Overcoming approach anxiety can feel tough. Let me share with you a little secret about how all men’s brains, including yours, is wired when approaching woman.
Have you ever thought to yourself, WHY do I get nervous or anxious when approaching a woman? After all, if you approach 5 or 6 new women every day, if your love and sex life will explode. So why would you get nervous and anxious at all — seems like your brain isn’t doing what’s best for you does it?
Just take me, for example, some years ago.
One weekend I was at one of my friend’s parties. The place was packed with single girls. Yet when I saw a girl I liked, I would freeze up and this little voice in my head would tell me, “What if you screw up… maybe you shouldn’t do this… be careful!”
I just couldn’t get that little voice out of my head and I left the party after only an hour because I was getting frustrated with myself.
The answer lies in how humans evolved. For most of history, men and women lived in small groups of hunters and gatherers of no more than 100 individuals. If you made a move on ANY woman – and she rejected your advances – EVERYONE would know about it. And that would mean MASSIVE negative social proof with all of your potential mates. Because if one woman rejected you, you’d look like a loser to ALL of the other women you could mate with. You’d seriously jeopardize your ability to ever get laid again and have children.
So your shyness and nervousness is actually a DEFENSE to protect you from looking like a reject in the tribal setting, and that’s why overcoming approach anxiety can feel hard. And that’s why, that night at the party, I FROZE UP. After all, I believed that if I screwed my approach up with any girl, ALL the other girls would have seen me, destroying my chances with any of them.
However, in today’s world we DON’T live in small bands of hunters and gatherers. We DON’T have to worry about one rejection influencing all of the other women we know. In fact, in today’s world, when we have the opportunity to approach a woman, we’re COMPLETELY ANONYMOUS. We can screw up badly and there are ABSOLUTELY NO CONSEQUENCES!
So we’ve spent millions of years adapting to an environment where rejection from a girl could mean disastrous consequences – and only in the last few hundred years has the situation completely changed. In other words, what was once a useful strategy for being genetically successful, being cautious when approaching women, is no longer a successful genetic strategy at all!
In today’s modern society of anonymity, being nervous, shy, or cautious is DISASTROUS as far as getting women. Shyness is a computer program in your brain, evolved over millions of years, that is meant to help you and protect you — but now only hinders you. Times have changed, but your brain hasn’t.
After all, has it ever occurred to you that most women are as scared and as shy as you are? Do you think that a cat is worried about what the mouse is thinking or feeling just before he eats it? No. The cat lives in the moment; the cat’s not worried about where he was or what he was doing yesterday. Nor is the cat shy or scared. The cat is calm and focused. If the cat feels any fear, it’s felt as a rush of energy and only propels him forward.
So what if you were to see yourself as a cat, not worried about what the mouse thinks? What if you were to see fear not as a distress signal, but rather as a signal for you to experience a rush of relaxation and pleasure before you walk up and engage a woman in conversation? Let’s banish and transform that fear, let’s be overcoming approach anxiety, hesitation, and lack of action so that you will never miss another opportunity with a woman again.