One barrier that tends to stop a guys right in their tracks when it comes to meeting women, is their families.
Sometimes, our families and friends create negative social pressure on us to NOT go out to meet girls.
Or maybe they don’t feel you should be smiling so much, or working out, or standing like a champ, or being sociable.
You might have conservative parents who believe you just meet that one, right girl, and that you shouldn’t be out there meeting multiple women.
Or maybe your friends don’t like the idea of you going out and getting better with girls – and possibly leaving them behind.
And even if you aren’t still living in your parent’s house, social pressure and expectations may still haunt and influence you.
In a lot of cultures, maintaining good family relationships is a priority. Especially in Asian families and Indian families, it’s expected that you don’t cross your parents, that you are in harmony with the family at all times. There’s less pressure if you come from a European background, but the pressure is there too nonetheless.
And maintaining “harmonious family relationships” is another way of saying, you have to remain a CHUMP to fit in and meet family expectations of you.
And it may be that if you’re a guy who can’t let go and have fun in a party, or smile, or just be free with his body and feel unstifled – it can mean you still need to individuate yourself from your family programming.
And just about all guys who are “nice guys” have this problem, they haven’t individuated themselves from their family system and expectations.
If they were to act outside of the box, scream, shout, clap their hands, dance, they would feel stifled and boxed because that’s not how their family or parents, or siblings see them.
You Need Separateness From The Past
To succeed with women though, you have to individuate yourself from your family, individuate yourself from their chump culture, chump behavior, and chump expectations. You have to let go of having their complete approval. That’s what having your own identity means, that’s what being your own man means, that you can act independently and individually of your family culture.
Listen, your parents, no matter how old you are, probably have an expectation of what kind of girl they expect you to bring home. If the idea of bringing home a tall, tan, leggy, blonde to your parents causes you to pause, if the idea of bringing home that curvaceous, superstar Latina causes you to hesitate, then you’re playing by your parent’s rules that they expect you to be a CHUMP and fit into the family box.
You can always marry the “nice” homely girl and have a “nice” relationship with your family. Or you can stand up to your family, stand up to their boxed in expectations of you, and just start dating the hottest women, period, end of story.
Look at it this way. If you’re having trouble with sexual abundance and abundance of women in your life, your parents were bad teachers. They probably didn’t teach you anything, because they were clueless chumps when they grew up and had no one to show them. And there’s probably a culture of chumpness in your family and they expect you to be a chump too.
So if you start to suddenly date hot girls, especially if you have more then one girlfriend, or you’re not expecting to get married right away, it can cause friction.
In India there’s a caste system and whatever caste your family comes from, that’s where you are. There’s no mobility up or down. And if you try to jump up to the nobility caste through hard work or struggle, your own family will ostracize you. If you try to marry a girl from the nobility class, your family will shun you. You are expected to marry someone from your own caste.
And today, there is still an expectation that you will date girls who the family approves of, and that’s most likely a chump girl.
If you want the hottest girls though, you’re in effect jumping out of your caste system and your family can very well give you heat for it. Anywhere from downright and open disapproval to a more subtle social pressure of disapproval that isn’t spoken but is felt.
How to Date Hot Girls While You’re Living At Home With Your Parents
If you’re living at home, that is going to cause you the most pressure and problems if you want to meet hot women.
If you need to individuate yourself from the family culture, like becoming a more social person or going out regularly to meet girls, individuating yourself doesn’t mean fighting with your parents or being mean to them, or being antagonistic. Individualization doesn’t mean warfare with your family.
You need to set rules, you need to draw lines, but that doesn’t mean you need to burn bridges.
First of all, if you’re fighting with your family over your lifestyle of going out to meet girls, the energy is going to be too toxic for you to effectively meet girls.
You’ll be out and instead of feeling happy and good, you’re going to be weighed down with negative thoughts about your home situation. Fighting with your parents will be like an energy vampire that’s just going to tap all of your strength. And then you don’t really individuate yourself from them, rather your attention and your energy is just all wrapped up with theirs, but in a negative way.
So if you’re living at home, you can transform yourself and remain on good terms with your family. All you might need to do is a little distance from them, create some space, and sit down and talk to your parents about what support you need from them.
But when push comes to shove, the family has to come second. If your family is outright sabotaging you or trying to make you feel guilty about meeting girls and you’re living at home, you may need to move out.
First of all, when you’re on your own, many of the difficult experiences like paying your bills, paying the rent, having a job, cleaning up after yourself, are really blessings in disguise because they transform you into a man with responsibilities. With these tests, you’ll gain confidence that comes from being able to take care of yourself.
And that confidence and masculine maturity that comes with independence will come across to how you approach women.
Because as long as you live at home, that just sets the frame that you’re still a boy who is dependent on adults to take care of you. And as long as you’re in your parents house, in the end you’re subject to their rules as long as you live there. If they want to make your life miserable or sabotage you meeting girls, you’re limited in what you can do.
So look, if your family tries to emotionally cut you off for being yourself, that’s the way it has to be. It has to be you first.
You can’t let pressure from your family stand in the way of you getting the hottest girls in your life and living your dream and being the real you.
If you have the choice between being a chump who marries the first fat chick he has sex with, and “straining” the relationship his family, you have a moral obligation to “strain” the relationship.
Look, if you have negative family, its really no different than having negative friends who are bringing you down. If push comes to shove, you have to get space. Space emotionally or space in distance physically. But enough space that you are free to build up your own identity, free enough to individuate yourself from your family.
In other words, don’t sacrifice your future with beautiful women just for approval. Don’t sacrifice what you can achieve just to be liked. Don’t sacrifice hot girls just to fit into a mold or a family culture which is just a hypnosis pounded into your head. It’s not real, you can be anyone you want, you can build whatever identity you want for yourself.
You don’t have to be Joe who gets the nerdy Jane, you can be Joe who gets Lexi and Jessica. You have something down deep that says I AM WORTH IT.
Breaking From The Cultural Hypnosis
The key is to break away from the hypnosis of the culture, break away from this idea of fitting into the unspoken caste system you’ve been boxed into. As long as you buy into the culture of your perfectly nice, but chode family, you’re settling for a life where maybe you have approval and acceptance, but you’re not truly happy because you’re following someone else’s path, you’re not following your path that you know that you’re destined for.
If you like FAT chicks, or tall blondes, and the idea that your family wouldn’t 100% approve, and that sabotages you and holds you back, then you’ll be living a life lacking in passion and drive. And that’s where the majority of guys live, stuck in their box, stuck in their family caste system, and they never really had the guts to step out of.
At some point you need to be your own man, individuate yourself, give up your childhood attachments and childish expectations to your parents. If your family culture of chumpness hasn’t made you happy, then you have to walk away from it or create more space.
You need to know what you want from your life, and live it on your own terms. Don’t decide what’s best for you based on Mom or Dad, and what they would do, or what they would expect, or what would get you their approval, follow the path that would give you real fulfillment. Don’t settle on somebody else’s terms for something less than you’re worth.