Why Money and Good Looks Sabotage Your Success With Women

I got a letter here asking me, “Jesse, sometimes I think this would be so much easier if I was just better looking. I’m thinking of joining a gym and also focusing on my career for now. What do you think?”

Well, I bet you wish you were extremely good looking with the perfect pecs, big bicep guns, and flowing hair.

How much easier would it be to meet and win over hot girls?

Or perhaps extremely rich—if you drove a Mercedes convertible and lived in a big mansion on a hill with a private pool – imagine that!

Actually though, being good looking and rich is a curse… yes a CURSE, when it comes to getting good with women.

Here’s why – if you’re really good looking or rich, you never start the journey.

Good looking guys often have girls here and there fall into their laps. Same with rich guys.

There are women who are out looking for good looking guys and women looking for guys with a lot of money. These guys have it easier than your typical guy off the street.

But the thing is, the women that good looking and rich guys actually get are typically NOT the women of their own choosing.

Instead, women here and there tend to fall into their lap by chance, and because they are meeting some women, they have no real incentive to learn Natural game.

You know, the kind of advanced skillset that allows you to go into a nightclub, get a dozen phone numbers and make-out with the hottest woman in the club of YOUR choosing.

Rich and good looking guys, because they get *some* success from doing nothing, they’re nowhere near as successful as they could be, are nevertheless comfortable enough not to feel the raw drive to get really good at meeting the actual women of their choosing.

They’re not in hell, but they’re stuck in a comfortable purgatory.

So they never actually learn real game. Maybe they wish for more, wish for more choice, wish for more options, but they’re too comfortable where they are with the occasional woman that falls into their lap to really apply themselves to achieve real choice with women.

That’s why you can’t find too many rich or good looking guys out there who are really sharp with women in different social situations.

They almost all have serious holes in their game when it comes down to it, trying to compensate by bragging or with their looks, comfortable just dragging along being mediocre.

They are just comfortable enough so that they never have the real drive or incentive to go after the real prizes.

It is the same situation with extremely beautiful women- often their world experience and social skills are a little dull because they get everything they want without having to apply themselves or grow beyond childhood.

It can actually be a curse for a beautiful woman because she lacks the drive to develop her true potential as a human being.

So I say stop trying to clasp and cling to security in having looks or money. Besides taking up all of your time away from actually meeting women, if you were to achieve those goals you would only lose your edge and drag along comfortably but dully, rather than excelling.

A woman not of your real choosing, a woman after money and looks may fall into your lap, but you will not land your dream girls or be shaping your own destiny if you chase looks or money.

Instead, live insecurely so that you have the drive to develop your Natural game, so that you’re not relying on looks or money to slide you by, but so that you have the raw drive and hunger to work a club or bar and learn to pull the hottest girl out and collect 10 phone numbers any night it suits your fancy – and cross that finish line first.

Look, in the bigger picture of things you can make insecurity your biggest friend. While good looks and money will be your worst enemy.

So count your lack of looks or empty pockets as a true blessing, count them as your opportunity to become brilliant at this.

That’s why I created the 15 hour Nonverbal Sexual Mind Control program, so that just with your body language and voice you’ll be able to create hard attraction, DESPITE your age or looks.

Click on THIS link to download the program.


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  • im not rich more like broke but im known as a pretty boy or man now 39. i am usually proactive when i go out because im only 5 foot 6 so women say god yr short. this makes me work on my game alot more inner game and outer game and because im broke and live with my dad.

