There’s a huge trap that derails SO many guys who are getting into this, that derails them long before they ever have a chance to meet the girl of their dreams or just have a cool lifestyle of sexual abundance.
What they see, or perceive to see is, a what they believe to be a path of least resistance… making money.
They think to themselves, “Man if I made double my salary every month, I’d be happier. I could do more things with the money I’d earn, I could have more things. I’ll be free to meet more girls. I can show off a cool car or bring a girl back to a cool apartment.”
Now maybe you don’t believe that just being a wishy-washy supplicator, buying a woman flowers and chocolates and gifts will get you into her pants, but still, in the back of your mind you think, “Well, if I did have a lot of money it would make things easier. If I had a really hot car, well this would be easier. All things being equal, if I had a lot of money I’d have an easier time at this. IF I had the money, it would be better.”
Or maybe in the back of your mind you’re thinking, “Man, if I just lived in a cooler part of town or had my dream apartment or a hotter car, this would all be just so much easier.”
So you’ll find a lot of guys actually PUT OFF learning this stuff and dedicating themselves to it because they want to focus on achieving material success first—either they want to focus on school first or they want to focus on their job first. With the idea in their minds that learning to get girls can come later until they’re more stable or where they want to be in life materially.
The Paradox Of More Money
But here’s the weird thing though. Here’s the paradox. Forget girls for a second, we’re going to get to that. Research after research shows again and again that after your basic needs are met, extra material wealth has little or no effect on life satisfaction or happiness.
Look at it- compared to 1960, Americans today have doubled their spending power, doubled it. Largely because more women have moved into the workplace instead of staying home with the kids. Americans have bigger houses, twice as many cars per person than in 1960, flat screen televisions, microwaves, computers, brand-name athletic shoes, 100 television stations, digital music players.
The accumulation of material goods is at an all-time high. But here’s the seemingly weird thing…. we’re also at an all-time high is the number of people who feel lost and empty.
For instance, people spend more of their free time alone than ever. Yeah we have cell phones, social networking sites. But what are we really doing physically?
Nearly 90% of Americans drive to work in their car, most of them alone. At work, most of us work alone in cubicles or we’re so busy or so sheltered by management that we can’t have meaningful human interactions or relationships with the people who work with us. After work, we drive home again, alone. And at home we’re often so tired we just plop down in front of the television, isolated yet again.
For most of us, even though we have all these new fantastic communication technologies that money can buy- like we can be on the other side of the world in an airplane within a few hours, we can instantaneously talk with someone across the country on a cellular telephone- our world as far as our interpersonal relationships has become very small. And all the scientific research shows that after basic needs are met, extra material wealth has little or no effect on life satisfaction or happiness.
The effect of money is small because money is spent on bigger or better cars, houses, and holidays. A boost in income or possessions can make us happy temporarily, but people soon adapt and begin lusting again. People buy things because they think material goods will give them pleasure, but in fact, according to studies, purchased goods make very little difference in our lives as far as our level of happiness goes. Studies even show that lottery winners are very happy after winning, but that their happiness level reverts back nearly to the original levels after just a few weeks.
It sounds counterintuitive. We assume that having more money will mean we can do more things, have more time, be more respected in people’s eyes, be more attractive. So why doesn’t income increase happiness?
Money Doesn’t Buy Intimacy
At a certain point, making more money doesn’t buy sexual relationships, money doesn’t buy friends, and money doesn’t buy leisure time for activities. Money doesn’t buy you free time.
Most people earning lots of money have no extra leisure time than those making less and are often they’re working LONGER hours on the grinding treadmill to keep up with the Joneses, and end up having no time to spend doing the things they really want to be doing.
You cannot purchase good health and physical fitness- one needs the leisure time to exercise and do physical activities.
You cannot purchase friends- making money in order to “buy” friendship spoils the intimacy of the relationship. People who simply maximize their earnings are liable to lose friendships from neglect.
