Everyone has different levels of “pickiness” when it comes to women.
Some guys don’t really care what girl they get, they just want to fuck ANY girl.
Other guys have a specific idea of what they want. Maybe he likes leggy blondes, and other types of women just don’t inspire him. He’s “picky”.
Or he may go into a bar and focus his attention ONLY on the very hottest women there.
And I myself, am extremely picky.
10 years ago when I started meeting women, I’d only approach the very hottest women on my campus, and ignored everyone else.
And even today, in my normal mode of thought, I can almost like psych myself out of approaching anybody because I’ll just obsess over the hottest girl there… and feel like any other girl would be a waste of time!
So is Pickiness Good… Or Bad?
But there’s a BIG problem with being picky!
On the one hand, there’s good logic to being picky.
If you talked to the less attractive girls and they liked you, you would get nothing out of it, because you’re not interested in them sexually.
But you also risk more “rejections” from talking to the less attractive women – so it’s a “lose – lose” situation.
After all, why not just save time and only talk to the girls you really like?
That’s how you would do it any shopping store! When you’re at the grocery store, you don’t sample every type of product. You just buy the one you fancy most, and you’re done with it.
Fast and efficient, right?
Why Pickiness Lands You In Hot Water
The problem is, being picky will cause your game to stall and go absolutely nowhere.
Because when you first see that top hottie, you’ll just freeze up right in your tracks!
She’s the ONE girl you want to talk to, and so you invest an enormous amount of value into her.
And that makes you self-conscience. Boom! Massive approach anxiety.
Even if you DO approach her, you’re NOT warmed up socially.
Your first interactions of the night are generally going to be lame and weak. You haven’t had time to yet warm up those social muscles.
So you’ll go up to this really hot girl, be stiff, be nervous, and crack out a weak hello with a “please, please like me!” approval-seeking vibe to it.
She may be friendly, but you won’t generate hard attraction with her. And it’ll be game over!
And sub-consciously, you know this.
You already know that your opener is going to be weak.
You see the top hottie there having fun, with other friends, and you know that you’re not going to add any value to it. And her beauty just psyches you out. You get anxious, and within seconds talk yourself out of opening her at all.
And you end up just standing there with your dick in your hand thinking about her. And the night’s over!
Be Social With Everyone!
Instead, you need to talk to ALL the girls in the room, pretty OR ugly!
That way you can build MOMENTUM for getting into a sociable, talkative, and positive state.
To do that, you have to forget about the hotties, and start saying hello to EVERYONE.
Because when you open the ugly girls too, you learn to be chilled out, unreactive, indifferent, and positive with ALL sets of girls, including the hot ones.
And I really do mean ALL the girls.
By talking to everyone, you meet unexpected people… and sometimes girls that make up in sexual attitude what they lack in just looks.
Some guys operate on the 0 to 1 scale where “0” she’s not doable, and “1” she IS doable.
Well, even for women you’d rate an unfuckable “0” and you have zero attraction for, you still need to be opening THAT girl too.
P.S. And I give you exactly WHAT to say to spark hard attraction in my program Nonverbal Sexual Mind Control AND also how to generate an endless amount of material so that you’re never at a loss of words.
Just click THIS link to download it right now.
…Because talking to all the ugly chicks is actually what makes you attractive to the HOT ones.
The Gold Digger Analogy
For example, who is the most attractive woman at a social party?
Wanda, the gold digger, is ONLY interested in meeting the RICHEST man in the room. She has approach anxiety for Mr. Richie Rich, and when she talks to him she’s all needy for his approval.
Is that the most attractive woman at the party?
Because when you’re only interested in the most beautiful girls, you’re effectively just like a gold digger.
Or is the most attractive woman the one who is positive, open, and talking with all the guys? The girl who’s approachable, smiling, is happy to meet you and say hello? The woman who isn’t seeking anything, but she’s to ALL possibilities and not just digging the pockets of the richest guy in the room for his cash?
That sociable, talkative, positive girl who’s energy is open and free is going to be far more attractive… and in a roundabout way, attract the wealthy men too.
So as a man, you don’t want to be the “looks digger”, who is only distracted by the most beautiful women in the room. Instead, be that guy, who talks to ALL the women. THAT is what will get you noticed by the hotties.
And not only does that build your social momentum, but it allows you to have more FUN, meet new and unexpected people, and it’s the psychologically healthy way to go about game.
24 thoughts on “Better To Be “Picky and Choosy” or Wear Your “Beer Goggles” ?”
hello Jesse… Its Isaac….. I am currently wondering if it’s possible to be good with females, even though you are a type of guy who listens more and talks less? …..
…. Another thing does it make you more attractive you’re a partying kind of a guy?
