I want to talk about core confidence so you can drop into a new city, a new venue, meet new people, and wherever you are, wherever you can find yourself to be, you have this nice relaxed demeanor and entitlement to go talk to the very hottest girls.
Now most guys they rely instead on situational confidence, so they depend on the external environment or the situation that they find themselves in to draw their confidence from.
So it could be like a guy buys a new pair of shoes or a new shirt and he feels more confident because of the clothes he’s wearing, or he finds himself in an authority position. For example, maybe he’s the manager at a store and he has a bunch of subordinates and he is barking orders to his subordinates. He might feel more comfortable, more confident in that situation or maybe he just has all these friends around him, and he feels more comfortable in that situation.
The problem with that is that you take that person out of that particular situation and they lose their confidence.
What Is Situational Confidence
An example of this would be a professor. He’s at the front of the class. He’s giving the lecture, and a 20-year-old student comes up to him, a really pretty girl. She’s asking him some questions and he answers her. He talks back to her in a very confident relaxed way because he is in his element. He is the authority figure in that class. He displays very attractive qualities to that girl. He has a lot of entitlement talking to her. She might even flirt with him.
Now take that professor out of that situation, put him into a bar, and now you’re telling him to go approach and talk to that same 19-year-old, 20 -year-old girl and he’s shaking in his boots. He can’t do it. He’s terrified because the confidence is not coming from within himself. It’s coming from the situation. He needs to be at the front of the class to feel entitled to talk to that girl.
The thing with people that depend on situational confidence is that they’re always chasing after situations that give them confidence. They’re always looking to buy new a pair of shoes, looking for external factors to make them feel better about themselves like surrounding themselves with friends, but they can’t just go into a new situation and draw that confidence from within themselves.
What Is Core Confidence
Core confidence on the other hand is this deep-seated feeling of inner value that is very powerful and unshakable and comes deep from within yourself where you are unreactive when you talk to girls. You’re chilled and relaxed, you’re feeling entitled, and you lead and you can be in any different situation and you are generating those qualities from within. It doesn’t mean that you never feel fear but you bounce back very quickly when you’re thrust into a new situation. You bounce back to a more confident state. You can pull yourself into your best self very quickly.
To illustrate an example of this situation versus core confidence is imagine that you are at a party, you are at this big mansion, but this is your party. You are the one throwing this party and there is plenty of alcohol to go around. There’s fantastic food. All your friends are there. Your friends are giving you props, going up to you, telling you what a fantastic party this is.
A bunch of girls show up. The girls go up to you and they’re like, “Who is running this party? Oh, it’s you?” And they look at you with admiration, with awe like you are the man and some of the girls will even go up to you and say, “Hey, you’re kind of cute.”
They’ll flirt with you a little bit. They’ll hover around you. You’re dressed in your best threads. Say your best friends bought you $1,000 of incredible clothing so you just look fantastic, so you’re talking to some of these girls. You are becoming socialized. You’re building up a little bit of momentum. Your charisma is shining through. You feel fantastic about the situation. You feel fantastic about yourself.
Now imagine having that feeling without that situation, just walking down the street, imagining yourself that you are the prince, that any girl would be lucky to talk to you, that any girl would be lucky to meet you, that your value is a 10/10, without all that stuff going on, without the mansion, without the party, without the alcohol, without the friends, without the girls coming up to you giving you props, without the incredible clothes. You feel all that just walking down the street, being yourself. That is what core confidence is.
Why You Want Core Confidence
Okay so the question is why do you need core confidence? Well if you’re an incredibly good looking guy, you’re tall, you’re jack. You’re big, you’re muscular, you’re well dressed, it’s very easy to act like a cool guy because you are society’s image of what a cool guy is supposed to look like. So society gives you permission to act in a chilled, relaxed, cool manner.
But pickup, one way you can define it is that you are not the best-looking guy but pickup teaches you how to act and be that cool guy. When you go up to a girl, you talk to her, you don’t fit society’s image of James Bond, yet when you go talk to that girl, you do act like James Bond. She gets the impression, “Oh, my gosh! I am talking to a very high value guy.
Now it’s going to take her a couple of minutes to realize that because you don’t look like the 10/10 perfect, what society says should be the perfect guy. It’s going to take her a couple of minutes to realize that through your personality, through how you convey yourself.
So it’s really important that you can stay in set and persist in set for a couple of minutes so the girl can sample, get a taste of your personality. Whereas most guys, they’re talking to a girl, the girl throws a little shit test at them or she has that hot girl blasé where she’s not really contributing too much to the conversation and the guy just assumes she doesn’t like him and he slinks off after just like a minute and his sets are very short.
Or he doesn’t even approach the girl at all because he doesn’t feel entitled. He thinks to himself, “I am not society’s image of the perfect guy, so I’m not even going to talk to this girl.”
So it’s really important to be able to stay in set for 5 minutes, for 10 minutes and just persist and then you hook the girl. Then you’ll turn the girl around because she’ll realize, “Hey, this is actually a really high-value guy. I have some interest in getting to know this guy.”
So core confidence, having core confidence is incredibly important to be able to persist in the set and stay in set.
How To Develop Core Confidence
Okay, so you might be asking, “Okay, Jesse, how do I develop core confidence? How do I go from needing situational confidence to getting core confidence so that in any situation, drop me in any environment, and I can draw confidence from within and be that cool guy?”
Well, it takes time. Just like if you wanted to develop ripped abs and muscular shoulders and a great chest, you’re going to have to go to the gym and start training and that will take 6 months, a year. It’s a slow process built through dedication and consistency.
You need to start developing habits that are going to feed your brain nutritious food and feed your body nutritious food, for example getting enough sleep so you have the energy and the motivation to improve on yourself, hitting the gym so you develop more testosterone, you feel good about your body. You feel good in your body, and you have the energy and the motivation, eating nutritious food of course.
Also pushing yourself, pushing your comfort zone. Desensitizing yourself to more and more extreme situations, giving yourself maybe a mission once a week to do something that really pushes your comfort zone or doing 30-day challenges where you just keep pushing the envelope a little bit more, a little bit more, and a little bit more. That is how you are going to develop core confidence.
It’s just something that takes time, takes experience, takes dedication, and it takes consistency but you can do it.
So that’s the difference between core confidence and situational confidence.