I want to talk about confidence and making a paradigm shift where actually fuck confidence!
You don’t need confidence to get girls. You don’t need confidence to take action.
I want you to make a mental paradigm shift where the most important thing to do is to feel that fear because that fear is never going to completely go away and take away action despite feeling that fear.
Instead of desiring to have confidence or more confidence to meet girls, I want you to have courage. Courage means taking action in the face of fear, going up on a cold approach, talking to girls, staying in set. Persisting in that set takes courage.
Guys that succeed are the guys that face down their fears and take action anyway that push the envelope a little bit in terms of them feeling fear rather than wanting confidence.
The problem with wanting confidence is that it creates a downward spiral that fucks you up. Basically, you think, “Oh, okay to approach this girl, I really should have more confidence.”
You become self-conscious about your lack of confidence, and that makes you feel even less confident and it creates this negative feedback loop where you’re thinking, “Oh, I should have more confidence or I can’t do the approach.”
That’s the bad way to go. Rather you want to be like, “Okay, I like to face my fears. I like this feeling of fear because that means I’m going to grow more when I actually take action. I can well up that courage inside me and take action on that girl despite feeling the fear.”
The paradox is that when you approach enough girls, when you are feeling fear, that’s when confidence comes because you approach enough girls, you’re going to pass that indifference threshold.
If you approach enough girls, you’re going to develop that confidence in a more organic manner where you’re constantly pushing yourself then you’re thinking, “Okay, this is not so bad. I’ve done this again, and again, and again. I’m acclimating to it. By taking action, I’m gaining more experience and that is what brings me the confidence.”
So paradigm shift: forget confidence!
Instead, embrace that fear and take action anyway and you want to be going after courage not confidence.