Told my girlfriend about Seduction Science! Help!

After 8 months of being with my girlfriend, I decided it was time to tell her about my journey from AFC to PUA to getting into a relationship with her. I had been contemplating telling her for the last couple of months and decided to tell her yesterday. I think the whole PUA community is fascinating and intriguing and expected this kind of response from her. A response of intrigue and wanting to know more about how it changed my life.

Instead, I felt like it made her feel like I was a 'player' type and that our 'soulmate' connection may have been manipulated. After telling her, I felt a huge disconnect between us. She asked me to tell her how it worked. However, the more details I provided such as "lines" I might have used in the beginning of my journey the more I sensed she was finding a reason to devalue our relationship because of this new revelation.

I told her my only purpose in telling her was to share a life changing event in my life which ultimately led me to her. I explained DHV, DLV, negs, and some basic lines. She seemed interested but I felt each time I told her something she got more in her head. She said she felt like the image she had of me changed after telling her this. She said she knew I was good with understanding social dynamics, relationships, and a strong communicator but attaching the name 'PUA' to all of it made her feel weird. I didn't like this and felt disconnected from her.

We talked about this till the wee hours of the morning and finally had some understanding between each other. She planned to google pua and the game to find out more.

I told her not to tell her friends about this as this is something private for me and something I only share with those who I am really close to. She agreed.

How should I handle this from here on out? I wonder if she is also a little worried that she may lose me to another woman?

One more thing she asked me was if when we go out together to a nightclub if I want to "pickup" other girls? I explained to her that early on in our relationship I was torn because I missed the rush of opening a set and building attraction.

I don't know how much of this she really understands. Did I make a mistake in telling her? Open Pandora's box for myself?

-Bluesky

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Fuck man! I was thinking of Karea when I told my girl. I was thinking how he pulls it off so flawlessly. I figured it wouldn't be a big deal. I'm maintaining my alpha. I'm not becoming a pussy, but I just feel things between us are weird. On her end because she probably thinks this whole PUA is crazy bullshit/manipulation to fuck girls over and on my end because I feel like she doesn't understand me and thinks I'm into weird crazy PUA shit to manipulate girls into having sex.

Fucking A. I never knew all you guys kept quiet about this shit even when you were in LTRs.

Damn.

-Bluesky

I would have passed. You got way to specific with her.

I tell my number one a tip here and there so if the scenario comes about that some seasoned PUA comes along to talk with her, she'll know in the back of her mind:

1) I fuck her so good enough she'll find it too risky / missing a reward to go with another guy

2) I'd be indifferent if it happens, cause I can find 2 more girls in the mean time.

Your girl does NOT need to know the specific details about your past. You just killed a significant mystique about you.

Ouch!

I didn't think of this aspect of telling her. How the fuck does Karea get away with telling his girls and still keep his mystique?

Anyways. I need some advice now. What is the best way to handle things from here. The two of us unofficially live together at my place and are planning on moving in together in 2 months. I feel like I need some space to create some mystique again. What else can you guys suggest. I wish I would have discussed this in the forum before opening my mouth!

-Bluesky

Karea get's away with it because he doesn't do most of his fine work in the good ol U.S. of A.

Girls in this lovely neck of the woods view seduction to be much like manipulation; it's something man do to get girls to sleep with them. You've just reinforced that archetype in your girl's mind.

How to fix it? That's a tough one. You'll be struggling against a pretty strong cultural archetype here. I would suggest honesty. Tell her that you two share everything with each other, and you felt it was very important to share this too. Stress that you two share everything. (Honesty is a pretty good tool to let someone know they weren't being duped).

Another thing you might want to try doing is making her feel special. Tell her that you didn't bother trying any lines on her because you knew they wouldn't work.

What not to do:

a) Don't tell her that you would have sucked at social interactions if you hadn't found SS (this will only reinforce her image of you as a faker).

b) Don't ask her why she's upset about it.

c) Don't stress how important SS has been in your life. You want to trivialize it, not make it prominent.

AK

ps Live and learn. But we are here for a fucking reason right?

hmm, I've always been pretty open about this also but it's never been a big deal. I guess it all depends upon how you frame it...

To me seduction is less about learning to manipulate and lay girls, as it is about self improvement. She hears "pick up artist" and she hears the wrong thing. She hears the stereotypes that's come from her past not your take on it.

You talk about wanting to learn more about relationships, how to improve them, etc. it takes on another meaning. When I was an "AFC" I was a lousy lay, now I'm not and I'm on a quest to get even better. My last LTR while she hated me practicing # closing and eventually I had to stop, didn't complain at all when I was sharing and learning new sexual techniques. Or about learning from other guy's relationships and what pitfalls to avoid, or what is fun to do.

