You need to develop a showcase skill. Something that you’re passionate about.
Like playing guitar.
Or mountain biking.
Or physique building.
And itās far from an overnight thing. In fact, if you dedicate yourself to this in a major way, itāll be around half a year before you have anything worth crowing about.
But itās worth it. In fact, this goes way beyond the dating scene and will help out your whole being in basically every facet of life. Troubles polishing the confidence? Thisāll do it. Running out of interesting topics by your fourth date? Youāll always have this nuke. Having lots of fun with a string of ladies, but hunkering for something more meaningful? Hereās the key.
DONāT SHOW OFF
Weāll talk more about why this is such a good thing in a bit, but first, some warnings. You do NOT want to show off. You DONāT want to bring all conversations āround to this. In fact, you donāt want to mention it at all.
Listen, confidence ā as weāve discussed ad nauseum ā is HUGE when dealing with women, and probably the most important ingredient in any successful approach. But thereās a fine line you tread here ā and going from confident to cocky can be a BIG error.
We humans arenāt dumb. And one thing most people learn over the years ā especially hot women who get an unasked for doctorate in male psychology ā is that people often overplay their weaknesses.
Itās a classic defense system. A person is deficient in some area, so they try to talk themselves up. If a guy canāt stop bragging about how many women heās bagged, it either means heās telling the truth ā and every man hates him for it ā or, more likely, heās a virgin (or close to it).
You probably know this intuitively if not consciously, and when you think about it a little bit, it helps explain all sorts of odd behavior we encounter over the years. I mean, how many times do we need to see our insanely micromanaging colleague with the screwed up personal life before we make this connection? And I donāt mean see it in one person in an isolated instance ā I mean seeing it in NOST of the misplaced frustration of EVERYONE we encounter.
Psychology calls it projection.
Itās corollary is false boasting. And when you cross the line between being confident and being boaster, people start to question why you have to talk yourself up so much. Somewhere in their brain your brags begin to sound like insecurity. Watch any teen flick and youāll see this pattern play out over and over again.
DONāT SHOW OFF, but also DONāT BE WEAK
Ok, great, now weāre directly stating that you want to avoid showing OFF at all costs, but you want to keep that confidence and a certain AIR of cockiness around. So what do we do?
Of course, your first line of defense is being playful. If you can make any brag into a bit of comedy, you avoid most of the pitfalls. Like if I hear a date say something about how gorgeous a man is ā say, Brad Pitt ā Iāll usually retort, āYeah, heās pretty good looking. Not as handsome as ME, of course, but not bad ā for an actor.ā
See what I just did? Hereās a hint: I mixed my signals.
While I was talking about how great I am, I also inserted a little self-deprecation. I mean, demeaning a Hollywood studās looks in comparison to just about ANYONE is funny because itās ridiculous. If I looked like Brad Pitt, IāD be getting $20 mil per flick. Itās a JOKE.
But at the same time, I donāt back down. I donāt act threatened, and I donāt raise a guard. In short, I look COOL.
This is VERY powerful ā because it short-circuits or passes many insecurity tests that will be thrown your way.
But at the same time, you donāt want to JUST be witty. Believe it or not, that gets old. Faster than you think.
If you want to have any relationship beyond a fling at any point, youāre going to need some SUBSTANCE.
At heart, a person without interests isnāt interesting. And thatās where your showcase skill comes in.
Again ā and I canāt stress this enough ā DONāT TALK ABOUT IT. Whatever it is, the subject will eventually come up naturally. Force it, and you stray into show-off territory.
Let it arise passively, and you look legit. After all, if youāre SO confident that you donāt NEED to talk about it, then the talent must be real.
Alright, I know plenty of you are thinking something like āYeah, if you play guitar like Hendrix, but Iām an ordinary dude.ā Think again.
You donāt need to be extraordinary. Hell, you donāt even need to be that good. What you NEED is the proof of dedication to something not directly related to scoring.
Even if thatās what youāre really after.
Why? Suddenly you become a three-dimensional person. You take yourself straight out of any possible sleazy category and become a more complete human.
Plus, the confidence from knowing that youāre operating at something close to full potential at something is like the aphrodisiac chemists have wet dreams about.
Because most insecurity is, at root, the belief that we could be doing better.
Think about that a little bit. Itās a deeper statement than most.
So pick something. Anything. It doesnāt matter what ā ok, going on about your Star Trek Club rank might be too dweeby, but MOST anything will work fine.
As long as you have interest in it and you pursue it with PASSION, that passion gets communicated. You become a hot-blooded latin lover when the topic arises. You defeat any fears the woman might have that you are some one-dimensional pickup machine, and you get sexier in the process.
Your homework for this? Simple. Figure out what you love. If you already know, great, keep at it and donāt SHOW OFF, but at the same time donāt be shy. Let it be a natural extension of yourself that will come out whenever itās appropriate.
If you donāt know, spend a little time getting a grip on it. Apply some double-think ā you shouldnāt do it JUST to get women (although it will help you tremendously), but you should do it because you LOVE it.
Develop the passions in yourself, and youāll develop your pheromone appeal in the process.
Some guys like to get into magic because itās a great ice-breaker in social situations and in general is a wonderful social skill. But if you think itās silly, DONāT DO IT. Youāll come off plastic. Better to find something you genuinely believe in.
In short, do this for YOU and your own convictions. The women will follow.
I guess playing guitar for all these years did amount to something.
Sent u a friend request on fb…
Most of these things I wanna do for myself, u know? Like Krav Maga, Hypnosis, Singing, Sketching, Massage…
I’ve always been naturally attracted to massage because I am more or less a hands-on energy healer, I do Reiki, and also do whatever my instincts tell me…
Just looking to explore my horizons…
Im doing Krav Maga, its really hardcore… I remember reading in The Game that Mystery traded Krav Maga lessons for teaching game š
Im doing Salsa and some Hip Hop Dancing right now…
I have plans to take on the Guitar soon…
And then Singing, or maybe I’ll do Singing before the Guitar…
Photography and Painting added to my list…
Iv always wanted to Sketch a naked girls sexy back, ya know? š
I wanna do Stage Hypnosis, and then the dark side of the force – Erotic Hypnosis
Massage (including Erotic or Tantric, maybe White Tiger Tantra?) š
Palm Reading
I resonate strongly with what u said above, its not about sleeping with girls but about exploring myself and becoming a more well rounded person…
C’mon gimme some more, I’ll make a list and then get doing them one by one, u know? I love exploring new stuff…
btw are u on facebook?
that’s an extensive list… ! probably just one will do man !! yeah I’m on facebook, search for my name!
Jesse, u didnt give a list of 10 things, just gimme a list of cool things to explore that chicks dig š
Guitar man! photography. Painting. Singing. š You don’t even have to be that good at it 8)
What do you think, leave your comment below š