Girl with a dead libido

Ok I heard all the rumours,

You're with a girl for a while and suddenly she turns...she doesn't want to have sex. First few months an insatiable sexual appetite to....

"Honey I have a head ache.."

Yeah well I didn't believe it, I thought it was petty gossip and uptight prudes that didn't put out in the first place and that this disgusting rumour doesn't exist or effect normal people.

Yep.... I caught the disease.

I really would rather go to sleep, or read a book and often roll over and say "no, not now.."

I really cant be bothered. Sex is too much effort and I would rather not. I am very content and satisfied with a cuddle. Nil sexual interest, yet I love my boyfriend more then anything. I have stronger feelings now then ever before, but I dont want sex.

WHAT IS THIS DISEASE AND WHERE DID IT COME FROM????

WHY???

This has been going on for a few months but I only became aware of it when my bf mentioned it. I had no idea that I had TRANSFORMED.

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! What am I to do?

Im one of THOSE women, those women that I used to mock,

I dont know whats wrong with me. Is this a hormonal thing that hits women after a certain time lapse?

Does it mean the spark/ passion has died in our relationship?

Is the problem with me or my boyfriend?

Does anyone know what to do in this situation???????

HELP!!!!! HELP!!

Crikey! I lost my mojo!!!!!!

Some quick things that I always think about when this happens to me...

1) Are you taking each other for granted? Every life has its routine...you shower every morning (I hope), cook for yourself, drive to work, etc...has he gone from being something outside of that routine, to something inside it?

2) How's the rest of your life going? Are you feeling asleep at the wheel? In a rut?

3) What do you want from a man? If you want to cuddle all the time and that's it, it seems like you're interested in comfort and validation. Did you do just lovey dovey things, or did you make friends with each other too and go out and do stuff?

4) Do you feel like he allows you to be yourself? One of the quickest chemistry killers is if you can't really be you in the presence of that person.

5) Cooking...if I remember right, you expressed a strong passion for cooking and how you like to mix it in with sex. Have you done that lately?

6) What IS making you feel passionate right now? If you can't answer with much, you need to open up more to life, not just him.

7) What made you so horny for him at first?

Hope one of these questions sticks and helps. All the best.

Thanks Karea,

Your thread does address the issue on many levels. Except your thread focus's on passion and thrills. Although thrills passion and sex are definately linked, we still have passion and thrills- just no sex.

He still gives me butterflies.

In some ways we have fallen into routine, but every weekend we go out try new things, go to different cities and have little adventures.

I know that now I am the one up, and tend to control all the "what we should do this weekend" I also tend to do all the romantic games, get little presents, I always cook dinner.

I have expressed to him that I'm annoyed that I seem to be putting in all the effort and he is just coming along for the ride. He is hopeless, doesnt really have a romantic/creative bone in his body, maybe this frustration is manifesting itself physically.

How can a girl, tell a guy to take more control and be a man without things blowing up terribly?

I want to buy him blisnosis, but dont know how he'll react. He doesn't like the fact I'm on the lounge. I've had bad experiences trying to tell other people about the lounge and getting them involved. Any suggestions here?

Cyrano made some interesting points which Im going to think about for a while then answer them all later.

as always thank you guys for your contribution

xx

I think I see a connection!

Was just reading your post on that butterflies thread, is this the kind of
thing your boyfriend does for you quite often? If it is I can understand
why you might've lost some of that sexual passion for him.

comes back to the old saying "no good deed goes unpunished", seems like
he may be giving too much power away, letting his sexual polarity
slip. Can't be sure exactly if this is what's happening in your relationship
but i've seen it happen far too many times with guys that like to be the
sweetheart and do nice romantic things for their girls.

Whereas the guys that live by the rule "never give your power
away" always seem to have girls passionatley horny and crazy for them
for as long as they want it to last.

Not that romance is a bad idea...it's just a slippery slope towards giving
your power away that ultimately leads to a loss of chemistry and sexual
passion. Can't say for certain but if he's always the romantic type and
doesn't do anything to challenge you or get your emotions boiling it's
probably the best idea explanation.

