Most guys are going out motivated and driven by fear.
Anxiety about what the girls will think of them…
Frustration that they’re not making a girl fall in love…
Neediness for approval…
Desperation to control every aspect of the situation…
Head in the past about what might happen again…
Judging how hot a girl is or whether she looks approachable…
Fear about of the pain at what might go “wrong”…
All these emotions stem from FEAR, feels painful, and throws a negative energy to the girls. When fear is your driving force, you end up taking no action at all to avoid feeling pain. But that’s not really living.
You need to flip your script – and instead meet women coming from a place of LOVE.
Love is secret Ingredient X of pick-up… Happiness to be alive, whatever reactions you might get.
Gratitude at the opportunities, whatever girls might be there.
Dancing to the fun music, whatever sour face someone has.
Feeling Sexual by absorbing the sexual energy of the room.
Letting others eat the sushi platter of LOVE and good FEELINGS and your SMILE off your chest… giving FREELY and OPENLY to women and men and everyone in the room, expecting nothing in return.
Yes, you can feel happiness and fun and joy WITHOUT a hot girl on your arm and WITHOUT even speaking to anyone!
It seems impossible – how can you feel the party vibe and be smiling and dancing and happy and excited in a bar or club or party without having girls or friends around you?
Can’t you can play sports without a bench of cheering fans?
Can’t you sing walking along the street without an audience?
So why can’t you enjoy yourself at a party, singing, laughing, smiling, clapping, bopping, dancing… without a girl?
You may think you can only give out good energy and feel happy when there’s a girl there approving you, giving you validation.
But you could be sitting alone in your room, radiating great energy, like you’ve just won the lottery, feeling happy, for no particular reason.
Instead of motivated by fear, you can be giving feelings of LOVE like happiness and joy – giving gifts of smile and good energy freely to others with no expectations of something in return.
In the beginning it can feel unusual because you start thinking, “Um I’m feeling good for no reason… am I delusional??” because you’ve always been taught that you can only feel good when you buy new clothes or a girl smiles at you. You’ve been taught that you need outside validation to feel good inside.
But you can create happiness and joy and sexual energy and give out love-based feelings from within YOURSELF. That fantastic energy that you create on your own is the real power, the real source of capacity, and you’ll find that women near you will be suddenly drawn to you, suddenly grabbing for a piece of that magic you’ve found that remains so elusive to them.
When you’re feeling fear, nothing will seem to go right because you’re coming from the wrong place.
When you’re motivated by love – a love for women, a love for the moment, a love for life, a love for good feelings, a love for sharing your good feelings – just talk to any woman and she’ll feel happy for no reason at all.
Your state will draw her into state, and if your state is powerful enough it will overwhelm her and she’ll cling to you for more of it. What you’re giving her is a great gift.
So bring the deserts, bring the chocolate cake, bring the ice cream, bring the wine, bring the flowers to the party, bring the dancing, bring the celebration, bring it all from a place of Love – and people will want to join in YOUR party.
In addition, feeling a sense of Gratitude can really help you out with dating women.
Having “problems” is good. Imagine if you went to the gym and there were no weights there. How would you be able to grow stronger, better if there was no resistance to go up against?
If you have a sense of gratitude you’ll go to the gym and instead of thinking, “Oh man I have to do this” you’ll to say to yourself “Yes, resistance, now is the time to improve myself to get better to get healthier!”
Likewise, you go out to the club, you’re just not feeling it, you’re not in a good state… there’s no reason to sulk or feel negativity about the resistance, have some gratitude. Alright a challenge, resistance, the weights that will build my muscles, Yes, this is what life is about!
So where everyone else is feeling upset, you’ll be feeling inspiration, joy. :lol
With a sense of gratitude, meeting resistance in going out and attracting women is not a problem for you, instead you’ll be happy about the opportunity to try again.
Hell, because lots of famous people who have achieved “everything”, they have money and girls and a big house, well they’re extremely unhappy, addicted to drugs, or passive entertainments or addicted to getting validation and approval… and then there are other people who have very little and they seem to have to a lot of big problems and yet they’re quite happy.
And the difference is gratitude. Gratitude makes you wealthy right now, it allows you to flood yourself with good emotions. Gratitude means you’re no longer coming from a place of scarcity but a place of abundance and opportunity.
I’m out of state- oooh resistance– wait, this is an opportunity! I didn’t approach the girl… ooh resistance, another opportunity to get inspired to improve, to lift those weights… I didn’t follow through an interaction… resistance… perfect! That will just feed my drive further.
