Having super confidence with women is much like swimming.

Imagine you have never learned to swim and you jump into a deep swimming pool. The first thought that crosses your mind is that you’ll drown.

So what is the best course of action to take then once you’ve jump in the water?

If you feel fear and panic and start thrashing around, you’ll sink to the bottom and drown.

If you freak out and start screaming you’ll only gulp down water and drown.

If you go inside your head and start planning out which strokes you’ll try, it will be too late and you’ll drown.

But if you just relax and trust the water (have confidence), you’ll float.

There’s little difference between a swimmer and a non-swimmer. The swimmer has learned to trust the pool’s water (trust = confidence), while the non-swimmer has not.

The canned “techniques” or “routines” of swimming – the basic strokes – can be taught in an hour or two. That’s not what’s important though.

It’s that sense of fear and distrust of the water that is more difficult to let go of.

The non-swimmer feels fear, a panic that the pool is going to drown him. So of course the pool drowns him. His mind has created his own destiny.

The swimmer’s basic treading routine may be only slightly different from the non-swimmer’s panicked thrashing to stay afloat, but because the swimmer trusts the water and doesn’t fear it, he stays afloat.

It’s much the same in the party or nightclub. Your techniques and routines are not as important as simply trusting yourself and having 100% belief that you will not drown, that you will be okay if you just relax and trust yourself float.

But if doubt arises and you go inside your head and think, “How is this possible, why is this interaction going so well, what do I say next?” immediately you will start drowning.

If you go inside your head and start planning out what to say, or start second-guessing yourself, you will start drowning.

So just like the swimmer who trusts the water, trust and having 100% belief in yourself, or core-confidence,  is what’s most important in a party or club. Once you let go of the distrust, the panic, and the fear, you’ll see how easy it is to have great interactions with women.

And only once that foundation is set, do you want to start adding the advanced breast and butterfly strokes.

Out Of State?  Just Relax And Trust

If you just relax and allow yourself to simply be there without any goals or objectives, the negative feelings will slip away with a little time.

The negative feelings will flicker in your mind, try to attract you, try to make you resist them; but you don’t allow them any of your mind.

Instead, accept them.

Let go of trying to “change” your feelings.

Let go of “getting into state”.

Just be okay and present with the moment. Don’t try to wish anything were different or hold any goals or objectives. Let all of the goals and objectives go, let them go completely.

With a little time, once you feel relaxed, you’ll begin to feel a little happiness for no reason at all.

Can you begin to smile, for no reason at all? It may feel strange and unusual at first. Hell, you may look like a smiling goof, smiling at no one and nothing in particular, but can you smile for yourself, not to try to impress anyone, but so that you feel nice inside for YOURSELF?

Can you look into the sets of girls – the sets you were planning to approach but didn’t – and just feel HAPPY and JOY for them instead of feeling jealous or wanting to be in their sets?

Can you feel joy that at least the girls and other guys there are smiling and laughing and having fun, that someone in this poor world is smiling and laughing, and having fun? 🙂

My challenge to you is this: when you are “out of state”, stand there and have total acceptance of it. Don’t try to overcome the feelings, fight them, or get worked up about them. Just accept them.

Let go of your goals and objectives for the night. Forget about them. Let them go.

Then you’ll relax. Then you’ll start to have good feelings again. Think nice thoughts, feel deep joy for the others in the club, and put a big smile on your face at their happiness.

Feel good for no reason; feel good for the happiness of others. Meditate your feeling of joy from a 5, to a 6, to a 7, to an 8 or 9 or even a 10! :lol

Feeling the right feelings, and letting go of objectives is the first step to becoming a Natural.

Even if you leave the club not having approached girls, you were at least smiling and in state. You were making others feel awesome and giving others value and positivity just with your energy.

And when you’re starting out, that’s how you measure success.

Get Some BALLS With BALLS Beer! (Trusting In Your Actions)

Watch the video below…

You’re not trying to get the girl to like you. You’re not trying to impress her. By being unreactive and doing as you please, girls will naturally be attracted.

Like the video says, “To get what you want done – Get some balls.”

You’re not trying to get the girl to like you.  You’re not trying to impress her.  By being unreactive and doing as you please, girls will naturally be attracted.

Like the video says, “To get what you want done – Get some balls.”

No really, having confidence and “testicles of titanium” really comes down to having TRUST.

Super Confidence is TRUSTING that what you say is worthwhile no matter how silly or “stupid”.

Super Confidence is TRUSTING in your own actions of grabbing a girl, pulling her in, and pushing her away without second guessing yourself or waiting to see how she’ll react.

Super Confidence is TRUSTING that you’re attractive as a man for who you are and not instantly ejecting the first moment a girl shows a little resistance.

