You want a girlfriend or get laid more but not sure where to begin?
Sometimes you need to give yourself a 30 day challenge.
You commit to a goal for 30 days.
Maybe you’re going to say hello to a girl each day for 30 days.
Or you’re going to go out to a nightlife spot every day for 30 days.
Or you’re going to work on speaking more loudly every day for 30 days.
Or your challenge could be that you’ll be less reactive in your interactions for 30 days, or you’ll persist longer than you would normally, and do that for 30 days…
But a 30 day challenge that you’ll carry out every single day, for 30 days.
And during those 30 days, you absolutely commit that every day, no matter how you feel, whether you feel good or bad, or inspired or unmotivated, or you feel energized or not, you will partake in your 30 day challenge, and go up to the girl and say hello, or work on your voice, or hit the nightlife spots.
Every day, without fail!
Your brain might resist during those 30 days, but you just force yourself to do it.
And the reason to do a 30 day challenge, 30 days consecutively in a row, is that you want to build momentum.
Momentum Is Key
Let’s say you want to work on approaching women. If you just go out once a week, well those other 6 days you lose all your momentum!
So when the 7th day to go out comes back around, you’re not going to feel like doing. You’re not building a habit. And you just feel really rusty again on that 7th day.
It’s just like if you want to learn a new language, say Spanish. How fast can you really learn it, if you just study once a twice a week? You’re not going to become fluent.
Or with bodybuilding. You’re not going to get sexy strong if you just hit the gym once or twice a week. You lose momentum on those in-between days you’re not working out. So every day you feel rusty again.
It’s like jumping into a cold swimming pool. If you jump in everyday, the cold pool it never feels WARM. But you’re more likely to jump into the pool tomorrow if you did it today.
So what we’re really talking about is building up macro-momentum for 30 days.
Why 30 Day Goals Work Best
And a 30 day challenge is really a great way to build and develop a new habit. We all know that starting and sticking with a new habit the first week or two is the hardest part. But once you overcome the initial inertia holding you back that first week or two, it gets much easier to keep going.
So forcing yourself through for 30 days is about how long you need to take to really see improvement and build a new habit for yourself.
Also, 30 days is a reasonable goal. I can say hello to new girls every day for 30 days, and then I can quit and go back to my old habits. That’s easier than committing to a permanent change in habits, and it doesn’t seem so hard anymore. Do it for just 30 days, and then quit. Meet girls for 30 days, and then I can slack off.
Those 30 days will still require commitment, persistence, and discipline, but it’s not so hard as committing to a big permanent change. It’s just temporary to strengthen your habits in a positive direction. And you can count down the days until you’re finished.
So you get the benefits, you get macro-momentum, it’s long enough to build up and strengthen better habits, and yet you can count down the days until you’re finished. You can handle that.
And then you’ll have 30 days of success behind you. So you can then, if you feel like, commit to a new 30 day challenge. But this time it will feel a lot EASIER because you’ve already built momentum and you’ll have more experience and confidence to continue with a new challenge.
The First Days Are The Hardest
The key to completing a 30 day challenge is to continue despite feeling the ups and downs. Anytime you start out on a new habit or discipline or change in your schedule or routine, at first you’ll feel inspired the first day or two.
You’ll be eager to go out and say hello to girls on the first day of the challenge.
Than a few days into it, you won’t feel so motivated anymore. But that’s the most important time to stick with your 30 day challenge and force yourself to go through the motions.
Then a few days after that, you’ll have continued building the momentum, and you’ll feel enthusiastic again.
And then your enthusiasm will waiver, and then it will come back again. But you’ve got to stick with it for 30 days through the highs and lows.
And by the end of the 30 days, it will just feel more like something that you just do, like a regular habit, and your brain stops resisting or rollercoasting, and it just more accepts it.
And then you’re done, you’re finished, and then you can decide to give yourself a new, and modified 30 day challenge.
So that’s an easier way to learn how to pickup girls, by giving yourself challenges and focusing on 1 or 2 things you really want to focus on at a time and breaking it down into more manageable chunks.
