We all know what traditional addiction looks like; being addicted to drugs, cigarettes, booze, gambling, food.
Well, whereas those addictions we all think of as addictions, there are also passive online addictions as well.
I’m talking about watching television, surfing the Internet, checking email, online social networking like FaceBook, playing videogames, getting sucked into virtual communities and Massively Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Games, and anything that involves you getting distracted by a monitor or television screen.
Entertainment passivity also includes spending hours and hours and hours reading pickup forums and tactics and techniques to no end, with no real intention to implement any of them.
We’ve largely surrounded ourselves with walls of bullshit that prevent us from really expanding ourselves and instead keep us bouncing back into our chump interiors.
The Excuses I’ve Used…
So you’re all psyched about going out to meet women… BUT you’ve surrounded yourself with all of these easy alternatives to turn to.
“Yeah, I could go out…”, you think, “But it would be just so easy and so comfortable to catch that great television show tonight.”
“Yeah, I’ll go out tonight,”, you muse, “But first let me check my email and see what all of my virtual friends on Facebook have posted in their profiles.”
“I want to go out and meet women…” you’re thinking goes, “But really this week, I have to finish Grand Theft Auto, I’ve almost made it to the end of the game.”
Or you turn on the television… “I’ll just watch an hour.” And an hour turns to two hours, turns into three hours and then, “Well, its just getting too late to go out. Maybe I’ll play a little Playstation.”
What we think of as “fun” in these cases is really what we’ve ADDICTED ourselves to being COMFORTABLE to, by again and again practicing the same day to day habits of stimulating our brains in a certain way.
How Our Addictions Get Started
Let’s take social networking, like Facebook for example. Just like any drug, at first you get a real high by talking to friends on there, maybe getting a “hello” or a “poke” from a cute girl, and you can get a rush, a dopamine hormone high.
And you get back on again to get the same rush. Except now your brain has adjusted somewhat, and needs even more stimulation to get that same dopamine high. Getting a “hello” from a cute girl isn’t enough to get you that same buzz, so you look for more girls or more friends.
Pretty soon, your brain has adjusted, and you need to get online just to feel Normal. Now being online becomes part of your identity, part of your daily ritual like eating breakfast, becomes a continual never-ending storyline that you want to see what happens next. Now if you don’t get online, you feel DOWN.
It’s said that the first time you try cocaine you feel this incredible high like a euphoria or having an orgasm and all you can think about is getting even more cocaine.
But your body quickly adjusts to the drug, and you never feel that same high again as when you first tried it. Each time, you get less of a high, and each time you get crazier and crazier trying to chase that original high you had. And pretty soon your body becomes so adjusted to the drug that you have to have cocaine just to feel NORMAL.
Same with anything else like Television, Internet, Games, Online chat. The rush they give you affects the same dopamine hormones inside your body as any hard drug. And pretty soon you need to be one more and more and more to get the same rush and it can just take over your whole life. Even watching or being online a few hours a day can suck a big chunk of your free time out from under you, gone, kaput forever.
And heck I was one of them. When I was in high school, I would spend all day and everyday playing video games.
Each and every day, I would literally go through withdrawal if I didn’t sit down for four or five hours. I eventually did get away from that in college, cold turkey, no television at all, no computer at all, because I knew had to make a serious lifestyle change. But, you bet, all that time in front of the computer really held me back and by the time I got to college I had a lot of catching up to do.
And what we have is most people are spending 2 or 3 hours each day on some passive entertainment activity, which will use up about 5 or 6 years of your life where you could be doing something else like meeting girls, having a social life, or being physically fit and healthy.
And that’s a huge problem. If you’re going to take meeting women seriously, doing the exercises, if television, and games, and Internet are seriously going to be competing for all of your attention, you’ve got a big problem in that it will prevent you from dedicating the time necessary to make this kind of change in your life.
Online is a distraction and bad for your state
Because look, you’re never going to escape your way to fulfillment or joy, or especially an extraordinary life with women. None of these passive entertainments are going to transform your life.
Distraction does not create a life of significance and fulfillment or joy or give you what you’re seeking.
I mean REAL FUN is being able to go to a social function, meet new people, make women smile, amuse yourself, put your arm around women and hug them, and feel the surge of testosterone and sexual hormones kicking off.
Real fun is dancing, moving your body, shouting, being with friends, and creating massive social pressure staying in set and getting blown out or generating massive hard attraction.
Real fun is seeing new places, going on the adventure, being outdoors on a nice day and climbing a mountain, doing physical activities and sport, preferably where you’re pursuing relationships at the same time.
Real fun makes you feel recharged and energized, real fun oxygenates your blood and your body and makes your brain active and feel alive, not hollow and screwed up like passive entertainments like television and the Internet does.
