My Meeting Ladies Secret – Avoiding The Preparation Trap!

For meeting more ladies, don’t fall into this trap of collecting as much information or routines or tactics or lists of opening lines that you possibly can.

For one, sitting down at your desk and reading this stuff and memorizing will not translate well into using it in a real-world situation. And this is the reason – Memory is emotional state access dependent.

And what “emotional state access dependent” means is that you’re most likely to remember things when you’re in the same emotional state as when you first learned of them.

So let’s say you’re at home, you’re at your computer, you’re at your desk, and you are reading some funny stories that you think would be cool to say to a girl in a club.

If I ask you to recite the story back to me while we’re sitting at your home on your couch, you can think to your memory banks and pull out that story with relative ease and recite some of the funny stuff back to me. All well and good.

But now you go to the club and it has loud, booming music, or you’re at the bar with a lot of people talking in a completely different environment. You’re feeling social pressure now, you’re feeling some anxiety or pressure to go up and say something to the girls.

And you see the hot girl that you want to talk to that’s just your type, and the pressure is on.

Now when you try to remember those funny stories that you read at home in a calm, relaxed, completely different environment, high chance is that your mind will draw a total blank.

Because now at the bar or the club you’re in a completely different environment and you’re in a completely different emotional state. The pressure’s on. And memory is emotional state access dependent. Meaning now you can’t retrieve those memories and you have difficulty recalling.

Even more likely you’d be looking at the hot ladies and you’ll completely have forgotten that you memorized any funny stories AT ALL. It won’t even come into your mind to be using them.

So if you’re at home accumulating lots of information, routines, tactics or whatever it is, they will not help you in a bar club because you’re going to be in a completely different situation. You’re going to be feeling the pressure, you’ll be in a completely different emotional state, and your mind is going to be drawing blanks. And you’ll have an extremely difficult time with recall.

So when you try to remember all that great stuff that you were reading at home, now you can access it.

Even if you try to recall it in the club or bar, now you are going so far into your head with so much thinking and concentration going on inside deep in your mind, that it’s going to pull you out of any kind of good, fun state and make you feel approach anxiety.

Because now you are trying to reach for something to impress the girl and second-guessing yourself if this is really going to work. Because you go so much inside your mind trying to recall.

So the solution to do good game is not to read a whole bunch of stuff in the quiet of your living room on your computer, but to do all the exercises I’m going to give you infield.

So that when you practice the exercises in-field, you’re going to get the lessons that you need to learn while you are in the same emotional state as you would be at a club. So the new behaviors becomes part of your automatic process and is not something that has to be recalled from memory consciously… which will almost certainly screw you up.

Practicing Preparation

Another reason not to be just collecting a bunch information from your computer, reading until your eyes bleed all the free stuff and routines, another reason not to be pouring over posts and articles until you go blind, is that doing all that preparation only makes you better at preparing, not at taking action.

Because the more you practice preparing, the more skillful you become just at becoming more skillful in preparing. But that’s it. You end up training your brain to become really great at preparing, at being in the mindset of always constantly comparing, of always having your nose in the books are at your computer.

But just because you become more skillful at computer preparation doesn’t make you more ready to go out and take action to meet ladies. You only become more ready to prepare some more. And everything becomes a sacrifice to prepare some more and prepare some more, and that’s how your life is missed.

The answer is not preparing yourself into oblivion, the answer is not to make preparation an overwhelming habit, but is to do the exercises that I give you, because the exercises are a different kind of preparation that focuses you on exactly what it is that you need to learn to get the most results and the 10% that you really need to know. And not filling up your head with crap loads of information, a lot of which is contradictory, and not becoming overly skillful at sitting at the computer all day just for the sake of preparation.

Analysis Paralysis For Meeting Ladies

Another reason why just collecting a crap load of information from the computer is bad for you to meet ladies is that you have so much information swirling through your head, so many theories that sometimes contradict one another, that when you actually go into the club, you’ll just draw a blank and have analysis paralysis.

Because you’ll not know what to pull out of the hat next. More information is not necessarily better.

And look, learning how to be good with women by reading posts, forums, and books is like learning how to dance the tango by looking at pictures of it.

I mean look, learning is not just collecting knowledge, it’s not just collecting information – this is not an additive process. You cannot just go on adding more and more knowledge to yourself to make this work.

Having six kiss the girl routines is not twice as better as having a list of three kiss the girl routines.

That will cause analysis paralysis and muddiness inside of your head. Because you spend all your time in the club or bar thinking about what routine to use or which of your tricks to use which gets you thinking, which causes approach anxiety, which causes you to do nothing.