The Newbie Challenge
Sometimes I like to go on a 30 day challenge for myself, where I straight up take the mentality of being a total newbie again. A student of the game. No ego allowed here. As if it were my first day ever going back out again. A newbie-style mission of taking my lumps.
Going out every night or every day, 30 days in a row.
Forgetting everything I did in the past, any accomplishment, any fuck-ups, it’s like I’m starting the slate clean from the beginning as if I have no history.
And going out for 30 nights in a row is pretty awesome. It’s all about building up momentum.
The first week is pretty tough of course. You get run down and tired and sleepy from not sleeping enough. Or you feel like your balls are getting busted and it’s a hard slog.
But if you stick with it, you’ll find that at the end of 30 days you’ll be just itching to get back out there and it will become the most anticipated part of your day.
It’s pretty simple. Sunday through Wednesday just hit up a bar for happy hour and stick with it for an hour or two to keep some social momentum, keep your social muscles alert and active. And talk to whoever you can find just to work those social muscles.
Thursday, Friday, Saturday, those are your nights to SHINE. That’s because that’s when the hottest clubs typically are open.
And you’ll see a real payoff from going out all week on the Mondays and Tuesdays and Wednesdays, because when you hit the weekend, instead of being rusty, you’ll already have social momentum right out of the gate, and you hit the ground running on the weekends.
And what’s cool about socializing every day for 30 days is that you’ll find talking to girls becomes more of an *automatic* process. Because you become so used to it, and since you’re going out every night your brain just comes to accept that it’s going to happen, no matter what.
And of course your criteria for success has to be really simple, as if you’re starting out all over again. And that’s just to open. The conversation just needs to last two minutes. And if you open, you’ve won the game.
Understanding Habits And Motivation
And if you don’t feel that you have the motivation to do a 30 day challenge, you’ve got to remember something about motivation.
Motivation is based on habits. And developing a new habit is all about momentum. If you want to develop a new habit, like going out and meeting girls, you’ve got to develop momentum.
So the first week will be very rough. You won’t feel like going out, because you don’t yet the motivation, you don’t have the momentum yet, you don’t have the habit yet. So the first week is rough, you’ve got to rely on willpower.
But after the first week, you’ll have the habit of going out, the momentum, and it will become easier and easier until after the 30 day challenge it will feel like a normal, everyday part of your life and will become much easier.
So seriously, a 30 day challenge of going out every day is something you want to DO for yourself. And it’s only 30 days, it’s not forever. That’s why you can do it.
And I guarantee you, there’s not a single guy in the world who does a 30 day “going out” challenge who regrets it, every guy finds it to be a great, growing experience for the better and is glad for having pushed himself to undertake the challenge.
8 thoughts on “Take The 30 Days Challenge: Quick Success To A Girlfriend Through Baby Steps”
what do you mean by going out? going to a bar? alone? drinking for 30 days straight?
would u be so kind and elaborate?
Sorry this is off topic but in terms of going gym i have a different philosophy that more isnt better, and you should focus on how hard you train and how long you recover, not assuming more is better, just a tip look at baye.com its a more rational scientific approach to body building. But in terms of learning languages and other skills yehh practise everyday. ( sorry for posting this is fairly off topic but i think to many people over train and get depressed with poor results.)
Man simple straight forward advice, I’ve been reading a couple of your articles, and this one really hit a nerve, I havent put in theories of yours into practice yet, but this makes its feel nice chill and laid back to try it, I’m 19 and I find it hard to go out right now because I’m unemployed, my 30 challenge will be to get a job, and I guess talk to a few babes along the way, thanks for this post.
Robert, sounds like a 30 day challenge is what you need!
This site is freakin awesome!!!. There alot of good info here about pickup and dating.
This article is very well thought out and written.
your stuff is amazing. I just stumbled onto your website today, just a single article has better information than any PUA material I have ever read. Great job
Thanks David, I appreciate that !!
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