Alot of guys trying to get ex's back, is it really possible?

When you have been with a girl for a long period of time, and were intimate, those feelings are always gonna be there for her. But right now, she doesnt feel much if any attraction for you. That is why she is avoiding you. Its human nature to to withdraw when being pursued. So stop pursuing her.

Women are not logical...they are emotional.You are looking at this from a logical point of view. Her seeing you with other girls will trigger her emotions, in other words she wont have any control over those feelings.U want to be triggering her emotions, good or bad ones. at the moment you arent doing that.

Logic does not prevail in girls, if that was the case you would have your girlfriend back right now. Attraction is so far away from being logical. Does it make logical sense that women are attracted to abusive jerks? nope. I could go on...

that may seem unfair, but it is a huge advantage, it means if you know how to create attraction, nothing else matters.

So stop trying to convince her that you have changed, talk is cheap. Start being a man, and she will see it.

Riddler

I really feel like if i post once agian, i would look like i'm not getting the point. So, i'll start with the fact that actually i'm just learning a new lesson - and it is, about attraction.

Here another thing. I saw a website, where someone was saying that in fact, if you can talk to your ex ( like exchange e-mails as friend ), you should be able to gently move her in the state of mind where you were together by outlining different moments of your past - good moments, so that is supposed to ignite her feeling and sense for nostalgia. The website stated that if you do this right, without regreting the past or thinking "what could be if"; but you just remind her gently all those good moments, she shall start missing it all so much, that she'll start, in fact, missing you.

I was kind of catched by this post, and probably that's what i started trying to do, by posting questions for her everyday in the True or False application on facebook. At first, she was more distant, and now she is answering those questions everyday; and i try to help her remember the good moments of our past when she's thinking for the right answers of my quiz; as well as remember some private or personal aspects that she knows better than anyone else. I thought that this might make her miss me day by day, but i'm not so confident now.

I guess you'll say for one last time, forget about facebook and start being a man (e.g. don't talk to her, tell her you're moving on) and so on.

I your posts, Riddler, are so smart that i seem to not just believe, but in fact - understand the way you think - and it's obvious that you know a lot.

Here is the website mentioned above for reverence to what is written there on the subject:

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Make-Your-Ex-Miss-You-Enough-To-Want-You-Back&id=780419

Last advice?

I read that article, the guy who wrote that doesnt really understand the difference between affection and attraction, they are two very different things.

I think its a good idea to bring up good memories of the past, but there is a time to do that, and when she isnt responding to you is not a good time to do that.

Rather get to the stage where you are comfortable talking to eachother, for e.g. like i said after a month meet up for some coffee, then by all means bring up the good memories, she will be more receptive to them at that stage.

The only time humans get nostalgic over something is when the believe that they have lost that thing.

Riddler

easy? no , simple? yes

1) you are stuck in NOSTALGIA. You are only remebering the good.
2) she is not remembering the good but the bad, can't really blame her there
3) you need to learn how to push the red button. inspired by Karea.
4) it really is not easy but it is this simple
5) attraction is an emotional bond in a woman, you have disengaged her emotions and engaged her intellect by past behavior. I think you have a VERY slim chance of ever re-attracting her
6) the grass is not always greener and you about to deliver some bad karma to the girl you are with

Well, i came her for help, thanks for letting me know that i've got no chances.

ok

you are welcome....and if you really mean it I saved you many days of agony.

...but I sense you wanted everyone to agree with you so you will ignore these comments and try anyway.

good luck, I'm out.

I won't ignore the comments here, but i love her.
And i won't "try", i just love her.
It's fine if i never hug her and so on. I just love her.

seductforce-

I know that in your heart you are hurting because you love this girl. And, you
are trying to understand "what are my chances" or "how do I best get back with her" so that you can help plan out your current life. Because maybe you feel like you are settling right now with your current girl, and you want something more. And you feel like every guy is telling you that you don't have a chance so you're screwed.

