Nervous Around Women? How School, Work, And Television Made Us All Into Wusses

Nervous around hot women?

That didn’t happen just by accident.

Big businesses depends on you being fearful and insecure to keep buying material status symbols stuff to fix yourself, to make yourself worthy of women and society.

They want you to always be afraid, trembling inside.

They want you to have low self-esteem.

They want you to believe that you’re incomplete.

They want you to feel in your gut that you’re not good enough.

This first commercial shows a girl in the grocery who store starts dancing for the guy, just because he’s wearing Axe body spray.

Axe Deodorant Body Spray comercial

Now, the commercial IS funny.

But that’s partly why it’s so EVIL. Really evil.

This is the kind of commercial messaging that will fuck with your head big time and give you a mentality of approach anxiety and wussiness.

Now I know it’s easy to brush off as stupid that a girl will just jump all up on your dick simply because you put on a particular body spray.

BUT…

The commercial promotes a “magic pill” kind of thinking which is prevalent in advertising in general. That you can just sit back and with the right physical product like a car or a gift or a suit which money will buy you, girls will just crawl all up on your dick.

In other words, buy this magic pill solution, and with no effort whatsoever, you’ll have chicks go crazy for you, you won’t be nervous around women anymore, and you’ll get laid.

Now obviously, we all know that wearing a different brand of body spray will NOT even get you eye contact, let alone get you laid or have girls dance for you. It’s a laughable idea, and we laugh at the commercial.

And YET…

Men shell out thousands upon thousands of dollars on luxury cars, on big houses, on expensive dinners, on nice furniture, and whatever else their money will buy them so that they’ll be less nervous to try to get laid.

Men all over the world are shelling out thousands and thousands for that “magic pill” item at the store that will get them in a girl’s pants.

I mean real transformation is an infinitesimally SMALL industry in comparison to what’s spent by guys on Maxim magazine, on fancy cars, and on big homes and status symbols. It’s nothing.

So while we may laugh at THIS body spray commercial of the dancing girl, the commercial reinforces a LARGER IDEA in our capitalist economic culture – that the act of BUYING something to “improve yourself” as a “magic pill solution” will get you LAID.

So maybe you’re not running out to buy new body spray. Maybe you don’t even care about driving a fancy car.

But when you see that hottie, something DOES hold you back. That little voice inside your head maybe tells you that somehow you’re not good enough and you get nervous.

That somehow you’re still missing something.

A little voice inside your head tells you, you’re not rich enough.

You’re not impressive enough.

You don’t smell like a rose.

After watching thousands upon thousands of commercials, it just slowly seeps in, deep, deep, deep into your subconscious beliefs that you’re not enough.

And that holds you back from meeting women. You get this approach anxiety. You don’t believe in yourself. You don’t believe that you’re worthy, you don’t believe that you’re entitled.

And you’re listening to this little voice shaped by all the materialism and commercialism and advertising, instead of listening to your real, caveman gut that tells you to go get that girl. You’re not being congruent with who you really are and what you really want. You’re listening to a voice shaped by all those advertisements.

And the advertisers know that. That’s how capitalism works. Businesses need you, require you, to feel lame, require you to feel inadequate and nervous around girls, so that they can keep selling you shit to “fix” yourself to one day be worthy.

Okay, now take a look at the second video, the second commercial, this one for Audio cars.

Audi The Spell 2010 Commercial

They come outright and say it the purpose of the ads. To give you some quality, to make you sexy, to make you important, to make you feel worthy.

And it’s even worse that the commercials are Funny. When you laugh, when you find something funny, it has more influence on you. When you’re laughing, your critical mind and your critical judgment falls to the wayside. New beliefs can just sneak in and start affecting your beliefs and identity. It’s when you’re laughing that you’re must likely to change your beliefs.

Learning Game Doesn’t Make Profits For Big Corporations

Because having the ability to go up to any girl and just getting her doesn’t sell products. Being able to have women in your life doesn’t sell deodorant, it doesn’t sell new cars, it doesn’t sell jewelry, it doesn’t sell swimming pools.

Because the guys who are most successful with women are pretty frugal. They’re time is spent meeting new women OR going on dates OR they spend their time on things that they like to do, like going to the beach or going mountain climbing or whatever it is.

And they don’t spend money on status symbols. Because when you actually get good with girls, all that material stuff becomes extraneous, it becomes a burden on actually having a cool lifestyle.

And no company or advertisement is going to tell you, “Listen bro, you’re *already* good enough to get the chicks, you just need to freshen up on some drills for having command and conquer voice tonality and work on that smile, and trusting in your actions.” There’s no money in that. There’s no real business in that.

No, a business thrives on men’s insecurity and inadequacy to sell a $30,000 luxury car, so that he’ll feel worthy to have a girl and not be nervous. But if you’re already good with girls without a $30,000 car, it just looks laughable.