Getting out into nature, working out, playing sports, getting a massage, traveling to new places, meeting new people, laughing with friends, being with a girl… all of these are far more fun and far more healthy for you than passive entertainment.
But more than that, all of that passive entertainment transforms us into worms. It destroys our posture, makes us hunch over, degenerates our muscles over time which slows down our metabolisms and makes us fat. And worst of all, it stops cold the momentum we get from being in the field.
You sit down in front of a screen, and you’re stepping into your virtual identity, which you’ve practiced over and over again, which is a socially passive, socially conservative identity.
It retards and sabotages your progress, because with passive online addiction, you practice a very passive state, making you really good at it.
You’re training your brain to be comfortable being turned off, in a low testosterone, mummy state.
So let’s say, for example, that you have a great night out, you were tearing things up in the club, you were having fun, you had the girls on you, opening you, you makeout with some hottie.
Or maybe, more simply, you got into a conversation with a girl for the first time, and you felt really high and psyched about it. And now, it’s the next day, Sunday morning, the excitement has died down. What do you do?
Well you’ve trained your brain to relax in front of the television or computer. It feels so natural, it feels so easy. So you fuzz out. And you lose your momentum, you fall back into that old personality that just fuzzes out when you could instead go out do some sports or hit the gym to build up that testosterone, to continue to pursue relationships and improve your body and your health.
But if you whittle away the hours in a passive stupor, you don’t have enough time to devote to yourself, you don’t have the time to devote to making real lifestyle changes that have to happen because you’re always being distracted by the one eyed monster.
It’s almost like you have a little child you have to take care of that’s always crying and pulling away your attention sating, “Feed me! Feed me!” In this case it’s your socially conditioned passive online addiction that’s constantly crying “Feed me! Feed me!” and pulling your attention and time away from your higher goals.
Capitalism and addiction
And passive entertainment is SO commonplace in our society, that even if its in reality retarding your life and holding you back, it seems normal.
That’s because it’s built into our economic system itself. We’re taught to live our lives through the screen, to be spectators. That’s how big business makes their money.
Corporations WANT you to see their advertisements so that they can convince you that you need the latest electronic gadgets or latest styles or status symbols so that they can make a profit to remain in business and grow.
Business schemers WANT you to get addicted to never ending stimulation. They want you to become a passive idiot who can’t get laid… that way they can sell you all the substitutes like cars, clothes, magazines, electronic toys, and the like.
An army of programmers are paid big salaries to make you constantly entertained, addicted, stimulation junkies. Passive online addiction and keeping you at home without friends or girls is big business.
Because if you were getting laid and having fun just being yourself at the party you wouldn’t need all that material stuff to buy. You’d have no desire for it and you wouldn’t have any time for it, you’d be too busy juggling girlfriends.
You see, if you don’t actively take control of your destiny, somebody else will. If you don’t actively take control of your time, there’s thousands of high powered marketers being paid big money and big salaries to distract you and take control of your time and your eyeballs.
Nerds are paid millions of dollars to sit around all day to design distracting games to addict you consume all of your time. Marketers are paid huge salaries to design distracting advertising. And writers and creative types are paid the big bucks to suck you into storylines and plotline fantasies that have nothing to do with your real life.
So what happens is that a new artificial ecosystem environment is created. In this ecosystem you can have all kinds of stimulation, you can step into new characters, step into new identities, have hyper stimulation experiences, and its all really easy physically, you can just sit in a chair and not move and let the marketers and writers and corporate giants take care of it all for you. And our caveman brains aren’t equipped to handle it, this artificial ecosystem just sucks us in.
Problem is, it doesn’t get you anywhere when it comes to meeting real women, having real friends, having real experiences and real pleasure in the real world. And every time you step into that artificial, entertainment, capitalism corporate created ecosystem, you’re abdicating your responsibility to make your own life, your real life really, a cool one.
So don’t let them. Don’t live your life like a cave troll or even a just part time addict. You need to get rid of these passive online addictions from your life and begin living at a higher level where your life is fully worth living. Because if you do, women are going to want to be part of that and you’ll have the time necessary to devote to this.
What to do about online addictions
So what we need to do is identify what needs improvement and changes in your habits.
Your goal is to get down to ONE hour of passive entertainment a day. This means if you watch television, pick your favorite program, and that’s it, no more than that.
Better yet though, throw out your television completely. You really don’t need it. If you have a television in the bedroom, definitely get it out of there.
Video games are very addictive, it’s hard to stop after just an hour so again… really no video games at all. Delete them from your computer, or throw them away in the garbage or give them away. Get rid of them, get the temptation out of the house.
