So does money really buy happiness and get you girls?
Society DOES tell you that you need money to get girls.
You need to get that impressive car, you need to get that nice bachelor pad, you need that big television.
That accumulating a lot of stuff is fastest way to win the game.
You probably already know that buying a lavish dinner and flowers and spending cash on her just makes you look like a nerdy, needy chump.
So intellectually, you might completely agree with me… flowers, chocolates, lavishing the woman with presents doesn’t work.
But still, in the back of your mind you think well, if I did have a lot of money it would make things easier. If I had a really hot car, well this would be easier. All things being equal, if I had a lot of money I’d have an easier time at this.
And then when you see that really hot hot girl, that beautiful woman that you’d really go far, something in the back of your mind holds you back—it says you’re not valuable enough or you don’t have enough value to offer this woman.
So at least on an unconscious level, I would argue that society’s materialistic culture DOES affect you.
On some level you feel that the path to happiness is through achievements.
On some level you feel ill-at-ease with where you’re at and you feel pressure at least to move toward a certain level of material comfort that would make you feel “okay” about yourself.
Maybe in the back of your mind you’re thinking, man if I just lived in a cooler part of town or had my dream apartment or a hotter car, this would all be just so much easier.
So I find a lot of guys who actually PUT OFF learning this stuff in a dedicated fashion because they want to focus on achieving material success first—either they want to focus on school first or they want to focus on their job first. With the idea in their minds that learning to get girls can come later when they’re more stable or where they want to be in life materially.
Or a lot of guys go out to meet women but they’re also stressing out about they’re self-image of themselves. Especially when it comes to the really hot hot hotties, the 9s and 10s in the back of their minds they don’t feel that they’re worthy to really approach.
Now that kind of thinking is all about our social conditioning.
It’s beaten into you by your parents and by your schooling that you need good grades and a good job to succeed, be happy, and attract women.
You’re constantly bombarded with the same message through television, movies, and magazines.
We live in a capitalist society and every company out there wants to sell you their products so that they can make a profit stay in their business. It’s their very lifeblood, their continued existence depends on telling you and creating the cultural image that if you need their product to get the girl.
You need to have the right body spray to be happy and get their girl. They want you to believe you need their car to be happy and get the girl.
Chasing State For Happiness
So a lot of guys studying how to be good with women don’t believe that they need to lavish her with flowers of gifts like some needy chump, but they DO spend their time chasing circumstances.
They DO spend their time chasing for the right shirt, a better job or a raise, or chasing after a new car or reading about cars—chasing outside material achievements that they think will make them feel a good state or make them feel better about themselves.
They chase after the new pair of shoes or jeans or body spray because on a certain level they follow the social pressure and programming that “Buy this product because it will make you feel cool, and if you don’t you’re going to be inadequate to have the real hot hotties.”
So let’s say you get those new clothes or you start working 50 hours a week and you start making more money.
Well you get this boost of confidence you get this boost of euphoria.
You’re walking down the street in your new shoes. “Yeah man, I’m cool, I look cool. I’m stylish. Oh, looking the girls are noticing me.” Your friends says to you, “Man I like the shoes!” And you’re like “yeah I’m the man!”
Or you work really hard, and you’re boss says to you, “Good job Joe! I’m giving you a raise! You’re going to make an extra $400 a month!”
And you feel this euphoria inside from the outside validation your boss is giving you. You think, “Yeah I’m the man! I’m going to make more money, yes! I can get a new car! And my boss says I’m doing a good job… I’m awesome! And look girls are going to notice me now because I’m somebody I’m more successful.”
And you’re internal state goes way up, same way almost as if you won the lottery, that same kind of pickup.
BUT… it’s a temporary boost. Because after a few days, you get used to the shoes and you don’t even notice them anymore. And after a few days of getting the raise, the praise is over and you’re back to working like a dog.
You’re state and happiness has gone way up… but with a little time, typically in a few days, it settles back down again.
But you want that good feeling back to make you feel high again—so now you’re looking for the next piece of clothing to make you feel that great feeling. You start working even harder because now you want more praise from your boss to feel that same high about yourself again.
So you end up chasing external validation, external approval, and external pick-me ups from buying to be happy things rather than actually going out NOW, today, and really dedicating yourself to becoming a sexworthy guy.
That’s why I get all the time, “You know Jesse I DO want to get good with women BUT first I’m going to finish my semester at school because I have a lot of work and I need to achieve.” Then its “Jesse, I DO want to learn this stuff BUT I have to focus on career right now.
That’s all well and good, but you are buying into society’s game that money and material achievements are more important than mastering your social skills. And really if you fall into that way of thinking, you’re just getting older and your time is passing you by. And you will always be chasing that material success because you will get addicted to chasing it, addicted to those bursts of feeling approval and feeling good from others or from products.
But all of these superficial things, house, car, clothes, job, salary, neighborhood will not inspire in you the inner confidence levels you need to be successful with women or be happy.
They will give you a temporary fix, a temporary boost of confidence, but will not give you a steady stream of real internal self confidence or self-esteem inside.
And worse, being in this mindset of goals, achieving, competition, becoming “somebody”, looking to the future excessively, only eats up your time, makes you feel STRESSED, puts you into a thinking, analytical state.
And if you don’t have time, if you’re stressed out, if you’re inside your head… this is the perfect formula for NOT achieving success with women and improving your social skills or getting the Divine Fire.
That’s why an extraordinary life does not come from more money… because lots of people have lots of money and they’re still miserable. They’re unhappy, they’re unhealthy, their relationships are weak.
And there are people with no money whatsoever and they’re totally happy and fulfilled. That’s why guys in South America where there are very few job opportunities do much better with women because they don’t have this huge distraction burdening them, weighing on their minds, and making them feel inadequate.