Super Confidence is TRUSTING that you’re a person of value and assuming attraction when you go up to a girl.

A man who TRUSTS in everything he does and wants to do doesn’t over think and over analyze everything.  He just ACTS.

To observers watching, they call that “confidence” and “having BALLS”.

But a man who holds back to “plays it safe” doesn’t trust himself or his value.  A man thinking of all his routines and tactics doesn’t trust that whatever he says inherently has value.  A man thinking about which set to open doesn’t trust the moment.

Unquestioning trust in your actions and your words is the best “tactic” you can possibly have.


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  • hey i don’t know if you still look at this, but I’m a full time student in my senior year as an electrical engineering major. My main problem is that i do not know any topics that i can start a conversation on. Like i ask them the usual stuff like about their day, and stuff but i feel like i have nothing “interesting” to talk about. I read these articles, and all my other readings are on educational stuff. I do not lack confidence knowing that there is not another guy like me. But my only problem is topics of conversation. any help on that?

  • Thank you for incouraging me to let go, and just persue what I’m, looking for in like, not bending to the will of others so they like me (:

  • Hilarious video , Trusting yourself is the very definition of confidence ! internalizing that and not wearing it with some huge gold chain or some huge chrome wheels or an expensive armani suit .

    Reminds me of my post “The definition of Swagger” –

  • That’s a pretty good post. Also, the video is hilarious LOL You’re absolutely right, every time there’s the slightest hint of doubt in what we do, we screw up. It’s only natural. Awesome post, man!

    • Guys don’t believe in themselves, that they are already ENOUGH, so they don’t act. It’s not their flaws that screw them up, but that they think that they have flaws that places them into inaction – and therefore passivity and unnatractiveness

  • I wrote a novel on this just now, but I’ll condense it. Practice is practice. Take the leap. Failure will still be a thrill. You’ll be proud you tried. Not trying is the worst. That said, location and timing are very important. i could write forever on this, but dont just use clubs. They generally suck. Make friends and get invited to parties. Get in shape. Make money and buy good clothes. Shower and shave. Dont waste your time on drugs. Some party is essential, Party life is a waste. You will see patterns in women, but dont hold it against them. The best looking women are generally cooler than good-looking women, but hard to find, because they shut themselves in. A 7 face with a 9 body is better than an 10 face with a 5 body. 10 faces are usually warped in the head. Tall girls get hit on less. You must control your emotions on some level or be destroyed. Positivity is an active goal, not automatic. Negativity will destroy you, no matter how gay you think that comment is. Being tough is internal, not external.

  • Hi there,
    Female perspective chiming in here. I first want to say that the swimming analogy is a decent one. I did learn to swim by just jumping in and swimming across the pool after watching the rest of the swim team try it. I didn’t do it well, but I made it. I also knew enough of the basics to stay up in the water: kick legs, use arms, breathe.

    I will be the first to admit that I have no idea what the male experience is like in approaching members of the opposite sex cold, but it is nice to know (judging from the topics and comments on this blog) that men appear to be just as uncertain about the whole process as women are.

    Nice post. I might add guys, relax, we like you, we want you around…float, don’t flounder…you’ll be fine…even if you flounder a little, if she’s quality, she’ll overlook the flounder and be impressed with the attempt.

  • Mattostar, I spent a few months learning Japanese… what a bitch of a language! Not too into Japanese girls myself though. How are things in Hungary though? I was there for a few days but don’t remember seeing any girls there during the daytime anyway.

  • so much better!! like 50cent says in the windowshopper,jesse things r so much better for me!!am feeling this sense of calm confidence while building sexual connections on phone with my new catch..then there was this time she was probably testing me, “you know i think your younger brother is way sharper than you?’ i was like like “you’ve just known that?i didnt know you are that slow,you suck!” she burst out laughing loud.i realised not accepting as part of your reality was the tool i used here and it worked like magic.dont allow any comment from a chic to dent you.there and then she told me she’s very much available for a date over the weekend…well..

  • if you listen to usher so “if i want to” that could get you in the right state. have a listen to it tell me what you think.

  • Hi Jesse,

    I really like that analogy of meeting women being just like leraning to swim, since both activities deal with the flow and are scary at first attempt.

    And yes the name of the game in both case is the ability to let go and just trust, which is simple but not easy since our natural ability tends to be in control of everything, we want to have that garanty we will not be rejected or we will not drawn in the case of swimming.

    My belief is that in every and each human being there’s multiple beings inside. These inner creatures are most of the time at fight of who’s gonna rule our inner world, and the fearful chap is almost the first one to show up everytime we are faced with uncertainty, Meeting women for AFC and Swimming for novices, are unfamilar territories.

    just behind him is the let-go-guy, the relaxed guy and once we give space for this one to step out we feel free in the mean time giving free acces to the confident guy to appear.

