A Beginner’s Guide to Dominance and Submission

Ever since Fifty Shades of Grey hit book stores earlier this year, a lot more women have taken interest in becoming submissive to a strong, dominant man.

The book has made such an impact that stores started selling out of rope and zip ties, bondage toys were flying off the internet shelves of adult sex stores like Adam and Eve and BDSM sex classes at local novelty shops filled up.

But you don’t need an official class to get started, my site has plenty of articles to get you started sexually dominating a woman and make her submissive to you. (And HOT girls like it even more, because MOST guys only kiss their asses!)

BDSM stands for bondage and discipline, domination and submission, sadism and masochism and is about exploring a consensual relationship of power exchange.

When starting a BDSM relationship, it’s a good policy to come up with a safe word (so that you know when to pull back and give the girl more time to get comfortable). I suggest a word like “red” or “porcupine” or whatever, doesn’t matter!

Start out using ordinary household items to tie the girl’s hands or blindfold her. This will help ease the girl into it without costing you a lot of money. Proper toys can be expensive and you want to make sure the girl is down with getting freaky before you invest any serious cash.

Just grab a tie or scarf and tie your girl’s hands to the bed posts. Girls like getting pounded while being restricted, because it takes all the responsibility for “being bad” off her shoulders.

Collars are really awesome too, because you can LEAD the girl, and nothing turns on a girl more than being led. She wants her man to direct her and tell her what to do- again, to take the responsibility for sex off her shoulders.

Look into restraining her with a pair of cuffs as well. Under the bed restraints are a great way to force your girl into an X position. Toys will help you feel like you really have control over her and being dominated over will make her orgasms harder.

Don’t just use toys, but role play as well. Have her be the horny housewife that needs to get fucked in the kitchen, or the high class escort. Have her dress up in a combination of “good girl” clothes and “bad girl” clothes. Like the June Cleaver housewife that wears dirty lingerie underneath.

There’s a bunch of websites that go really deep into the psychological aspects of dominance and submission like here and here but what’s most important is that you lead the girl, have fun doing it, and don’t react at her every little reaction- remain unreactive, unless she uses the safe word.

Have fun!

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20 Comments on "A Beginner’s Guide to Dominance and Submission"

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[…] wrong, this type of sex was present long before some movies and books were even made/published, but BDSM for beginners is best portrayed in these forms of art. Books and movies franchises such as the popular […]

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Not all girls are into everything you listed. Every sub is different. Some like pain, some don’t, some like to roleplay, some don’t. Communication is KEY, that and a total mutual trust and respect. You have to treat your sub like she’s a china doll too, gently and passionately -especially after playtime. Have her tied up and marked by slaps, but make sure to have tender moments too.

Anonymous
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Anonymous

What are some things to do to be the best dominant one to your sumition… i want to dominate my girl.. i want to be the best MASTER

Anonymous
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Anonymous

This is some of the most horrible info I have come across. It is like someone took this crap straight out of 50 shades…

This whole “ease her into it…” nonsense could land you in some hot water. And the lack of safety info here is astonishing!

Please seek more information before trying these things….

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[…] A Beginner’s Guide to Dominance and Submission […]

Elizabeth
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Elizabeth

Well heres the thing. I’m under the age of 18, and I’ve been interested in thus stuff before Fifty Shades of Great came out ( stupid I know ) , and I’ve been asked a lot about what I Like when it comes to a relationship like this and I honestly wouldn’t know. Should I stick myself to thus stuff, or let it go until I’m older to really understand?

Anonymous
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There is a web sight that helps you figure out what you’re into

Anonymous
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Anonymous

Be warned when trying this if you are starting with this start SMALL collaring and leading are not things to start with tying hands cuffs or blind folding I would suggest reading a lot more into this before trying anything

Heather
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Heather

Good to know 🙂

Anonymous
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Anonymous

I am really glad to have found this website.

Anonymous
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Anonymous

It is a pleasure to find this site. We are beginners and I love that its so welcoming.
What I read was well written and very helpful 🙂

Jay
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Jay
I’ve recently been thinking of this but never really knew how to bring it to my girlfriends attention. It was as simple as asking her what she thought of it. Of course, she had the same problem I did. Not knowing how to ask me about it. Since then our relationship has been better than ever. From the bedroom to out to dinner. We’re totally different since this. It opens new doors I never knew were there. If ANYONE has a issue with asking or finding out if your significant other is into/wants to try this out. Just ask. You… Read more »
Elle
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Elle

Also, you should probably consider the points made in this piece: http://www.fearlesspress.com/2012/07/28/can-just-anyone-learn-to-like-bdsm/

Elle
Guest
Elle
If you’re starting out as a beginner to BDSM, I would definitely NoT suggest labeling a master/slave relationship. Instead, I’d suggest a top/bottom or Dom/sub relationship. Master/slave is far more intense and serious. Some between resources for starting BDSM would be your local BDSM scene (there’s a website called fetlife that’s great for social networking, but beware of return to sender messages!), Jay Wiseman’s revered classic “SM101,” or articles like the three-part “BDSM explained” series of very short articles by an author called sea (a psychology graduate and male submissive who explains the bare basics in an easy-to-understand and often… Read more »
Amanda
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Amanda

Wish my husband would read this!

Marcus
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Marcus

“Girls like getting pounded while being restricted, because it takes all the responsibility for “being bad” off her shoulders.”

I think you really hit the nail on the head with this one 🙂

Emma
Guest
Emma
This is totally true. My boyfriend loves this site and has introduced bondage, dominance and anal into our relationship and become a real bedroom bull. It has completely changed our whole relationship. As women we are taught it’s wrong to submit, or we’re bad for wanting it, and it’s very difficult to let go and admit it’s what we crave and need. When men learn how to be dominant and take charge it helps us accept our own needs. I’ve never been happier since my boyfriend discovered this site and took control. Thanks Jesse – you really understand how women… Read more »
Anonymous
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Anonymous

I totally agree with Emma, I always thought I wouldn’t like this or I was giving up on being an independent woman – but once I tried it and loved it – I realized it’s what I truly like and enjoy in the bedroom (or livingroom, or outside, lol).

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