Hey Jess, I’ve read abt the seduction science and it a lot of in that reminds me of what I do. Thanks for this. I’ll be adjusting to this new method. Since it has worked for many guys before it can work for me. Thank you.
This is all true in the story, and valid. There is another school of thought though, and you’ll see it in accounts of the real players in NYC and LA who consistently score models, and that is: to walk into a place and without any hesitation and fear walk right up high energy and start spitting game. I”m not saying I’ve done this (maybe once or twice but probably to a 8 or 9, not 10) but in this game, that is the top level. Yes, yes, we all learn in stages but if you shoot for the top level of game it will help also, I think. We only live once, have probably only a 20 year window (most of us much less) to do this, and this costs no money, so it’s useful to be aware of and try right? At least in the old folks home you can listen to your old fogie buddies talk about their conquests and you can have a wry smile and recount the times in your gunslinger days where you had absolutely no fear …….
That’s called “sniper game”. It doesn’t really work. You yourself say you’ve only done it a few times and don’t indicate any success from it. Reality is, you won’t have momentum or be socially sharp if you only approach one girl once a week. You’ll be outcome dependent and just come across as a little “off” and it generally won’t work in most cases. Besides that, it’s not fun. It’s far more fun and happy to be sociable.
😳 so dats hw it wrks
Wow. I am going through this exact same thing…
My game is day and my opening direct.
The hotter the woman, the better it works cuz they know how much balls it takes.
On the other hand, I have been blown out by so many 6s & 7s, it’s like, what’s the point?
Women are intuitive. They know when I’m not into them and do not respond well, to say the least.
So I should continuing opening and getting stung by women I’m only halfway into?
Talk about a confidence destroyer…
On the other hand…Somehow, some way, I seem to stumble through with the 9+’s of the world and the sets seem to turn out okay. But these women are so rare…
I think they call this Hobson’s Choice. Which is the lesser of two bad choices?
Hello Jesse, gibt es die Seite auch in Deutsch/ German idiom???
Best regards – lieben Gruß – Ramon
I thought you were picky – the girls who are supposed to be “the hot girls” are not so hot.
The blonde yeah not too bad but the chocolate girls -eewww
Is the girl in the lingerie supposed to be unfuckable?
I’d do her and I’m not even bi. She has thunder thighs but still fuckable.
wish i could download that darth vader pic and use it as my profile pic on facebook.. Haha.. You couldnt be more correct by saying that we should go out and talk to all women, super hot or not.. You improve yourself and then become less dependent on results, and therefore less fearful of failure..
Right click on the Darth Vader pic and you can probably grab it 😎
I really like the photos you post to support your points. Very funny and enjoyable! Most PUA coaches are way too serious about a subject that should be fun to do and talk about!
Thanks for being genuine,
You right man the photos are full of energy … It maje the articls full of fun
Thanks. I try to go for pics that show human emotion. 😉
True….I agree 100%……I have been extremely picky and don’t approach anyone but the hottest…..but that creates the worst approach anxiety ever…and I have met more hotties 2nd hand….by approaching the average looking ladies and then transitioning to the hotter friends later….it was more important to be relaxed and natural……and most important…..sociable first….kudos….
Yep- that creates terrible approach anxiety because you’re creating an outcome
also I wanted to ask you about the cultural barriers. Indian girls are conservative, sex is taboo here, but some pockets of the society is more liberal. I really think you should try and adress the issue he closest meeting girls in a more conservative kind of environments. Because I can say it for a fact that in the West sex is not such a big deal and my experience with these women has been that they are more open to talking about sex, therefore more natural and attractive and a guy can be himself around them. But the women here (not everyone though, but the majority) somehow take so much resitance and act all offended if you indicate direct sexual interest. Do u think there might be something bigger going on? And then just imagine countries where the women wear veil. How would men go about seducing a girl there? Won’t their method be more universal and subconscious? Just food for thought.
Oops my keyboard just gulped the phrases and jumbled up that paragraph so let me repost it
also I wanted to ask you about the cultural barriers. Indian girls are conservative, sex is taboo here, but some pockets of the society are more liberal. I really think you should try and adress the issue of meeting girls in a more conservative environment. I think this is peculiar to Soth Asia and Middle East. Because in the West its different. The culture is different and sex is not such a big deal. My own experience with these women has been that they are more open to talking about sex, therefore more natural and attractive and a guy can be himself around them. But the women here (not everyone though, but the majority) somehow show so much resitance and act all offended if you indicate direct sexual interest. Do u think there might be something bigger going on? And then just imagine countries where the women wear veil. How would men go about seducing a girl there? Won’t their method be more universal and subconscious?
You’re in India? No offense. But that sucks. You want ‘The bigger picture going on there’? Don’t try to figure it out. Just get out.