Again, here comes some brutal honesty. You cannot possibly be in love with your old girlfriend. Love is energy shared between people that mutually reciprocate it. It harmonizes and creates a bond. Your situation is one of LUST. Not love. It's not love because she does not love you back. And we can sit here all day and talk about well if, and if, and if. But, today, right now, this girl does not love you. And I hate to tell you this, but since you are not in love with her, you are in fact just in love with an IMAGE of her in your head.

You have imagined all the beautiful situations and how great it would be when she loves you too. I'm sure you aren't picturing nasty fights and her treating you like shit right?

The point is, don't make a decision based on IF. Make a decision based on NOW.

Your situation NOW is what it is. You have a great gf. You have an ex-gf that is ignoring you. Stop adding your own stuff in there, that's the situation. So, stop the IFs ... WHAT IS IT that you want to do? Are you unhappy with your current girl? Break up with her. Are you just mourning an old breakup? Then deal with that.

You are living life from a position of FEAR because you have a great girl, BUT...what if it's better with someone else? And what if this? You can wonder about that shit all day. And while you're wondering, life is carrying on. And you're wasting time thinking about meaningless shit.

I used to wonder (a few years back) if my girl would cheat on me. And then someone said told me -- let's say you wonder your whole life, and you get suspicious all the time, and then you are 90 years old and she never cheated on you for sure. Look how much time you wasted! Deal with that shit when and if it comes up. That's all you can do.

~element

OK, once again - understood. I don't mind honesty, in fact i do appreciate it.

But here is the thing. girl 1 is not ignoring me. Yes, she said that she is not yet ready to talk to me on the phone, nor meet me ( in other words, not ready for real-time communication where she won't have the time to think what to do and what to say. And it's understandable since i was pushing and suffocating her emotionally in the past).

But in the same time, she started to get into facebook every single day, respond to my new quizzes, and sometimes write a few lines back. I can see something growing - it might be a simple act of basic acceptance, or it might be a wall being unbuild to uncover something more than that.

Basically, if she has no interest in me, she wouldn't (i think?) check my facebook profile every day, even a few times some days.

And if she does have interest, that could mean that something big is alive there.

I don't want to get back with her by all means. If i have to, i could go on with girl 2, or with someone else. But one thing is for shure and i know it after a lot of thinking on this matter - i do love girl 1 and my first wish is that she will be happy.

Sure here comes one what if - what if she does love me in fact, and she is ready to appreciate the grown-up me?

I really think that somehow i should give this a chance. Not pursue it - but give it the proper chance and find out. If, after all those years she has real feelings, then it makes sense for us to try to build that relationship for real. If she has NO FEELINGS, than it won't make sense; nor it will be "real".

And then we can call my feelings "lust", "attraction", "nostalgia" or whatever else we did in the past posts.

But what if she loves me as well? How can i be sure she does not?

Well, the chance of someone you know and love for more then 4 years loving you back is a big chance, and i really think that it deserves one What If being allowed to go on.

You, guys, are helping me a lot in fact, helping me to start thinking in more correct directions and ways, set up my mindset/attitude and find out new things and realities.

To some extent, i am being left under the impression that in this forum there is not such thing as clean "love" being discussed. Love is always related to attraction, nostalgia, caring, need, desperate, begging, loneliness and so on.

Am i to the point?

You need to be honest with yourself bro, and I know that is hard.

Your view is somewhat unbalanced. I'm not saying she has no feelings. She probably does.

Here's the problem, if she was, you would know. You are trying to pretend she's a victim. People CHASE what they want dearly. And they don't let it go easily. Look at you. You love her, right? Look at your behavior. If she felt the same way, she'd be doing the same things. You are interpreting a facebook message as huge interest. It's not.

Huge interest is constant phone calls, and visits at your house. Her showing up looking hot, with full makeup and lingerie, eager to please. Begging to see you, offers of her cooking dinner for you. I bought tickets for us to see... What are you doing tonight, this weekend? I was thinking of you recently.

Responding to quizzes? Sometimes? How can you compare this? She probably does have some interest, but who knows how much. After 4 years, I can tell you it seems pretty small. And you chasing her is only going to make it worse.

