Women – particularly the most beautiful women – love unpredictable guys.
It’s not that women don’t like nice guys – oftentimes those let’s-just-be-friends have some sincerity in them – it’s that nice guys aren’t exciting. They’re predictable.
And let’s face it – almost everyone will pick exciting over pleasant every time. Guys too. How many sites are set up devoted to the hotness of Laura Croft? How many are set up exalting the attributes of Jane Austen heroines? Have you ever even had the patience to finish a Jane Austen novel?
I rest my case.
Nice guys often wind up in this atrocious position where they do everything “right” and his object of affection WANTS to like him… but there just is no spark because it’s so predictable. She wishes like hell she could dig such a sweet man who would treat her as well as anyone… but she just can’t. Her head is all into you, but her heart is somewhere else.
Her heart is seeking adventure. Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to go cliff diving or bungee jumping on a first date (at least not with all women), but it DOES mean you can’t be predictable. You can’t bland and inoffensive – because that path is so obvious she’ll know what you’ll say and do five minutes before you do it.
How long can you watch a painfully formulaic movie before getting annoyed – especially if there aren’t any explosions?
Now, jerks aren’t pleasant people. This isn’t a positive – in fact, it’s the reason they rarely find themselves in long-term or stable relationships, you can only put up with that shit for so long – but what jerks ARE is unpredictable. There are only a few “right” things you can do in any situation; the “wrong” things you can do are basically infinite.
That makes time spent with jerks interesting and exciting – you never know what will happen next. He’s totally unpredictable because he’s not trying to impress the girl. Because the situations usually turn ugly, you don’t stick with a guy like that for too long – but women end up with a major dilemma, because the excitement is like an addictive drug. When it comes to body chemistry, this is LITERALLY true.
Women who find themselves EXTREMELY addicted to this drug are the ones who might wind up in an abusive relationship. They know they shouldn’t be there – but they need that chemical fix.
I don’t know about you, but my aim in life has never been to be an abusive asshole. Even as a young kid I recognized that pricks got more women than they should, and that I would probably increase my success by following that pattern – but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Deep down, most of us ARE nice guys.
What to do?
How about isolate the attraction jerks provoke, without all the other bullshit?
This is where you relaxed playfulness comes in – if you are playing in a fun way, you aren’t being predictable. You aren’t saying what everyone expects – saying what ISN’T expected is one of the major keys to humor.
By extension, if you’ve got a girl laughing, chances are she didn’t expect what just happened. You give her that excitement while SIMULTANEOUSLY creating a pleasant atmosphere. That’s a rare combo. A double-combo knockout punch, if you will.
That said, the lady is going to test your character. Lots of times, this will come in the form of demands and requests – both direct and indirect. You want to keep the pleasantness, but you don’t want to give up any machismo or become predictable by instantly caving into her wishes. What to do?
DELAY. This is another key word. It applies to all sorts of aspects of dating, but for now we’re going to focus on spontaneity. Write it down somewhere in your journal.
Then write it down on 10 more pages, at the top, in bold letters. Go ahead and get creative. DELAY.
What do I mean by delay? Let’s say you’re going to dinner, and your lady mentions how much she loves sushi. Don’t say anything, and DON’T go there that night.
But go three weeks later. It shows thoughtfulness – and that you were listening – without any of the wimpy characteristics usually associated with such displays. Plus, she knows not to expect where the night will lead, and not to try and guide it.
She talks about how she loves the beach. Wonderful – take her there when she least expects it, like a Friday night after her work ends and spend a moonlit evening enjoying the waves before swimming the next day.
You get the idea. Pay attention to what she likes, but file it away. Don’t immediately try and fulfill her desires – it gets to be like the Twilight Zone about the gambler who never loses and realizes he’s in hell. But go ahead and fulfill them on YOUR schedule, at unexpected moments. Stay unpredictable.
This is one of the easiest lessons to learn, but also one of the easiest to let slip when crunch time comes. A little whining and most men lose their heads and do whatever is asked of them.
Better is to make it clear that you don’t have time for whining – nicely but firmly – and over time let the lady learn she will get what she wants – when YOU want to give it to her.
By the way, all of this, it counts about a thousand fold when it comes to sex. Few things are sexier than a man who doesn’t lose it at the sight of an exposed breast. If you can control yourself and DELAY satisfaction until you’re ready to give it over, the ANTICIPATION becomes more powerful than ACT ALONE usually is – making the act all the more powerful when it comes.