So you’ve been touching your lady in a non-threatening, playful, and sexually stimulating way. You’re ready to go (natch), and she seems into you, but for whatever reason, the CHANCE never seems to come.
The kiss-me look never quite materializes, or it comes at just the wrong time (her cell phone rings, for example). She’s shy and never gives you a good head-to-head look from which you can lean into it (and twisting around her craned neck is NOT sexy). Whatever. It happens.
What can you do? Well, one thing that works all by itself almost ALWAYS is this:
To give her that first kiss, gently but firmly take hold of her chin between your thumb and index finger. Move her head to face you. Think sex scene in a movie.
Chances are she’ll melt then and there and you won’t have to say a thing.
HOWEVER, sometimes you’ll have a woman who wants to PROVE just how strong she is, or how cool she is, or she’ll just be so nervous that she’ll actually pull away slightly even though she WANTS to be kissed.
What do you do?
Be straightforward: say “Do you want me to kiss you?”
If she says yes or nothing, just do it. If she says maybe, say “Let’s find out.” and do the first kiss.
And if she says no – unlikely given the build-up you’ve gone through to get here – say “I didn’t say you could – you just looked like you had something on your mind.” in a playful teasing tone. Don’t act let down – you were just PLAYING with her. Get it?
Wow, that was easy.
You need to be BOLD here – although bold isn’t the right word. Bold suggests you are doing something DESPITE doubting yourself or the result. It suggests a bravery that you want to erase.
WHAT?!! I don’t want you to be BRAVE?
That’s right. I want you not to care.
Listen, OBVIOUSLY you want to score. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t go to the trouble of wooing this lady, or setting the right mood, or reading this book even.
But you can’t let that be your OBVIOUS DIRECT goal when you’re in the process.
You need to concentrate on the PROCESS, and your GOAL should be as slick as you can.
Do that, and yeah, the sex will come (woohoo!), but if all you worry about is the sex that gets telegraphed to your lady in the worst possible way.
So, again, RELAXED playfulness is the key. While you are sexually cuing her you don’t want it to be overtly SEXUAL, as we’ve discussed before. You want it to be FUN.
The mistake most men make when they try to turn up the notch is they suddenly get too SERIOUS.
Think about it. Imagine yourself in a first kiss. How often are either of you smiling as you go into it in your head?
Admit it. Not much. Most likely your imagination has you both laughing, catching each others’ eye, sobering up with a soulful look, and then a lustful lip-lock.
Listen, it can work that way. Just like people can fall in love at first sight.
However, when you get SERIOUS at this crucial moment you cause her to think SERIOUSLY about it. Suddenly she’s switched into “Is he mate material?” mode and, unless you’ve got a deep spiritual connection going, she’s gonna have some doubts.
You don’t want doubts. You don’t want all those somber questions floating around. Hell, it’s just a kiss!
Stop treating the first kiss like a life-long pairing. Keep it RELAXED. Keep it PLAYFUL. Keep it FUN.
So no, don’t be brave about the kiss. If it takes that much bravado, you’ve already built it up too much.
Treat it like you’ve been there before. Like a natural extension of the fun you’re having. And not like you’re entering some new chapter in a saga, but just part of the path.
Trust me, this works.
And once you’ve kissed – STOP. That’s right. Go back to the fun you were having like nothing happened.
She’ll wonder what the hell’s going on.
Of course, you know you’re just TEASING her. By pushing forward and then stepping back, you’re increasing the sexual tension. Suddenly SHE’S the one thinking about sex – not in the serious Could-I-Marry-Him way, but in the Does-He-Like-Me? way.
When you fill in your next silence with another kiss, you should take it a little further. Then draw back a bit. And then take it a bit further.
See where this is going?
You want to ratchet up the sexual tension until she is WANTING to go further, faster than you’re going.
Keep playful. Make her beg (not in a mean way – remember, this should be FUN for BOTH of you). Before you know it, you’ll both be naked and putting the lambada to shame.
If you go too fast and she is uncomfortable, back off a bit and build her up. The key is making sure she WANTS the next step before you get there.
This means taking your time. Go slow. Pay attention to all the parts of her body (the erogenous zone is anywhere on the body, as long as you take your time and stimulate it).
Surprise her now and again – give her a tickle when she expects a caress. Peck her cheek and lean back when she expects a french kiss. Ever-so-slowly undress her, but when her bra is off, say “Oh, you look cold”playfully and put her cardigan over her shoulders and lean back with a mischievous grin.
Now this isn’t as easy to practice until you’re regularly getting women in your bedroom, so I’m going to give you an odd exercise here to simulate the control you need.
Remember when you’ve been masturbated by an experienced woman, or imagine being masturbated by one. Many of us know this feeling, so we might as well use it.
She moves forward with your arousal – but then stops or slows down. She doesn’t just go with the usual linear build to a crescendo. Instead, she takes her time to go in waves, with each crest a bit higher than the last.
When she finally gets you to orgasm, chances are it’ll be better than the usual.
That’s how you want to treat her.
The ladies will thank you for taking the time to enjoy the moment, instead of simply aiming for the splat.
Enjoy this knowledge, because not only is it the key to properly arousing her, but it’s the key to great sex as well. Use it wisely.