Thanks Sandee for bringing this up Most people give up pretty quick because they really HATE those ups and downs they feel when the start out. - Girl gives attention = guy goes crazy, he's high as a kite. - Girl withdrawals, teases, flakes = guy crashes, gets depressed. - Girl returns a text out of blue = guy goes crazy again , super happy. That emotional rollercoaster is totally exhaustive and will drive you crazy. That's why most guys opt for exclusive relationships because they (believe) it provides for steadier emotional experiences. The problem though is that most guys are WILDLY emotionally reacting to every little thing the girls are doing. And their emotional state is based on whether the girls are giving them positive attention or not. That's bad, because the girls effectively have your state and you by the balls. At a whim, they can decide how you're going to feel that day. And that's unattractive to women, not to mention it will drive you nuts. The best is to draw your state from within and to be unaffected by what others are doing. You just laid had a threesome with two girls on the Swedish bikini volleyball team? You're cool and chill and feel good. A girl you liked blew you off? You're cool and chill and feel good. You got kicked out by the bouncer? You're cool and chill and feel good. Your just won the lotter? You're cool and chill and feel good. A girl throws her drink into your face? You're cool and chill and feel good. A girl LOVED your opener and is sucking your dick? You're cool and chill and feel good. Being emotionally unreactive in general, that's called "holding your frame". It will keep your sanity! And after all, it's the GIRLS that are supposed to be the emotionally reactive creatures, and be reacting to YOU with their emotions going all over the place!
Yeah, on the phone, chasing the girl can feel like rewarding her for her bad behavior and games. But the fact is that women LIKE to be chased. It validates their ego. And if they like you, they want to be chased. It's a good sign. Otherwise, if they thought you were a turd, you'd be getting zero response at all. So she WANTS you to win. She's testing to see if you'll give up quickly. If you give up quickly, it confirms to her you weren't truly "in love" and it wasn't meant to be. You just wanted her for quick sex and you didn't want to invest in the chase. If you want to get her, chase her hard. Get into the mindset that you'll chase this chick down to the ends of the earth if you have to. She'll feel your passion and be attracted to that. It won't always work in all cases... but giving up and saying "next" will guarantee nothing will happen. Also follow these texting tips. That way if she doesn't return your texts, you can just keep texting her without looking like you're needy for a response http://www.seductionscience.com/forum/vip-lounge/1113-basic-phone-texting-tips.html
You guys mention getting into the mindset of chasing a girl and doing anything to get with her.... I feel this mindset, but how do you differentiate between chasing her down or coming off as too desperate/needy? The girl I mentioned in a previous post, who I made out with, is giving me shit like flaking on plans etc... I have followed the basic text rules. However, I don't feel like she's worth "chasing to the end of the earth." I feel like that state is making me inadvertently seem needy (i.e txt her something playful-set up plans-she flakes.) How do you guys overcome this and stay the path? Sometimes I really puss-out in situations (cold approach, not taking things farther) but other times I get in a mood where I invite rejection and just mess with people/girls for my own amusement. I even told a girl who gave a less enthusiastic response that "if you're gonna reject me, you're gonna need to try alot harder than that ."
"That emotional rollercoaster is totally exhaustive and will drive you crazy." actually thats very true. is there a way to control such an emotional jumps.
