This is a guest post by the No-Nonsenser.
Now that I start to look back at my life, I wonder who has influenced me the most in my dating life, who were these friends / acquaintances / family members that have made me the person I am today.
The rule seems to be that the older I have known these friends, the less I have learned from them in terms of seduction. Depending on who you want to become you might have to rethink your entourage.
Your oldest friends (they could be your best friends) will drift away if you change too much compared to how much they change themselves.
This is an article about how your entourage will influence the person you’re going to become based on my experience and the choices you’re going to have to make if you want to become a player (in fact whatever else you want to become).
I have several different groups of friends, some from high school, others from college, from old jobs. Many of my oldest friends are now in long-term relationships or married. Some have kids although still in their mid-20’s. They’re the least adventurous, take only calculated risks in life, don’t travel much, have safe jobs and don’t go out as much as they used to (that’s if they ever did!).
I accepted it although it’s miles away from my diluted life made of chasing girls, working several jobs, partying like a rock star, starting businesses and traveling as often as I can. I do enjoy being around these friends for different purposes than chasing tail and I don’t want to lose them! They’re guys that I can usually rely on.
The only problem is that as time goes by our evolution is much different: I learn languages, new cultures when they stay in their daily routines. I will never let life or other people define what my future is and that’s what’s happening to some of my friends.
They seem defeated as if they had no choice but getting a comfortable job to pay bills and knock-up the first girl they meet. But the fact is you always have a choice, no one else controls your life and your decisions. If you can’t make decisions something has to change… maybe starting with the person sharing your bed.
Some of my friends just don’t get it they don’t understand the life some of us are leading, especially the fact that I’m nowhere close to settling down. It gives them the creeps that I bring a different girl every time I see them (although I try not to do that anymore unless I have to.I don’t want them to feel bad when they go to bed next to their overweight girlfriend. Worse case scenario, they think about my girlfriend while getting off).
They’re afraid that I might run away with their gal, Titanic-style (remember Rose & Jack?).
Don’t break the rules
These guys have usually low confidence, are jealous and delusional about their relationships. It can also happen that the girlfriend in question has eyes on you and he’s noticed it (and you know what, she probably does… girls need excitement. If her boyfriend is not providing that anymore she’s going to look elsewhere). If the guy is cool & trusts you it should be fine. Just don’t break the rules: that’s not cool.
Your jealous buddies are not going to say to your face that you’re a threat: that would be admitting a weakness but you’ll hear it soon enough from your other chatty friends! Believe me these guys are going to disappear from your life and will start asking if you’re coming to this or that gathering just to avoid that you run into their girlfriend. Should your head roll to keep a balanced group of friend? Who will it be: you or him?
Enough criticizing, as I’ve said I’ve accepted the way they are. There are other reasons that I still hang out with them, they’re great friends that I can rely on.
Theory is nice, but maybe a real life example would do the trick.
I have been buddies with this guy that I met in middle school almost 15 years ago. We used to be great friends: we did everything together from traveling, playing ping-pong, cheating in class to hardcore partying. He met his current girlfriend a few years back and they are heading towards this really boring path: they both have boring jobs to pay the bills, bought a house in the suburbs, and worse of all they’ve got cats. What next? Babies ? Please no! Wait at least ten more years!
A few days after he met his current girlfriend, I think this was back in 2007, I ran into them in a club. And there she was too.
I say hi, she puts her hands in my pants (nice way to introduce yourself: alcohol probably had something to do with that). I get as far as I possibly can from her. I’ve seen her a hundred times since that event and I always felt this strange tension every time she was there. I never found her attractive. She’s got that Jersey-Shore look that I find repulsive but it seems to satisfy my “buddy”. I would not have looked at her anyway whatever her looks would have been.
I don’t know about you but I take the expression “bros before hoes” very seriously. Girls change all the time. Good friends stick around. Jeopardizing a good friendship for a chick isn’t worth it unless you’re really sure that she’s much more than a random chick. I don’t respect guys that put chicks that they barely know before their friends. We’re not animals right?
Anyway… the situation built-up tension between him and I. He never shows up if I’m coming to a party where our common-friends are gathering.