I’ve come a long way since I was on your old forum as a married guy trying to become a player (I guess I was scared to get divorced and make myself “alone” without building up some skills beforehand – doesn’t make it right and I do regret it for my wife’s sake but I’m sure people will understand where I’m coming from and cut me some compassion).
Anyway, despite making progress, it was slow and the incongruence with my true beliefs (nice guy) was clearly holding me back. After many years of only having sex with the same woman, I was pretty nervous when getting it on with others and I had to build up my experience and confidence slowly. That involved being far less picky for a while.
But, using some of your Legendary Lover & Blissnosis techniques, I started to find that my girlfriends were beginning to send me text messages calling me things like a ‘sex God’. Get enough of that kind of thing and even the wussiest of us eventually have to start believing it.
Anyway, now I’m getting divorced, I’m no longer self-sabotaging myself with incongruence and, after some decent success (especially in the sack) I’ve sky-rocketed to new heights of self-confidence and self-esteem and finally climbed up to the point of being able to be picky.
Until last week I was dating two slim/skinny girls (that’s my type) that I would previously have been too insecure to approach, let alone try to get into bed… One 9 years my junior and the other 17 years. Both really fit (by my terms of reference, at least).
I can’t tell you how good it feels being able to have relationships and hot sex with girls that I’ve always viewed as ‘out of my league’ in the past (and get ‘sex God’ type texts from them too). They both texted me with a version of “you’re the most amazing lover I’ve ever had” at some point – Oh the power of Blissnosis!
So, to paraphrase… I was always picky but didn’t have the skills/confidence to succeed so I lowered the bar whilst studying the craft until I built up the required skills/confidence. But I couldn’t just think myself into it or ‘fake it until I made it”, I had to build up to it gradually, building my confidence and self-esteem as I went along with less beautiful women.
When you finally push thorough the barrier and get with girls that you’ve always previously only dreamed of, it’s a mighty good feeling, believe me.
My self-esteem and total belief that I can repeat this any time is now so high that I actually ended it with the younger one last week because she was too needy and insecure… I don’t feel the need to work that hard to keep the relationship going. Now, if it’s to be anything more than a quick fling, I’m only interested in hot girls who’ve got their shit together too. Interestingly, she still wants the sex even though I’m not interested in having a relationship but I still can’t be bothered with her. That’s when you know you’ve cracked it – when you can be that picky. Me? I’m loving it.
Thanks for all your products over the years Jesse (along with plenty from other ‘gurus’). In the self-development game, you never stop learning and developing. Some of us take longer to get there than others due to our personalities or circumstances but, as long as you keep on keeping on, you’ll always get there in the end. Failure is not on my agenda.
In summary, there are times to be picky and times not to be picky. Which is pretty much what Jesse just wrote, isn’t it? LOL
This is Aviator from the old lounge? Where have you been man?? Why don’t you hop over to the VIP Lounge and say hello (or just copy paste what you wrote above).
A girl 17 years your junior… that’s something to brag about!
What a story! I really feel inspired by you. How long did it take you to build yourself up to this level? Were you consistent with your study throughout that period? As for me, I get angry when a woman shows resistance, especially if she has been playing along for some time. Like the other day I went out with this girl on a date (apparently she had a bf) and at best I told her stories, our arms brushed past as we were walking and it happened quite consistently. However, I just didn’t grab her because I just wanted to know if I was attracted to her more than just physically. We had a delightful time and then I dropped her off at the house, thinking to myself. “I think she is cute, and I’d like to maybe just get a bit more physical with her next time”. So I emailed her after 3 days saying I had a wonderful time with her and would love to sit out on the grass, gaze into her beautiful eyes and carry o our conversation from there”. She mails me back saying, “what r u trying to say? I already have a bf about whom I’m serious and I told u about it” So I mailed her saying that yes she did tell me, but that was long time ago and I wasn’t sure about it right now. And I also asked her that if she were so serious about the other guy why did she go with me? And I also told her that I won’t be talking to her anymore as I had no intention of coming in between her and her bf. So she calls me on the phone and starts justifyying herself saying, but she also said she wants things to be allright between us. But I told her well I appreciate her calling but if there was something I wanted to say to her I’d call her later and right now I don’t have more to say about this topic. she said ok and hung up. Then she deleted me from her Facebook. I haven’t called her, but somehow I also feel good that I spoke up for myself. But yes, I do get angry when women show resistance.
Dude is absolutely right on it. Whenever I work the room at a social gathering, I always usually have my pick of mostly any chick I want. That “first impression” gives you the look of an Alpha male and all of the ladies are watching you do your thing.
Has been being picky ever worked for you? Write your own experience below..
Didn’t even realize I used the talk to everyone method. I talked to some ugly girl and then magically the hot girl I talked to next went really well. Now I understand