Most guys act like “boys” in the bedroom.
They let the woman lead.
They wait for her to give “signals” to start.
They seek her permission before doing anything.
They are timid and tepid about trying anything new.
They look for acceptance and approval before acting.
But women aren’t attracted to well-trained boys. Women want an independent MAN who is sexually dominant and leads her despite what she might think.
A boy with all the memorized techniques and positions is still just a boy if he lacks sexual dominance and leadership.
But in a dance, two people cannot lead. One takes over, sweeping the other along.
Great sex is not egalitarian either. It’s not a harmonic convergence. Holding back out of fear or offending or thinking it correct to share in power is a recipe for disaster.
YOU are the leader in the bedroom.
YOU are responsible for how good the sex is.
YOU lead women and you create the passion in them.
YOU create the reality.
If you’re passionate, she becomes passionate.
If you’re excited, she becomes excited.
If you’re relaxed about your body and sexuality, she’ll be relaxed about her body and sexuality.
If the woman resists, don’t feel guilty or insecure. Push through. Be relentless. Take what you want.
Deep down she wants to be taken.
Never feel guilty and make no apologies for your sexual desires as a man.
Take risks. Be a man of action. Don’t ask, just do.
Console yourself with the thought that the woman who surrenders to a strong Bull in the bedroom does so willingly and happily… her pleasure is often greater than yours.
If you’re acting like a Wuss in your relationship, it’s the FIRST thing that needs to be fixed for even the most basic sex techniques to have effect.
If you don’t have a backbone as a man, if you’re always “supplicating” to the woman you’re with, then she won’t respect you enough to even give you a chance to try new things in the bedroom.
What is a Wuss?
When you put yourself in humiliating positions, when you display to the woman that you can’t live without her, when you continually put yourself in a position of submission, when you beg and paw at her for sex, when you cave to her every whim no matter how inconvenient it is to you, then you’re being a Wuss.
You’re telling her, “I’m ready to give myself away for nothing. I am ready to do anything to get your approval.”
Instead of calling the girl out on her bad behavior, a Wuss becomes falsely agreeable.
I knew one guy who drove three hours looking for multi-colored sticky notes because his girlfriend didn’t like the yellow ones.
I knew another guy who felt pressure to save all of his money for a new SUV because his girlfriend wanted to have one, even though he disliked SUVs for their environmental waste and there was no practical reason that she needed one.
A Wuss slaves away at work to pay her bills, doesn’t get sex, and doesn’t get respect. In the meantime, she has set herself up as the prize: “You are lucky to have me.”
These guys are afraid that if they stand up for themselves that their woman will become displeased and leave them. So they cower and kiss her feet and let her boss them around.
Politicians do this too.
Politicians are afraid of turning off any number of special interests groups, so they attempt to please everyone. They kiss everyone’s ass and avoid standing up for real positions.
Like a Wuss, the politician quickly gets the reputation for being wishy-washy and lacking a backbone. And they don’t get much respect from voters because of it. Consequently most people end up voting for “the lesser of two evils” rather than for a politician they actually admire and respect.
Wusses end up leading tragic lives. They work hard like slaves for a company to save up for a house, a fancy car, and attract a woman. Then, when the divorce comes, she takes half the wuss’ money in divorce court and takes his children away with her.
When a man lacks a backbone because he’s afraid of displeasing his woman, his woman eventually learns that she can take advantage of him.
Pretty soon, she starts demanding special treatment. She might become bitter, moody, materialistic, complaining, or emotionally cold. Her moods begin to vacillate. She stops exercising and she tops wearing sexy clothes.
Instead, she sits on the couch eating fried chicken and getting fat.
She starts using sex as a weapon against you to get what she wants.
If you’re a wuss, she learns that not only can she get away with bad behavior, but in fact she is REWARDED for it.
The Crux of the Problem
Here’s what a lot of guys do wrong.
First, she acts badly. Let’s say she withholds sex. Then we reward the woman for her bad behavior, say by giving into her demands and trying to snuggle up to her. We buy her flowers and gifts and try to win our way back to approval and sex.
But that’s how women become spoiled and selfish.
When you reward your woman’s bad behaviors, what are you doing?
You’re teaching her that these bad behaviors will get GOOD responses in return. And when she’s rewarded for it with attention, then the bad behavior only gets worse.
Likewise, what happens when a little child throws a temper tantrum when he sees something he wants and the parents always give in? The little child becomes a spoiled brat.
Pretty soon the woman is controlling when you have sex, giving it and then withholding it, creating an emotional roller coaster ride of positive feelings and then negative withdrawal that gets you chasing her.
The woman wields even more power if you’re in a committed relationship with her, like marriage.
The Sexual Monopoly Bludgeon
In an open market with many competing manufacturers, how much does a product such as a new computer cost? A new computer costs just above what it costs to make it, and the manufacturers compete with each other to give you the best product at the best price.
But what happens when only one company controls the supply? Holding a monopoly, the one company has no incentive to improve their product. In fact, they have every incentive to raise the price to maximize their profits at the expense of the customer’s well being.