    i have had a few experiences meeting up with the hottest girl in the club. i met this one girl she was my dream girl, green piercing eyes, long black silky hair, beautiful athletic brown body with perfect tits. my mate dropped his pint when i introduced him. in my book she was a perfect 10. i have never seen a girl like it so i had to keep cool. at the end of the night we went outside to my car. it was a rusty old peugot banger and only 1 door opened and when i got outside the door of my car, the girl and her friends were standing around a porcshe. i said no this is my car and they looked horrified. They all got in my drivers door and we drove to her friends house and I knocked her doors in all night long!haha. next morning she starting asking questions like what yr 30 and dont have yr own house? what have you been doing? she was so into me the night before but now had lost all interest. well at least i can say i had a 10. alot of girls round here are money driven and they want security but its surprising if you can charm them make them laugh and you are prepared to get dumped the next day because you are still living with parents. Then its worth the lay. What i found was that even though i was with this girl in the club kissing her. blokes kept coming up to her trying touch her tits etc. I thought afterwards that it must be a nightmare keeping a girl like that. Lads were everywhere trying to grab her. I think you better off with a 8 or 9 that has personality traits like kid supportive caring. Most stunners I meet tend to not have this traits. Maybe i need to move to california where you more likely to get a 10 on the outside and a 10 on the inside.

  • I understand your point. 🙂 But I still don’t see why you’re making it an either or situation. I’m not talking about getting a car too impress girls. Or working really hard doing something you hate to get a car. You’re taking it out of context my man.

    For example, take a natural ladies man. Very confident. Always has gotten girls and always will. Very social. He simply CANNOT stand idle. He approaches without hesitation…etc. You get the idea. To say that giving him a nice car is all of a sudden going to weaken his game… is just silly.

    Anyways, I love your articles… didn’t mean to start a dumb argument. Keep rockin bro

  • Thanks for the response… We’ll just have to disagree.

    I understand the point you’re making regarding a car… it probably applies to most men , but to make it a blanket statement I think is shortsighted.

    However, if you want to have the belief that having a nicer car will weaken your game… obviously you have the right. All the best.

    • Actually, a nice car WILL weaken your game, in nearly 100% of the cases. It puts you into the mindset of IMPRESSING women. Buying a car to impress is subtle supplication – it’s putting women on a pedestal. Also, most guys become workaholics to get that nicer car, and they lose their free time. They become stressed out to pay the bills. A nice car will do nothing to open, approach, and attract the girl either, as a status symbol you can’t carry it with you in your shirt pocket. And when you finally DO get the girl to your nice car, it pegs you as “a provider” rather than a “bad boy” meaning that the girl will want to date you (no sex for 3 months) to become your longterm girlfriend, rather than just have sex right away.

      You’re far, far, FAR better off having a used car that speaks to your personality in some way or that is FUN. Like used, cheap convertible possibly. But having an expensive car will do nothing for you in terms of getting laid.

  • Jesse,

    I love your website. I read about 15 of your articles, and found A LOT of value in all of them… Anyone can benefit from your site. I don’t care how good your game is. You have a ton of wisdom and ability to SEE RIGHT THROUGH to the heart of attraction.

    But have you ever considered that maybe your beliefs are a little bit rooted in the belief that it’s spiritual/noble to be poor? That seems to be a common theme in your articles. I mean… do you have a nice car? And if not, do you really believe that having one would inhibit YOU from creating that REAL sense of attraction in a girl? Tell me if I’m wrong, but my intuition tells me it would not. And why do continually associate making a lot of money with unhappiness? Sure, the keeping up with jones lifestyle is pathetic. No doubt. Personally, I’m a successful Entrepreneur and would want nothing to do with that. (Been there done that many years ago.) But do you not believe it’s possible to have it ALL? A lot of money, a lot of free time, and the ability to create TRUE attraction in woman… And if not, why? Do you think people like Ashton Kutcher (as used as in example in one of your articles) *only* attracts gold diggers? Or what about Trump as another example? Sure, I bet they attract tons… But I think they also instill real attraction. WHO they are, is the reason they are where they are. They know they deserve abundance in every area of their life – or feel entitled as you refer to it – and that therefore manifests everything to them – including woman.

    So I don’t mean to be overly critical here – although I guess I am a being a little huh? haha Again, I LOVE your content. Seriously, keep rockin… I just am curious as to what your thoughts would be on that.

    • Robert, glad to hear you like the articles. Now to respond to some of your points.

