Here’s why you need to touch a woman from the START – to release the oxytocin hormone into her body!
Touch is a major nonverbal sexual cue. It doesn’t have to be anything sexual – in fact, it’s much better if it isn’t. You don’t want to slip into the scary psycho stalker demographic.
No, all you need is innocent touches from the beginning. Her shoulder, her arms, hold her hands (and later we’ll go over strategies for that). It can be brief, it doesn’t even have to be skin on skin, but you HAVE TO initiate contact from the moment you meet.
Why? There’re a bunch of good reasons, so let’s start with the simple stuff. You want to anchor the thought of touch with you. She can love you, but if you don’t get yourself subconsciously associated with contact, you’ll have trouble.
More important, though, is the chemical reaction you create by touching the lady. Think about this: have you ever been around a woman who you didn’t find attractive, but she glancingly touches your knee? Your hand? Your forearm as she makes a point?
What happens? If she isn’t acting in a groping way (that only works with someone you’re already attracted to), you probably get a little spark. Maybe a big one. Your opinion slowly starts to change. You might start to see her in a new light.
This is something called the oxytocin response. We all have it. And man, it is POWERFUL.
That electric response you feel is real. Humans are touchy creatures, and we ALL long for contact. When you have that contact, an interesting thing happens. You signal the brain to flood your system with testosterone. As most of us guys are well aware, testosterone is responsible for our sexual urges.
That’s why men tend to get horny quicker than women.
But start the oxytocin cycle, and you increase the want for more touch. And that next touch creates more testosterone, wanting more touch… you see where this is going, right?
The thing about this is, the oxytocin response needs estrogen to work. While everyone has estrogen in them, women obviously have a LOT more.
Remember all those electrifying responses from contact? Well, with women the response is about 10 TIMES as strong.
Which is why women can get just as horny as any men. Or hornier.
See where I’m going with this?
You need early constant contact to get the oxytocin cycle going, and to get the resultant sexual feelings associated with YOU.
Again, this is not a license to grab. ESPECIALLY early on, if you make too much or inappropriate contact, you can mess up the oxytocin response by creating the fight/fear feelings that testosterone is ALSO responsible for.
Now as you get to know the woman better, you’ll want to INCREASE your contact and its meaning. This is why you want to lead a woman around by the hand. In fact, you should go ahead and hold her hand whenever you get the chance. In the car, walking around – you need to set yourself up so hand holding is NATURAL, but once you’ve done that, you want to USE it.
Listen, it might sound fruity, but hand holding is simply the best way to get her used to and WANTING contact from you. It’s the PERFECT lead-up to more.
As you get farther along with your touch, again, you’ll want to increase the tension. This means more POWERFUL and PRIVATE areas. Like thighs – inner thighs especially. Breasts – but not for any sort of extended time until you’re well on your way to a nice session.
To begin, you want the contact to be light, fleeting, and NATURAL.
Ok, so now that you know WHAT to do, I want you to think about HOW to do it. To help you along, I’ll give you one of my favorite methods.
I call it the Sexy Photo Method, and it works like this. You start by saying you want a picture together, so hold your arm out at arm’s length and snap the photo.
You need a digital camera for this, and here’s why.
When you check the picture, you gently and playfully mock her – say something like “This just won’t do. I can count the hairs in your nose!” or something else poking fun at her in the photo.
Move on to taking a photo of her alone. Say you want her to get in a sexy pose. She’ll probably give it a go, and then you can snap the photo and say, “No, this is no good. You can do better than that.”
Now she wants to prove herself sexy for you, but it isn’t an overtly sexual thing. You’re subtly suggesting the mood, but there shouldn’t be anything threatening about it – you’re still being playful.
Ask her to pose again, but don’t snap the photo. Instead, say something like “Here, let me help you.”
BECOME the fashion photographer. Assume the role (and we’ll talk about role-playing more later, too). Then, POSE HER.
Study her figure. Physically MOVE her legs, her arms, into position. Grab her waist and tilt it. During all this, you can brush up against her breasts in a natural non-threatening way – you’re just going about your photo business.
Snap some more photos. Talk like a photographer – “Yes, great, oh that’s sexy, yes – No! Stop! Ah, that’s better.” Put on a voice – make it fruity if you like. Keep this playful.
Pose her some more. Obviously, if you’re in public you can’t do as much, but if you’re in private, you can go much further. In fact, when I do this it usually leads directly to kissing and the bedroom.
Think about it. You’ve kept everything light and playful, while at the same time turning up her oxytocin response and getting her horny. Chances are, she’ll get hot enough that she’ll give you a signal to go further (don’t worry, we’ll talk about signals as well). If she doesn’t, you can STILL initiate something by actually asking her if she wants to go further.
I’ll talk about that soon, but first…
Come up with five other ways to initiate deeper contact in a friendly non-threatening way. Write them down. Test them out. If they’re good, they’ll get you to the good stuff. If they don’t work, toss them out and try something new.
Regardless, I’ve given you PLENTY to chew on here. Take your time. This is the most crucial step in eventually getting to the latter stages – our favorites.