    The ability to let go has the power to sweep away any blocking belief we might have against our progression. This is where belief plays a major role. I expereinced it myself two weeks ago. I went out clubbing on my own, I had almost zero expectation inmy head that night, but I kept believing that I’m the Man, I’m the Ladiesman although without a lady (Lol), so once iside the joint I noticed that the club was not that crowded, but I could see lots of beautiful female faces going forth and back…After getting myself a drink, I just started enjoying the music and relaxing…Then came a great song I just went straight to the dancefloor and while dancing I noticed a group of girls, and one of them started to enjoy the way I was moving, without hesitation I made a sign with my fingers telling her to come, it was not like a forced command, but just like a natural thing to do, the girl resisted a looked a her friends without moving.

    So I kept the flow of dancing and having fun without being phased by her resistance, then the magic happened…She willingly came to me asking to have pic together, which I agreed, we took picture like lovers, I gave her a sweet kiss on the cheek and she seemed to enjoy it. And one by one each of her friends came to take a pic with me sensually wiht me kissing them; as a bonus all of them surrounded me so we took about four pictures ALLTOGETHER, me in the middle like Hugh Heffner of Playboy nwith his high profile girls…One of them even came to dance with me…And all the guys were looking at us like we were some hollywood stars…Neddless to say I was the most popular gut of the night…But I kept a low profile.

    All of this happened without me questiong my inner belief to attarct women, without me saying a word, just my belief that I was the man and I am the man. It seemed like a natural thing, it happened with the natural flow. Then guess what happened next…When I started to tell myself whether I should get their numbers or not, then I faced myself with indecision, so I decided to call it a night. My sticking point was my own limiting belief.

    I think a woman with a man is one of the most natural things that exist, it has become a problem because us humans we made that beautiful thing so complex, now it has becomed like a war. I think we should just love girls and girls are supposed to love us and that’s it. Its’ all about Love, Love and Love. Why do we fear the most beautiful thing that ever existed???

    Thanks Jesse for this wonderful lesson.

  • That is all about confidence. But how do you get confident? Practice, practice, practice. Just the way that a beginning swimmer becomes an experienced swimmer, it takes practice to be confident in meeting people.

    Find 2 or 3 ways that you are comfortble with. Set a goal to meet one new person everyday. Soon, you will become an expert at meeting new people.

  • that’s not how i learned to swim when i was a kid. no. we first had to use artificial stuff that would guarantee we would not drown. then we learned a swimming technique while still using the artificial stuff. only when we had a swimming technique, did they let us take the stuff of and swim ‘for real’. I still didn’t trust the water. I only learned to float much later. I think with PU you can do it the same way. you can first hide behind the routines and then you can learn to do it for real. Or you just stick with the routines. Most prefer to let go, because it’s better for the ego. same as with swimming really: the reason you hated using the artificial things was not because they kept you from getting the results you wanted. it was because some other guy could do without. of course you can also jump straight into the water and trust you won’t drown, or trust that the girl likes you and just go with it. there is always a shortcut. but that always takes guts.

  • Hello

    I’ve always had a problem with talking to beautiful women and at age 55 I still get the mental block and the tongue tied effect. When you go to a night club you’ll probably see me there holding up the wall or sitting by myself. I watch guys come into a club and right away they’re hitting it off with the ladies and that would make me feel very depressed and I’d think to myself way the hell I can’t do that? So, I’d go home never talking to any ladies that night and being mad with myself. I remember going to a crowded night club many years ago. I found an empty table to sit at and a little while later about three ladies came over to me and ask if they could sit there too of course I said yes and that was the end of it. I wouldn’t talked to them it was like they weren’t even there. I’d just watch the crowd and seeing others having a good time so after a while they would get up and leave or I would leave kicking myself in the butt all the way home for not doing what I planned to do and that’s picking up a beautiful lady and getting laid!!

  • Congrats Jesse! Fantastic new header image and tagline.
    and really appreciate your sharing your wisdom. 😉

  • Very powerful speech Jesse…It kind of filled me with lots of energy. Most of the time when we’re out in anight spot hunting high quality women, we tend to put too much pressure on our self by overfocusing on our objectives of the night then suddenly become tense and frustrated.

    And I think this idea of letting go is the right antidote to being out of state…Once we really let go we become free to act, to play, to enjoy the moment without any expectation at all, we just let things happen by not trying to control the outcome.

    Letting go does sound like a very simple or weak thing to do but once done right, it happens to be very Powerful.

    This speech is my motivational food of this week.