Honestly, if you do want her back, the best thing you can do is completely shut off all contact with her. If she calls, let it go to voicemail. If she emails, don't reply. Post pictures of your new girl, and move on with your life. That is seriously, your absolute best bet.

Everything else you could possibly do is going to be wussy. This girl has mopped the floor with you and you keep coming back for more. How much abuse are you going to take dude? This is someone you are thinking of trusting with your heart?

On a practical note, you are asking for some deep karma shit with the girl that you're with if you don't get this sorted out. Even if you stay with her, it sounds like you feel like you're settling. Listen bro, this is my last post on this thread but good luck to you.

~element

I'm sorry to hear it's the last post, since we never discussed karma really before, and i would like to put up a question relating this issue.

What do you mean i'm going to set up some bad karma if i stay with girl 2? Isn't karma something given by god ( or the way you call Him ), something that just comes to our lives?

But maybe i understand you. Karma, you say. So, what about settling? Exactly - if i really don't feel that sparkling love, if i'm trying to convince myself that i'll be doing fine with someone just because she has so many good points in her character, and to the most extent she is what i was dreaming about BUT communication is on a different level, somehow. Then, shall i stay with this girl just because se love me, becouse i don't want to make her sad and because i'll be fine with her, since she will always love me and take care of me?

What is the grown-up love? Probably it's not what i'm into, fine. But then, what it is? If it's just appreciation, maybe i can jump to that state from now, and stay with girl 2, even when i think that girl 1 is 10/10 GORGEOUS GODNESS and i DO LOVE girl 1.

But should i stay with girl 2 just because she gives me all those phone calls and messages and ideas what we can do together, and because generally i do like her a LOT and she's a GREAT person, i just don't feel it the same way i feel it and have always felt it in my very heart for girl 1?

And what about karma?

c'mon

Listen dude, you can do 'what abouts' all day long. Bottom line is G1 does not want you anymore and what you are remembering is the good memories. ie: nostalgia, as explained a few times. If you really loved her you would not have left her/broke up 6 times and found other girls....no matter how you define love. She knows that, you need to.

Bad Karma is reffering to what you creating now in your relationship with G2. You are treating her in a way that you would hate to be treated. She deserves better from what I read. It will come back to bite you.

You also seem to be developing a stalker mentality. it is weird, stop it. she is done with you, move on, swallow the bitter pill. She is not 'the only one'.

Again, good luck. I have no other advice.

Seems like i've lost SHS and Element here, but at least, they left the conversation for good with some really good advices.

Shall i stop? Sure. But you know how it is, guys, when you LOVE. Questions, questions!

Of course, Element's and SHS's posts agre great and are basically right on target for the common case. But is mine a common one?

Two years ago i was in the same situation. She saying that she doesn't know even if we can be friends, but after that, after our first initial meeting came, things went in a better direction. After a few more meetings we were really close to each other, and shi admitted that she doesn't know "what i've done to her". But she wanted me there in her heart.

Last year, i was in the same situation once again. It was worse, i've done worse things, and still. She wouldn't talk to me for a small period, after that we talked, but she wouldn't meet me, then we met, but we would be friends, but after a few more meetings she came to me and we lived some of our greatest moments of it all.

And now, i'm in a situation alike. But i've changed myself. I don't pursue her, i don't ask her anything, i was really terrible, but i understood a lot of my mistakes for real. And so, from the state of not talking to each other, we moved to sharing a few mails, after that those quizes started, she was answering a few questions every now and then, then she started to answer them sooner, now basically she is answering them every morning before she starts work and every evening as she gets home. In addition, i've been a little wuss a few times, sending her messages that "i'm mentally with her", i want her to be warm and calm, to have a good rest, to feel great, to be fine and so on. But unlike before, i'm not sending 20 a day, but just 1 or less. I'm not aksing her when we'll meet, and if we will, and why we won't. I just plain love her. And she seems to be accepting my messages to some extent, since she reads them. Doesn't respond, but that could be a start - as it was before. Because i'm even using some of our dearest words we've created and she hasn't said i shouldn't. Maybe she is slowly coming closer to me to some extent. And, again, unlike before, i'm not in a rush, not in a hurry. I feel i can wait my whole life for her, just because with her it was different. The grass wasn't necessarily greener, but it smelled like grass and felt like grass. In fact, with girl 2 the grass is the most perfect, but is all equal and too good, yet in the same time doesn't even feel like grass.