Karea can get away with talking about it because he's passionate about it and it's something he loves. Trying to find a way to improve a relationship and take it to the next level, whether it's meeting lots of girls or not, is something a girl will appreciate. Or helping other guys who are struggling with questions they can't find answers to themselves.

At least my take is you've got nothing to apologize about or worry about. You ended your marriage and found yourself in a place u didn't expect to be. Like a lot of us. It's a vulnerability, but throw into that it's not easy to find the right girl. Boku and I've joked (somewhat seriously) that a lot of these girls are nuts especially if you add "hot" into the equation. PU got easy for you from what I remember of your posts, why did you choose this girl? Let her know that but take this advice with a grain of salt, I'm not in the US either so beats me if there's somethign different entirely there.

I would agree with all of this ... if it wasn't for the fact that the girl is American.

It does make a big difference.

I do most of my gaming here, and I can tell you right now, I would never explain any of this stuff to a girl that was born in this country. However, I have no problem talking to latin girls about any of this.

It really has nothing to do with passion for something or lack there of.

AK

This is very true and this is something I explained to my girl. I'm starting to feel that at this point less is more. I've already said enough no need to give any more details and continue to talk about it.

You number closed women on a regular basis in front of your LTR? Was this for practice and thrill or because your LTR wanted to see you in action? I don't know if this would fly in my relationship. Did your LTR get turned on watching you number close other women and see that those women were attracted to you?

I'm definitely not apologizing for anything. I have nothing to apologize for. I wouldn't do it any differently now. Seduction/PUA saved my life. It significantly altered the path of my life and happiness in love of course but also in life and business. My whole way of being and viewing other people has dramatically shifted since finding Jesse's stuff.

I agree with you AK, however, I think non caucasian girls who have experience with other cultures may be a bit different. My girl was born here but she has a cultured upbringing. My girl is into spirituality, numerology, astrology, and self improvement to name a few. She is open minded in other words. I'm not saying things are perfect since telling her but I wouldn't compare my girl's thought process to the average hot girl born in the US.

I talked to her today and she did a little search online about PUA and said she came across acronyms. She was asking me about IOI and opening a 'set'. She wondered if there was something out there to help her girlfriends who can't seem to find a guy.

I do agree with Dc though. the mistake in telling her was removing my mystique. Something I didn't think about. Now my ability to understand women, social situations, and relationships is not my 'intelligence' as a man but a 'system'. This is the part that makes me question telling her.

Live and learn.

Thanks for the advice guys!

-Bluesky

Bravo Karea...

I couldn't have said it any better.

You've got a silver tongue.

Best,

Av

I think Tubby and I live on different planets. We don't seem to agree on anything. And no, I still don't agree with you in the least Tubby, but this isn't "Let's show everyone how smart AK is" time cause frankly, who gives a fuck about how smart I am.

So the first time I looked at this thread this morning I just skimmed most of the post, thought they were pretty good, and went about my business. Then I took a shower and this thought came to me: "This is nothing more then the Male Cosmo!!!!" I get all excited cause this would be the perfect way to marginalize the impact of this place on the dude's life (fuck, you could even call it Gosmo for guys cosmo; turn it into a joke). And what do I see? Tubby has the same damn thing posted!!!

Well, I guess Karea and I do think a like sometimes.

AK

grrrr

This kinda happened to me but it was a "surprise". My LTR found this site on my computer while I was at work and helped herself to reading most if not all of my posts.

It almost ended our relationship. I have no tolerance for "snooping" and I told her as much. She was acting all hurt and such until I explained it like this site is like a relationship she has with a girlfriend. I told her I would bet that I would be upset over some things said between her and her friend. She agreed, we all need some privacy, my life will never be a complete open book to any woman ever again.

If I find her doing something like that again, there will be no discussion. I think it was kind of innocent snooping, if there is such a thing, but it ended up causing DRAMA!!! I am allergic to drama.

This happened a few months ago and we had some serious words over it that lasted several weeks.

I think(hope) we have an understanding now.

I dunno if it helps but I'm a girl and I would totally defend this site. If she wants she can msg me and I'll explain it to her. Girl to girl, I could also tell her some similar sites for women. (but they suck, there is much better info and more importantly really special people in here. She needs to understand its not all about sex, its about self improvement)

I had a similar situation when I told my boyfriend about SS, but I told him as a "I want you to get involved and learn from here" He didnt take it well, I had to force him to look at it, I even offered my password so he could go on and ask questions. Then I realised he would read all my posts and I decided I like this secret world and realised if he was reading in here I would have no one to ask, so I turned selfish and kept it to myself.

But seriously if she is still concerned it might be comforting to know there are girls in here too. PM me if she wants my opinion.

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Well knowing there are girls here makes it look less like a sleazy boys club, and look more like a self improvement site....

You leave my ass out of it!