      Yes, I do believe that having a nice car HURTS your game. Here I explain in this post:
      http://www.seductionscience.com/2011/nice-car-get-you-laid/

      As for money, if you have (free time + money) that’s great. If your case, it sounds like having money can work in your benefit.

      But most guys focus on making money at the expense of going out to meet girls, at the expense of free time. They grind it out in a job. That’s an inefficient way to get girls. Your free time is more important than more money, IF your goal is to get a lot of girls.

  • life is funny or not fair.Rock hudson had everything women love about a man and all the women in the world wanted to nail him,but he was a gay masculine man who didn`t like women and wasn`t attracted to women.

  • Goodlooks will make girls have an initial attraction to you,but it is brains,personality and knowing how to talk to them that makes them like you and fall in love with you and makes them want to stay with you forever.Also if you are a great lover and are a well hung stud that can sexually satisfy them they will be sexually attracted to you.If you are a very handsome guy without brains,power and influence only ugly girls will worship you and want you to be with them.The average looking guys with the brains and sense of humor and talking ability will get all the hot girls.A guy who is a stud or hunk is the complete package,he has the looks,the intelligence and muscular strong body and large cock and is built for loving beautifull women.Looking like a sex symbol is not enough to attract beautifull women,but most goodlooking guys want to be a sex symbol for the ladies thinking that is enough to seduce them.

  • First of all I want to say superb blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you don’t mind. I was curious to know how you center yourself and clear your thoughts before writing. I have had a tough time clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out. I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes tend to be wasted simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any ideas or tips? Cheers!

    • I’ve been writing so long, it’s just natural… so I’m not sure. I began writing at age 15… fiction books. Like 100s and 100s of pages. In my case, start at a younger age and just sheer practice. There are many sites out there though on the *psychology* behind writing lots of material quickly, you should do a search on the subject.

  • I agree with Jesse and a few others. I’m a successful entrepreneur under 30, and got lucky in the genetics dept. Since I had an advantage, it made me lazy and actually work less for the same results another less fortunate guy would receive. But it is actually the fact that this guy had to work 10x as hard to get the same results now, that will pay off better for him in the future. I had the same issue with my physical body – I could put on muscle very easily and do no cardio and look quite good while eating garbage (pizza, refined carbs)…but the guy who is a hard gainer learns more in his journey.

    The ones who have the head-starts(money/looks/naturals), either wake up to themselves and use the tools they have access to, to become superstars (and much more quickly) OR they get overtaken soon after by the ‘average’ guys who trained like number 2 to be number 1.

    Work on yourself first, before you chase women. Becoming a real man in all areas will magnetize them to you. Delayed satisfaction = discipline.

  • One big key to success with women, as with anything else in life, is simply to do things and go places which make a person happy, no small order, so initially the game shoulod be about finding the right setting, rather than the right prospect (which many pickup guides recommend- and let’s face it, hypothetically, any girl is the right “target), so instead, find a good place with many women, which can take wks of prospecting, just to find such a place, basically, find a few cool clubs, where the fun just naturally flows, cuz YOU CAN’T PICKUP GIRLS IN AN EMPTY BAR.

  • hello john, appreciate the response; but i was talking about the real thing as well. the concept applies to minor times as well as the big guns. at the end of the day everyone wants a quality girl and some people have way too many to choose from. if any of you guys are interested in reading about casanova’s method of charm, you can read about it in his memoirs. its a fun read about natural game which jesse keeps telling us to learn thoroughly: http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/c/casanova/c33m/
    cheers and regards, ~

