Guys... I'm feeling pretty dejected right now. I need to grow a set of balls. When I think about the changes I've made in the last year and a half, they're substantial, but... every moment I'm out gaming, I feel like I need to man up and go for it. It's a feeling I just can't shake. And it's so elusive, I can't confront it. I'm never quite sure what it would mean to blast through my barriers in a situation because I've never done it before. I could wind up doing the right thing or I could do the very worst thing possible... so I do nothing. I find myself frequently screwing up perfect situations. Really attractive girls have been opening me recently... and I end up hurting them. Why do I act all goofy when I'm gaming women, but when women game me I act hard to get/disinterested? Should I screen/accept? Because negging and disqualification seem to be what's popping out of my mouth. In the last year and a half I've opened six hundred women... my sucess rate is pretty low and unchanging. I used to get fool's mate and now I reject fool's mate, feeling unhappy unless I've gamed my way into a woman... but even then, I feel like everything I'm trying to do would go better if I was more aggressive. So many times I'm gaming a woman and it's going well... but I feel like crap because I know I could be doing so much better. I've got no one to blame but myself. I seriously think I'm going a bit nuts. I'm willing to devote my entire life to PUA, but if I'm holding myself back every step of the way I'm going to go crazy. Even though I'm putting in so many man hours, my progress is so small. Two years ago, the thought of talking to a beautiful woman seemed impossible to me, now I can do it with only moderate anxiety. Now the thought of being physical with a woman is scary to me... I'm so scared of being that creepy guy. I feel like I've been that creepy guy my entire life (I haven't, but only because I was too scared of being that creepy guy to interact with people). Karea suggested recently I was ready for a bootcamp... what I didn't tell him was that I took a bootcamp not long ago and didn't get much out of it because something radical needs to change within me. I am just holding myself back. It feels like my successes are so small and my failures are so big. Guys, I feel like I'm at war with myself and it's tearing me apart. Any advice would be appreciated.