The challenge is to go to a bar or club, and in 90 minutes to approach and open 20 women. The 20 in 90 mission.
Now I know a lot of guys don’t like bars and clubs so much, but that’s really one of the best places to meet women and this mission and exercise is really going to help you a lot.
You’re going to go up to 20 in women in 90 minutes and just be SOCIAL. Be friendly. And make friends.
And you aren’t allowed to leave the room until you talk to 20 women.
You go up to a girl, open with a “hello” and talk to her with free association. No routines. And it doesn’t matter if the conversation lasts for 3 minutes or 3 seconds. You’re mission is to talk to 20 girls. No standing around allowed.
Can be a fat girl. Can be a skinny girl. A pretty girl or an ugly girl. Girls with their friends, or a girl standing there with a guy. And ideally, you’ll be doing this 30 day challenge all month.
The “Hi” Opener
And only one opener is allowed – the introduction opener! You introduce yourself. It goes like this, “Hi there, I’m Jesse. You’re cute.” Handshake and smile. That’s your opener.
The introduction opener opens 100% and it hooks 100%. It’s attractive because first, you come across as extremely genuine, and second, you’re telling her straight up your intent.
Talk to everyone
And you’re going to talk to EVERYONE, all the girls. Open the ugly girls too so that you can learn to be chilled and indifferent with all sets including the hot ones. Because you need to learn to talk to the girls that you don’t feel you have anything to gain from.
Because guys resist talking to ugly girls because they feel they have nothing to gain from it: if the girls likes him, he gets nothing out of it, and on the other hand he just risks rejection. So it’s a lose-lose situation.
But being social and saying hello to everyone is not about your ego or getting girls right there and then, being social is just what a cool guy does. A cool guy pays attention to the other guys just as much as the hot girls, and he pays attention to the ugly girls just as much as the hot girls. And he expects nothing in return, he’s just having fun expressing his sexual intent and masculinity. So talk to everyone until you hit 20.
The purpose of the 20 in 90 mission is to get you passed approach anxiety and pass the indifference threshold.
Remember that emotions follow your physical motions. When you just open, open, open women in quick succession, doing that physical act will pull your emotions out of anxiety and hesitation into approach indifference, meaning you’ll feel free and liberated to approach more women.
Because it’s those first few that are the hardest. So by forcing yourself to open the entire room, you build momentum, you gain physical motion of moving your mouth and opening, and you’ll start to feel much better inside.
And by just being social, you get into a state and motion of talkative positivity. Where you’re talking off the top of your head in free-association, not to impress the girl, but just to be talking and to be talking with a smile and champ posture – talking with positivity and enthusiasm and loudness.
And the third purpose is to get to zero outcome dependence, where you stop caring about what anyone thinks of you and you just start trusting in your own actions without trying to impress the girls.
So what the 20 in 90 mission does is,
Number 1, pass the indifference threshold and out of anxiety
Number 2, pass you into a mode of talkative positivity
And number 3, pass you into zero outcome dependence.
Because emotions follow motion, you have to take action, approach a lot of girls, to get into that sociable, attractive state that girls gravitate to. But you’re going to have to actually approach to get there, because starting out your state might not be that great. You have to do approaches to build that momentum.
Criteria for success
Now your only criteria for success is to do the 20 approaches. It doesn’t matter if they go well or not. And they can last anywhere from half a second to 3 minutes. It doesn’t matter. The only criteria for success is doing the 20 approaches before leaving and no standing around. Just get out there and do them.
Now here is what you’re allowed to use, and what you’re NOT allowed to use.
First NO canned stuff. NO canned openers. NO canned routines.
Just introduce yourself, tell her she’s cute, and be social from there, trusting in your own actions.
This is about being social and opening a lot of girls to get passed the indifference threshold and NOT about making girls like you. This is NOT about trying to impress the girls or get their approval.
You’re JUST being social, whether the set lasts for 3 minutes or burns out in a few seconds.
Inner game only
It’s inner game only.
But here’s what you’re allowed during your 30 day challenge– the core basics.
Be positive by smiling. By standing like a champ.
Speak with certainty by boom your voice more loudly, by speaking with neutral rapport instead of that whiny, approval seeking trying-for-rapport.
And trust in your own actions. Whatever you say IS game and IS cool because it comes from you, so just riff off of words and state your opinions and likes with “I Like”. Just trust and you’ll relax.
DROP the permission seeking and wanting to be liked. Act first, approach first, and deal with the social disaster and consequences later. That means stepping up and opening without permission and interrupting people already talking.
