Mullah Nasrudin

Discussion in 'Everything Off-Topic' started by bravefox, Mar 25, 2013.

  1. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    19.
    Mulla Nasrudin used to say: "Every man should have at least one wife, because there are somethings that just can't be blamed on the government."
  2. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
    19.
    Mulla Nasrudin's wife was in the hospital dying. Just before she passed away, she said to her husband who was sitting by the bedside, "Darling, I have only one regret as I pass on. I hate to leave you behind in all of your loneliness. I just want you to know that if you should ever want to remarry, you have my consent. Only, if you do, I wonder if you would promise me something." "Yes, Darling," said the Mulla.'what is it?" "Would you promise not to let your new wife wear my old clothes and remind you of me?" she asked. "WHY,CERTAINLY I WILL PROMISE YOU THAT," said Nasrudin. "I WOULDN'T THINK OF DOING SUCH A THING. BESIDES, ALL OF YOUR SUITS ARE TOO SMALL FOR FATIMA ANYWAY."
  3. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    20. Have You Ever Seen Me Before?

    Nasrudin walked into a store one day, and the owner greeted him.
    “Wait a second,” said Nasrudin. “Have you ever seen me before?”
    “Never,” said the man.
    “Then how do you know it was me?” replied Nasrudin.
  4. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    21. Nasrudin Almost Falls into a Lake

    One day, Nasrudin slipped and nearly fell into a lake, but was caught by a friend walking next to him.
    From then on, every time Nasrudin encountered the friend, the latter was sure to bring up the incident and make a big deal about it.
    After months passed and Nasrudin could take no more of this, he led the friend to the same lake, and, with clothes and shoes still on, deliberately jumped right into the water! As he lay in the water, he remarked to the friend, “Now I’m as wet as I would have been if you didn’t save me that day…so for goodness sake, please stop reminding me about it!“
  5. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]

    22.Lost Donkey​


    Nasrudin was looking for his lost donkey, and at the same time, he was graciously thanking God. A man saw him doing this, and inquired, “Why are you so grateful and happy—after all, you just lost your donkey.”
    Nasrudin replied, “I’m glad that I was not riding the donkey when he got lost. Otherwise, I’d be lost, too!“
  6. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    23. The Moving Friend​


    “Nasrudin,” a friend said one day, “I’m moving to another village. Can I have your ring? That way, I will remember you every time I look at it?”
    “Well,” replied Nasrudin, “you might lose the ring and then forget about me. How about I don’t give you a ring in the first place—that way, every time that you look at your finger and don’t see a ring, you’ll definitely remember me.”
  7. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    24. Sack of Vegetables​


    Nasrudin snuck into someone’s garden and began putting vegetable in his sack. The owner saw him and shouted, “What are you doing in my garden?”
    “The wind blew me here,” Nasrudin confidently responded.
    “That sounds like bull to me,” was the reply, “but let’s assume that the wind did blow you here. Now then, how can you explain how those vegetables were pulled out from my garden?”
    “Oh, that’s simple,” Nasrudin explained. “I had to grab them to stop myself from being thrown any further by the wind.”
    “Well,” the man continued, “then tell me this—how did the vegetables get in your sack?”
    “You know what,” Nasrudin said, “I was just standing here and wondering that same thing myself!“
  8. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    25. The Hole​


    Nasrudin was digging outside, and his neighbor asked him, “What are you working on?”
    “Well,” Nasrudin replied, “There’s a lot of excess dirt on the road, so I’m digging a hole to bury it in.”
    “But what are you going to do with the dirt that you ’re digging out of this new hole?” said the neighbor.
    “Hey,” Nasrudin replied, “I can’t attend to every single detail.”
  9. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    26. Mr. Know-It-All​


    In the middle of a chit-chat session with her friends, Nasrudin’s wife remarked, “My husband always acts like he knows everything.”
    Then as she and her friends discussed the matter, Nasrudin walked in asked the ladies what they were talking about.
    “Oh,” his wife said, “we were just talking about bread baking.”
    “Well,” Nasrudin replied, “then it is fitting that I entered the discussion. After all, I am one of the world’s greatest bread bakers.”
    “Oh really?” she replied as she rolled her eyes to her friends. “Well, I’m sure you are. But let me ask you one thing-and please don’t take this to mean I am doubting you in any way.”
    “What is it?” Nasrudin asked.
    “In all the years we’ve been married, how come I’ve never seen you bake so much as a single loaf of bread?” his wife said.
    “That’s easy to explain,” Nasrudin responded. “It’s just that the proper ingredients have never been together at the same time. When there is flour, there is no yeast. When there is yeast, there is no flour. And when there is both flour and yeast, I myself am not there.”
  10. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    27. The Cover Up

    A guest of Nasrudin rubbed his shoe on the floor while farting in order to cover the sound of the f.a.r.t.
    “’Twas clever of you to cover the sound with your shoe, “said Nasrudin, “but you also should have figured out a way to hide the smell.”
  11. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    28. Nasrudin Wants a Divorce

