I need to grow a set of balls... don't know what to do...

Guys... I'm feeling pretty dejected right now. I need to grow a set of balls.

When I think about the changes I've made in the last year and a half, they're substantial, but... every moment I'm out gaming, I feel like I need to man up and go for it. It's a feeling I just can't shake. And it's so elusive, I can't confront it. I'm never quite sure what it would mean to blast through my barriers in a situation because I've never done it before. I could wind up doing the right thing or I could do the very worst thing possible... so I do nothing.

I find myself frequently screwing up perfect situations. Really attractive girls have been opening me recently... and I end up hurting them. Why do I act all goofy when I'm gaming women, but when women game me I act hard to get/disinterested? Should I screen/accept? Because negging and disqualification seem to be what's popping out of my mouth.

In the last year and a half I've opened six hundred women... my sucess rate is pretty low and unchanging. I used to get fool's mate and now I reject fool's mate, feeling unhappy unless I've gamed my way into a woman... but even then, I feel like everything I'm trying to do would go better if I was more aggressive. So many times I'm gaming a woman and it's going well... but I feel like crap because I know I could be doing so much better. I've got no one to blame but myself.

I seriously think I'm going a bit nuts. I'm willing to devote my entire life to PUA, but if I'm holding myself back every step of the way I'm going to go crazy.

Even though I'm putting in so many man hours, my progress is so small. Two years ago, the thought of talking to a beautiful woman seemed impossible to me, now I can do it with only moderate anxiety. Now the thought of being physical with a woman is scary to me... I'm so scared of being that creepy guy. I feel like I've been that creepy guy my entire life (I haven't, but only because I was too scared of being that creepy guy to interact with people).

Karea suggested recently I was ready for a bootcamp... what I didn't tell him was that I took a bootcamp not long ago and didn't get much out of it because something radical needs to change within me. I am just holding myself back. It feels like my successes are so small and my failures are so big.

Guys, I feel like I'm at war with myself and it's tearing me apart. Any advice would be appreciated.

Hi There!

I had the same thing, I have just come up to the six month mark and was
feeling pretty low. I went to Barcelona for a week, it was good, seeing the sea and mountains, it really built that powerful vbe that I had been looking for.

I have a lot of students and when you start out as a beginner, you can see progress every day. When people hit pre-intermediate or intermediate, the improvement is less visible (what happened to me). This also happens to people, albeit on a smaller scale, at the advanced stages, some of them feel the urgent need to revise everything they learned since day one - Losing the 'fun' element a the same time.

I think that 600 Approaches is certainly something you can say is an massive acheivement, I am on around 150 (My SP = avoiding mixed sets ) Also creating attraction is a really good attribute to have, a lot of people, do't have that in their arsenal.

Tommorrow, you could have the love of your life walking round the corner (not a fool's mate) and you have the skills to deal with that situation. That is something cool, because you never know what is around the corner.

Perhaps I misunderstand, to me I am taking the term fool's mate to mean the quickest possibile win.
So are you trying to say that you used to quickly succeed with women and now reject the women at first and then try to "game" your way back in or do you mean something else.

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It's like this: my great nights are few and far between and I'm still just as lonely and sexually frustrated as ever. I want these skills because I want to feel that I can get a girlfriend whenever I want one. It's been a year and a half and I'm still nowhere near that goal, and that's a pretty minor goal on the PUA mountain.

I find it hard to repeat the things I do well. I don't know why. I can see myself improving, and lately my improvements are so self-evident that I can't diminish them even in my foulest moods, but I can't help but shake the feeling that I'm holding myself back.

If I had the balls to approach EVERY hot set in the bar, I might jump ahead. If I had the guts to open mixed sets, I might jump ahead. If I could talk to someone and feel as though I'm in a position of power, I might jump ahead. If I cavemanned a woman after her attraction was obvious, I might jump ahead. Do you know how often I get a woman displaying such immediate and powerful attraction that it stuns me for a moment? EVERY NIGHT. Do you know how often I fuck it up and she disappears with a minute? EVERY TIME.

