Something that tends to happen with ALL men – and especially those who haven’t had as much success with women – is they get stuck on ONE woman.
I don’t mean they get trapped in a monogamous relationship that is unhealthy. That’s a different story.
I mean the man who never GETS to the romantic level with a woman. And it drives him batty. It makes him try even HARDER to get her, and he’ll try again and again until she can’t stand the thought of him.
It’s a natural reaction. Humans hate rejection. Faced with one, NOTHING feels better than reversing it. We get into a competition with whatever man we imagine she’s waiting for, and we’re NOT going to lose.
It’s like baseball.
In baseball, unlike most other sports, you need to be relaxed to succeed. You can’t be too concerned about anyone at bat, or you literally choke the bat. You lose your fluidness, you lose your rhythm, you tense up, and you wind up choking yourself.
Women are the same way. If you strike out, the WORST thing you can do is try NOT to strike out again. The BEST thing you can do is take your next at-bat like you would in a batting cage. Relaxed and allowing your swing to be natural.
When a guy fails to get romantic with a woman he’s attracted to and he becomes MORE determined to get her, he winds up suffocating her with attention. He chases her, and what do we do when we’re chased?
We run away.
Worse, the woman gets built up in the guy’s mind to this elusive perfect creature, and the rejection sting just gets WORSE the more time and thought he puts into her. He feels MORE attraction, and the more he feels, the farther away she runs.
First, the woman is almost CERTAINLY not as great as you think she is. You start off attracted physically, but the more beautiful women you meet, the more you realize they have flaws, even more flaws, than everyone else. Sometimes more, because they wind up with a skewed view of the world because of their beauty.
What’s more, people always try to put their best foot forward when first meeting someone, and you can wind up with a more positive image than the complete reality warrants.
When you combine a pedestal view of a woman with the need to overcome rejection and the forbidden fruit, you wind up with an unhealthy obsession that just drives the woman away and makes you miserable.
The solution? RELAX. Let go of love-at-first-sight dreams. MOST of the time we’re dealing with lust-at-first-sight, and we get confused about it as other emotions push us into pursuit.
You need to remember that the girl you’re thinking about, most likely, ISN’T as special as you think. There are PLENTY of others out there, and plenty of THEM WILL be interested in you.
Why waste your time on one who isn’t?
The best thing you can do is go out and meet lots of women. As you have more success you’ll get a better grasp of what kinds of women are out there. You’ll also start to realize that, as perfect as one might seem at first, rarely does that impression last forever.
IF you’ve been out with numerous women AND you’re seeing one who seems like everything you’ve ever wanted AND you still think that after months of dating, great. You’ve found her.
But UNTIL you’ve done that, you really can’t know. So let that logical brain supercede the emotional one and realize your early impressions AREN’T THAT ACCURATE.
But while this is all very logical, it doesn’t really help the EMOTIONAL aspect, which almost always rules us humans no matter how much we try to argue it down.
So the key is to AVOID THE EMOTIONAL from the get-go. Stop yourself from prematurely getting emotionally involved.
Learn to say NEXT from the beginning. Don’t look at each new woman you meet as a potential ANYTHING except a learning experience. When you finally DO meet a woman who meets your highest expectations, you’ll know it’s REAL because she had to convince you.
If you stop yourself from getting emotionally attached, it’s much easier to let a woman who’s not interested go.
Once you’re emotionally invested, it’s tough to let go, even if you KNOW that it’s based on nothing but your own WANT and has nothing to do with her.
You want an exercise, do you? Ok, here’s an easy one. The next five women you are attracted to, talk to them. Establish rapport. Do everything you would do if you wanted to create attraction.
And then let her go. DON’T pursue her at all, don’t get a number, just take mental notes of what works well and what doesn’t, so you can use it in future interactions. Which should happen in the same frame – each approach is just practice for the next.
Oddly enough, you’ll find that nonchalance has an ENCHANTING affect on women, and you might have some start to show a lot of interest in you.
If one winds up so desperate that she just can’t help it, then when you progress romantically, remember that YOU are doing HER the favor. You’re breaking a disciplined practice to satiate this begging lady.
Carry this attitude around, and you should be able to avoid the irrational attachment to the ones who get away. No more tragedy. Hello happy aesthetic life full of women who want to be near you. Instead of YOU chasing THEM and driving them away, you want to get THEM chasing YOU.
8 thoughts on “Why Obsessively Crushing On A Girl Is Just Plain Stupid”
Thanks. I was crushing on someone. I needed to hear this.
great article! it is exactly what ive always believed and does work a miracle.. not giving a sh*t always has done it without emotional consequences for us men. But the question I have for you.. does this article not contradict some of your other articles on how the girl wants us to be persistence and they play games to test us?
Im not a chaser so i dont know how others do it but if a girl likes me but then turns me down for what ever reason, i would move on (thats just me).. are you suggesting that in such instance the man should be persistent in the persuit for her?
You need to persist on a girl, because a girl will give you some resistance often to test your resolve or if you’re being a wuss that will instantly crumble. Persistence takes place over the span of 10 minutes where you keep chatting her up and remain positive, and ignore her disinterest. She’ll eventually become attracted.
Crushing is a needy persistence that spans days, weeks, months and where the girl is not even in front of you, she’s in your imagination.
Persistence is real, concrete, non-needy, alpha, and happens fast. Crushing is vague, imaginative, needy, wussy, and spans months.
Man you know your stuff. Appreciate this post thanks a lot. N
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