Where Have The Good Men Gone? Kay S. Hymowitz argues that too many men in their 20s are living in a new kind of extended adolescence. Below, you will see a brief excerpt of her article. You can read the full article at: Where Have the Good Men Gone? - WSJ.com. "I see it as an expression of our cultural uncertainty about the social role of men. It's been an almost universal rule of civilization that girls became women simply by reaching physical maturity, but boys had to pass a test. They needed to demonstrate courage, physical prowess or mastery of the necessary skills. The goal was to prove their competence as protectors and providers. Today, however, with women moving ahead in our advanced economy, husbands and fathers are now optional, and the qualities of character men once needed to play their roles—fortitude, stoicism, courage, fidelity—are obsolete, even a little embarrassing. Today's pre-adult male is like an actor in a drama in which he only knows what he shouldn't say. He has to compete in a fierce job market, but he can't act too bossy or self-confident. He should be sensitive but not paternalistic, smart but not cocky. To deepen his predicament, because he is single, his advisers and confidants are generally undomesticated guys just like him. (After reading this, I started laughing, because, it's soo TRUE!!!) Single men have never been civilization's most responsible actors; they continue to be more troubled and less successful than men who deliberately choose to become husbands and fathers. So we can be disgusted if some of them continue to live in rooms decorated with "Star Wars" posters and crushed beer cans and to treat women like disposable estrogen toys, but we shouldn't be surprised". TMs' Comment: Oh, shit!...She was describing me, almost, perfectly. Well, OK, I lived most of my life as a naive WIMP and I NEVER was married! I believe there is a lot of TRUTH in what she says. ..men are NOT growing-up. Some chose to take the single-life. I can see that, Jesse, is showing us there are other paths that we can take. I am providing info about healthy sexuality. I am happy with my life...why change-it! Well, my life CAN be better and that is the Journey I am on. TM
I am curious to see what Jesses' response will be. I see it as a symptom that permeates our society as being men. There are sooo many programed beliefs that we have that cause us to feel NOT good about ourselves. I use to drink, regularly. Now, I realize it was an effort to forget about my problems and waste my life-away. (I remember the difficulties you faced, Shark, when you moved to a new city.) Kay S. Hymowitz does a very good job of describing the problem, but, she offers NO solution. She is as lost as the men she is describing. I have found it important to have many mentors, men and women. I am aware that almost ALL men are NOT happy with their lives. So, I am aware that they will tell me or do things that are NOT good to emulate. TM
