I'm finally understanding (or more of admitting) that getting good with girls is not about learning what a bad boy or a reckless rake is like but rather programming myself into one. I realize I have always overlooked the 'programming' part. Transforming into one is a Big long process, that it can't happen with gaining knowledge and taking few occassional actions upon it. OK changing something that is built into me through years Is difficult. I also need to add one another term, that is 'deprogramming'. I happen to make slight changes that I achieve through the occasional actions and knowledge and forum. But they don't seem to last. I slowly happen to de program myself into the old habits again. And at some point, other side of me tells me Oh! you're just making whole lot of excuses for not taking action. I was at this club last time, and a girl came close to me and start dancing with her ass constantly bouncing infront of my penis but I didn't take any action. And I was thinking Hey this is not me. I can't just stand here and do nothing. Where are all the knowledge I've acquired gone. Later at my room, I was thinking I could have simply lifted up my two arms, put them on her waist and started moving with her. I thought I had atleast that much of confidence. But that was a fake identity I was holding. Maybe I don't have enough dedication? persistence? or is it about motivation? OR do I need some kind of a concrete game plan? Anybody any suggestions!
HardihoodMan, if you're spending 99% of your time alone (which, likewise for ME, is very EASY because I'm a hardcore INTROVERT at heart), that's what you practice and you get very GOOD AT IT. You're going to get very good at whatever you're practicing most throughout your day. So if you're in a quiet (not talking), relaxed state, you'll get very good at that and you'll have a lot of MOMENTUM behind it. So to basically change that, you need to be in situations around people A LOT, so that your brain can READJUST and program itself on its own. That means spending 3 hours a night, 3 days a week in a bar or club... even if it just means you'll stand and sit there all night. But keeping that up for MONTHS so that your brain can reprogram new habits. It takes real dedication of your time and consistency. Just like if you want to get muscles at the gym, you need to go for months, at least 3 times a week and be very consistent to reprogram the muscles. And you have to make it something that you MUST do NO MATTER WHAT, no matter how you're feeling, so that it becomes your new routine and your mind and body just accepts that it's going to happen. Because reading occasional material online and going out occasionally and casually isn't going to cut it. It's not enough to break out of what you're practicing most throughout your day... being quite, too comfortable, and passive. Oh yeah, and it will feel very uncomfortable at first, and quite possibly SUCK, but that's because your brain only likes what it does most and dislikes what it's not used to. So it's not necessarily an easy thing... but it is a NECESSARY thing. Here's some more tips about changing habits too 13 Things to Avoid When Changing Habits | zen habits
Thanks Jesse. I'm working on it. The Habit Change. 'think I need to put my plans on paper...haven't tried that before. Lot of things are explained in the zen-habits like half commitment, and consistency. It also says to stick with the forum, which I haven't been doing. Yeah, its really true that this brain doesn't like change. Even if it is changing to good. hmm...I see the only solution for me in reality is to go out there no matter how I feel or think and no matter what happens in the field. Not any other alternatives. OK I'll make sure I spend majority of the time through out the day for socializing and report here soon.
Hardiman do you have a wing man to push you or assist you ? someone you can hangout with in social places ?. There are "communities" all over the world now I am sure you can find someone to hangout with and push you.
Urmm FM, someone to push me? I have lot of friends to hang out with. I'm in a university so. I'm not sure exactly what you mean by wing man and some one who would push me. Like for example, today, we had a small party at the college. And one of my friends came to me unusually and said lets walk around and talk to some random girls. I was like hell yeah. I walked to some of the girls I'd talked before first and then my friend and I bumped into my friend's classmate. I introduced myself and hold her hand and pulled her close and asked her name and started talking but this friend of my mine seemed uncomfortable and just walked away. Hey! I called him. But he said something like go ahead and went away. Is he like what you say wing man or someone who would push me?
Maybe FM means contacting someone outside of your current social circle who is into meeting women... and you might have to meet a few people to find someone who is competent. If you find the right person, it can make going out more fun, although in subtle ways they can also hold you back if it's not the right person. Something to look into.
hmm...outside of circle (might mean none of my classmates, and some other friends I'm already hanging out with)...competent (contacting someone who is competently into meeting woman),...and the right person...OK...finding one such person, meeting him, and bringing him to the point when he is ready or interested in pushing me into it...Do I need pick up tips for that too
Does this mean he must be someone who looks after his concerns as well as cares about my concerns side by side. And maybe I need to do that to him too? This sounds like meeting a fresh new girl. OK I'll start searching for this type of guy too.
Yes Jesse has hit the hammer on the nail. Google is your friend see if you can find a community that is local in your area and maybe you can find a good wing man.
