Let’s get down to how to move beyond approach anxiety. Picture this: you are out, say at a grocery store, and a beautiful woman walks down your aisle. I mean a stunner. The kind of woman who inspires sonnets and starts wars.
And she doesn’t notice you. She’s just shopping.
You stand there, stunned, scanning your mind for some way to talk to her. You run through all the ways it won’t work, how she’ll think you’re a jerk unless you can say just the perfect thing, but you CAN’T THINK because you’re so scared of SCREWING IT UP. You want to do something but you’re FROZEN.
And then she’s gone. All you got was a clean-up call on aisle 3 so no one slips in your drool.
Sound familiar? It should. It’s happened to EVERYONE at one time or another.
The fact that it’s happened shouldn’t embarrass you. But if you keep LETTING it happen, day after day, then you need to do something different. Because that ain’t gonna cut it.
Listen, those ladies have very active social lives. And guess what? They met everyone – including their various boyfriends – as a stranger. Ok, sure, your buddy Lucky is dating a 10 that his sister introduced him to. Goody for him.
You can’t count on that. Women that are sought-after don’t fall into your lap. If you don’t get proactive to be moving beyond approach anxiety, you have ZERO chance of ever being with someone like that. And if you’ve got an ADVANCED case of wussy-boy lockjaw, you won’t be able to meet ANYONE worth meeting regularly.
You’ll have to get used to your only best friend, your hand.
Let me tell you something interesting; most women are approached by men all the time, but many of the MOST beautiful women are LEFT ALONE. That’s right, guys are so intimidated by them they class themselves out the competition before it even begins. The 10s in the world are sometimes the loneliest ladies on the planet. They are dying for someone to say something interesting to them.
And you’re going to deny them? Time to be moving beyond approach anxiety. Because you’re scared of negative scenarios you thought up that are A THOUSAND TIMES WORSE than any real encounter between real people? How selfish.
The truth is most women will NOT think you are a jerk just for talking to them. They might not be available to talk – maybe they are in a hurry, maybe they have a jealous boyfriend, maybe their dog just died – but a woman will NOT be offended just because you want to talk.
Oh, she’ll know you are trying to pick her up. She’ll assume that just by EYE CONTACT when you notice her, or the way you lean in near her, or the way you are suddenly fascinated by the can of peas near where she’s standing.
You don’t have to approach her for her to assume you’re interested, you just have to notice her.
So, the gig is up, your cover is blown by virtue of the fact that you’re a man. If you keep your mouth shut, all you’re doing is telling her you’re a weak wussy-man with balls of jello that Hanz and Franz would like to pummel until you piss jello ball juice the rest of your life.
Though not in so many words.
So what’s a jello ball man to do to get balls that shoot lightening whenever they clank and rub their brass bravery together?
For starters – as we’ve said before – you can stop worrying about all the bad things that you think will happen and move beyond approach anxiety. They won’t. You have to basically TRY if you’re going to get slapped, and she’s not going to call you out in front of your friends.
About the WORST thing that can happen is she won’t be interested in talking and will give you a chill reception.
And that’s about TEN times less likely than you getting some sort of positive response. Even if she can’t talk or isn’t available for whatever reason, she’ll probably act sweet or appreciative anyway.
After all, you just paid her the compliment of ATTENTION. And almost everyone loves that.
If, on the other hand, she IS available, and you manage to avoid saying something insulting (trust me, it’s not hard to avoid), you are VERY likely to get a positive response.
8 thoughts on “How To Move Beyond Approach Anxiety”
Jess i love all your articles BUT you should bring some more articles on APPROACH ANXIETY..
Jess, the clip was GRRREAT !
But greater still is your article.
Making fun of real or imagined hardship is the absolute best way of beating it. Here’s a pearl of wisdom from the greats:
“I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: “O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.” And God granted it.”
– Voltaire. –
The painful fact is, however, Of Course you don’t have anything to come with in front of the lady if all you feel is anxiety.
Here’s a quickie:
Are you really glad to see her ?
Do you really feel that joy of seeing a girl that hot ?
You have something to bring to her !
There’s no greater compliment on the surface of this planet than the fact that someone is genuinely glad to be near you.
So, fill your heart with that feeling (that you already have, don’t you?), let it bring a honest, wide smile on your face, just walk up to her (remember, you now have joy inside, she adores joy, trust me on that) and say “Hi!”
If you wanna get original go with:
“I don’t know who you are but I feel such joy to see you. May I know who you are ?”
Or if you wanna get all macho go with:
(gently put your hands on her shoulders, she’ll be surprised, but hot girls are relatively confident so she won’t scream) and tell her:
“I just know you’re gonna like me, how about sharing a coffee at the mall cafeteria?
Public place – neutral – big happy smile – confident, 8 out of 10 self confident girls will say: “sure!”
That’s the biggest “oh, damn” of the guys:
“I’m not worthy”
If you feel honest, sincere joy to meet her, YOU’RE WORTHY !!!
That’s all girls really want. Good feelings. Enjoyment. And some orgasms.
Ye’ don’t need to be some Nietzche/Chippendales to keep her interested. Just keep feeling that joy and expressing it by some chit chat and she will feel good in your company.
Bad feelings are not worthy. Eject them like rotten potatoes. They don’t belong to you, you are holding on to them. Just drop them.
And when a woman feels good in your company, she’ll want more of your company. She wants joy. Are you honestly glad to see her ? That’s enough to begin with.
Of course that won’t work if all you see is a walking pussy. Women have a “creep radar” against that.
What she needs you to appreciate is her persona. Her character. The person behind the boobs.
Once you make her feel that her “self” is truly appreciated, she’ll want you around for a looong time.
That’s all people want: someone that enjoys them as they naturally are, with good and bad. Someone they can be themselves around. Freedom is the greatest gift.
Your good feeling about her is your friend, your food, your gift to her. You are worthy just for that.
If that good feeling does not exist it’s time to question your real intentions. I suspect the Red District in Amsterdam is what you’re looking for.
I’m not sorry to be blunt, but that’s just how it is.
She’ll LOVE you for being happy to be around her, she’ll reject you for just wanting some meat.
Now, have a spine and don’t cower.
Dignity is not only impressive, it’s REALLY attractive.
Cockyness may shine some young girls, but confident hotties will lough in your face.
They have no weapon against dignity, because there is no weapon against it. Only you can renounce it, but noone can take it from you, save God, perhaps.
Do you know the hidden message?
“If this man can be dignified in front of me, he can be dignified by my side.”
They WANT that !
Women don’t want playboys and they don’t want hard machos. They play with those.
They get serious with dignified men.
Serious means sincere feelings.
Beyond fun and games.
In that zone, she’s yours.
Well, since my two cents are getting dangerously close to a whole dollar and it’s 02:09 at night where I live, I sign out for now.
Be well, wink a lot !
Great addition Felix, thanks
The kid’s a natural!! It’s funny how as kid, I was similar and now as I’ve grown older, I self impose rules that mess me up. Time to break those rules. Great video!
Kids don’t have the social inhibitions or outcomes that adults do
Re. Dating Beautiful Women-
Be CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.
Marvellous video, cracking up here!