Hey Jesse, thank you for this, its truly great.:thumbup: Last year i met a woman in a coffee shop, well actualy lets say she picked me up. We briefly started dating and shortly thereafter i had dinner with a female friend of many years. Lets call my ex Kim. Kim threw all her toys out the cot because of this, she ranted and raged about what a cheat i was etc etc to the point that i just said, hey, i am not listening to this anymore and hung up... i ignored her next 20 calls ! I ended the relationship before it really began. We remained friends for the next few months in which time she met some new guy on the internet. A month later she begged my advice, he was trying to move in with her in the first month. I did some checking on him and found he owned nothing, had huge debt and most of what he had told her was lies. In the interim however i really had grown closer to her and some feelings were starting to brew between us. She dumped him and we got into a relationship again which was great and what we both had wanted. A good few months of fun later i proposed (i am 42, she is 39) and she accepted. Her ex however was not content to leave us alone and re-surfaced.. soon enough i had to nip it in the bud and insist she no longer speak with him on the phone (he lives in another city) as he was obviously up to no good - he was giving her relationship advice !! It however continued up to the point i laid down an ultimatum that it stop or i was out of there... in all honesty the mans a clown and a player. But that did not deter her, in fact it just made it happen more... and always behind my back. We broke up over him eventualy and she went running to him only to be abused and come running back to me... of course i said no way was i going to be her go to guy, its not what i want and i wont allow myself to be abused in that way. I left her alone for a month or so and recently made contact again, she really missed me and is really wanting to see me. She has been working on herself but at the same time this idiot is still in the background, although apparently nothing is going on, i find that almost impossible to believe or trust. I really would like to be with her, but at the same time, i dont want him or our past around and maybe it is best that i rather go find someone new and just put it down as a bad mistake and history. I have not been calling her, she does all the calling, in fact even yesterday she was furious i went to a valentines dinner with someone else.. i am really finding it difficult to discern what is going on in her head and where she is coming from. I guess, the big question i have... what should i do ? Walk away or fight it out ? Many thanks
Please be aware, this is a relationships or marriage counselor question, which isn't my area of expertise. It's unacceptable that your fiance is taking relationship advice from her ex-boyfriend, and continues to do so when you tell her to stop talking to him. She's very immature for her age of 39. And rebellious. Most women have a clue by that age. Yeah, you need to lay down the law and she has to face the consequences for her actions. In other words, you don't trust her and in your gut you feel she's a liar. Probably not a good base to build a relationship on, let alone getting married with her. If you want to get back with her, you'll have to be the bad-ass of the relationship. She's flakey, flighty, needy, will lie to you, prone to creating drama... the only way to handle that kind of woman is to be the authoritative bad-ass boyfriend. I'm not saying to literally slap her (you'll go to jail) but you've got to treat her like she's a child, and discipline accordingly. Take no crap and take no prisoners. If you just want to lay back and have an easy, low maintenance girlfriend that you treat as an equal (in my mind, that's the ideal situation), she's NOT the right girl. So it depends on the level of hassle and disciplinarian work you're willing to put up with. She's jealous and very controlling. To handle that kind of women you have to be a TOTAL BAD ASS. She wants a strong, strong man, a man far stronger than her, to utterly dominate and control her. She's testing you to see if you'll put up with all her nonsense and utter bullshit. It's not your job to figure out what she's thinking. That would make YOU crazy. Your only job is to be the PIMP and control her. Do you think a PIMP is worried about what is nutty hookers are thinking all the time? No. He has the PIMP HAND OF POWER. He doesn't care what they think, he just (psychologically) beats their asses into submission. This girl needs a strong "Daddy figure" to take control of her and reign her in. Up to you. It's not in my own personality to want to completely control a woman who's constantly attempting to test me with intense drama, so I would walk away. But maybe you're different. I think if you play the field a little, you'll find better options out there.
Oh, shit!!..What a nightmare!! I kept-on thinking about this one woman I had an infatuation, for!:lol: TM
Thanks, Sandee; This subject of dysfunctional women, (you might as well include men), seems to be subject that is never-ending in talking about. :lol: It's really NOT funny, but, it happens to everyone. I am forever optimistic about people. But, there are some people to just, AVOID or NOT get too involved with, for your own health and well-being. TM