A lot of this learning and information will only act like a big rock around your neck. It won’t allow you to float. It will only drown you.

In this game of meeting ladies, less is more. You can only consciously keep maybe one or maybe two things in your mind at any one time in a social situation. So you only want to learn the 5 or 10% of the things you really need to know.

In fact, in this program if you’ve already study game, you’re going to be dropping many things that you think you know, you’ll be dropping many beliefs that you have about the game. A lot of what you’ve studied has to be thrown away and destroyed forcefully.

You are going to have to first learn how to unburden yourself. And the answer is again to do the exercises I give you. Because the exercises are going to teach you how to unburden yourself from so much information and analysis paralysis and you’ll learn how to trust in yourself. And the exercises will allow you to focus only on that 5% to 10% that you really need to know to get 95% of your results.

Your Over-Preparing To Meet Ladies Was Taught

Our parents, teachers, our friends, have all taught us since our childhood that you have to prepare, study, get an education, prepare, and study some more so that when you grew up you could have a beautiful house, a nice car, get respect from others, have success, have money, attract ladies.

But you were taught that to get this success you will have to pay for it.

You will have to sacrifice your childhood and your youth, studying, with your nose to the books, so that when you hit your 20s and 30s you’ll have all the pleasures of the world.

Of course, then you reach middle-age. Now you’re expected to keep sacrificing and keep working so that you can support yourself for when you retire and to retire comfortably.

And then once you’re old and ready to retire, people will tell you well you could die at any moment, so prepare for the NEXT world, to pray, to become religious, to prepare for the afterlife.

So we go on sacrificing our youth for old age. We go on sacrificing living life today for a future scenario fantasy others tell us we have to achieve.

But then your whole life is gone in always preparing for something else.

It’s like that with dating and seduction too, or at least with most guys I’ve met– we’re always preparing and studying what to say to the girl, what to do, how to act, putting off the adventure of tonight for a far off fantasy future where we’re pickup supermen in our imaginations.

And yet while we study pickup, we grow older, we lose time that we will never get back, always preparing and not doing, not living life in the here and now. Not going out meeting ladies in the here and now.

And the more you prepare, the more skillful you become in preparing- that’s it. You end up training your brain to be really good at preparing, at being in the mindset of always preparing of always having your nose in the books or more likely at the computer screen.

But although you become skillful at preparing, you’re never ready to live. You’re only more ready to prepare. Everything is just a sacrifice, there’s no time to enjoy tonight. And that’s how our lives are missed.

That’s how most of us have been taught in this society to put off today and prepare, prepare, prepare.

So, if you want to enjoy meeting ladies, having success with women, less preparation is needed then you might imagine. In fact preparation will get in your way—you only need very little preparation, maybe none at all.

If you want to enjoy yourself tonight, go enjoy it! Go out and just have a little faith in yourself that you probably already know as much as you need to know, at least enough to just enjoy yourself whatever happens.

The grass is already green, the flowers have bloomed, the Red Robins are calling you, the present has just arrived. Do it tonight, do it this weekend. Go out. Make THIS day glorious, even if you gloriously “bomb”, see what you can do dropping your preparations and going out with the purpose to have FUN no matter what happens.

But if you become a skillful preparer, efficient and meticulous in all your preparations, writing out pages and pages of pickup notes and theories and routines, and memorizations, and reviewing, you will always prepare but you will never go on the journey.

Showing up is what’s important in life, not the preparing. So you know what you need to do. Go out, show up, make life happen! Make it yours.

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6 Comments on "My Meeting Ladies Secret – Avoiding The Preparation Trap!"

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rakesh
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rakesh

Wow! U are awsome jesse… Your every posts are so fucking true. Legend!

Ellishamaria
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Ellishamaria

Thekey is make it easygoing, fun, not take too serious. Dont expect anything but just hope n pray for the best outcome.

Alex
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Alex

This is so true! I have been reading pickup for about 2 years and only approached 1 woman! I tend to over-analyze and not being present, therefore I decided to stop “preparing” and to start taking action on Monday (hopefully :))
 Great post Jesse.

katie
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katie

😀 😛 😀

“And then once you’re old and ready to retire, people will tell you well you could die at any moment, so prepare for the NEXT world, to pray, to become religious, to prepare for the afterlife.“ 😆

You “crazzzzzyyyy“ !!! 😆 – love it 😆
I hope your girlfriend appreciates you -you are fantastic !!!

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