And I can relate to you my OWN story when I went the materialist route. Because I was an experienced programmer almost overnight out of school I had this great paying job, an apartment almost right on the beach in one of the nicest building complexes in Ft Lauderdale, I had gotten my body ripped from working out 90 minutes each day—and I was miserable!
I was working all the time, exhausted, and had no TIME to actually meet women. I was playing by somebody else’s rules and I was completely unhappy.
And that’s what happens to guys who drop out of the game to focus on their careers, they feel terrible inside ultimately because they’re marching to somebody else’s drumbeat, they’re marching the drumbeat of social conditioning that makes them play a role that they didn’t create, living a script that they didn’t write, just for outside approval.
You Can’t Win Their Game
And it’s a game you can’t possible win.
What if you play society’s game? What if you allow capitalism’s marketers and television and movies to dictate your values? Let’s say that not only are you financially successful, but that you are wildly financial successful, and the money just falls into your lap. You start up a cute internet web page and Google comes along and pays you $1,000,000 dollars for it.
Normally you’d be working like a dog and be so exhausted and stressed out that have no time to meet women, but let’s not say that’s the case, the money just falls into your lap.
Well, your confidence now is based on external pillars outside of yourself, your confidence to get the really hot hotties super 9s and 10s is based on the money that you have.
And it will never work because even if you are dressed in the most expensive suit with the most expensive Rolls Royce and go home to the most expensive luxury apartment, when you see that young girl with the baby face and the high heels and sparkling dress and the killer body… who has probably accomplished NOTHING in her life of course… you still will not feel worthy to open her and talk to her.
You still will have approach anxiety and hesitate opening her, let alone sweeping her off her feet. You will still have no idea how to seduce her.
And if she DID sleep with you, she’s probably sleeping with you, not for you but for your money. You will attract the girls who looking for guys with money and the moment you’re not lavishing money on them, they will find the next rich chump who will pay for sex.
So capitalism’s game is rigged against you, you can play as long and as hard the social conditioning consumer game as you want, and you won’t win.
And as long as you buy into it, you settle for a life that I call “no man’s land” where you’re always working, stressing, thinking about the future, where you’re not really ever happy, but maybe you’re not unhappy enough to do anything about it. And you’re not experiencing happiness and joy with super high quality beautiful women today but you keep putting it off until later or you’re always at a low level of stress about your work or money.
That’s a place that no one wants to live, but unfortunately the majority of guys do.
Look, you cannot fix an internal problem by putting an external band aid on it like chasing external validation and materialism.
That’s why you have to break away from the hypnosis of the culture, and when you do, it will feel like a great weight has been taken off your shoulders.
When you have nothing to prove, and your free from having to prove yourself with a car or house, when you’re free from having to chase external validation and making purchases or having the right possessions to feel approval or feel worthy, when you’re free from the stress of always thinking about money, a great weight is taken off your shoulders and finally you can have the clarity of an unburdened mind to focus on women.
Now one little caveat. I’m not saying not to have any possessions at all, to live like a Tibetan monk or in the street. But your possessions have to be for your OWN enjoyment, for YOU. They’re okay as long as you’re not buying them to impress your family, or friends, or women, or to live up to somebody else’s standards.
Work is okay as long as you’re not stressed out, overworking, in a career only because of the money, or using work goals as an excuse to put off developing your social relationships because all of that will KILL your path toward sexual abundance and happiness.
10 thoughts on “Does Money Buy Happiness And Success With Women? The Surprise Answer”
This is a great article. Capitalism does make people slaves to money and consumerism makes people slaves to image and material goods.
On the other hand, Jesse is writing from the perspective of being an American who is a highly-skilled worker and able to earn a decent living. The majority of people in the world, even somewhere still relatively wealthy like Europe, find it quite difficult to even make a basic living. Even somewhere like the UK, unless you are hustling reasonably hard, you may be living below the breadline.
Or your* boss.
Or you work really hard, and you’re boss says to you.
Awesome article! I’m 34 years old, live with my parents, never had sex with a woman, I’ve struggled with porn and I’m finally at a point in my life where I’ve looked myself in the mirror and said, “This is friggin’ ridiculous!” “What am I doing?!” I admitted to my sister and brother-in-law that I’ve struggled with porn.
You’re right, Jesse. I agree with you that there are a lot of messages in society which inculcate into men that they need ‘stuff’ before they can get women. Personally, I think I’m a great guy and grew up in a very loving family. Backyard cookouts and good conversation are more important in my family than BMWs or an oceanfront mansion. Ironically, I bought a BMW for myself awhile back thinking that it would enable me to get chicks and get laid. Instead, I jerked off to Internet porn during the 8 years I had my bimmer – never asked a woman out on date and never had sex with a woman.
Instead, I have a very low-paying job. I once worked as a ship’s officer making $65K/year. I currently have bouts of porn-induced ED (from watching too much porn) – “Oh, yeah, it’s real fun!” I’ve been to the beach where I’ve noticed a cute mommy bend over in her bikini to grab a sandwich or pick her ‘wedgie’ out of her butt and I’m not even slightly aroused. Life is great! (I’m being sarcastic.)
Yes, I created my problems, but, I’m on a quest to fix things.
I there is some truth in this. But I think pursuing a worthwhile career and leading a purposeful life will attract others into ones life.
Your article has totally liberated me, I recently resigned from my work.
I don,t know what next to do however deep in my heart I feel I made a good decision and time will liberate me.
The Material thoughts has enslaved People in jobs they hate and relations that totally enslaves them.
I have decided to derive my Confidence on Internal values and not societal pressure.
Thanks again and again
gettin to love life as it is…. rid the
notion of material thoughts
Jessy what do you have to say to this guy? ^
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