Monogamy between a man and a woman creates another kind of monopoly, a sexual monopoly. And if the man acts like a needy Wuss, the woman has the power to control the supply and price of sex.
That’s how some women can wield monogamy like a bludgeon, battering their needy, Wussy boyfriend or husband into subservience, into doing everything possible to accommodate her whims in exchange for lame sex and attention.
How Wusses Get Dumped
One day she begins to think to herself, “He is not a real man anymore. He’s a Wuss, a little boy.”
Suddenly she’s spending more time with her friends or more time alone. She becomes more distant. At some point she cheats or just leaves you.
If she’s married, she feels trapped with a loser and comes to despise you for not being a man and trapping her in an asexual relationship with someone she doesn’t respect.
If your woman treats you with disrespect and you let it go or even reward it, then it’s your own fault. You have no one else to blame for her spoiled, rotten behavior but yourself. She’s simply responding appropriately to the frame that you’ve set for her.
Keep Your Own Identity
Keep your own identity. You are your own person.
Don’t make a woman your whole world. You are not defined by her.
Don’t tell her that you were nothing before you met her or that you felt like a loser before she came into your life.
She doesn’t really want to be number one. If she is the most important thing in your life, she will feel your dependence on her for your happiness and this will make her feel smothered by your neediness.
A woman really wants a man to be totally dedicated to his highest purpose. Although she would never admit it, she wants to feel that her man would be willing to sacrifice their relationship for the sake of his highest purpose.
Don’t Talk About Your Weaknesses
Don’t talk about your weaknesses, insecurities, or complain in general to a woman.
She may ask you to “open up to her” or “show her your feelings” but your woman is not the one to dump your problems and crap on.
Remember, a woman is your sexual partner. She should be treated like a sexual partner.
Talk about your weaknesses and insecurities to your friends. Your woman was not created for this.
Now, being needy and weak every once in a while is alright, even good. As long as you regain your strength quickly and as long as her helping you makes you regain your strength.
Showing, accepting and overcoming or trying to overcome your weaknesses gives you depth, shows your humanity, and demonstrates your strength. It makes you more loveable.
It’s the difference between caring for a MAN, rather than caring for a weak, sniveling Wuss who is acting like a child.
Be Prepared to Walk Away
The core reason men become Wusses is because of fear.
Fear at taking a stand, fear of being decisive, fear about standing up to disrespect, and fear about losing the woman.
If you let fear control all of your actions you lose in the end because you become more and more of a doormat than a man, which kills the woman’s sexual attraction.
To take a stand, to be decisive, to not ask for sex, you have to be prepared to walk away.
Without the ability to walk away at any time, you will lack a backbone.
The ability to walk away allows you to carry through the changes and face down the resistance she gives you.
Because if you’re too worried about how she’ll react then you won’t have the right frame to carry through with your decisions and actions.
You have to be willing to walk away. You have to be willing to let HER walk away. You have to be willing to LOSE the relationship.
It’s the awareness that she might lose you at any moment that keeps a woman on her toes and her passion for you hot.
Have Your Own Purpose
If you lack a direction or purpose, your woman will begin directing your life for you, nag you, and hassle you. She’ll attempt to give you direction since you lack it.
If you always complain and procrastinate and live in the past, your woman will see the emptiness of your existence.
You are responsible for casting aside your own laziness, addictions, and vagueness. You are responsive for finding a purpose, a vision, and a direction for yourself.
Spend a minimum of one hour a day doing whatever you are waiting to do. Don’t wait until your finances are more secure, or until the children have grown and, or you have finished your obligations.
Don’t believe the myth that one day everything will be different. Do what you love to do, what you are waiting to do, what you’ve been born to do.
Many men waste their time seeking the completion of tasks. Nose to the grindstone, day after day, year after year, and you become a robot of duty. Tasks are important, but if in this very moment your tasks are not supporting your life in this way, you must drop them or change them so that they do. Otherwise you are wasting your life.
You only have so many days to live and then you’re dead. If you spend one day doing something you weren’t meant to be doing, that’s one more day lost forever.
How can you be more responsible in fulfilling your purpose? Not necessarily by doing more work. You become more responsible by knowing your deepest purpose, and then arranging your finances and spiritual life around this. What matters is that she can feel your clarity, your wisdom, and your certainty of direction.
Be the Leader and… Relax!
You have to set the frame.
You have to set the rules for good behavior.
You need to be the man that brings out the best in your woman.
You need to take control of the relationship and make both you and your woman happier.
Deep inside, she really wants you to be that way.
Assume responsibility for the relationships in your life. Take responsibility for your woman’s transformation. When it comes to your relationships with women, everything that happens to you is your own doing.
And expect the best from your woman. Have respect for yourself and expect to be treated with respect.
This doesn’t mean you have to get all paranoid about “Being the Man” and “Having Respect” all the time. Don’t constantly think about proving how “Dominant” or “Alpha” you are.
It just means stop-being-a little-bitch and then just RELAX about it.
As long as you’re on the right track most of the time, your woman will be very forgiving of your bad moments.
The point is, just don’t be another pussy-whipped pushover that lets women walk all over him for his money and for attention.