Internet, again be very careful. Limit your time there. Consider making Mondays the day of the week you can surf the net. Anything you need to surf for, make a list the rest of the week, so that when Monday comes around you can do everything you need to do on that one day.
Things like Facebook or MySpace, seriously limit your time on the online networking. You need to get away from it, it’s a big distraction.
Again I advise you to be radical in your methods of elimination—throw it out, get rid of it, minimize the temptation as much as you can. The best way to minimize the temptation is not to have it there. Just like if you’re overweight and you want to lose excess pounds, get the cookies out of the kitchen.
At first you’ll probably will feel some withdrawal symptoms. You get home from work or school, you plop your butt down on the couch and there’s no television, no games, no Internet… it’s quiet… it’s going to feel uncomfortable. You’re going to start to feel antsy like you need some passive entertainment brain stimulation in front of a screen.
So recognize when you’re feeling the withdrawal, and quiet and calm it down by going outdoors for a walk, calling a friend on the phone, hitting the gym, cooking some food, maybe reading a book, or if you know a girl give her a massage or whatever. Create new rituals for yourself.
So identify what passive entertainments are holding you back, sucking up your time, socially retarding your growth, and what your plan is to limit them, and what you plan on doing to replace them with more active, more real world engaging substitutes.
And for my entire dating and lifestyle transformation formula, check out my 15 hour Nonverbal Sexual Mind Control program. It’s got a complete system for transforming your life as well as your dating tactics, so that you can start living the life you truly were meant to live.
21 thoughts on “How To End Online Addiction Once And For All!”
thank u jesse….. but i need a clarification?
i am trying to stop but i couldnt . help me….
Would you consider guitar playing passive entertainment?
“And writers and creative types are paid the big bucks to suck you into storylines and plotline fantasies that have nothing to do with your real life.”
Unless it’s Game of Thrones. Because, well. It’s Game of Thrones.
Finally an article on developing inner traits than club pickup or 3-somes! Is Jesse finally getting mature? Hahaha!
Joking apart, one of your all-time best articles! Down-to-earth, in-your-face advice!
IMHO, you have mentioned about using only Mondays to surf web (damn, too hard to implement), limiting 1 hr to TV, etc.; you can extend this to restricting checking emails, texts, etc. during the day. Those things can distract you several times during the day.
Keep up the good work!
Yes, restricting email as well is good too
Going out requires spending money. When I sit at home im saving money 👿
LOL that’s true
I understand where your coming from, but I train in martial arts (23 yrs and counting), train in weight training, watch a bit of porn from time to time and play rpg style video games – does this now make me a loser ? I think not. I think overall balance is the key to life. Comments ?
It doesn’t make you a loser. But you ARE buying into the passive culture and it WILL hold you back from achieving your full potential. The best balance is to block that stuff out as much as possible and not fall into the trap of thinking it’s okay
Thanks for this post. I’ve come to realize that porn has been getting to me. I wish I never got on to the site xnxx.com haha. Thanks for your advice. With this advice I am going to make sure anytime I get that “itch” I do something else i.e. learn french, go for a walk or any of those things that you’ve recommended.
Yep. At least if you’re going to do it, don’t be looking at a screen
I thought you’d find this post Suz’ wrote relevant from the other perspective — when women engage in passive, mindless, numbing activities like too much TV.
Thanks for the tip
one of the most important articles I’ve read for a long time. Thank you for writing it, you clearly break down how online addiction affects you and what it entails.
Btw. when it comes to strengthening online addiction I think (internet) porn is the most serious culprit. Once hooked onto it it gets very hard to wean yourself off it again. And yeah, I’m speaking from experience here. Apart from affecting your entire state, making you more ashamed and submissive around women, generally degrading your entire confidence porn also weakens your erections over time. Go to yourbrainonporn.com for more information. I think a lot of (young) men suffer from that. Just thought it deserved mentioning here for the sake of completion.
Anyway, kudos on a great article with life-changing potential and on a great blog in general,
Wow thanks Leo for all the props. Glad the article helped you so much
Awesome post, Jesse. I’ve been feeling sapped and overwhelmed by my technology addiction lately, but this has inspired me to really make a change.
Dagonet, yeah I saw that you’ve been down-in-the-dumps lately. Internet is horrible for that… physical activity is good 😛
Leave your comments here…
Love this post .Year after Year it gives value to all of us .
It’s hard to get rid of technology distractions , but I know very few people who almost dont use any computer or technology stuff,and are happier and less stressed than most of us .
Im just trying to get rid of so many clutter in my life : excess of apps in pc and smartphone , cable tv , videogames,etc.
Im glad you dont just talk about getting women , but how to make our lifs better as human beings .
Thanx soooo much !!!