Have anxiety and confidence issues around women?
Your school and teachers – and their measuring system – may have been the culprit, and fucked you up.
Here’s how to find out if that’s the case and how to fix it.
A big culprit of anxiety with girls comes from the measuring system in school.
Teachers constantly measured you, judged you, placed you, and rewarded you for reacting to their demands.
And what happens to us good students is that,
1. We learn to constantly react
2. We become fearful of making mistakes and getting negative feedback (a bad grade)
3. And we become obsessed with being liked
We juggled pleasing the teachers, pleasing our parents, winning approval, being liked, and meeting other’s expectations.
And that measuring system back from school still haunts us in the back of our heads.
It created a need for constant feedback that we’re doing well and that we’re okay.
And as adults, years later once school is long gone, we constantly feel we need feedback that we’re good guys, that we’re worthy, that we’re doing well in our work.
We constantly feel we need to be reassured by others that we’re doing right, even when we ARE already doing everything right.
Consequently, our confidence comes from approval from OTHER people – from our teachers, from our bosses, and from our friends and family. It’s not internal “SELF-confidence” or “SELF-trust”, but rather a CONDITIONAL confidence where we only feel good based on the feedback we get from others.
And the constant judging from superiors and reactive approval-seeking continues into the workplace.
We want our bosses and their measuring system to like us and we want to get positive feedback which makes us feel good and boosts our self-esteem. And when we don’t get that, we crash and feel terrible or get depressed.
Our inner self is constantly crying out for approval from other people.
The Measuring System and Meeting Women
But when it comes to getting GIRLS and meeting women, then approval seeking, wanting to be liked, fear of making mistakes, and striving to do our very best are all “Nice Guy” habits that generate ZERO attraction.
The “good student” at school and the “good worker” on the job are essentially “nice guy” traits. And Nice Guys don’t get the girls.
All that approval seeking and wanting to be liked makes you NERVOUS around women because you want to be perfect, not make mistakes, and you’re obsessed with the girl LIKING you.
That makes your game timid and WEAK and you don’t take any risks. You break eye contact first, your voice cracks, and you can’t think of what to say that would be perfect. And you don’t dare initiate physical contact in case she won’t like you. You’re afraid of “getting the bad grade on your report card”, which causes you to choke and be boring instead!
That “nice guy” identity back from school is also what gives you approach anxiety. An inner voice holds you back from saying hello to her, because it wants to be liked and get approval above all else.
The Rules Are Different
But the rules for creating hard attraction with women are *completely different* than the rules for succeeding in school and your work.
The school measuring system, which rewarded you with star stickers, good grades, and pats on the back – or punished you with public humiliation – now makes you a weak-noodle-of-a-nice-guy with women.
Because school taught you essentially one thing, each and every day, for years and YEARS… how to supplicate and kiss ass!
Because school isn’t doing what YOU want to do, but REACTING to other people to please THEM. And that nice guy identity was beaten into you day after day, year after year.
And that’s an identity you have to unlearn.
Because it’s a shit identity when it comes to getting girls.
The good student makes you just another “nice guy” with weak-ass, supplicating, kiss-ass, timid, conservative, “please like me” reactive game.
But to be attractive to women, you’ve got to speak UP and be LOUD and INTERRUPT them (the exact opposite of what you’re taught in school).
To be attractive, you’ve got to start grabbing girls by the hand and pulling them into you with unbreakable, full frontal eye contact (the opposite of “keep your hands to yourself”!).
And that means you WON’T be liked by everyone. Not every girl will like you, and maybe you piss off her friends sometimes. It means getting as many “ F ” and “ D ” grades as you get “ A’s ”.
It means being the black sheep, the bad boy, the guy who goes for what he wants without apology – and fuck what anyone else thinks!
Dropping The Old Identity
The “nice guy” identity of appeasing and kissing ass, beaten into you by school’s measuring system, must NOT remain your identity as it FAILS you completely when it comes to women.
You’ve got to drop that old identity.
You’ve got to drop that identity and adopt a little more self-trust and bad boy FURY.
Speaking more loudly and with breaking rapport tonality.
Making more unbreaking, full frontal eye contact.
Going right up to girls and telling them they’re “hot as hell” to their faces, without apology.
Fully accepting your own flaws and imperfections, trusting in your own actions, and taking action.
P.S. And I show you exactly how to do all that step-by-step in my revolutionary program Nonverbal Sexual Mind Control.
Because bad boys don’t care that they’re not perfect… or even suck at “the game”.
What makes you a bad boy is that he just goes up to the girl and grabs her and compliments her, fuck everyone else, fuck his flaws, fuck that his game is lame, fuck what anyone else thinks, and especially fuck the girl thinks. That’s the bad boy! And he doesn’t give a shit about getting an “ A ” or any kind of approval for it.
