She's talking marriage and kids

like I said we don't really know much about you old fart so we could only analyze what you give us. After you describing your description in detail it seems your okay.

-Duo

Hey blue-

My gf brings up marriage and kids all the time too. It seems like this thread got pushed onto your insecurities (which may very well be true), but sometimes I find it helpful to share frames also. I was just reading part of Tony Robbins book at the suggestion of Karea and it is very deep but its fantastic. He says you need to model success to attain it, a point that often gets lost. And modeling frames of successful guys is really what game is all about.

I think it's also useful to view another perspective to the same exact situation. I remember thinking when going to meet my gf's parents for the first time -- man, I hate trying to impress parents. I just hate it. I don't want to have to be fake. And a good friend I talked to about this said, hey...you are the one interviewing her parents! You have to see if they would make good in-laws and if you'd like hanging out with them. Really switched my perspective on that one in a great way.

So, here's how I view it when my gf brings up marriage/kids:

It's a compliment. This girl genuinely loves me and has images of spending the rest of her life with me. I hold a very strong value for her. Basically, if your girl is NOT doing this and you've been dating a while, I'd say that maybe you should be worried. Kind of like if after a few dates your girl doesn't start pushing for exclusivity. Doesn't mean you have to do it, it means you CAN. It is power, and it's one of the deepest compliments a woman can give you.

My girl hints all the time about marriage and kids, in subtle girly ways. I just tell her I love her when she does. That's really all that this stuff means. If she says, hey let's go ring shopping, then I'd be like hold your horses. But mostly it's just an expression of the emotion "damn, I love you so much. I don't even know how to explain this feeling, but basically I want commit to you in every way I possibly could because that's how much I love you."

You set the course of the relationship. She's just saying that she could imagine sailing with you for a long time, captain.

I'm not saying this will work for you, but maybe it will allow your perspective to shift into something a little bit different.

~element

I just wanted to make a quick comment about this quote.

I used to think this way too. Karea and I have had long chats about this subject and he has a ton of great perspective on this issue also. Basically, if you feel this way, TELL HER, but tell her from a position of power and strength. Don't make the mistake of not telling her, thinking that if you do you will hold power over her. You just encourage her to do the same thing. Paradoxical, I know. But you're holding the relationship back.

Don't tell her like "please love me, please, I need you, I'll never be able to go on without you.". Tell her, "baby, you are amazing. I was at work today, and I really missed you." It will make her feel amazing, think about it. Doesn't it make you feel amazing when she tells you these things? Say, "I just got this image today like you are someone I might be able to spend the rest of my life with.". You just encourage her to open up. There are no contracts here, no laws to abide by. Just expressions of feelings, in the moment. Women love this stuff.

The problem is that men associate behaviors as good or bad. We say, don't buy women drinks, it's needy. Or don't buy gifts, it's needy. Problem is, that is completely wrong. It has nothing to do with your behavior, and everything to do with the emotion *behind* the behavior. Most guys buy women drinks or gifts to IMPRESS them. Point is, if you are a needy guy, then your behaviors probably express these needy emotions subconciously. But once you fix your internal belief system, it's fine to do these things from a position of strength and power. Not needy or desperate at all. In fact, very hot and a turn on to a woman. Being desperate is desperate.

We hold ourselves back from awesome relationships because we are too afraid to put it out there. Bluesky, you are the leader, end the bullshit games and just be real.

~element

Little Addition

Hi Bluesky,

There are many girls here in India, which even let you kiss if you are not committed to them , i also faced the same problem as you did , i asked the solution to my uncle ( only few years older than me ) my mom's brother, he told me to give a promise to her (promises are meant to be broken). And the key is to divert her mind away, set a educational or professional goal for her and tell her to achieve it before , or put in the lame reason of fate and destiny responsible for marriage and her not to worry about that at this stage, just make her believe that there is absolutely no one in this world eligible to get married with you ,other than her and she will never question you again.