But after watching thousands and thousands of advertisements through the years, it just slowly cultivates this sense that you’re not enough. That you’re missing something. And consequently, you see a cute girl and that little voice inside your head starts talking DOWN to you and you don’t take action.

And by age 40 or 50, most guys end up being lame shitheads, leading lame lives and they act lame. They’re not happy, they’re just content to wallow in a corporate consumer culture and they putter around living sedentary lives. That’s the perfect consumer really.

School And The Measuring System

And it doesn’t just come from advertising.

The second big culprit of social conditioning, approach anxiety, nervousness, and incongruence in our lives is the MEASURING SYSTEM.

The measuring system – school basically.

Teachers were constantly measuring you, judging you, placing you, and rewarding you for reacting.

And what happens is, us nerds… us good students… we’ve learned to become terrified to make mistakes. We’ve learned to become obsessed with being liked.

…From all that training to please the teacher, to get the A grade, to please our parents, to meet other’s expectations.

And that measuring system from school, haunts us in the back of our heads. It makes us feel constantly short of perfection, it makes us feel the need to improve constantly and to live up to something out there outside ourselves. And it creates a need for constant feedback that we’re doing well and that we’re okay.

We constantly feel we need feedback that we’re good guys, that we’re worthy, that we’re doing well in our work. We constantly feel we need to be reassured by others that we’re doing right, even when we are already doing everything right.

And our self-confidence ends of coming from others, from teachers, from bosses, from friends and family and from the people we’re seeking approval from, instead of having self-confidence and self-trust in ourselves from within.

The Workplace

And that continues on into the workplace, the constant seeking of approval from superiors and the constant judging from superiors.

We get into this mindset and belief system where we become constantly approval seeking to be liked by people at work, and needing constant feedback that we’re worthy and doing well. And out self-esteem is constantly crying out for approval by other people.

All from the measuring system of capitalism.

But when it comes to getting girls and meeting women, being approval seeking, wanting to be liked, being terrified of making mistakes, striving for our best and striving for perfection – that’s what makes you the “nice guy” who can’t get the girl. That’s what makes your game conservative and timid and WEAK and you don’t take any risks.

That’s what makes you incongruent, where your heart and your gut is telling you to go up to the girl, but that little voice of social conditioning in your head holds you back.

It’s completely different rules for meeting girls and getting hard attraction. The measuring system, which got you rewarded with cookies, good grades, pats on the back at school and at work – will now make you a weak noodle of a nice guy with girls.

Because essentially what is school and what is work and the measuring system and being liked and getting ahead… it’s kissing ass. It’s supplicating. It’s not doing what you want to do, but reacting to everyone else to please them. That’s what you learn to be successful. And it’s beaten into you year after year, day after day, week after week.

But that’s a bad identity when it comes to getting girls. It makes you just another “nice guy” with weak-ass, supplicating, kiss-ass, timid, conservative, “please like me” game.

The Rules Are Different With Women

But if you want hard attraction with girls, the rules are different.

To be attractive to girls, you’ve got to speak up and be LOUDER than everyone else.

You’ve got to start breaking social norms and busting into sets and interrupting existing conversations and taking them over.

You’ve got to start grabbing girls by the hand and risk that she might have a boyfriend.

And that means not being liked be everyone. Maybe that means not being like by every girl you approach. It means being the black sheep, the bad boy, the guy who goes for what he wants without apology. It means acting from a place of congruence.

On the other hand, that old measuring system of school and work, that old measuring system of the “nice guy” pleasing teachers and bosses and kissing ass cannot be your identity of who you are. It doesn’t serve you with girls.

Drop The Socially Conditioned Identity

You’ve got to drop that identity.

Of course, intellectually, we think to ourselves, “Oh yeah, don’t be the nice guy. Be the bad boy. Don’t be supplicating. Don’t be a kiss ass.” But at school and work, that’s all we do, that’s all we practice is being the nice guy. That’s all we’ve become. That lovable, uncontroversial, everyone likes-me, I want to please everybody and make everybody happy, nice guy.

It’s like woven into our identities.

You’ve got this identity now of being a “nice guy” beaten deep in your core. And when you go out to meet girls, you’re still this super “nice guy” under the measuring system who’s afraid of not being perfect, who’s afraid of not pleasing, and who’s afraid of not getting the girl’s approval.

And coupled with advertising you fear you’re not enough, or you’re not worthy, or you need to be fixed first, or you don’t trust in your own actions.

You’ve got to drop that wussy nervous identity and adopt a little more self-trust and bad boy FURY.

Bad Boy Fury

That you’re going to start talking to everyone in command and conquer voice tonality – loudly and breaking rapport.

That you’re going to start making solid, full frontal eye contact.

That you’re going to start going right up to girls and telling them straight up that you think they’re hot as hell to their faces, without apology – being congruent with your desires.