You cannot purchase sexual intimacy- studies found that men who paid for sex with a prostitute were considerably less happy than men who had sexual relations with women they had won on their own.
Studies also show that men with larger incomes do not have more sex and do not have sexual partners than men with lesser incomes. And working long hours for money does not improve one’s social skills or leisure time, both which are necessary for attracting women.
And while getting a bigger car or television gives people a boost of pleasure and maybe the ooohs and aaahs of friends, the pleasure quickly fades and they’re no happier than before. It’s because we adapt- we get used to the new circumstances of what they have.
Money Doesn’t Buy Time
Especially just consider the TIME issue. If you put off going out and meeting girls in favor of spending extra time at a job or a career… look, you only have so many days in your life. They’re going to go by fast. Wooooosh. It really only comes down to about 10,000 days in the prime of your life and they’re counting down quickly.
That’s why an extraordinary life does not come from more money… because lots of people have lots of money and they’re still miserable. They’re unhappy, they’re unhealthy, their relationships are weak.
They spent all their time chasing MONEY, and they didn’t have enough time to learn the skills to get GIRLS.
It’s called opportunity cost. I’ve been offered jobs to make three times what I make now, but I don’t take them. Because taking a job working 60 hours a week, the opportunity cost is that I give up the opportunity to meet women and have quality relationships with women.
What’s the point of having a Corvette if you’re behind a desk all day and your skin is turning the color of the wallpaper and your social skills grow WEAK and you become more of a sloth or a slug than a REAL MAN that women want to fuck?
I can relate to you my own story when I went the materialist route. Because I was an experienced programmer, almost overnight out of school I had this great paying job, an apartment almost right on the beach in one of the nicest building complexes in Ft Lauderdale, I had gotten my body ripped from working out 90 minutes each day—and I was miserable!
I was working all the time, exhausted, and had no TIME to actually meet women. I was playing by somebody else’s rules and I was completely unhappy.
And that’s what happens to guys who drop out of the game to focus solely on their careers and chasing money, they feel terrible inside ultimately because they’re marching to somebody else’s drumbeat, they’re marching the drumbeat of social conditioning that makes them play a role that they didn’t create, living a script that they didn’t write, just for outside approval.
And if you don’t have time, if you’re stressed out, if you lose your social skills from lack of use… this is the perfect formula for NOT achieving success with women or getting a great girlfriend.
There are people with no money whatsoever and they’re happy and fulfilled. That’s why guys in South America where there are very few job opportunities do much better with women because they don’t have this huge distraction burdening them, weighing on their minds, and making them feel inadequate.
Hoarders Can’t Let Go
And here’s the other thing about money. Even if you DO start earning a lot of money, even if you DO get rich, MOST people become hoarders. And what I mean by a hoarder is someone who cannot let go of the activity of making money and cannot let go of all of his comforts and possessions to go out into the uncomfortable world and meet girls.
A hoarder will always remain clinging to this shore of money and materialism; he can’t go to the other shore of women, because all his hoarding belongs to this shore.
Somebody says, “come on, let’s go out tonight” but the hoarder says, “First I have to play Playstation on my 50 inch flatscreen television… then I have to attend to my gardener and see that he’s taking care of the landscaping properly… than I have to attend to my work so that I can pay for all of these luxuries. My whole life is here.”
The money and possessions and work become chains that prevent your freedom, but with enough time you will become attached to them. You won’t see them as chains, you’ll see them as pretty ornaments, made of gold, precious to you.
Your heart will ache on the one hand because you can’t pick and choose the girl you want to meet at a social function, but on the other hand all of your things are so comfortable. Those chains, those attachments become your life, they become your very existence. They don’t bring you women, but they bring you moments of happiness.
When you’re rich, you may like to be free to meet women, but your new cage has certain securities and safeties. In the cage the parrot has no need to worry about food, has no need to worry about enemies, has no need to worry about a thing in the world. It is cozy, it is golden. No other parrot has such a valuable cage. Your power, your riches, your prestige, become your cages. You want to be free to meet girls, but freedom feels dangerous. Freedom has no security or safety.
