Hey guys, My main career was outsourced to India in 2006. After that I went to college for 4 years to learn a new career. At the end of my next to last semester I was dropped from the program. That semester I got 3 A's, 1 B, and 1 F (because I did not pass a clinic class due to one bad day where I got an extremely low score). It was 4 intense years down the drain. So I am persuing another self-employment career full-time that I have done for 20 years part-time. Its been going OK, but may take me many years to start producing a respectable income. Now that I am out of college (as of Dec 2010), I have a little more time for my personal life. The good news: I have been able to line up plenty of dates with attractive women (even though I am 59 yrs). The sad news: I still have not been able to generate attraction in women. After 1 or 2 dates, I am always dumped. I thought I had a sure thing with the last girl. After we traded phone numbers, she couldn't wait and she called me the next day. We dated that day. I waited two days to call her. She complained because she wanted me to call her the next day. So I decided to try something new and call her every other night. We had a second date. However, when I called tonight to set up a 3rd date, I was blown away to hear that she had lost interest in me. What really scares me, is that I have been trying to meet a new woman since Feb 2009 (2 1/2 years) with no success. They all lose interest in me. It blows my mind that I can date all these women that I would be thrilled to have, but none of them want to go for it. At least I am doing all that I can on my part. My weight is perfect. My height is 6'0". I work out with weights 2 times per week and have an excellent physique. This summer I bought eyelid cosmetic surgury. I saw an old female friend that I hadn't seen in years who said repeatedly that I looked great. I think I do look good for my age. But at this point in my life, for 2 and 1/2 years it has been impossible for me to generate chemistry with women. I feel like my love life is finished and will never return. It sure seem like women have the upper hand. That is why guys usually bribe women by paying for diners, entertainment, gifts, whatever. I think women know they have the upper hand and all the power. None of them are urgent to find a guy. All of them are picky and ready to drop a guy on the slightest whim. Anyway, that's how it is in my world these days. I wish I had a happier report. I almost made a post last week. At that time I was surging, because I had about 5 attractive women to date. Two of them are still interested, but I have only dated each of them 1 time. We'll see if I can get to a 3rd date.
Hi, Player; I'm sorry to read about all of your effort to complete college, just to end-up, getting rejected...sort-of sounds like your love-life. I am LEANING in the belief that you feel lousy about yourself...and the rejection of your school, further re-enforced your feelings about yourself. (I have been and many other men have been on your road. It's NOT a good feeling.) I have learned to NOT place soo much importance about myself on what other people think about me. My guess is, you are picking the WRONG women or you are showing poor masculine behavior. (My guess is, you feel depressed. Yeah, anyone would feel this way after what you have been through. The economics in todays' world, makes it, even, worse.) I have seen you, still, come back into the game of wanting to live your life the way it was meant for you to live...it's called, survival. From my experiences, the older I became, the more knowledgeable, happier and confident I became. I am seeing this in many older men/women who are teachers/mentors. I would recommend that you read the threads that I start. Knowledge and beliefs help a GREAT deal. Earl, Nigel and I have been talking about Body Language. This is where you will be friendly with everyone you meet. This mean, asking to shake the hands of women and asking to give them a HUG. This also means, shaking the hands of men...show RESPECT. You can read it at: What my baby cousin (re)taught me about game TM
Great to hear from you TM. Thank you for the reply. Yes. I just had to share my grief. I am not giving up. I do have fears about my age catching up with me and running out of time. What people think of me (Women's treatment of me) does affect my self-esteem, especially when I have had consistent feedback over a long period of time. Not good. It scares me and thoroughly baffles me that it has been 2 1/2 years since a woman has wanted to get involved with me. On the other hand, I was extremely busy with college for 2 of those years. Also, I have been getting one or two dates with some women that I am very attracted to. It seems like the women I have dated place tremendous value on their respectibility. They insist on meeting in public settings. All this doesn't give me much opportunity for touching. I have a good sense of humor, but lately I haven't been able to tap into it very well. I think I need to draw close and also pull back to leave women with a challenge (leave them wondering where I stand with them). I could stand to do a bit of screening to site some issues about them that give me pause. I also have been totally failing to bring in any sexual conversation. I have been at a loss about how to do it. But just recently I saw a lay report post by trevor4545 who spoke of "misinterpreting whatever she says as a sexual sexy." I like that. It gives me something specific to look for that can open sexual conversation and also add some humor. Next I'm going to read your post about body language. Great to hear from you. I'm happy you remember me.
Player; I am finding it difficult to say what I mean or want to say to you, in an effective way. For starters, if you feel lousy about yourself, (depressed), it will reflect in your appearance and how you behave. This is a big turn-off with women who have a good self-esteem of themselves. My belief is, you will attract women who DON'T have a high self-esteem. (My guess is, you are using dating sites to meet women. I have found that doing this is too time consuming/difficult/poor results. This will further re-enforce your poor feelings of yourself. If you are still using MeetUp.com, that MAY be a good idea. I NEVER felt comfortable with MeetUp. It's too much like being on a dating site. Too many of the people had some social/emotional problems.) What I am trying to say is, your negative beliefs about yourself NEED to be changed or removed. Our society has taught us some beliefs that DON'T help us to be happy and live our lives as we want to live them. (This is what Cognitive Behavioral Therapy does for people. But, almost ALL therapists will NOT cover areas that are about our sexuality and other areas that our mainstream society constantly tells us. If you can get some FREE therapy, that will be a start.) Being 59 does NOT mean you are at the end-of-the-road. You have many more years of having opportunities to enjoy life...20+? I was wondering if you could address to the school of giving you a second chance for you to get your degree. I was surprised they dumped you for failing one class. TM Note: I DO encourage you to meet women, face-to-face, and be friendly and HUG them. Many good feeling will occur..it's a healthy way of being human.