A friend in common actually told me a few months ago: “Ass-face (let’s call him “ass-face”) is afraid that you’re going to steal his girlfriend”. That was quite a shock at the time as I had no idea that he had such low confidence and high trust issues (especially because we’ve known each other for 15 years and I have never done anything that could make him think that I was this kind of guy).
I don’t actually think that a head has to roll in this group of friends. By keeping details to myself (the fuck**ng as many girls as possible part if you didn’t get it!) I avoid most problems. I also avoid eye contact or friendly relationships with any of my friend’s girlfriends. Because of these decisions the relationships with my oldest friends are improving.
Redesign your environment?
But maybe you should be a bit more pragmatic: do you want to keep unconfident and sometimes back-stabbing friends?
Probably not, but then you might have to reconsider the whole group to avoid permanent tensions… I also think that if you want to be a player you’ll have to be around players. Just to learn from them; meet new people; go to new places. The people that have taught me the most about women are not the friends that I described above, it’s the players. Changing environment and friends can be a great plus to your game.
Before going to college I didn’t know anything about women. And there is a good reason for that. I used to live in quite a poor neighborhood where most of the population is Muslim. Most of my friends were also Muslims.
They didn’t teach me anything about women and anyway there were not many women willing to fool around with guys (Islam & pre-marriage sex don’t match. If you want to insist you’re going to have to face the brothers; cousins; mums… and my skinny ass wasn’t at that time very comfortable with that). That’s one of the reasons I didn’t get laid before the age of 18 apart from the fact that I wore braces from the age of 16 to 18…
Funny detail: I got laid for the first time a few weeks after getting rid of my rails (coincidence? I doubt it).
When I left high-school for college I didn’t know shit about girls. For the next two years it didn’t change much as I didn’t change neighborhoods. I moved from this area at the age of 19 (I actually changed regions). My environment drastically changed in this new college: girls were easier; prettier; and I could analyze real dudes doing their thing. There was real strategy and approaches: it was a complete change in my perception of women.
I started to change the way I dressed focusing more on what girls think rather than looking cool in front of my male friends (for example I switched from large jeans to tight pants/jeans. Do you want to look cool to your friends or attract girls? If you’re successful with girls you’ll be cool to your friends’ eyes whatever your look is).
I also started to have many more female friends, talked about their dirty secrets, their last sexual encounter; their fantasies. There is nothing more efficient than being close to women to better understand them.
That’s a moment in my life where my relationships with women completely changed.
I started understanding their psychology; what gets their attention and what doesn’t. I would never have learned anything about women if I had not met these guys and changed environment. I saw how they behaved and I have to admit that I copied some of their behaviors. I built confidence by being around these guys, I learned to take risks and get over my comfort zone.
Funny enough, that’s a time of my life where I started to see less my older friends probably for the better.
Your entourage also includes your family.
My dad was a player and still is. He’s over sixty but is still constantly on the lookout for a young piece of ass. His fourth wife was 32 years younger than him. She’s my age and 10 years younger than my oldest sister.
The only problem is that he never shared any of his knowledge that led him to cheat on my mum almost every night (ok I can sort of understand the daddy responsibility. He probably didn’t want his son to become the man that he is… Too bad I became even worse!). I’m really sad that he only started communicating about women when I was old enough to drink.
And it’s still not enough. I needed his view on women, his techniques when I was a teenager. He never took a minute to explain the basics. He kept me in the dark for years leaving me defenseless. I had to learn on my own and take quite a large number of hits.
But who’s to blame: him for not saying anything or me for not asking?
The people that we see everyday define who we are and who we’re going to be: if your goal is to be a player: are you sure that you are surrounded by the right people?
~ The No-Nonsenser
About The No-Nonsenser
I’m in my mid-20’s, European, and I a new approach to seduction, sex and relationships with women.
I don’t see seduction as the only interaction we have with women. I try to focus on all kind of interactions that we can have with women: seduction, sex, friendships etc.
I have no problem picking up women but that’s not what defines me, I seek passionate relationships with the right girls without losing the grip over the relationship. I have been sharing my thoughts & strategies made of articles such as the one above, interviews of women, of pick-up artists on a blog that I created a few months ago: No Nonsense About Women