A good analogy would be joyriding in a car, careening all over the road. I don't know when I'm being attractive or not. The times I can tell I'm being attractive, I worry because whatever I'm doing that's attractive can disappear at any moment for reasons I won't understand.

To me fools mate is when a woman is attracted to me when I'm introverted. I didn't display any attractiveness, she was just drawn to a goodlooking, withdrawn guy. I don't feel good sleeping with a woman unless she's responding to the new, social, powerful me.

Right now... I'd say my 3 priorities are:

1. achieving PUA success
2. filmmaking
3. fitness

What if instead of rejecting woman you get fool's mate with you took that position of power you are in to caveman her and release some of that sexual frustration.

Part of the reason women are attracted to you when you are feeling introverted is because of what you have done when you are in "PUA" mode.

Your successes feel so small because you are choosing to find ways to discount your success.
Your failures feel so big because you are choosing to define success as getting a girlfriend; which is both out of your control and unrealistic (assuming by girlfriend you mean a woman you connect with on many levels) especially when you are sexually frustrated.

I feel that I was doing better around January time, in fact, I look at some of my sets from there, and I wish I could replicate the same thing now. I feel that I have gone a bit backwards since then, for the reason that you said "How could I get the same results every time?"

It was so good just being playful, I felt I had to get the same level every time, so I learned so many canned routines to make sure that level was consistant...... I forgot to be playful and turned into a social robot. This is something I have been looking to redress in the last two weeks; Forget the routines and go in with a 'sink or swim' mentality. I have a lot of routines in my subconcious, that I tap into when I am on state.

Its the same with 'form'. Its not linear. 2 steps forward and 3 back one week and 3 forward next week = net reuslt I'm ahead = The bigger picture.

Maybe, you feel like my student who has put himself in the lower class (when he should be advanced) for the third semester running because he wants to recap. He ends up frustrated because he is studing from the same text book.

He should be looking to 'sink or swim' at a higher level. I would go somewhere powerful, do one last recap and then come back, blow the whole thing open and put yourself into that video game-Auto Pilot. see what you can do.

Hoping it all works out, It will.

SmashB needs a good wingman

SmashBug

I'm glad that you put this thread up here, but I want you to focus on something for me.

You've set goals for yourself, that's great. But you haven't gotten specific with yourself on HOW you want to get there.

I second Shark's recommendation to get Tony Robbins. I also second Karea's recommendation to buy and read "Think and grow Rich" by Napoleon Hill.

Powerful stuff.

What if I were to tell you that you already possessed what it is that you want? I bet your tension would fall off immediately, you'd relax and you'd enjoy the moments that you have everywhere (family, friends, etc.) even when you weren't with your girlfriend.

Then when you went out to socialize you wouldn't be putting pressure on yourself to perform. Everything would be fun, even your "failures."

David Deangelo once told me that the big change came for him when he stopped "needing" women.

And one of the best ways to do this (IMO) is to find something that you enjoy that puts you around women, but isn't requiring you to "pick them up."

I think you can probably come up with plenty of examples on your own, but if you want some let me know. Just put a little thought into it.

And if you are intent on gaming women directly, find some guys that are just fun to be around and learn from them.

Hell, if you're looking for a bootcamp, come out to Japan and I'll give you one for free. You don't even have to open anybody, just watch me and you'll get a gut full of laughter. I always ask myself every time I go out to "game women", how much fun can I have tonight? What kind of ballsy, silly things can I pull on women? What kind of pranks can I play? It changes the perspective completely.

And lastly, be patient with yourself. You're doing great. Being a good PUA is not an EASY thing to learn for everyone. It is something that comes from patience and perserverance, as all excellence does.

As Jericho said in a previous post, "What you are seeking is also seeking you."

Success,

Av

good advice from others

1) the struggle is inner game/confidence not your outer moves
2) You are not nuts you seem to be a perfectionist and devoting your whole life to anything to acheive perfection can only lead to frustration. As others have said find other activities to mix in.
3) My advice is do a meditation routine before sarging, go out with the attitude that you just got out of bed with a georgeous woman after hrs of sex and then you are in this place sarging, who the hell cares if you get laid again, yet you are attractive because of that confidence.