Why does it scare you? You get what you put in Player M... you bounce in for a month with field reports (which are fucking awesome by the way) and getting feedback, and seeing real improvements, and then drop out for 6 months. Your progress will simply be slow because you're not consistently putting into this, and so will your results. You spent 4 years in schools, only to fail the very last semester, so you didn't graduate. I think there's something going on there. Maybe you are subconsciously self-sabotaging yourself so that you prevent yourself from getting past the finish line. I don't mean to sound hard on you... you've done some great things in the past. But, certain things need to be pointed out. If you're not physically leading, physically touching... and you're not showing sexual intent... you simply will NOT get ANY girl. No matter how many dates you go on. Period. So that you haven't gotten laid is NOT a judgement on you by these girls. You're simply not turning them on. You're being too nice guy, too much seeking permission, too much neediness to be liked. All of these things can be fixed, you were making some GREAT progress before, but you're going to need to remain consistent man... keep it going and not dropping out of the scene for such long stretches of time.
Good to hear from you TM and Jessie. This is sure a great website where we can encourage each other, share tips, etc. Without this website I really don't have any other outlet to get this kind of feedback, support, or rapport. TM: I don't really use websites. In fact when I have tried to use a website I spend too much time and get absolutely no response. So I am meeting women in person. The good news is that I am finding plenty of attractive women that I am able to date. But the barrier for me is that I have not been able to get past one or two dates before they stop answering my calls. Jessie: I agree with you that touching is key! What I would like to do is get women to come to my house for dinner and to watch a movie. That would be a great setting for touch. Compared to my past, women now seem so paranoid and prudish! (Is it because they are older?) They will not invite me over to their house and they insist on meeting these public settings that are not conducive to touching or making out. If I could get more than a couple dates then maybe the woman would be comfortable enough to come to my home to dine and watch a movie. TM and Jessie: I liked TM's post that talked about the "melting hug." I think that approach just might break the ice and open their hearts. The Melting hug is something that might work on my dates who insist on dating in public settings. If there is not much opportunity to touch during the date, at least I might get that in when we depart. If there is no attraction, then touch awakens repulsion. I have had women dump me after I held hands or tried to kiss them. But that is a good thing. If a woman is not attracted then I don't want to keep wasting time with her. I still have one more woman who I find very attractive that still wants to date. I have dated her one time so far. Then she had visitors this past week. Yesterday I phoned. She did not pick up so I did not leave a message. I then had other calls from friends. Later she called. At age 59, I am grateful that I have been able to date some attractive women. I just hope I can break through this barrier and find someone that can stay with me longer than one or two dates.
That was a good post, Player. I would like to remind you that you have a choice of age ranges, with women. You can pick women from age 20+ to ???...it's YOUR choice. You are being too hard on yourself by saying you're scared or baffled about not being sexually involved with a woman for 2+ years. Many people go through droughts of non-sexual activity...it's normal for some people... I'm glad you are taking the initiative by HUGGING women. There MAY be a good chance that older women, (50+), could be prudish. It reflects their conservative up-bringing, beliefs and poor sexual relationships with their husbands or boyfriends... Choose, wisely! "I have had women dump me after I held hands or tried to kiss them". TM
Yes, I would think that it is very common for guys to go through a drought. But 2 and 1/2 years? (Of course, for most of that time I had no personal life due to college demands). So more realistically, the drought has been more like 6 months. But the scarry part is not getting past a 2nd date... Well I'll keep at it and see what happens now.
Update. I think I called her too much. I normally never do that. I handled that last call by backing off from her. I closed that conversation with something like, "Well, have a nice life." I didn't call her back. About 4 days later she called me back, but I didn't ask her out. Two days later she called me back and she asked if we could go out. Tonight we went out. Toward the end of that date I gave her that "MELTING HUG." I could tell she expected a routine brief hug, but I let the hug go on and on. I could feel her begin to melt in my arms. Then we sat in the dark. I caressed her and she responded by taking initiative to touch me. The barriers were broken down. She now felt comfortable with me and close to me.
Sounds great..Player. Women ask men to do silly things. :lol: HUGS do help in forming a BOND. HUG her when you meet and leave. A kiss on the forehead/cheek would be good. TM
I did not intend to keep adding to this post but some events have occurred that must be reported. I had my 3rd date. Things went well with her. We have good raport, a closer bond and "comfort," and we made plans for a 4th date! This last post is obviously a complete 100% turn around from how this post began. All of this occurring within a few weeks.
Awesome Player M! How about I move this to the LAY REPORTS section ? New Award Given: Lay Report Award
Your report was, EXCELLENT, Player. You were behaving like a gentleman, but, you were showing sexual attraction towards her. You took the initiative by asking permission to hug & kiss her and to go into the bedroom. She brought it to the next level. Communication between the two of you is very important. You both have boundaries. Defining them is going to be important the next time the two of you are intimate. I would recommend that they be better defined, prior to, being intimate. Sex does make us stupid. TM Note: Keep us informed about your progress. If you have any personal questions, you can PM, me.
The Comeback King:thumbup: Nice work dude, now you have more hot girls in your life. When she was worried about being "bad" you should not do ANYTHING to recognize that or validate it. The last thing you want is for her to feel guilty about being with YOU. Go the route of, "you're right, this is/was soo bad." "Omg, you feel so good, I can't believe we are doing this...so bad..." "Your right, this is naughty hehehe" I have my own problems with sex/escalation, but I have NEVER gotten a bad response from a little "ur nawty" reverse psychology. Plus, if she is still touching you, I wouldn't pay too much attention to any form of verbal resistance unless she is noticably uncomfortable.