I am LMAO!...Hardi was told to find a wingman who was out of his circle of friends and he had to be good at picking-up women. (Hardis' responses were soo FUNNY!!!) This story reminds me of Tigers' response to having a wingman...Tiger didn't want someone to do this with him because it was sooo difficult to accomplish. What I do, Hardi, is create my own world of happiness. It seems I don't need people, but, I want people. FM did a GREAT job of picking-up women, all by himself. TM
Thats a point to be noted! What I believe is that sticking with a social circle though looks so social and IS fun...but a very bad idea if you're sticking with it long enough, in terms of getting good with girls...cause it didn't really make me a social person. Its like creating a comfort zone...especially when guys in the circle are zero in pick up. I'm better off living insecurely. I think I did far much better when I was a loner. Social circle just does the opposite of motivations. Atleast, that is what my experience is so far.
Hardi; I NEVER was a part of a Click or a well defined social circle. It seems like women are more prone to establish social networks (friends) with other women. It seems to be programmed into their genes. My belief is, Clicks and social circles are the same thing. In MOST cases, they tend to exclude other people who DO NOT think and behave like they do. There is a drawback to this type of thinking...people who can introduce different ideas and beliefs will be viewed as "different" and will NOT become a part of the Click. Here's, another thought that is TRUE in MOST cases. When a man is in a relationship with a woman, (BF, marriage, etc.), the man will talk to her about his personal problems, etc. But, he will NOT talk to male friends about the same subjects. Most women will talk to other women friends about her personal problems, etc. Hardi, we are a unique group of men, on this Forum. We want to improve our skills that our society has NOT taught us...leading a healthy lifestyle and being sexually confident. Almost ALL men lack sexual confidence. (This Forum has helped me, GREATLY, in many ways...I have learned to be NOT judgmental/critical of other people, (THANKS to Tiger and Jesse). In conclusion, it's going to be up to YOU to create your happiness. Doing the things that other people do and what you think our society tells YOU what to do, may NOT benefit you. TM
Hardihood, have you begun to put together some concrete steps or new habits that you plan to implement into your life ?
Yes, on papers. I'm focusing on day game for now, instead of Club. And get used to Cold approaches. I know you're going to say night club is better. But I think I'll stick to day game just for a few months. As I'm in university right now. Things are pretty tight...I mean the time as well as money. The routines are constantly changing. Sometimes we have classes at 10 pm in the evening and sometimes 8 am in the morning. And since its a university, it is a continuous supply of fresh girls, and many of them are single. Since, I'm focusing more on day games, I'm thinking of atleast 3 cold approaches a day daily (maybe 1 when I'm going to class, 1 when I'm going for lunch and 1 when I'm returning from class...just to keep the momentum up and make it equivalent to going club everyday, but, I haven't tried that so far. I'll try once and if I'm able to do 3 colds. I'll put that down on paper as a daily habit. I had skipped the vocal exercises (riffing, talking in neutral and breaking, etc) for a month. And I almost completely forgotten the importance of the voice..and also the straight chest out posture and other body languages. So i've put a reminder in my cell phone...three times a day...to stand against the wall straight and also remind myself to smile and talk with rapport. I do cardios and push ups and all daily...thinking of doing heavy. Planning on food habits before going for heavy. And I'm taking things one at a time...Cause it is said that it is almost impossible to change multiple habits at a time. Albert Einstein reports "If you do a particular thing for 15 minutes DAILY, you'll become an expert on it after 1 year"...Well how much of that is true...I'm experimenting it out...This time I'm taking things a bit lightly...cause I've failed alot and alot of times in the past trying change habits, and those past establishes a hesitating feeling whenever I make a new plan. So I'm taking it lightly but doing it REGULARLY. Also, I'm reading a book...The Cash flow Quadrant (by Robert T.Kiyosaki). Just started and already learnt so much. It states to seek freedom rather than security...he talks in financial terms and I take it also as in pick up terms. It has opened me into looking things a broader way. It also talks alot about how most of us, since our high school and college are being programmed to become controlled by others (I take it both in financial and pick up terms), and how limiting ourselves to college education lead us to wasting our life just working...and I'm still reading it.
Forgot to mention one another thing I'm trying out for the past 3 days and is awesome...I'm doing the riffing, rapport in front of the camera for 15 minutes everyday...and when replay the video...I find that I completely forget the tonality and after a period of time not so good posture and at the end I'm speaking way too fast...Also, talking infront of the camera somewhat gives the pressure close to approaching a girl...if not equivalent...haha I'll be an expert on it after a year.:thumbup:
Thanks, Hardi, for telling us what you are doing...you are doing a lot of things for yourself. That thing about freedom as opposed to security is something, I believe, what Jesse does. (Maybe, Jesse can elaborate on this subject.) For most of my life, I followed what our society told me what to do. It wasn't a happy life. TM