How to Make The Change
So you may think to yourself, “Okay Jesse I won’t be the nice guy. I’ll be the bad boy. No more supplicating, no more reacting, and no more approval seeking!”
But remember, these habits were ingrained over YEARS.
The “nice guy” identity has been beaten deep into your core since childhood, especially if you were a class nerd… like I was! (My nerd vice in high school was computer programming)
And when you go out to meet women, you’ll still feel that super “nice guy” underneath who’s afraid of not being perfect, who’s afraid of not pleasing, and who’s afraid of not getting the girl’s approval.
So it’s not enough to just say, “Okay, no more Mr. Nice Guy from now on!”
You’ve got to really TRANSFORM how your identity more DEEPLY. And it’s going to take more a radical action on your part to break out of that mentality.
That’s why I created the 15 hour Nonverbal Sexual Mind Control program, so that you can make a DEEP transformation that will allow you to start creating HARD attraction with girls, free of the reacting and approval seeking, and free of the weight of school’s old habits.
Just click THIS link here to download the program right now.
And when you make that deep level change, the anxiety around women will melt away and you’ll feel radiantly relaxed and confident for the first time, which is massively attractive to women.
Wonder how to keep conversation going and escalating?
For me it was school AND a father and two sisters who beat it into me that all girls were nice girls and would never think of getting laid. It has taken me years of reversing these thoughts and learning from people like you Jesse that all women love to get laid, love to get the “alpha male handshake” and want guys to dominate them and will never leave them when they get fucked by any guy who should be a “bad boy”. Thanks trillions Jesse for your insight and putting it on the internet for us “nice guys” to get things straight …. and have as much fun as girls do with their “bad boys”. One more thing: I am 81 years old and feel like a young guy again. Thanks again.
Brialliant thinking!
Hey Jesse, I can say that my high school years really screwed me up, also my mother’s way of raising me up. I was a ‘mama’s boy’ , spoke softly, and was very timid. When I was 12 I fancied about the girls but was terrified to aproach them, they started to say that I was gay, and actually got bullyed by them, the hottest girls I fancied.! Needless to say that my highschool years sucked big time.I had my first girlfriend at age 15, she had 18! She did everythin to get to the kiss close, I had ZERO game of course. But that kiss gave me at least a little bit of much needed confidence and relief. After that, I still had almost no game. I got laid at 21 for the very first time. Right now I’m 36, my game improved through the years, but I havent worked out some confidences issues. My last girfriend was a 22 yrs old 9+ , a true HB, ( and a highlight in my sex life) but after 2 years she dumped me. Now all my past demons of insecurity and unworthiness are back, but I really want to get back on track. I had a HB before, and I don’t really want to settle for anything less! Any advice?
Magneto, that’s a big very generalized question. You should post this on the forum Lounge to get answered in detail. 🙂
Mammas boys are awesome because when the two of you are alone, they are damn hot and sweet.
Just make sure on the exterior you appear confident and not a woman pleaser…easy peasy!
I live in China. I was walking around the other day and I counted 24 children. Out of the 24 kids, only three were girls! That is a sex ratio of 8 boys to 1 girl! I once taught a class of 33 students where only 3 were girls! Now I know the official rate is 5 boys to 4 girls, but this is ridiculous. Who will all these beloved sons marry?
I am aware that China has a one child policy, has a traditonal preference for sons as a replacement for a lack of a social security plan, and is backwards and undeveloped, but aborting females for males is beyond cruel. Estimates say that there will be a surplus of 60 million males in ten years.
http://www.economist.com/node/15606229
Chinese parents can have another child if they have a girl, but not if they have a boy. Chinese, however, often ignore the law, abort the girl, and have two sons. I am also told that China will import women from Russia, Thailand, Japan, Myanmar, Cambodia, Laos, and the Philippines to make up for the lack of wives in China. However, these countries do not have an extra 60 million women and India, Pakistan, Nepal, Vietnam, South Korea, and Taiwan also have a severe shortage of women. An imbalanced sex ratio is a serious problem and could lead social instability and even war.
If you ever go to China count the first 20 kids you see yourself. I bet you won’t find the sex ratio is better than two boys to one girl. If you are concerned about this problem, try to raise awareness by discussing this issue with others and ask them if they want to live in a world where everyone has an unmarried son.
Ouch! Sounds like it sucks there !
Yes, I got a hiding off the teachers many times (1970s), had the gym shoe on the backside and on one occasion a nice long branch off an ash tree, debarked by the teacher with his pen knife in front of me. Those were the days, when you jumped to attention when a teacher walked in, yes sir, no sir, three bags full sir. And you did your homework every night, you got every Latin conjugation and declension right out of shear fear. When our school went from grammar to comprehensive we had girls enter in the lowest form (year group), they could do anything they wanted and went to school without fear of the teachers because they were only allowed to give them a small cane on the hand, in reality though, it never happened. Things eased up a lot when the girls arrived. Strangely enough I was approached by a woman a few years ago and she asked me if I remembered her, she was one of those younger girls that followed our gang around, sort of like female groupies. She said we used to look after her and her friends. Funny, I can only vaguely remember them, I dont remember her, it was 30 years ago now. But she remembered me.