Do you get my point?

Dude , its all been put on the table for you.

If you read the posts, we have explained how you should go about getting her back if thats what you want...

And you have recieved very good advice from shs, which probably the "more correct" advice but i believe its important to have choices.

So from this point on, its compeltely up to you, there really isnt much else that can be said.

Good luck.

Riddler

As a follow through with my own situation, I'm finally starting to pull out of it. And I decided now is the time to follow through on AKM's advice to find myself some hot new piece...so I went from a 31 year old, slightly overweight blonde to a 19 year old latina who likes to call me papi lol. Never mind the fact that I'm 9 years older than her ha ha ha, she likes a man who can give it to her like a man. I had no idea but younger women are way easier to get than older ones because they're never had anyone that's any good. I'm worried about obsessive behavior though. She is always trying to get a hold of me. Time to take AKM's advice regarding expectations lol.

Hey, guys, i'm gonna need some more little help over here, and it will be great if you can do another advice than the one that i shall create certain emotions in her by making her sad that i'm with someone else.

My best friend actually met with her yesterday. They had a 1.5 hrs meeting in one of OUR favorite places, so it was so devastating. And by the time of their meeting, i had a meeting with girl 2, which really slapped me on the face and showed me the truth - i REALLY want to be with girl 1. Not because i can't have her, but because i value everything in her so much for real!

So, on their meeting, they talked some about me, and she never excaped the subject. He told me that she spoke for me as a part of her life, but apparently the situation is very strange. She seems happy to answer my questios in facebook, and she seems (more important) happy to receive my sms messages, and some of them contained things from our past, things that speak love. I was so scared that she might tell hem "ok, just tell him to stop, cause i can't", but actually she admitted that she finds those funny, but in the same time she thinks that i'm still not a grownup as much as she would like?! WTF! We haven't seen nor heard each other for 7 months now, and she still says she's not ready. He told her that i'll be happy to just meet her - even for a short meeting just because, but she replied "so what, after that he will want to meet me again, and again, and again, doesn't make sense to meet just like that". And in the same time she says she is "still not ready"; and she's not in love with anyone else and likes to talk aobut me.

Surely this is one very strange situation. She even send a little christmas gift for me thru him. I am really confused. Looks like a part of me is till living in her, as well as a part of her is in me. And it feels like true love, but it's very cruel at the same time that she is not ready to see me after 7 months. Of course, i've been deadly cruel in the past because of my "being a child" acting, so i know that i should take all the abuse. But no matter that, am i gonna see her ever again with any chance of us getting back together?

He admitted she still looks so pretty, but that's even not the point. I so much want to just SEE her eyes, to just SAY anything to her and hear her sweet voice, you know how it goes, guys.

Is there anyone here who believes in true love? I thought to some extent that would be the Riddler, but i don't know.

She said that she got tired of all the breakups between us, and me going far away, which really had a bad effect on me and our relationship and it all added up so she got this decision, but it's so sad, so unreal, i can't see her - it's driving me mad. She still thinks that i'll be pushy if we meet, that i'll take away her privacy as i was trying to do this before, she thinks that i'm not a "grown up" yet, too moody and so on - and apparently she doesn't understand at all that when you don't see the one you love for seven monts you DO go crazy...

Now i'm thinking that this cause is either lost, or has to come up to me on her own means. It's apparent that she has interest in me, even in our past. In the christmas gift, she has written to me "Look in the past, think of the future, live now" ( and some more text ). Could that this mean that she is actually into moving the past into the future?