And everything else, you have to DROP it. If you want to have lines, or routines, or you want to clever or funny, or you’re holding yourself up to a high standard, it will fuck you up, it will out you inside your head. NO thinking based game whatsoever. Dumb down and man down. Keep it simple, introduce yourself, positivity, your voice, and let go and free associate your words. Open, open, open. That’s IT.
And in the course of talking to 20 girls, you’ll pass out of anxiety into fun and indifference and work your way into that talkative, positive state and let go of the outcome.
Drink plenty of water
And drink lots of water to lubricate your voice. When you’re going to do a lot of speaking, your vocal cords need moisture and the last thing you want is that scratchy feeling and dry, parched mouth. And drinking water AFTER your cords get dry scratchy in the moment won’t help, because your vocal cords are located in the windpipe. The water has to enter your body, get absorbed by the body, and then the cords are able to stay wet and lubricated. So drink plenty of water before you go out and keep yourself hydrated.
State before action?
So let’s talk about troubleshooting the 20 in 90 exercise right now.
Most guys fuck this up because they want good state, before taking action to approach and get social.
So they get their with anxiety, and they want to be in a great state before saying, “Hi, my name is Jesse. I think you’re cute” to the first woman.
Having anxiety comes from a lack of social momentum. It comes from a desire to be liked. And it comes from not being in a fun or social mood yet.
But you have to just take action despite your less than stellar state, and build your state by taking action.
Emotion follows motion, so you need to start doing positive things. It’s not about desiring a good state or thinking about it, but instead it’s about physically stepping into good state by physically taking action and opening.
It’s perfectly normal to start out the night with low energy. You don’t need to start off with any kind of a good state. So you need to take action despite being in a BAD state. Because that’s the best way, opening those first girls, to really start flying.
Do NOT Seeking validation or “good reactions”!
Guys also fuck up because during the 30 day challenge they want to be liked, they’re looking for good reactions, they’re looking for validation from the girl.
But, when you do that, you get very conservative in what you say because now all of a sudden you want to say the “right thing” to make her like you, you tend to get quiet because you want her to like you, or you start gaming her with canned stuff to force good reactions, and you feel approach anxiety because you want to be liked so you get scared.
Remember that game is not about being liked, you have to be an aggressive asshole with a smile and open, introduce yourself, and tell the girl you think she’s cute and not apologize to anyone or hide from anyone your Reckless behavior and expressing your sexual desires as a man.
You don’t look for validations to seek who you are. You know who you are, you don’t look at people’s reactions to determine that, you have full belief that by being positive, speaking with certainty, trusting in your own actions 100%, and just talking you ARE a cool guy. Your beliefs are strong and do not depend on evidences. You do not seek positive reactions from others to validate your reality, your reality is self-validated.
Don’t beat yourself up!
So, go to the bar or club, and do your 20 approaches in 90 minutes. And look, don’t beat yourself up during the 30 day challenge if you don’t follow through on everything, just be happy you noticed something you were missing and then follow the guidelines for next time. Just accept that you didn’t follow something, nothing is going to happen, the world isn’t going to blow up, and remember that even without following the guidelines, the girl is ALWAYS pullable regardless.
So go out there and do the mission.
5 thoughts on “Jesse’s 30 Day Challenge: 20 Pretty Girls Every Night!”
I popped on over to read the thread, but I’ll respond here. Cool! I did random approaches through college, but my first conscious approach I did, it took me 2 weeks of walking around stores and campuses for 4 hours a day trying to get up the courage to do it, and I came across as completely nervous. That’s how it started. So if it took you less than about 30 hours of standing in the store trying to work up the courage, your first approach was better than mine! 😛
Lol imagine if you had a video of your former self feeling so nervous to approach girls!
I wish we could record ourselves doing all the first things… It would be so funny.
Jesse, in no small part due to this article, I went out to Walmart to approach girls. I only approached one, but seeing as how it’s the first approach of my life, I’m very proud of myself.
I posted about it on the Steve Pavlina forums… please let me know what you think. 🙂
Jesse, your articles always resonate with me.
I don’t go to bars and clubs because I don’t like the environments. My voice is not loud enough to compete with the music to be heard. I actually have some good voice training programs that I will work on eventually, but I’m focusing on other things right now.
That being said, I can see myself doing this program out in day game, especially at parks and such. But if I want to do that, I’d better get to it because winter is almost here.
Anyhow, this is a great experiment to get over crippling approach anxiety. Excellent article. 🙂
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