How To Get True Confidence With Girls (vs. Try-Hard Confidence)

I want to talk about feeling like the 10, feeling like the king, feeling like the value is with you where you’re just walking around and you’re thinking to yourself, “Yeah, I’m awesome! I’m the shit! Girls just want to fuck me. It’s true. I’m having my own fun. I’m feeling at home. I’m feeling good about myself.”

These aren’t even affirmations that you are telling yourself. This is just in your core. This in your gut. It’s like this natural feeling that you’re feeling this. Even talking a girl, you’re thinking to yourself, “You should be lucky to have me. I’m in shape. I eat right. I got my own habits together. I’m socially calibrated. I know how to spark attraction. I know how to get a girl any given weekend. Girls love me. Girls love to be around me. I’m always generating positive good feelings. I always feel good. I’m the source of good energy for women. I’m good at relationships. I provide women what they’re looking for, so to speak. This girl probably doesn’t have her life together. Even if she’s pretty maybe on a superficial sense, she’s been blessed with good genetics, but she really hasn’t accomplished anything in life yet, and there’s a lot I can teach her. There’s a lot I can show her. She would be lucky to have me as her boyfriend.”

Now of course I’m not like that in every moment but generally that’s the kind of feeling you want to have.

Whereas most guys are feeling like, and I sink back into this sometimes, too, and this is certainly how I started out, is, “If I was going to honest with myself. I’m not the 10. I’m not where the value is. Maybe I’d rate myself as a 5, or a 6, or a 7, maybe. I really need the girl to like me. I need a girl on my arm. I need a girlfriend to complete me because I don’t feel complete in myself. I don’t like being alone with myself. I feel really needy. I feel really desperate, and when I go up to a girl, it’s not even that I want sex with her. It’s almost like, “I want you to like me. I start talking to a girl. She’s starting to like me. She’s starting to give me a good response. Please, please, keep liking me. Please give me this attention. Please give me this good validation. I want to suck this good energy off of you.”

That’s how most guys are going around. That’s how I started as well. I just took time to develop the sense like, “Yeah. I’m the 10. I’m the king. The value is with me. Girls are lucky to be around me. It doesn’t mean I have to have a big ego about it. I can still laugh at myself. I can still acknowledge my flaws. I’m not psycho about that.” But it’s just a general feeling like, “Yeah, I’m all around, a great catch for any girl no matter how beautiful on the outside she looks to be.”

To develop this sense that, “Yeah. I’m the 10. The value is with me. I’m the king. Any girl is lucky to be with me,” what I found is that weightlifting heavy weights really can make a big difference specifically doing progressive overload.

What I mean by that, I’m going to give you an example. Let’s say I do 6 reps of bench pressing 180 pounds. Well, I’m going to record that. I’m going to write it down. I’m going to keep track of that. The next time I’m doing my chest workout, maybe instead of doing 6 reps of 180 pounds, I’m going to push a little bit. I’ve got it there in front of me, so I know I did 6 reps the previous week, now I’m going to try to push for 7 reps or maybe even pump out 8 reps.

Once I’m up to 9 or 10 reps, then I’m just going to add a little bit of weight the following week, maybe 2-1/2, maybe a very small 2-1/2-pound plate on each side, so now I’m doing 185-pound lift. I just keep progressing. I just keep pushing myself a little bit, a little bit, a little bit. That’s how you’re going to build for yourself a stronger body and you’re going to see that progress. You’re going to be able to track that progress, and you’re going to start feeling good about yourself.

Most guys when they’re lifting weights, and I did this for years, is that they just kind of go in and there and they feel like doing whatever they feel like doing. “I’ll bench press. Maybe I’ll bench press 180 pounds, and then I don’t write that down. I don’t know how many I did. I don’t know what weight I did. Maybe a week later, I’m not just feeling so up to it. Maybe I’ll bench like 170 or 160. I’ll actually regress.”

When in reality, even if don’t emotionally feel like I could bench press it, my body could actually do it. My body could actually push myself beyond that 180 if I keep track and put the weight on. Even if I don’t emotionally feel like it, I could still physically do it. That’s why it’s really important to track what you’re lifting, the amount of weight and the amount of reps, and just push yourself a little bit each time. That’s really going to improve your confidence. That’s going to give you a measurable progression.

That’s going to make you feel good, make you feel like you’ve accomplished something, give you a win, as well as dressing nice, investing in some nice clothes, eating very good food, eating nutritionally sound food that’s going to keep you motivated, that’s going to keep you energetic, keep you just wanting to go out there because if you’re eating junk food, if you’re eating ice cream, and pizza and stuff, you’re going to feel like a big fat slug.

I know that when I don’t lift and a couple of weeks go by and I start eating crap food, I definitely lose my motivation. I definitely lose that aura of being, “Yeah, I’m the 10. The value is with me.” I just lose that. I start getting more needy. I start getting more desperate. I start thinking more like, “I just want to have validation from a girl,” and I start to feel like a big slug.

Another thing that I really like about lifting weights is that it just keeps me feeling young, it keeps me feeling youthful. I’m an older guy. I’m about 40 years old. When you hit that kind of age, if you’re not lifting weights, if you’re not exercising, you’re going to get a dead bod, you’re going to feel sluggish, you’re going to unmotivated, you’re not going to feel so good about yourself, you’re not going to have the energy, the vitality to go out there and take action and meet girls.

Now if you’re 19 and 20 years old, you could be shoving junk food into your mouth, not exercising, and just because of your sheer youth, you might have the energy, you have might have motivation, you might have the sexual drive to go out and meet girls and do okay.

But you might as well start working on the good habits early. If you’re having trouble developing habits when you’re 19 or 20 like going to gym every day, do you think it’s going to be easier when you hit 30 and 40 and you’re out of shape? It’s just going to get harder, so you might as well start with the good habits early. It’s only going to help you out. It’s only going to increase your success.

Now you can in theory develop this aura of godlike confidence even if you’re 60 pounds overweight, and you’re eating junk food and you never work out, and you’re of shape, and you lack muscle mass, and you’re not taking that much action, and you’re living in your mom’s basement, and you barely have any money, and you play video games all day.

Because a lot of this of what holds you back is just all in your head. Somebody who’s like that, who has all these bad habits, could still in theory go up to that perfect 10, that stunning girl with the tight little dress and the perfect curves, and the beautiful piercing eyes, and the long flowing hair, and the manicured nails, and the golden glowing skin and just be like, “Yeah, babe! You’ll be lucky to be with me. I deserve you.” And just feel it in his core. He could do that because it’s all up in your head at the end of the day.

But is that really going to be you? Are you really going to be able to pull that off psychologically if you have all these negative things going against you and still just be completely outside of your head, go up to a girl fully believing that you are the 10, that she is lucky to have you? You probably won’t be able to pull that off.

There are a couple of guys that can kind of do it but again it’s not going to be you. So definitely, I would say the formula for having that aura of godlike ability is have a good morning ritual; eat healthy good foods that fill your body; do progressive overload heavyweight lifting training in the gym; and dress well and take lots of action. That’s going to give you that aura of, “I’m the 10. Girls are lucky to have me. I’m the shit. Girls just want to fuck me. I’m feeling great about myself. I’m having my own fun. I’m feeling at home. I’m feeling comfortable in my own body. I’m feeling comfortable in my own skin.” That’s the golden sweet spot you want to have.

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