This thread hits home with me. (1) Emotional roller coaster. Sandy Koufax, who I think was the greatest pitcher in baseball history, used to say that he learned not to get too high when things went well or too down when things went bad. He may well have had professional advice about this from the Los Angeles Dodger's baseball pyschologists. (2) I also tend to throw in the towel and give up when I get negative feedback. The past year, I also thought it would be good not to appear to be groveling at her feet. If a girl did not return my call, I called again a 2nd time. If she still did not return my 2nd call, then I have usually called back one more time to say, "I'm not like some guys who keep leaving unreturned messages. I have left you a couple messages and you haven't returned my call. If you want to keep in touch, then it's your turn to return my call. My phone number so you have it handy is xxx-xxx-xxxx." (By the way. It totally ticks me off that women seem to be so ambivalent about getting involved with guys. At least that has been the case in my world. I see women every day that I would love to get involved with, even some average looking ones. But I rarely, rarely, meet a woman that reacts like she wants to get involved as much as I do. Maybe this just has something to do with older women, because I know that some younger women do go crazy about wanting a guy. But it seems like older ones could care less--at least in my world.) Anyway, my message with the 3rd call did work in one case. The a girl eventually called me back. For a while after that she faithfully returned calls and took some initiative to keep in touch. But I have also had other girls who just never called back. Period. I may have lost out on them. I wonder if Jessie has a point here. I do have an Aunt who dated a guy that she wasn't so interested in. She tried to let him go, but he was very persistent to keep after her. She eventually married him. I have heard other stories like this. Of course, I don't think you should call too often. In almost all cases I have heard of, if a guy calls a woman incessantly, then she starts to lose some interest for him. I wish Jessie would elaborate on this issue some more. It is a very important issue. I may have lost a lot of good women by giving up after the third call.
Player; I am starting to believe that with the abundance of sex-talk on TV, with people in everyday situations talking about SEX and the amount of PORN it makes a person believe that there are a lot of people having SEX. My belief is to the contrary. Our society has NOT taught us how to enjoy sexual relationships, this includes simple healthy relationships, that are fulfilling. Yeah, a womans' emotions will confuse a man. I believe the emotions, in a woman, are due to, at how our society tells women about NOT being a slut. A man NEEDS to be persistent. It's too easy for a woman to ignore a man if he just calls her on the phone uses e-mail and text messages. TM
You can tell by how you feel internally. If you're thinking, "I hope this girl likes me... I'm sooo worried she doesn't like me. Is she thinking of me? Did I make a good impression? I'll just call her... to hear her voice... and whine a little" That's chasing and coming off as needy. But if your mindset is, "Fuck it, I want to call this chick because she's hot and I don't give a FUCK what anyone else thinks. I'm going to get this girl too because I'm the shit." That's chasing from the RIGHT place. Not giving a F what anyone cares and taking action is leadership and traits girls go crazy for, and they love being chased like that. You did NOT follow the rules then, as you're NOT supposed to set up plans over texting!!! That will make her flake!!! I like that one Persistence (being unreactive) in the face of unenthusiastic responses = hard attraction
That's not a good message to leave. I understand the idea is to challenge her and make her chase, or make yourself seem scarce, but it also sounds needy and reactive, and you get pissed off easily. Yeah, probably. You need to keep calling them, even if it's just once a month after the 3rd call.
Sandee, is this a girl you met face-to-face previously and got her number, OR is this an ONLINE girl that you've never actually met before?
It comes from an intense need to be liked by the girls. It comes from your emotions being dependent on the reactions you're getting in any given moment. So when a girl likes you, your state goes through the roof. When some other girl doesn't like you so much, your state crashes. That's a formula for making you an emotional mess. It also gives you intense approach anxiety because any walk-up/approach could make you feel like total SHIT if things don't go well. So you get really nervous, as you naturally want to avoid those bad emotions of the crash. Read this too, Wanting to Be Liked By Girls Doesnt Get You Laid
Wow! I like this reply from Jessie. I have seen this at dances. One guy ask a girl to dance but comes off as needy, desperate, nervous, and the girl rejects him. Then the next guy asks her to dance. She also rejects him, but the guy (rather than being needy or desperate) is more alpha about it. He doesn't take "no" for an answer. He takes her hand and starts pulling her up from her chair and just starts dancing with her (whether she likes it or not). At first she has a reluctance and a look on her face like "spare me, I don't want this." But three dances later you can see that she is totally into it and having great time. This 2nd guy is an example of persistence that is not needy but rather confident..."Come on... Come on.. You'll have fun!!" He doesn't give up. He is persistent with a confidence and maculine way about him. And he conquers her!
actually i really have approach anxiety but the weird part its not because i am afraid to get rejected but i am always worry about what to do next untill i read an article here or was it a post i am not really sure thats its really important to be in the moment. so am trying to work on that. a big thanks for everyone on this forum.