EDIT

Ok, just seen your post, so he's not romantic but he is giving his power
away by letting you do the driving. Masculinity supposed to take the lead,
he's losing his sexual polarity by letting you make the decisions.

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Yeah Pixi, its all subconscious.

The feminine cannot be free to act feminine, if the masculine does not be the masculine, therefore no chemistry. Hence the double edged sword of Feminism. It takes an enlightened masculine male to be able to balance the spheres of both gender to keep the chemistry, either that or the surrender of the female.

Hmmm all very interesting.

All this tends to go back to boys need to boys and girls need to be girls for passion to stay ignited.

OK, so it would be easy enough for me to act more like a girl, and give him more space to take the lead.....

But me stepping back doesn't mean he will actually take it.

Forgive me for believing the male ego is fragile and can be damaged easily, But I cant see a nice way of saying, " you need to be more masculine, please start acting more like a man because Im loosing sexual interest....."

OUch...

Maybe I'll do an experiment for a week and be a little bit more fragile and girly and see how he responds. See if a change in my attitude creates a change in him.

If you don't want to damage his fragile ego then cater to it...wrap it in a treat!

say something like "I love it when you do (X), it makes me so horny".

Just let him know what gets you turned on in that sexual sense.

Oh my god.....its so simple.

You are so smart!

Yep...guys are generally pretty dumb!!

Im going through the exact same situation with my LTR girlfriend of 4 years. she says she still has all the feelings of love but there is no lust. she loves to cuddle but not fuck, spend time together but not dirty talk. she says I am "too good at sex so she feels bad about doing or intiating anything becuase she will fall short of my expectations" we went from having sex a couple of times a day to a couple of times a week and then a couple of times a month. I have a personal rule that if a couple goes for more than a month with no sex something is going on. of course certain rules apply like if one person withing the couple is traveling but, if both people live under the same roof and theres no sex going on for more than a month then watch out.

my HB says that I put too much pressure on her and that I am too passionate.....LIIIIEEE, I have personally made sure I give her space and she herself has admited I rarely look for her sexually. when she gave me this excuse she corrected herself as this has happened in the past. I am pretty upfront and honest with her so I suggested maybe her passion for me is permanently gone. she says it is not that at all and she does not understand why her hormones are a fucking hybernation state. I wouldnt mind that at all as I will be happy either in a LTR or fucking around. I just dont like wasting my time and wouldnt want to waste hers. I already have a mental frame that I will not cheat on her so thats not an option. it.

from what I have heard on this thread so far, it seems she was the one up for a long time as I was the one always initiating sex. I really dont know what to do but to lay back sexually and analyse if I am at fault for what is happening. so far I am pretty sure I am not at fault.

any comments would be appreciated as you guys have way more experience with women that I do.

Thanks,

Thank you... will do..

Do something passionate and kinky. The issue for you is that the initial seduction is coming to an end and so you require to be reseduced (ever read Th Art of Seduction, all detailed in there. Classic book.)

The way to go for both of you is a daring and bold move. Remember that sex drive is a 2 way thing - if they aren't horny you will find yourself less horny. Do something passionate. Lithius, next time you are with her, act natural for about half an hour or an hour, just chatting etc. Then tell her to get up and come over here to see something. Turn her towards you, look her square in the eye then push her strongly (but not hard enough to hurt) up against a wall or a door or something kissing her with all that sexual passion and urge you have. Do this then quickly start undressing her. If you do this all right, the entire thing will overwhelm her and you will be able to about a minute later say "bend over I am going to fuck you" and it will all be good. The passion reignited after a good bit of slap and tickle, back to work. It may even be worth being slow and intimate before this occurs, so the ramp up is even greater.

People act on emotions and adrenaline. If done correctly you should be fine. And pixi, get yourself a pretty little dress on, wear no panties then go out for a drink with him and let him know you have nothing on. Make the tension build and give him some good times later. Tell him you want to be dominated. You are blessed and cursed with knowing about this stuff, so use it.

hope that helps guys,

O.M.

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