A few years later I went back to America (born there) and joined the US Air Force. I went through basic and screwed up so many times. They kept taking discrepancy forms off me, and I waited for the punishment. I was expecting to be hit or beaten. Little did I know that the forms were the punishment! I spent four years in the US Forces and did not see anyone abused, not even once. God Bless America.
And as for the original thread about school causing confidence issues, well over here teachers are like monsters! I always thought u guys in the West are so lucky to wear civvy clothes to school and if a teacher raises their hand on you, there is law to protect you. But here I have had teachers whack me on the knucles with a cane for not obeying, being thrown out of the class and made to stand outside! But ironically instead of me being ridiculed it made the teacher look like an asshole and when i told my mom about it (happened when i was 13) she had him by the balls and finally he had to apologize! But these days the laws are much stricter here and corporal (is that the word) punishments are banned but still the culture is such that you as a student are still expected to supplicate to teachers. Thats why its guys like you Jesse who show us the truth, give us awareness through your experiences and so I’m always thankful to you for that. 🙂
Yikes that’s quite a story. Glad you liked the post
@Jesse Lol. You are so right. Before that incident I had some success with women of every other nationality and I just had a thought which said, “Lets go for the difficuilt ones. I know there will be a challenge but lets see how far we can go.” Honestly it wasnt even really worth it as the girl was nothing great but just a plain ego thing on my part! Anyways thanks for the comment Jesse. And as for my style of learning I think I’m the cheap+well mode. I read a few tips from u and David D. But i put it out to test in the field. But the only trouble is in a culture like India girls have a reservation in their minds like, “How can I talk to a guy I don’t know”. Thats the first thing that they sometimes say when u talk to them. “But I don’t even know u”. And I will be like, “Oh? How unlucky for u! :)” and then introduce myself or something. With the European and American and Japanese women who come here to visit I feel more comfortable as their attitude to this is different and they are definitely more open minded and willing to hear you out, so its nice talking to them. Also, after a hard training ground like India where honestly there are more rejections than successes, ocassionally when I’m in any other place in the world like South america or Europe or the US I feel so much more confident interacting with women. Like there was this pub in Belgium i was in at once and the bartender was a cute chick. There were 3 “jock” Belgian guys who were kinda hitting on her but i started talking to her confidently. Then I played a song on the guitar which got her attention even more. I got an applause from the crowd and the 3 guys were stunned and that chick wrote her number for me in a balloon with a picture of a pair of boobs drawn on it!!
@Mitch Thanks dude, but no worries. I have a small scar on my neck from that incident and I see it as a symbol of change. Like this is the point in time where the tide turns for me and its a price that I had to pay to be good with women. Not only that I have also begun the practice of martial arts which I realize gives me an inherent sense of confidence, calm and believe it or some inner peace. Maybe this is what is harnessing your “warrior” energy.
@Jesse I’m getting most of stuff dude coz I do apply what you give out in the newsletters. Like yesterday I was out on a date with this chick and at the end of the date I told her she looked hot as hell and stared right into her eyes and eyed her down slowly. She gave me a mischiveous grin and a slap on the arm and then became shy! I enjoyed the moment. 🙂 So yes, I do intend to get your stuff in about six months from now coz I want to know more about what you are teaching. Morever I say 6 months coz thats the time I’ll really have time on my hands and if your reckless program would still be there we can have a talk over the phone or something. But at the moment I’m just broke and preparing for an upcoming professional exam which leaves with little time for seduction study. 🙁
I have to agree with you Jesse, school really fucked me up. Between getting picked on, having my hair pulled by a teacher, accused of cheating and interregated by the Principal into tears for something I had nothing to do with, and being shunned and mocked at by the most popular including the girls it’s no wonder I was traumatized into antisocial behavior so much so that when attractive young ladies seemed interested I was terrorfied to interact with them only to watch them go off with one the good looking jock/tough guys that most people did’nt like. You may be onto something there.
Sounds even worse than what I outlined. Bullies are assholes
Hey Jess!
Great post as usual. To the teachers’ experience I would add parents too! The need to be a good boy by your Mommy’s standards can be an absolute game killer. Most of us don’t realize it, but everything we do to please Mom and show her how good an obedient a little boy we are will wreak havoc in our later life’s attempts to deal with women.
It’s the little rascal who always got in trouble with Mom who has what girls are naturally attracted to! Rebellious, contrarian, adventurous, non-conformist, etc.
