Getting girls is all about how you FEEL inside.
Think for a moment- what is more important than how you feel?
If you were to make more money, you might FEEL more freedom.
If you were to have more power and prestige, you might FEEL you have more control and security.
And if you were to have the dream girlfriend, you might FEEL more self-esteem or love or pleasure.
It’s not the objects themselves that you’re after, but the feelings they give you.
The problem with all of these things is that the good feelings they give you are TEMPORARY.
If you get a raise, you’ll be happy and excited for a while, but pretty soon you’ll revert to your normal emotional level and you won’t even notice the extra money. In fact, you’ll upgrade your lifestyle and pretty soon you’ll be just as unhappy until you get the next raise.
Likewise, having a girlfriend will bring a flood of emotions—infatuation, love, sexual pleasure—but all those too will pass. Pretty soon you’ll revert back to your normal emotional level.
If you’re living in fear, anger, rejection, bitterness, impatience—it doesn’t matter how much money you make, how much power you attain, or how many girls you lay in your bed—you’ll feel a temporary rush of pleasure, but at the end of the day your “emotional thermometer” will readjust back into fear, anger, and rejection.
If you’re living in those states, the quality of your life will be substandard and shoddy no matter how much cash in your pocket, no matter how many people look up to you, and no matter how many girls open their door to you.
Can you live in a great emotional state WITHOUT any of those external things? Can you feel inside the way you want to feel without external validation from others? Can you instead feel passionate and spectacular about yourself, about your physical fitness, about your personal passions and pastimes?
Then you won’t need approval from your boss, or approval from friends, or approval from girls to feel spectacular—you’ll feel that way as a matter of natural course. Then you won’t spend all of your time chasing, chasing, chasing—you can just BE. And a guy who already feels like a High King without the money or cars or girls is, paradoxically, exactly what will attract girls to you in the first place.
Emotional States Are Addictive
You know how when you go out to meet girls, sometimes you just have a bitch of time maintaining a positive state?
Either you feel kind of shitty and lazy and don’t go out in the first place. OR you go out, you still feel kind of shitty and negative.
OR you go out, and you start off feeling positive and smiling, but pretty quickly your state goes to shit and you begin to feel negative again, or just not that spectacular.
Why is that? Why can’t we just snap ourselves into a great state and just KEEP it? Why does out state and emotional feelings seem to fall off a cliff so damn EASILY or just not get revved up at all in the first place for advanced macking?
Well, here’s both the curse and the blessing of this problem.
Advanced macking rule: Emotional states are addictive!
Basically, we get very comfortable and addicted, to the general emotional state that we’re in, whether it be positive, neutral, or negative.
So if you spend all day at your work being pissed off and angry, you practice that emotional state… you practice it a lot.
And you become really good at it. You become really good at falling into being pissed off and angry.
Because every time you get pissed off and angry, you’re laying synaptic pathways in your brain, and eventual synaptic highways, to more easily go into that state in the future.
Or let’s say you spend a lot of time in front of your television or the computer alone, passive, quiet, in an imaginary world of analytical thinking or entertainment passivity.
Well, it gets easier and easier to go into that state, even when you’re NOT in front of the computer or television, like when you’re going out to meet girls.
That’s why when you’re not in a positive, social emotional state very often, you’re weak at it. It’s not comfortable keeping it up. It feels a little bit fake or it feels like hard work. And you easily slip back into the state that you’re most used to being in – like an analytical state or problem solving state, or thinking state, or even a negative or angry state in many cases.
So let’s say you spend 8 hours a day on the computer and you go out, it can be tiring being positive and happy and social, and you’ll EASILY slip back into quiet computer guy at the club, even if, intellectually, you know you should be doing otherwise.
And if we’re accessing a side of ourselves that we don’t frequently access, like being happy and positive and sociable and loud, it’s almost impossible to just forcefully make yourself stay in that state for very long. Often, as soon as your willpower is used up, you’re going to slowly revert back to your original state.
It’s the same reason that workaholics, when they’re at the beach on their yearly vacation, they can’t relax. Or they can’t really enjoy the vacation, it just feels like more work. Or they feel shitty on their vacation, they’re just carrying over the same emotional state that they’ve practiced so well at their job.
They’ve laid down such a massive synaptic superhighway for that work state, that they can’t snap out of it even when they’re sitting on the beach with a margarita in their hand in a time-stands-still palm tree paradise. Whether they’re at the beach or in the office, the same emotional state sits in their body.
Again, emotional states are addictive. And what we practice most is what we get comfortable with and what we get good at. And we tend to revert back to it.
