"I Can't Make Her Orgasm..."

Here's an article from, Alex Allman.
I like this guy and he has taught me a lot.

I have been meeting some women, I believe it's (2% - 5% of women) who have NEVER had an orgasm or CAN'T have an orgasm.
Alex describes some women as being, Pre-Orgasmic..in other words, they NEVER had an orgasm.

I believe that some women CAN'T have an orgasm. They can be described as having a Female Sexual Dysfunction. Some people think that the percentage of women with this problem is 43% - 80%! I think this percentage is VERY, incorrect. (I place the responsibility for her to have orgasms on her sex partner/s.)

Alex, mentions that the woman needs to be, first, comfortable with her body. In other words, experiment in masturbating and feeling it is a good thing to masturbate. Negative beliefs, like, it is wrong or shameful to masturbate will NOT let her experiment with her body.

I haven't been able to convince any woman to be orgasmic if she hasn't been orgasmic, to my knowledge. I know of 5 women, so far, who are NOT orgasmic. Women who are NOT orgasmic, I will, usually, avoid because they are NOT FUN to be with, sexually.

Here's Alexs' article:

"I Can't Make Her Orgasm..."
Wednesday, May 11, 2011 12:00 PM

THE ALLMAN REPORT:

One question from a man, and one
from a woman, on how to give her a great big
"O".

***QUESTION FROM A MAN***

hey,i have a question I have been with my GF for
a while now....but I can't make her orgasm. this
is the first time this has happened. i have been
reading the news letters like crazy to try and
find a new answer. all the old stuff that works
doesn't anymore!! please help me i just dont feel
i can pleasure her in bed!!!


>>>MY REPLY:

So, obviously, my first question is going to
be: "can she have an orgasm at all?"

If she can't have an orgasm at all, even when
she is masturbating, then she is pre-orgasmic,
and there are a lot of things you are going to
want to try, and a lot of steps you are going to
want to take to give her her first.

I'll give you 3 quickies right here:

1) Try a vibrator. It's a great tool to get
her past the hurdle of thinking she can't... and
once she's had her first, it will be easier to
repeat the trick, and eventually get rid of the
vibrator if you want to.

2) Give her this "mental tip": Tell her not to
"try hard" to come... concentration doesn't work,
she has to relax and surrender to it. It's more
like surfing than kayaking. The harder she pushes
the further away it will get.

3) Explore the possibility with her that she
IS having an orgasm, but that it's not very strong
yet. Sometimes it's easier to make the pleasure
she is already experiencing more intense than to
shoot for something she thinks she can't do.


Now... On the other hand...

If she CAN have an orgasm from masturbation,
but she just can't get there when you guys are
in bed together-- despite the fact that you think
you're doing all the right things...

...then the issue is probably not WHAT you are
"doing" at all.

Sex, by now, might be a high-pressure situation
for her, and she may already feel like a failure
because of this. So you might want to reframe it
completely.

Try setting aside a night where you tell her in
advance that the goal is NOT orgasm. Not for
either of you. But just a chance to explore
each other's bodies and find out what feels good.

She probably won't just suddenly come the first
time you do this. The object really is to learn
about each other's bodies... and to begin making
it safe for her to have sexual pleasure without
all the pressure.

Just explore what feels good and give each
other feedback.

When she gets that it's a safe and nonjudgmental
experience to just feel good feelings in bed with
you without having to "succeed" at anything, she'll
soon be able to come as easily with you as she can
by herself.


***QUESTION FROM A WOMAN***

hi Alex, your information is great and i love
hearing your tips, however i have tried many
things and i still cant seem to have an orgasm!
many of my friends say their first was while
masturbating, but that just doesn't turn me on at
all. do you have any advice?


>>>MY REPLY:

Relax. Many women are pre-orgasmic for years...

But the important thing to remember is that
many of those women (even women who were
frustrated and thought they would NEVER have an
orgasm) have learned the trick.

That means that YOU can too.

A lot of this stuff can be emotional, and make
no mistake, the right partner can go a long, long
way to making it happen for you...

If your partner has challenges or he is not
confident that he can give a pre-orgasmic woman
her first orgasm, he needs the information here.

But let's look at what you can do for yourself.

I'm going to give you 5 quick tips, but I'm
going to cheat a bit...

The first 3 tips are the same that I gave the
guy above whose girlfriend is also pre-orgasmic...

So re-read those first 3 and then...

4) I know you mentioned that you don't care for
masturbation, and that it doesn't turn you on...

But that MAY be part of the problem... Is it
possible that you have some issues with your own
body and whether it's "okay" for you to give
yourself pleasure?

A lot of women are conditioned to be "giving"
all the time and they feel guilt about "receiving"...
Especially "receiving" from themselves... They
feel like it's SELFISH.

It's not.

But for a woman who feels that way, me saying,
"it's not," is not going to suddenly change
everything. It's something that may take time to
grow past.

Get yourself a romance novel or some erotic
stories written for women... I recommend Nancy
Friday's book, "My Secret Garden" which is a
collection of other women's sexual fantasies.
(You can get it on Amazon or your local bookstore)

Getting turned on alone is an important thing
to be able to do...

Then try the vibrator.

Don't worry about "succeeding" at having an
orgasm... just see if you can get yourself really
turned on when you are alone... and have some
really delicious, sexual feelings coming from
touching your vagina and clitoris, with or
without the vibrator.

Consider the possibility that this could be
very self-nurturing, and maybe even really FUN.

In other words, focus on tip #2 and just relax.

"Trying" hard to have an orgasm does not work.

And now, just for you...

3) Find what feels great and keep doing it...

relax and stick with it...

don't stop even if it feels like you might
either (a) pee or (b) explode...

and breath in slow, long sighs (feel free to make
an ahhhhh noise on the exhale).

When I say "find what feels great" I mean...

- The PLACE where you touch that gives you the
most sexual arousal...

- The WAY that you touch it (where, with what
motion, how much pressure)

- The RHYTHM that builds the most sexual tension.

Once you find those three things that feel
the most sexually powerful to you... DO NOT
CHANGE ANYTHING!

There may be a very powerful urge to speed up
or slow down or go harder or softer or just stop
because of feelings that you might pee or explode...

Don't.

Just relax and breath and surf the pleasure.

Follow these 3 tips alone or with your partner
and don't worry about whether or not you have
an orgasm.

Just focus on enjoying the pleasure you are
getting and let yourself fall into it.

You'll be having your first orgasm in no time!

Thanks again for your email and your support.

For Passion,

Alex

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Your avatar....Hey Frosty cheeks!

David Shade is good as well.