When dealing with women, we basically should do the exact opposite of what we would do on account of pleasing Mom. If you’re asked to take the dog out, you say no! (You still do it later because you know it needs to be done and you shouldn’t be a total jerk…but it’s the attitude that’s attractive to chicks)
Plus, that makes you a challenge to them; and chicks love a man that is a challenge… not a doormat.
@In The Shadows: Dude, sorry about you almost getting roughed up! Where in the hell do you live? I don’t think Jesse means we shouldn’t use a little caution when trying to be bold. I personally like stepping up to a chick in a way that only she can hear my spill. That way I can also retreat gracefully (or safely) in case of trouble lol…
Hi Jesse,
while what you are saying is very true, however there is an element of risk involved in just walking up to a girl and telling her that she is hot as hell. I have tried the, “You are really beautiful” “What’s your name?” a few times and it has worked fairly well until the last time i used it. This girl was a Muslim dressed in her “Burka” and she was walking with a friend who was not so conservative about her dressing and in fact was wearing a Jeans and a T-shirt. So I walked upto her casually dressed friend and told her “Hey I have to tell you that you are really beautiful”. As soon as I said this the Muslim girl in Burka started arguing with me, saying “How dare you say that to a girl u don’t know”. So I just said, “Hey I’m being pretty polite here and why are you being so abusive?” She just went on a rampage after that so I decided to just walk away (I didn’t apologize). In the meantime she calls up a guy on her phone and then suddenly I’m surrounded by 5 ruffians! Then i came to know that her dad was a politician. In all this her friend (who i originally talked to) didn’t say a word. She only asked her bitch of a friend to stop it and thats it was ok. But this radical woman was hell bent upon “teaching me a lesson”. So anyways these guys surrounded me and I had to eat humble pie that day. They even forced me to touch her feet and say sorry. And I had to do it coz if I didn’t theose freaks would have done much worse! So from this experience I have learnt that, even though what you are saying about being a bad boy is true and will cause attraction in more open minded cultures like the West, one still has to consider the environment he is in. If you neglect that you could be flirting with disaster! Anyway this hasn’t deviated me in any way from my path and aim of meeting women. Only I do it a little bit more subtly. Like u said, a full frontal eye contact says better than any words would, “You are hot as hell”. I once remember reading your post in which u said, “If u had the right body language and voice tone and strutted your way upto her and even intruded her personal zone and talked about the most boring thing in the world she would still feel attracted.” Isnt that still giving off the “bad boy” vibe in a more subtle way? Isn’t it also more artful than just plain passionate?? I really am looking forward to what you have to say and the lessons that you would distill from this story.
Expressing your sexual intent up front to a girl with your words is very effective, unless you are doing it to covered Muslim women with her jihad husband nearby, then it can get you killed.
thats so true J. The responsibility on the shoulders was to be liked by teachers and the like, this coming from good performance be it sport,debate,music,and school work, but gues what ? that was in vain. Still a bachelor at 32
/
This is so true Jesse,
really made me think about the past now and how things got fucked up
Hey Jesse, this touched an raw nerve with me as it has been an stumbling block all my life, the few great relationships have been when I said F it and just cut up.
great analysis Jesse, I approve.
you may want to bring this to the attention of Obama
finally they may change the antiquated schooling system
Kiaora mate.I must say that I didnt have that problem.As a matter of fact I start experimenting sex at age 12.I talk with a girl at lunch time and rub her legg.She said feels awsome.And I said ya really?She said yes do more.She proceded to say do more up her thighs and back.She smiles and said lets go throw a rugby ball.And we did.Thats how we start our love and sex education.We continue to do this until we were 14.We start kissing and dont really know what the hell is kissing about.But we learn and she ask me to touch her young pusi.I looked at her strangely but I did and she said she likes it.The next day we went to our garden after school and learn more.She ask me to try and feel her.I was nervous but I tried and we both feels like we be or bi but we figure it out that we are shock of the experience.Since than we never stop.At age 18 she got a baby.And our lifes never the same.We continue our schooling until age 23 and got married.We had 5 kids.She died of cancer at age 45.I am still widowed since.WE have 3 grand kids.I lived in Utah now and I am 56.Kiaora.Regionaly from Aotearoa New Zeeealand.Been here for 25 years.
Thanks for sharing your story
Wow Mista! Thats very profound story. It caught me off guard, as I originally though you are still 16 or something! How is you life now? are you satisfied? any regrets?
Cheers,
Tiger
Has school caused you confidence issues? Tell your story here 🙂
Jesse, you’re so right. Most of the time I have conquered a girl I have been kind of nasty with her, especially here in Colombia. I don’t say good bye; how arte you?…hell, I don’t even say HELLO! I notice that after a while they start looking at me differently and addressing me nicely, as if begging for my attention.