The influence my father sometimes has on me

Last night I went to visit my parents. Dad was in one of his funny moods. I havent burned any bridges with my parents but I visit them less frequently then I use to.

Well one thing led to another and I got into some silly argument with my father. He lost his temper and started telling me how I must be mentally retarded. I asked him why. He started going on about how I should be married by now and have kids and how he spent years struggling for his kids and now they have achieved nothing in life for him.

He babbled on and on how he did exactly what his parents told him to go back to india and get married before coming back to the UK.

I stopped even saying anything as it was like throwing wood on a fire. The fire just burns more fiercely. Whilst he continued to shouting at at me from the top of his voice. He started telling me how people keep asking him why I am not married and settled down yet.

I kept my cool just looked at him. After nearly 45 minutes of him going on and on I just decided to leave the house and head back home. I felt hurt my what he had said. He really got to me. Yes I am 44 years old and women came very very late into my life. I am definitely not ready to settle down.

Has anyone else had to face this kind of thing from their parents ?

Thanks for taking the time to reply Jess.

Hes in his 70's and hes so stuck in his old ways it doesnt matter what I say or do. He always seem to find some clever come back that somehow finds a niche in my armour. I appreciate that my parents have done alot for me and really helped me during the difficult times growing up but that doesn't mean I owe them anything. Its like sometimes hes trying to emotionally black mail me. My younger brother says just ignore dad and agree with whatever he says. My sister even moved out because she got tired of living under his "control".

My father is not a bad person hes a very loving character but seems to want to control and everyone in the family and thinks that every member of the family owes him.

I did apologise to him but the moment I said you should respect what I want to do he got into one of his tantrums started babbling on about how him and mom helped me out during the bad times which is true and how I should respect that and start being normal and taking on responsibilities like getting married, having kids :thumbdown:.

Oh dear enough said like you will have to somehow distance myself more from them. I dont want to end up like my father.

Thanks again

FM;

I read your thread posted, above.

My guess is that it could be possible that your father thinks you and your siblings will NOT take-care of him and your mother when they become too old to take care of themselves. This has been a tradition in India. Parents are concerned about themselves being taken care of as they age.
This may be VERY important for him to think that this will happen. He is putting guilt-trips on you for not appearing to be appreciative of him and your mother for taking good care of you while growing-up.

NO one can be assured that their children or anyone else will take care of them during old age.

My best guess is for you to tell your parents that you will do everything possible to take care of them.
(If you do this in a convincing way, your father MAY back-off from being sooo controlling of your life.)

Because you are NOT married, you may be the only person who has the time to do this for your parents. (I did this for my mother for 10 years. My older brother and his wife took-over the responsibility after she went to the nursing home.)

TM

Note: I have read many stories about supplements that MAY have bad after-effects. Many of these supplements are backed by myths. Contaminates MAY be present that will NOT be good to you.

I actually bought this book back in November but I just found it way to isoteric to read if you get my drift. I am gonna have a proper read of it again.

Many thanks,

FM

FM;

My father died when I was young, sooo, I can't relate to you on this issue.

Because you found the book, Karea, recommended to be esoteric (you weren't able to understand it), may be a reflection of you NOT being ready to understand or relate to a different idea/belief.

My quest to better understand women has been a good Journey for me to take. Each woman that I meet, teaches me something.
Women are esoteric! :lol:

TM

Excellent point Karea. I dug the book out this evening will have a read of it tomorrow night thanks again.

Indeed TM women are esoteric true

I think if I read this book again it will probably make more sense to me a second time round take care my old friend.

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