  • hey dude,well as a matter of fact ma major problem and obstacle toward approaching and hving succes with women is my looks, i’m actually handsome and not pretty tall let’s say 5’7, so there r 2 things going on.first, as i’m handsome u know things r easy and i dnt strive and make efforts to be liked by girls and i dnt hv that kinda game wich other guyz less good looking have because they built it up by going to girls trying things out,and by the way who date better than me coz of that..second , as alot of girls say thay like tall boys,i just got it hammered in my head,and so in my head not being tall is an obstacle with women so unconsciously i kill ma self confidence i focus alot on being the perfect good looking guy,so i just procrastinate and thus i get nothing,. so yeah u r right, seekin good looks sabotages ur success with women, and makes u forget to build up the most importnt aspect wichh is an attractive personnality, and this is what iz happenin to me, i think that this video gives me an answer i been looking for, and makes me understand why i’m no so succesful with chicks.well i guess this will change for sure my approach and way of looking at things, i dn’t know but yeah i just feel it, thank you man!! if u got any comment or advice, i’d love to hear it.. cheers and keep up the good work

  • crock, true say but the girls the guys u are talking about don’t get model looking girls are girls who are 10s in personality and beauty, they get the 6’s or 7’s we are aiming for the big guns my friend not minor times. Its the challenge that does it for us any guy can get a girl but a quality girl is hard to get.

  • Hi Jesse,
    I beg to differ. I am not bad looking and my game is alright. Some of my friends are very good looking, financially established, and their game is solid too. Therefore they get girls of their choosing aaall the time. I mean, almost every time. If fellow students of the game observe carefully while playing the field that some people have really bad and unsophisticated game, but most good looking guys have their game down! and most of them didn’t even have to learn the game through books and stuff; they just acquired skills through natural practice and learned to figure out the loops through trial and error – they didn’t have to go seeking women the way we do. If I ever told my friends I read game tips they’ll laugh and mock me to oblivion. I have actually started to do better after I stopped reading game tips. lol.
    Women don’t like show offs, no matter how rich and successful you are; therefore most good-looking rich guys don’t come across as rich in the first glance, but they have a polished and happy-go-lucky personality which usually states that they are from a well to do family, or have financial security/abundance. i’m sorry but ppl should be more observant regards to their surroundings and male and female counterparts.

    • that’s funny; from my observations, 99% of good looking guys do NOT approach girls. they stand at the bar holding a drink, but more often they come with a SOCIAL CIRCLE and stick with their social circle. Most of them are already taken by a girl that chose THEM, not a girl of their choice, and they don’t go out.

      But I’m not disagreeing with you- if you’re an approach machine and good with your mouth, looks can help you. But most good looking guys it screws them up, they don’t get that far.

  • I am a classically good looking European style guy whose romantic life (15 years prior to learning Derek’s stuff couple years ago) was entirely like what Derek is saying. And I do believe that personality carries the day. A girl I have been seeing past couple of months constantly tells me how “hot” I am … but only when we first met did she ever say how good looking I am (her comment was that she decided to go out with me because I am a good “genetic specimen”). I never understood till recently that most girl comments that seem to be about a guy’s looks are really about a guy’s overall attractiveness (more about personality than looks). And I have had plenty of girls walk away from me from conversations so I know looks are not everything.

    Good looking guys who get involved in the Pick-Up Artist community have one key advantage – they can compare what they learn here with their experience (since they have it, unlike totally lost AFC guys) to filter out what works and what does not whenever we see contradictory advice in the community.

    • good looking guys don’t have certain limiting beliefs holding them back, like ‘how could a girl ever like me?’ or ‘I have nothing to offer’. But it does make them lazy on the flip side

  • Thanks for the advice. I got into a relationship with a girl and did not know she loves money, I spent so much really for her, called her all the sweet names in the world and finally she dumped me. She’s done this several times. Also she keeps secrets. I don’t know her.

    Now i need a new relationship. I have good looks but not so much loaded in the pocket- you know what i mean. I can’t seem to find the girl i want. How can i start again seeing i kinda don’t have the gift of going out of my way to talk and chat with ladies especially the one that suits my fancy?