That you’re going to fully accept yourself as enough and not try add anything else, that you can start going up to girls now, exactly as you are.

Bad boys don’t care that they’re not perfect or even suck at game. What makes a bad boy a bad boy and not a nice guy is that he is congruent. He just goes up to the girl and grabs her and compliments her, fuck everyone else, fuck his flaws, fuck that his game is lame, fuck what anyone else thinks, and especially fuck the girl thinks. That’s the bad boy.

So it’s not enough to just say, “Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy,” you’ve got to really change how you identify yourself with society, and realize that Mr. Nice Guy has really been beaten into you over the years by the measuring system in school and in work, and it’s going to take some more radical actions on your part to break out of that mentality.

So that concludes today’s lesson until next time in a few days. My name is Jesse Charger, signing out.

What To Do – Right Now

What you need to do, is stop watching television ads. It’s as simple as that. Stop getting your beliefs and expectations fed to you and formed for you by commercial advertisers whose life blood it is to make you feel lame and inadequate. They feed their families by making you feel lame deep down and like you’re not enough and that you need their magic pill solution.

So stop watching television, and get out of the house. Start the process of meeting women and building a new set of beliefs and expectations based on the experience of being with real women and in being in real social interactions.

Because you’re going to find that just coming from a place of Congruency… acting on your gut and heart and following your true core desires… is enough right there in and of itself to attract women.

You don’t need to smell wonderful, you don’t need an expensive car, and you don’t need to be a great conversationalist… in fact, you can be completely broke, with your hair disheveled, and not be that interesting, and you can still go up to a woman and powerfully tell her that you find her attractive with command and conquer voice tonality and full frontal eye contact, you’re going to knock her socks off and make a powerful impression on her.

You are enough to do it. And coming to a place of Congruency, where you listen to you gut and not that socially conditioned voice shaped by TV advertising, means dropping and shedding the television and advertising and saying no to the commercial industry.

That simple.

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16 Comments on "Nervous Around Women? How School, Work, And Television Made Us All Into Wusses"

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zar
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zar

Thank a lot brother!!

Vin
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Vin

If I think about my own experiences , the so called bad boys are always the ones wearing the latest fashion equipments and trying to be cool with status symbols while on the opposite the ‘nerds’ or ‘nice guys’ don’t really care about these things, they would wear sock&sandals because they don’t think these things are important. The problem is women are also conditioned by the ideal fake image of a man shown in commercials, so they want a man who looks like them.

Amazon
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Amazon
Dude, u won’t believe what ur articles have done 4 me. All my life I’ve been lead and driven by FEAR. I mean my every social interaction was 2 please d other party, not to screw up, watching and screening everything I wanted 2 say. D result: AWKWARD! DAMN! I wasn’t like this as a kid; I ROCKED. Still remembered winning best dancer prizes at parties. Now I’m just ur too- much- of- a- nice- guy- nerd type who gets all d good grades at d university but who feels like a slave 2 fear. God help me men, I… Read more »
Shane
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Shane

Not to mention school’s teachers are predominantly women thus reinforcing the “command” to seek their approval.

Marty
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Marty
Yes, most of this makes perfect sense, it does, but “You are hot as hell”? Really? How exactly do you see that conversation evolving into anything benficial? I mean.. come on. The ad thing is dead center and I have been wondering if I was the only one who felt fucked up by the media in general. The movies, the ads, the “lifestyle” we are being handed. And being a loser, of course, is not anybody else’s fault – its mostly ours. I know I am to blame for my own shit. But do you honestly believe that a person… Read more »
Aydin
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Aydin

Hey Jesse, I like your points, I think it is the society, religions , etc that puts pressure on men to live a certain way and stay average . I also agree that when you ignore everyone that try to pull you down as you try something new and grow up , you ll be happier and independent actually. You won’t need a woman to do your dishes if you are someone who takes 100% responsibility of his life.
Keep up the good job Jesse! I ll follow your posts.

seo
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seo
hello there and thank you for your information – I have definitely picked up something new from right here. I did however expertise several technical issues using this site, as I experienced to reload the website lots of times previous to I could get it to load correctly. I had been wondering if your hosting is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will sometimes affect your placement in google and can damage your high-quality score if ads and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I’m adding this RSS to my email and could look out for a lot… Read more »
eric
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eric

Ok Jesse i really understand this theoritically,but i still in college and still have to do the “approval seeking”,its kinda confusing switching this two opposite mentality bad boy vs nice boy,any advice from you jesse?

Marko
Guest
Marko

Man, you are just awesome. One of the BEST articles I have ever read in my whole life. Though yes, i´m only 19, but still I find it so amazing and true, as it of course is. So, thanks! You´ve opened my eyes and now it´s my turn to act.
All the best!
-Marko-

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