Or I could be whining, “Uh uh oho… life in unfair…”
See when you are grateful, you are rich. And when you’re ungrateful, no matter how much money you have or success with women you’ll feel like you have nothing in your life.
You have to realize that your average person today has a life greater than the greatest kings or Pharoahs at any time in human history. They didn’t have the level of cleanliness we have today, or the wide choice of foods, or the ability for a few hundred dollars to jump on an airplane and just be in some other part of the world a few hours later. Back then if you got sick they’d put some leeches on your body, and that’s if you were part of the upper class, and you’d often just get sicker and die. And if you lived a long life your teeth would certainly be rotted out.
So we do live in incredible times and we do have a lot of opportunities, in fact most of your challenges and struggles and maybe negativity you feel are simply the call to adventure, to act, to seize this resistance as an opportunity for inspiration and change.
One way you can express gratitude is just thank the situation around you. Yeah I don’t like my job, but I thank you for giving me this lesson I need to learn today. I thank you for giving me this resistance to push up against and become better. This girl didn’t give me her number… but I thank her for whatever lesson I needed to learn in this moment, I thank her for giving me the resistance I need to grow and become better.
So cultivate that sense of gratefulness, a sense of abundance, a sense of opportunity, and you’ll just be a happier person all around and girls will feel that. They will gravitate to that because they’ll be wondering… why is this guy so happy- is he rich, is he handsome, is he famous, what’s he got going on? And they’ll want a piece of it, they’ll want to be around you.
So make that change in your life today, cultivate that sense of gratitude.
50 thoughts on “How To Overcome Depression Over Girls”
After a. YearRelationship..my Fiance and I split up…on my 40th Birthday. I’m not too cool to admit.. I was Fucking Crushed. Yep.. I Crawled under a Rock and hid or 6 Months. Spent the next 6 Months getting my head on straight, putting my mind, life, career, and Body back at the top of my list and for my 41st Birthday.. I fucked the Hell out of A Hot little Asian 23 yr Old and she is Crazy About me. Sadly.. Love and a Serious Relationship isn’t what I’m after so her days are numbered…but I’ve noticed several Very Attractive Younger women coming on to me since they’ve seen me with her. Thanks to this site… I feel like a Kid in a Candy Shop. I’ll never let a woman get the best of me ever again. I’m an Awesome Mother Fucker…and I bet a lot of other testimonials reflect the same kind of confidence and accomplishment and most of all.. Redemption!! My ex calls and texts constantly..but strangely… I don’t ever have enough time to “hang out” with her anymore! 😉 I should tell her to stop..but the kid in me Loves living the Good Life and rubbing her nose in it every chance I get! Life is Good! Thanks Jesse! 🙂
Isn’t spiritual growth, thus radiating energy kill aggressive approach?
Its like trying to meditate while thinking of fucking a girl hard or loudly addressing to everybody in a club and feeling like a fucking man! Its fun talking about paradox, but how is this being good when its being bad at the same.
On one side you got radiance, energy and aura of happiness, love that draws attraction. On the other side you have primal need to mate, thus displaying alpha status infront of other women and men, to achieve feeling like a god. They both do merge into the final feeling of omni happiness but which way is better to follow, the buddhist one or the primal one?
Think of it as positivity then
Fucking is a art. It has various way of enjoyment.
i like girls
in my words , it pains to be alone and to pretend to be happy and take out the pain is rather theartric, i have always felt the same way , dressing up and feeling good and act and be my own Steve Segal, Wesly Snipes but if you trip it hurts like torture like a spy abducted under interogation tied head down wards and still you’ll be acting ,like Jonh Rambo conditioned to resist pain, but Derick always say it good, but the bottom line is my gfriend must also be my slut i have ref to a Nas Song Called the makings of a perferct bitch…
plase cont may mail id cont and your mobil no gave me
I like your style of writing.. Makes something otherwise really hard to explain in words make perfect sense.
I like your stlye.
I noticed this about myself last year and realised that if I am feeling anxious I end up projecting my anxiety on to the women I meet.
Before I head out, I think of the mood ~I want to project. If I feel that I’m too moody – watch a comedy to lighten my mood and go out with a spring in my step.
If I’m feeling waay too goofy and want to project a sexual but fun mood, I watch something slightly more sexual.
This was my mood is preset before I head out. Friends of mine are sometimes confused as to how I can project the mood.