  • This video struck a chord with me. It hit very close to home. What great insights Mr. Charger has! Growing up and being spoiled and given alot without doing anything for it can make you lazy, ungrateful and take things for granted. In the long run it leads to ruin. I had quite a few chances with women just falling into my lap during the years, but i would eventually blow it one way or the other. For years i regretted my behavior, of the missed chances, until i finally realized that you got to work for it to appreciate it. What you are given is often not appreciated. One must get ones own gifts as one enters adulthood. Jesse hits the mark on so many subjects and areas of human nature. One would think he’s a psychologist! 🙂 Bless you all…

  • hmmz…why would anyone want to become rich or good-looking? because he/she doesn’t feel worthy of other people. it’s really an ego issue. If he’d have that one thing, then maybe he would.
    That’s exactly what my problem is. Jesse doesn’t really have that kind of problems since he’s a good programmer, which is a rare skill and which should be enough to make him feel like he’s special. But not everyone has such a specialization (hehe…just realized the true meaning of the word: something that makes you special).
    I for one feel like a mediocre student and a mediocre cyclist, therefore I consider myself at best mediocre company. not even one of my skills is good enough to get me a sparetime job which actually uses the skill. In short, i’ve got nothing to brag about or to tell my friends about. ‘how was you day, tim?’ ‘uhm, good’ (translation: nothing worthy of your attention happened to me today). Just imagine how my answer would have been if I, for instance solved a really hard problem only a few others could solve, or got to the top of the hill first during training.

    • You’ve got to start developing yourself… hitting the gym, public speaking at toastmasters, learn an instrument, go to social parties and pride yourself on opening anyone. Something that you enjoy that you can also feel proud of.

  • Jesse , precisely this is happening with me , In past i have multiple gals to choose , to enjoy but after entered into the working life and become money making machine i lost everything in this front ,
    Jesse my lord help me out in this otherwise whole chram of life will gone ..

  • My story is that i am a good looking guy but thats all i was and i didn’t know how to attract the girls i like or even how to communicate with them in the attraction sort of way. i relied on looks alone which got girls interested in me at first but then i didn’t do anything to escalate or even to build attraction so they lost interest in me and that really got to me. i used to try and compete with other guys as in being better looking and dressing sharper just to get girls attention. because i thought girls like us guys are attracted to looks. but in reality its not looks but your personality that get girls hooked. i know you guys already know this but having incredible confidence with an unshakable mindset and great attraction skills e.g flirting, cocky comedy, push pull etc with kino escalation will get you the out come you need with any woman of your choice and thats all you need. And for guys who don’t know how to have an attractive personality then i recommend you buy Jesses course.

    • You guys are so lost in space its not even funny.Is this what guys are being taught now?In our social media reality/celebrity obsessed internet A.D.D society looks are important than ever.Women say size doesnt matter we know thats bs so just because a woman says looks don’t matter we believe them havent we learned our lesson.If a girl finds you attractive the what you say suddonly become more interesting to her (huh imagine that)she will find excuses to like you and convince herself its because of your personality.

    • @Jason: I agree that girls will find a reason to be attracted to attractive guys. But what exactly makes a guy attractive? You seem to think looks, which either means that you have little experience with women or that you don’t have the capacity to understand what REALLY makes a guy attractive.

      And, yes, I am good-looking. If looks were all that mattered, I wouldn’t be in the game.

  • Real game is when you are equal with the woman you are trying to win over, as in seeing her as your equal and not being afraid of her just because she is hot. when you can see woman as your equal, flirt with them get them laughing and escalate all naturally without any of your skill set being routine then can you truly say you have real game. BTW i was told that i a pretty boy by some of the hot girls iv dated and i believe having good looks is an asset to a man as it gives him instant social value.

    • yes, but if he doesn’t approach or go out, it will mean nothing. no matter how good looking you are, you have to take the lead. and most good looking guys won’t bother, they settle of “mediocre” results, because they can get a little for doing nothing

    • What if you suffer with Aspergers Syndrome, Social Anxiety, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Selective Mutism, Performance Anxiety kinds of illness’s it would make you hopeless with women because no matter how hard you try you would have to really struggle if you are not Rich or a Hunk. So can you pls write an article on it because seriously my situation is just hopeless.