If you go out to a bar and club and are yelling and being social, you lay synaptic pathways for that kind of behavior and state.
If you’re feeling positive and smile, even if you force yourself, you lay synaptic pathways for that.
If you play the game just to be liked and to avoid all risks and be in fear, you lay synaptic pathways for that.
If you stay at home depressed that you didn’t go out or fuzzed out in front of a television, you lay synaptic pathways for that.
You’re making it easier and easier to achieve any of those behaviors or states in the tomorrow and the day after.
So here is the SOLUTION, here is what this means for you.
First of all, understand that doing something new is fucking HARD at first. It’s just hard at first, you don’t have the synaptic pathways laid down yet. Whether that’s a new behavior like speaking more loudly, or smiling, or saying hello, or whether it’s an emotional state like remaining positive or remaining unreactive and positive in the face of negativity and bullshit.
You’ve got to practice that, practice it, to lay down those synaptic pathways into a path, and then road, and then a super highway so that it becomes easier and easier in the future.
But at first, it will feel uncomfortable. And at first, you’ll find yourself reverting very easily back into your most commonly frequented state of negativity or being analytical or whatever it is.
The point is, don’t give up. PERSIST and remain consistent in your practicing. Yes, it WILL be uncomfortable at first, but just because something feels uncomfortable is NOT a valid reason to give up on it.
And you already know the solution. Start building those synaptic patterns now, so that you’ll fall into your new emotional states and behaviors more easily and quickly and you’ll be able to STAY there.
If you smile more and force yourself to be positive and think positive, just like anything else, the more frequently you access that part of you, the more permanent and easier it becomes to STAY in it.
So you can learn to increase your tolerance to smiling, being positive, talking loudly, standing tall like a champ, talking to girls, be being EXPOSED to it, just like you can get stronger muscles by placing them under pressure consistently!
And when you go on accepting the challenge again and again, you rewire your brain over time and those old fears and difficulties… like keeping a positive state when you go out… will slowly… slowly disappear for good.
If you go on exposing yourself, in the beginning it is going to be really very scary, but soon you’ll start gaining strength as you acclimatize to it and write it into your brain through ongoing, consistent repetition.
And this a powerful and liberating understanding.
It means that we can always proactively choose to RE-ADDICT ourselves toward something more positive and healthy and beneficial to meeting and hard attracting women for advanced macking.
Through exercises, drilling, and practicing, you can lay down those new neural synaptic pathways and make it easier and easier for yourself. You CAN build permanent change. It’s no magic bullets, yes it can be slow and frustrating sometimes, but it works.
Which is GOOD that’s it’s hard. Because that means so few guys follow through. They get a bit uncomfortable and they quit. That’s why 99% of guys will never compete with you, because they quit so fast. If you hang in there, through the initial discomfort, and commit to practicing being positive and smiling, talking loudly, and standing tall like a champ, you’ll stand head and shoulders above almost everybody else.
So that’s the reason your state can drop so easily and rapidly when you go out and you can’t keep it up – simply because you haven’t practiced that state much. And you’ve got work at it, it’s not easy. But that hurdle is the blessing in disguise – because it eliminates all of your competition.
So start doing drills to get the skills of advanced macking. Every day. Keep at it. And lay down that synaptic super highway to success!
Very good stuff man !!
keep it up !
Thanks..
Leave your comments below…
this is a reply to susan’s post.my name is ikenna and over the years,i have come to understand that there isn’t much out there to help a guy become a man i.e is, we lack direction although the passion and commitment is there.secondly,when a guy begins the art of approaching and seducing women,he is most concerned about his ego and self confidence as a result of social conformity placed on him by the society so his questions are just an attempt to protect his ego but as we all know,one’s ego is that which prevents him from learning and growing i mean no guy out there would feel proud to tell his fellow guy who has a lot of girls that he(the guy telling)can’t get a girl,it makes him feel inferior(ego)but as he develops,he begins to understand that no one can reduce his ego except himself and those he builds it around and this understanding makes him appreciate himself and booooooost his confidence even to approach blunt and straight forward girls like you.jesse chager i sent you a friend request on facebook,i pray you accept it because i would really want to seek your advice on balancing material achivement with social happiness because life seems to be more of a game of monopoly.thanks a lot 😉 .
Jesse, most of what you say reveals rare and valuable insights. Bravo! What I don’t understand is how you carry on with your mission when your followers (judging by the comments they post) are such hilariously clueless, pathetically obsequious, openly craven halfwits. Perhaps you do it for the laughs. It is some of the best comedy on the web.