You work all your time away to have money, but money becomes your fetter. Even if your chain is made of gold, it is still a chain.
11 thoughts on “Getting Rich And Getting Girls – The Crazy Money Paradox”
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Sure, I have a thought. It’s this –
It doesn’t *have* to be that way.
In other words, making a good deal of money doesn’t
have to *mean* neglecting other areas of life.
It’s a choice.
The impression I get from this is that making a lot of
money is *pointless* to *anything* (although I doubt
it’s your intent to use absolutes).
Fact is, money *did* give me freedom to do more and
Money DID give me more time to spend with family &
friends. I can do things now with them I couldn’t do
before (take them out to dinner in an instance, for ex.)
Money also gave me more time to meet women and it
freed up my mind from thinking about other things like
paying bills to focus on improving my game.
It’s a *choice*.
…it’s a choice to allow money to kill personal growth.
It’s a choice to work to the bone and have no one to
share it with.
It’s a choice to work on growing a larger bank account
to the exclusion of everything else.
In other words, wanting to earn a lot of money to live
a great lifestyle doesn’t have to come to the absence
of everything else important in ones life.
I used to be that *materialist*…I made a lot of money
and didn’t know what good to do with it so I did what
most men would do — spent it on *stuff*.
…video games, toys, upgrades, subscriptions…stuff.
Fortunately, I’ve grown to learn that, as you’ve said,
the feelings of joy from acquisition is fleeting…and I’ve
sold off most of the *stuff* I had to spend on having
Skydiving’s an experience. Eating different foods…
kayaking…hiking…watching a sunset…travel…seeing
the great wall of china…making friends with different
races of people…etc.
Some of these things require money to do, some of it
doesn’t…but having a lot of money to have these
experiences sure as hell beats NOT having the money
to jump out of a plane or go scuba diving in the coral
A lot of experiences COST money…those are the things
we live for. Experience. I can’t get experience watching
a big screen TV with 3d projection, the latest cell phone,
an iPad, facebook browsing, etc.
Those *true* experiences and more are what you will
remember when we pass on because it’s what were
here for — driving the nice corvette is a nice experience
…problem is it’s an expensive experience that gets old
fast and can trap people into what can turn into a night
Anyways, money is a TOOL.
Your analysis, to me anyways, is like calling a hammer
a deadly weapon that should RARELY be used to hammer
a nail in a board if it’s the easiest solution.
Why throw the hammer away if it gets the job done in
a positive way without killing anybody?
Besides, it’s easier for you to say money isn’t a factor
if you’re LIVING off enough money to live the lifestyle
you live, Jesse.
Think about it…
could you afford to eat as healthy as you are, go to the
gym reguarly, meet women, and travel the world if you
DIDN’T have money to *have those experiences*?
You may not have a ton of material possessions, but what
you DO have from your financial success is TIME.
That I believe we can both agree on
Ben, you’re right, you do need a base level of money just to maintain good health. Like going to the gym, eating right, and having transportation.
The problem is addressed to those 99% of guys that chase money to “impress” women with “stuff”… and end up with no free time and working all the time.
Got a thought? Leave a comment below 😀
This article is complete bullshit. If you don’t make any money and meet a girl by telling her ” I am jobless and I still live with my parents . I really like you. So lets meet again” What is the chance of him getting laid ?? ZERO
money DOES buy happiness and IS for sure a necesssary condition to get laid.
Necessay but not sufficient condition of course.
There is a threshold above which money does not really help increase your chances to getting laid. What is that threshold ? Well it is easy. You have a job with a very good salary enough to pay the rent of an appartement in city center Plus buy a car Plus amazing vacations plus having a life style . So the threshold would be around 100K $ a year.
Nickel,you r so wrong!