Hope these insights help
I Touch therefore I am
I like your style of writing.. Makes something otherwise really hard to explain in words make perfect sense. I totally agree.
excellent analysis…yes many men are happy [me no exception] with validation from a woman but yes what u say is true that even without such a woman being around men shd feel happy by themselves bcos then their minds get conditioned and mind drives the body.
As usual, GREAT STUFF Jesse!
I believe you’re absolutely correct. You need to dig yourself if you want women to dig you, too. A concept I refer to as “Seducing yourself first” ~grin~ And as for how to get there, I always say: Fake It Til You Make It.
And the way to “make it,” for those of you wanting a script or whatever — that’s what Jesse’s “Blissnosis” program is for! Just GET it. The sooner you do, the sooner you’ll be happy you did.
Thanks for the recommendation man, appreciate it
Loved it! I was smiling all the way through your post!
And so true.
Sometimes the easiest way to meet women is to help a friend meet women.
Yeah good advice… teaching someone else can be the best way to learn for yourself
thanks for the advice. i was feeling pretty depressed today…37, single, no kids, feeling no purpose, former (current?) addict, buddhist…but with above average looks by most everyone’s standards. i’m my own worst enemy (wasn’t that a ‘lit’ song?). anyway, your blog made me stop and refocus for a minute. i need to quit self medicating, and choose to be happy with myself before i can be happy with anyone else. i’ve been in a several relationships with attractive women – mostly dancers, escorts, addicts, and/or codependent chicks. it sounds (and is) fun for a minute, but i’m in pain inside because i’m 37 and feel like the party is ending and i want (or need) to find a girl to provide me with the positive affirmations (and family?) that i so desire. although i’m employed and responsible (rent a nice apartment, own my 2004 vehicle, will be willed a home & money shortly), i still feel like a kid because i haven’t settled yet. but part of me doesn’t want to settle. i mean, i want to settle down, but i don’t want to just settle for anyone. i think i set my standards too high because i look for approval from everyone – i want everyone to perceive my girl to be the hottest, smartest, sluttiest 😉 around. anyway, i’m rambling… thanks for the enlightening blog post:)
Sounds like you need a “good girl” who can also be your slutty mistress. So you can settle and find some peace, but not miss out on the fun. I’m posting up more about blissnosis and getting more stuff ready
hey kev,,,i learned long ago that if i cut back on the alcohal a little bit it dose me better,,, ,i give the woman a couple more drinks 1 for me 3 for her
I’m the Community Manager for WooMe.com and I love your advice! I think you should come online and share some of it with our WOOers!!
careful, guys! I checked out this site and its a total SCAM. Don’t waste your time.
i like the movie and his way of reacting
I haven’t checked out this web much.
With your help and the forum I’ve certainly experienced a new level of life experiences with women over the the last three years. However I’ve been on abaout a 10 month hiatus with a gret little #1.
Now I have shifted my focus off the game and into working with this north American Indian medicine man. The guy is in his sixties and was given to a shaman at age twelve. It’s been a powerful experience.
Through this interaction I’ve been re-exposed to the concepts of universal power and sorcery. The bit above concerning gratitude for challenges was perfect for me today. As always, I wish you well.
My best to you,
Alaskanmana, long time no hear. To everyone else, this is a guy who goes a long waaay back on the VIP Lounge. Good to hear you found a little cuddle bug man.
Hey, Kev, never too late to start, man. John’s right, just recognize your edge, start liking yourself. I mean you can’t go natural if you despise yourself, the neg will bubble to the surface. You’re unique, you deserve to be happy, and there’s a woman out there, just waiting for you.
Jesse, thanks for sharing all these with us. You’ve been a big help, keep up the great job!
Thanks for the words of encouragement Manny
yo dude what u on about, white girls love Indian guys in the UK, they absolutely love em, the only ones that don’t are the BNP members and the chavz and black wannabes, trust my friend if anything u got an edge that makes it much easier for u. just try workin on ur natural game and learn to love urself for who u are, fuck what everyone else says, yo u even got a edge with Indian girls and i think me and you both know how hot they are down in the UK.
Jesse i am 45 years old and still a virgin i cry at night because i cant pull girls and all these young kids in there 20s can pull girls and slept with loads of women. I hate being indian.
Why did my fucking parents make me a fucking loser i hate this fucking world.