Thanks again Jessie. I have to get your program. Im so tired of being the shy guy. Especially when there around there friends. I want to overcome it all. You have great advice.
Really so good..
I lke this topic.
it happens in some people’s life , if they want,
Good point, but how do you get to the type of mindset you’re talking about????
I like your website,so i read all;I need your opinion? I am a teacher at the university and college. one of my student loves me very much and asked i love her or not,of course i said thet i love her too.but, she sends me messages /finly i dont now how what must i do,she is ten years younger then I!
Just bang her. What’s the problem?
As a girl can I also offer a small tip to add to to Mr Dating Tips? If you pay her attention. That means (act if you have to) be really interested in what the girl is saying… that way she will feel special and the doors to heaven start to open!
HI Jesse and guys
I want to write something to Mick…
Mick, first is that you are at the moment in crisis and you must to know that crisis is the moment when you have to change something in your life…
so if you are feeling anxiety, confusion, loneliness you have to do something about it, you have to make changes in your life.
In one article ‘Gratitude is the secret ingredient with success with women’ Jesse explained how to take it step by step and build up your confidence…
so you first call some girl or go out and talk to first girl you find interesting and show some values in your life and yourself and that’s it, maybe she will like you the way you are
You just have that chance today, tomorrow who knows what might happened
Also I must to say that I have lost my job this week so if someone hears of some job in the States let me know . I will try to come…
The guys who get the most girls are the ones who don’t need them. Women can sense this right away. You usually see this dynamic envelop in any club or bar scene. Even in a college environment, where lots of guys are clinging onto the party girls. They’re pretending to not “chase” them, but it’s so obvious they are, so they aren’t getting any.
Derek, I think the people who do the “chasing” are middle income Americans. That describes a great deal of our western population, because they’re sacrificing all their energy trying to make ends meet, not having the time value to learn something like seduction that requires time and motivation.
An observation of mine: The ones who make a lot of money or little money generally are living in their own realities. That’s why they get what they want from the women they desire. They aren’t listening to society and they are scripting their own reality without “committing” to any man. The bum who has no job thinks so highly of himself that he’s internalized the idea that he’s too good to give his time to any employer. Women do end up in relationships with deadbeats, and does this shock you? The super rich will also get their way because they’re used to having anxious beta males do the dirty work while they’re making money and doing more important things like getting laid.
i think this is the mother of all theory. But maYbe I still need something to applicate this theory
thx
I saw this randomly after browsing in youtube about The Law of Attraction (the basis of the book The Secret). It’s really connected 🙂
hi
Great article but what are the ways to master our emotional states?
hi
Hi the above comment is cool …… but need more details about Girls relations
oo
I have known this amazing fact for a while: when I feel good, everything in social reactions goes WONDERFULLY. Jesse, it would be awesome if you could tell us how to internally feel good all the time despite the environment.
~Nathaniel~
HI!
Is very easy Nathaniel, and I did test this on my self.
Is related to testicles, do not laugh I am serious.
Is medical proven that when you hold more testorene in your body you act more: strong, feel powerfull and feel good..then you interact better with women..then EVEN SO you don’t get lucky..not everyone is a master at least you had good memories because you interact and you did make women feel good. And this is the first step. Then when you look over internet and learn more about attarction, you practice and you see IT WORKS you will feel like discovering a NEW LAW of PHYSICS!!
Ok no in GENERAL you can feel good if everyday you REALIZE something but we ALL agree that we have better use our time to feel good around women DON’T we? that’s we are here! Good luck!players
Ok.. and I forgot..because this is were I started when you do not masturbate or after having sex you eat healthy (depends of your body mass etc) let’s after 2 days you have enough material in your testicles..NOW you go and approach women and you will how everthing comes natural! You just have to be RECEPTIVE at the progrresion ESCALADATE and pay attention to women signals (there are 5 times more so you should be stupid not to) and then know how to do an plan ahead to get this woman in a place alone with you. good luck.
Hi, my name is Mick … I have these questions that seems really hard for me to overcome, I hope you can address it in your news letter / your blog:
How do you overcome your “Neediness” around women, especially when currently you don’t have one, and how you overcome that feeling of anxiety, lonely, and also confuse … between getting the women first, or focusing to built your identity, like your career, etc2 … and, while you doing it, how do you handle your emotion … mainly about “Neediness, jealousy, anxiety, lonely, and confuse” …
Do you have a jedi mind trick to handle these kind of inner problem, because these eating me up on the inside.
Thank You,
Mick.