I really think that i should send her one e-mail, in which i would explain what i feel. And that is, that looking in the past i really wish i could see her, everyplace i visit where we've been together makes me want to go with her once again, and every place where we've never been together makes me want to show it to her, cause i know she will understand. And so on... but i've done everything possible to get her back (and a little bit too much even). So i need to move on with my life - probably get a second job, get a new car, find a better apartment and so on - serios stuff. And i feel like letting her know that she is really the only one woman i've ever met that i would like to share it all with; but i just have to open a new page in my life. So, if she wants to be on that page, she can always call me. But now i have to move on.

From your point of view, does all of this make sense?

Guys,

It truly seems like you have abandoned me, since you already told me that Girl1 is not what i actually want. But i still have hopes for this forum, and for getting a piece of advice from you.

Because, here is what happened - please, someone listen to me and help me out.

Around christmas, i became a wuss and i started sending her more messages, and i even admited that i do love her. Her reactions were none, but a few days after Christmas, as i sent her a message that i'm "Thinking of you", she went mad and wrote me back that she is not thinking of me, she doesn't want anything between us, she does not feel the same for me anymore, she does not want to hear me, see me, nor do anything together and so on. It was a real mess. As i saw it, i turned into a total wuss and sent her like 20 messages, 30 sms's, 100 page e-mail and everything else. But at least i didn't insult her with anything, so that's good.

BUT WAIT!:

Just a few days later, in the New Year's eve, i tried to invite her to my party. She replied, that i do know she's not coming, and why the hell did i invite her at the first place? As i saw that, i went crazy and i called her at heme. She picked up the phone ...

At first, she remained silnet, but i begged her not to hang up on me. After that, she became a little mad, asking me what do i want from her. But i, again, asked her no to go mad, just to settle down and listen to me. And she did.

After that we talked for like 80 minutes. I even offered her to hang up earlier, but she was into the conversation, and she was listening to me with interest and understanding. As i brought some moments from the past, she admited that she is missing that too. She just told me that my messages had driven her mad, but she also said that right now in our phone call she is feeling OK. Then i promised her that i won't sent her a single message, nor even call her - i asked her to call me when and IF she feels it, because only then it would really make sense for the two of us to meet. She said she can't promise anything. I also explained her how i feel, how i've changed, i even shared about girl 2, and the fact that even she can't take girl 1 out of my mind.

Now i'm waiting, 6 days now, and i know i could wait 6000 if i have to. But, of course, at the same time, i miss her so much. What should i do?

And one last quick questions: Let's imagine that SOMEHOW i do meet her - and as it was posted before, this should be as friends. Bear in mind that basically she is not the fire, but more of the ice type; she has great heart, but rarely reveals it, and she needs time for everything, she needs to plan and feel comfident and sure about everything she possibly does.

A person like that might never turn the friendship state into anything else - and if i also act like friends, she might start feeling comfortable with that.

Of course, i do understand that i can't meet her for the first time after 8 months ane expect her to offer me a marriage. But i'm still afraid - if we ever get the chance to meet as griends, that would mean just talk, not even try to touch or hug her, don't talk about what it might have been and so on. But how such behaving would turn the things into the right direction so we could become something more over time?

Dude , nobody has abonded you. They have given you advice that you have chosen not to take.

Where has that got you, buy the looks of things in an even worse situation than you were in.

This behaviour isnt gonna get anywhere, I bet that you are neglecting a whole bunch of other things in your life worrying about this so much. These things can spiral out of control and before you know it you gonna have nothing...think about that and pull yourself together.

Riddler

Guys!

I have a meeting with GIRL1 TOMORROW! I need a fast and accurate piece of advice, please! Since the last phone conversation we had a few more; and she told me that she was kind of thinking about me; and she also felt bad when i told her stories of the summer with Girl 2; she told me that she feels "Strange" and would prefer if i don't share where i've been.

Sounds like something is alive in her; but how do i proceed now...!

I'm in true panic! I want to hold her, hug her, take her hand, but of course i can't. But what i CAN do?

You've said that the first meeting shall be on a coffee and as friends. And it is in a coffee place; in the evening; but how do i act, what is the best thing to do so i'll get the chance to see her again after this meeting?

I'm totally confused. How can i move the things from "Ok, i'll go on a meeting with you" to "I miss you, i want you, i love you" ?