I am sorry i am drunk and crying
Come on man, pull yourself together… there’s plenty of resources here to turn it around I’ve know guys in their 50s with 20 year old girlfriends…
You should start by appreciating the small/ little things in life first.
Why do english girls hate indian guys ? I think once they sense i have an indian accent they think “oooh hes form a 3rd fucking world” and walk away. I dont know why english girls are so racist. I have opened 300 girls in england with direct openers and they just smile and say i am busy or i gotto run or i have to meet friends or thankyou for the compliment.
English white girls hate indian nationals game doesnt help
I hate this shit its doing my fucking head in
I have been reading your letters for a couple of months. Every time I had improved myself in relationships with women, but this advice is more than that. This advice helped me to find again something I have losted a long time ago…
I am talking about gratitude. I think that gratitude is a secret ingredient in everything in life that you do… If you aren’t grateful and happy with things that you do, don’t do it…
Thank you Derek
yeah, most people have too many rules about what it takes to be happy. if you’re happy with the moment, if you have gratitude as you put it, your day will be a lot better and women will feel attraction to that
Thanks Jesse… I needed your wisdom. I have a stupid tendency to blame myself when i “feel” that i missed an opportunity with a woman. (Let’s say one passes you in the street and they give a smile to you or give you a sign of some sort) I can’t count on my fingers how many times i dropped to ball to follow through on an interaction. And afterwards i’m just left with regret. But i guess if you spent your whole life chasing everyone who gives you a smile it would be stressful! It’s self-destructive. I feel the art of seduction is not only about being a natural, you become a better human being. You become a happier person because you become the person you’re meant to be. Thanks for your great videos. God Bless you… your friend always Peter
Hey Peter, that sense of regret and blame only further pulls you out of the happy state that attracts women. You’re not really chasing the smiles… you’re just being FREE to smile back and say hello. Being FREE to be yourself without social conditioning stifling. You’re not chasing them. And if you don’t respond it’s okay, no reason to beat yourself up. Be happy and make it your mission to make girls happy in return, don’t try to get anything from them.
I just climbed a mountain… and got a little sunburn. I’m grateful though… !
“The secret of attraction is to love yourself. Attractive people judge neither themselves nor others. They are open to gestures of love. They think about love, and express their love in every action. They know that love is not a mere sentiment, but the ultimate truth at the heart of the universe.”
-Deepak Chopra, Author-
Thanks so much Jesse
I have been going through a lot in the past few days…
and yes i’ve been “whining”…lol
Thanks for bringing me back to earth and to start thanking God for my situation now….
if not for his grace it could actually be worse
I am grateful that you gave that speech Today.
May the Goddesses be with you!!!
thanks for leaving a comment in my site. it’s been a while since i read something written by a bacchanalian.
That’s right John whether you listen to a piece of good music or watch a fun movie that make you feel good about yourself it’s a good start to get you in the right sate of mind.
yeah i agree with Jesse and Roland. i do something similar to Roland’s advice but instead of watching a movie i listen to music that makes me feel good and create my own movie in my head where im the star and i run the show. or you could try watching comedy that puts you in a good mood or remember something funny that happened before to you or your friend. you get the gist.
Like it ❗
What Jesse is actually saying is instead of waiting for someone to come along and make you feel good about yourself, you’ve got to be your own generator of your joy, happiness and good feeling. Because the positive vibe you’re gonna send from your state of being will make your interaction with women easier.
So it’s not up to Jesse to show you how to make yourself feel good because you already know it or you’ve got to figure it for yourself, you don’t really need no NLP trick to help you generate your own happiness.
Me for instance, I’ve seen the magic of what Jesse is saying here, in this thread, happened to me countless times in club environments. Although I go sarging most of the time on my own, I never said that I’m alone, and a couple of hours before hitting the club scene, I make sure I watch whether musical themed flick such as ” Staying Alive, Grease, Moonwalker”, or a comedy movie. This makes me feel great about myself and once I step in the spot, I associate myself with Travolta or Michael Jackson or Will Ferrel despite me being a Black African. So if there’s a song that moves me I just slip in my simulated persona then start having fun.
So it’s up to you and Jesse is just being helpful by reminding us that we have that POWER inside us.
… Have you been smoking weed lately Jesse? Lol, j/k.
So! How do we achieve this awesome, amazing feeling? Got an NLP script for us? If not, make one, you’re the one who’s achieving this greatness, you can make the script so we can run it too.
A script won’t bring you good feelings and positive energy- that’s up to you to infuse any script with