    Nasrudin went to the village judge and asked to be granted a divorce from his wife.
    But when the judge asked what her name was, Nasrudin replied, “I don’t know.”
    Greatly surprised to hear this, the latter asked, “Well how long have you been married to her?’
    “Five years,” said Nasrudin.
    The judge, now in a state of disbelief, had to ask once again.
    “Do you mean to tell me that after five year of marriage, you do not know your wife’s name?”
    “That is correct,” Nasrudin replied.
    “Why not?” asked the judge.
    “Because,” Nasrudin explained, “I did not have social relations with her.”
  12. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    29.
    Mulla Nasrudin was sitting under a tree chatting with a neighbour, when his boy came up the road carrying a chicken. "Where did you get that chicken?" Nasrudin asked his boy. "Stole it," said the boy. Mulla Nasrudin turned to his friend and said proudly, "THIS IS MY BOY. HE MAY STEAL, BUT HE WON'T LIE."
  13. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    30. Man Waits for an Hour​


    A local man was proclaiming that no one could trick him. Nasrudin heard this, and said to him one day, “Just wait here for a while, and I’ll figure out how to trick you.”
    The man waited and waited and waited. A merchant from a cross the street noticed him, and asked, “What are you waiting here for?”
    The man replied, “I’ve been waiting here for an hour, just to see if Nasrudin can trick me. He still hasn’t come back yet.”
    “Well then,” the merchant said, “it appears that you needn’t wait here any longer, for you’ve already been tricked.”
  14. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    News Delivery​


    “Nasrudin,” said the mayor, “Mrs. Shahrzad Rahman’s husband died today. Go tell her, but try to break the news gently. She is a very frail lady.”
    Nasrudin went to her house and knocked on the door.
    A frail lady answered.
    “Does Miss Shahrzad the widow live here?” asked Nasrudin.
    “My name is Shahrzad and I do live here,” the lady replied. “But I am not a widow.”
    “Well,” Nasrudin replied, “I’m willing to bet a hundred dollars that you are!“
  15. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    Bravo​


    Nasrudin went hunting with the village mayor. They found a turkey, and the mayor shot and missed it.
    “Bravo!“ Nasrudin shouted.
    The mayor angrily turned to him and said, “How dare you make fun of me!“
    “I wasn’t making fun of you,” Nasrudin replied. “I was saying bravo to the turkey!“
  16. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    Feud With the Donkey​


    One day, Nasrudin was standing in the street, and a donkey came behind him and kicked him in the rear, sending him flying in the air and hitting the ground.
    Several days later, Nasrudin spotted the same donkey secured to a tree by its owner, and he immediately picked up a stick and began beating it.
    The donkey’s owner noticed this, and yelled out, “Hey! What do you think you are doing to my donkey? Stop that immediately“
    “This has nothing to do with you,” Nasrudin answered. “It is between me and the donkey. He knows exactly why I am beating him.”
  17. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    Cold Day​


    It was a cold winter day, and a heavily dressed man noticed Nasrudin outside wearing very little clothing.
    “Mulla,” the man said, “tell me, how is it that I am wearing all these clothes and still feel a little cold, whereas you are barely wearing anything yet seem unaffected by the weather?”
    “Well,” replied Nasrudin, “I don’t have any more clothes, so I can’t afford to feel cold, whereas you have plenty of clothes, and thus have the liberty to feel cold.”
  18. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    [​IMG]
    Running and Singing

    Nasrudin was running and singing at the same time.
    As he passed by several people, one of them, greatly curious about Nasrudin’s rather bizarre behavior, decided to run after him and ask him about it.
    Nasrudin, however, did not seem to notice, and continued his singing jog as the other man followed.
    As they passed through another section of town, another man noticed the pair, and he too became so curious that he decided to chase along after them.
    A minute later, Nasrudin finally came to a stop, and his two followers also followed suit and stopped right next to him.
    After a few seconds of silence, the original follower finally
    *
    stopped, giving his follower a chance to pose his question to the Mulla.
    “Mulla Nasrudin,” the man said. “Why on earth were you running and singing?”
    Nasrudin replied, “Well, people always tell me that I have a beautiful voice when it is heard from a distance, so I now I want to hear it, too!“[​IMG]
  19. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    Son Searching For a Wife​


    Nasrudin, knowing his son was looking for a wife, asked him what type of wife he wanted.
    “One who is intelligent and expressive“ the latter replied.
    “OK,” replied Nasrudin, “I’ll help you find such a woman.”
    So as part of his plan, Nasrudin led his son to the town square. He then slapped his son in front of all the people and exclaimed, “This is what you get for doing exactly what I told you to do!“
    One young lady saw this and remarked, “Stop hitting him. How can you punish him for obeying what you said?”
    When the son heard this, he turned to his father and said, “She seems like the right woman for me—don’t you think so?”
    “Well,” replied Nasrudin, “she is certainly expressive and intelligent, but perhaps ther’e a woman out there who isan even better fit for you.”
    So Nasrudin led his son the neighboring area’s town square and repeated the same scene. This time, a young lady saw this and said, “Go ahead and hit him. Only a fool would follow orders so blindly.”
    When Nasrudin heard this, he said to his son, “The first woman, she was intelligent and expressive—but this woman is on an entirely higher level altogether. I think we’ve found your future wife.”
    [​IMG]
  20. bravefox

    bravefox Well-Known Member

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    The Moving Friend​


    “Nasrudin,” a friend said one day, “I’m moving to another village. Can I have your ring? That way, I will remember you every time I look at it?”
    “Well,” replied Nasrudin, “you might lose the ring and then forget about me. How about I don’t give you a ring in the first place—that way, every time that you look at your finger and don’t see a ring, you’ll definitely remember me.”