but wasting my time isn’t.” A strong statement like that will usually shock a lady out of her doubt – or, worst case, you’ll find out early on whether she’ll be there or not.
She shows up late and gives the flippant insincere “Sorry.” What can you say?
“That’s alright. After all, now you owe me a drink, so I’m happy.
“By the way, my usual is a magnum of Dom Perignon.”
You see what’s going on here? For the most part, you want to keep it light and happy, but you DON’T want to back down OR get upset. Your attitude should be “I enjoy my life, and if you want to join the fun, you’re welcome – but if you’re going to throw bullshit my way or try to bring me down, I’ll look elsewhere for interesting people.”
As the above statement makes clear, this isn’t just about early tests. If you’ve got a girl you’ve been seeing awhile but she starts getting negative or whiny, the same sort of thing applies.
I once had a lady I’d been seeing for about two months, when she emailed me a message saying she loved me, and asked if I loved her too. I responded playfully – made fun of her moving too fast like a horny high school boy.
She came back with “How could you sleep with me if you don’t love me?”
I responded “You’re getting way too serious. This is absolutely no fun at all.”
How’d it turn out? She wound up apologizing to ME! If you START playful and you STAY playful, you can lose all that negative crap much more easily than you think.
Not to mention, when you finally get to a point where you want to share a serious talk (NOT TOO EARLY DAMMIT!) you make it all the more meaningful.
So what’s your job for this installment? Get out that attraction journal and mark a page “Tests” Write down every test you can think of – everything that’s happened to you or you can imagine happening. They can be things women do to find out about your true character – to find out if you’re real or just an act – or they can simply be things that test your cool and control.
Then, under each entry, write down ways you can KEEP your cool. Lines you can use. Images you can call up to help you stay in the right frame of mind. Triggers that bring out your relaxed happy self.
Leave plenty of space, because you’ll constantly find new tests (I still do), and you’ll also come up with better responses over time. Plus, when you get a very confident sharp woman, these sorts of exchanges can go back and forth almost indefinitely – and you don’t want to be the one to break the chain. When the sexual tension is being dialed so high, you need to have the confidence to keep bringing it FARTHER.
Trust me. She’ll end up ripping your clothes off. But you can’t change into a wimp in front of her eyes. It’s like a beautiful woman smiling and revealing a mouth half full of black half rotten teeth.
Learn to recognize these tests as opportunities – to pass and handle any situation with a woman, to get closer to your goal, and ALSO to TURN UP THE TENSION. Get comfortable here. It’s the best place to be.
And until it’s second nature, you’re going to want to keep PLENTY of notes in your journal about the journey.
Your pal, Jesse