I am myself a very normal guy.
When I go out and shoot thunderbolts out of my asses. I’m not doing complicated double backflip tactics. In fact I purposely dumb down my game.
What I’m saying is that when I walk into a club and just like any other dude – I’m just operating on some different principles. But I don’t have any magical powers more than anyone else. I’m not born with some kind of special traits.
I was a pretty dorky computer programmer for 10 years with nothing special about me at all. I’m just a normal guy that he would be on the street anywhere. Yes I may talk more loudly in the club which is something I practiced, you might see me taking more action than the normal everyday guy which is something I have practiced. But I’m just a normal guy.
You don’t need to be a freak of willpower or have balls of steel or be some good-looking model or have tons of crap memorized or be great time stories or anything like that. Because I have none of that either.
Anyone can become awesome. You just need to follow the process and there’s no reason at all that you can’t become better than I am in a relatively short period time.
Drop The Big Ego – And Stay Humble
It’s time to drop your BIG EGO.
Ego is one of those things that gets in the way of meeting women, and it’s actually a big time success BARRIER.
Having a big, cumbersome ego is very restrictive, and even a small ego gets in your way.
For most guys, their ego prevents them from even wanting to get good with girls in the first place. I mean, have you ever wondered why some of your old buddies simply will NOT study how to get good with women?
Well, it wouldn’t align with their own story of what a cool guy they are. They won’t approach girls, because getting blown out by a girl would shatter their own myth they tell themselves about their own coolness.
Your typical guy wants to see himself as successful, as cool, as a bad-ass… or as accomplished in what he does. So as soon as he faces the prospect of getting blown out by a hot girl, that shatters the story of what he’s told himself about his own success, his ego. So he simply won’t do it. His big ego is getting in the way.
Examples Of Big Egos
Ego is the reason you sometimes see these pickup artist contests about who is truly the greatest PUA. Who can get the most phone numbers in an hour or who can makeout with the hottest girl. Again, the ego at work where the very idea that someone could possible be as cool or cooler tugs at your pride and raw emotions.
Think about how unattractive a big ego is, when you see it in women. Take a hot girl who is all dolled up and she expects to get whatever she wants whenever she wants because she’s spoiled and built up this big ego that her value as a human being lies in getting what she wants from men.
And then she goes to an exclusive dinner party and is denied entry and she starts screaming and going ballistic and throwing a tantrum. Why? Because being denied to the dinner party fucks with her sense of identity that her worth as a human being depends on getting inside. And once she’s denied, her level of confidence crashes because her whole identity was based on her big ego, and she can actually fall into a depression or sense of worthlessness. Her ego-fed confidence crashes, and she becomes actually less confident than a regular girl who looks plain.
Or take an actor with a big ego. Everything he does is to get you to react to him in a way that validates his big actor ego. If you kiss his ass, that allows the actor with the big ego to validate his identity, and keeping feeling like the person he wants to be. But if your criticize him, he freaks out because he’s not being responded to in the way that he needs, and he quickly kicks you out of his circle. It’s why people with big egos tend to accumulate “Yes Men” around them, because the “Yes Men” feed into the big-ego identity.
Likewise, when meeting women the absolute worst identity that you can give yourself is a “pick up artists” or “master pick up artist”.
Ego Creates Outcome Dependence – And Therefore, Approach Anxiety
Because what you need to get girls is complete or as-close-as-you-can-get Freedom From Outcome. Where you’re not reacting seeking or looking for a particular outcome at all. You’re not needy for the girl to respond a particular way to you.
But when you derive your self of self as being a “PUA”, you always approach women as needing something from them – and that something is, validating your identity is being a PUA, the guy that always seduces the girl.
And with needing that outcome, it gives you approach anxiety. It makes you fearful. You’ve got this big Ego-driven PUA identity here, and you don’t want to shatter that or face contradictory evidence to that by having the girl blow you out.
And as you can imagine, that’s very unattractive to women. After all, you want girls to be reacting to YOU. You don’t want to be reacting to them, and if you’re #1 goal is to preserve your ego, you’re going to be reacting to girls to try to coral them into liking you at all costs. Which comes across as needy, as grasping, as wanting, and makes you supplicative.
So if you’re going up to girls with a need to feed your ego, you’ve got to let that go. Start every night as if you’re a newbie again, and that it’s okay to fuck up, it’s okay to get blown out, it’s okay to start the night very simply, it’s okay to embrace all of your foibles and faults. It’s okay to just open with, “Hello there,”, it’s okay to be out of state, it’s okay to not be conversationally interesting. Drop the ego, and you’ll find yourself a lot more relaxed, and having fun.
How To Tell If You Have A Big Ego
When you read most field reports, who can often feel a lot of that ego coming through in what reads like “showing off”. Where the guy writing the field report wants other guys to comment how awesome they are, or they write the field report to show off to their friends to let them know how awesome they are.
Nothing wrong with that, especially as you first discover this stuff you DO want to show off a little about what you did for the first time ever.
You reach a certain point in success, you it’s about building up your ego of being good with girls.
The problem is, that you can get addicted to external validation from women’s reactions, and from reactions of other guys reading your field reports, which sets you up for really big highs, and really bad lows.
For instance, one night you can have amazing success, and you’re writing this awesome field report online. You’re basking in the great reactions from the girls, and basking in the reactions from the guys online. Your ego is all tied up in it.
And then another night, is not so good, you’re field report isn’t as glorious, and then you crash. You start thinking what’s wrong with yourself. You could have 3 great night in a row, and then on the fourth night if you crash, because your ego is all tied up in it, you feel like shit.
You become outcome dependent… dependent on having great outcomes ALL the time so that you can show off to the girls and show off on field reports.
And every girl you approach, you’re using her to validate your skills in the game and validate your belief that you have to be awesome all the time.
In other words, you’re not really going after the girl, you’re not pushing it through to the lay. Instead what you’re going after is the REACTION From the girl.
As long as you can get a good REACTION, then you’re happy and moving things forward with the girl is almost just secondary.
As long as you can get a good reaction from your friends, you’re feeling like you’re on cloud nine.
Thing is #1, girls can feel that outcome dependence for always wanting good reactions, and it comes across as a little bit weird and unnatural, or a bit disconnected, AND you get really conservative and timid in your game, because it all becomes based around constantly getting good reactions, so you don’t want to rock the boat.
Pulling Your Ego OUT of Interactions
So to solve this, you want to overcome dependence on getting good outcomes. Or, you want to get past this idea of “trying to get a good reaction” from a girl.
That means being more physically dominant, talking nonsense about whatever YOU want to talk about, trusting in your actions no matter how off the wall they are, saying weird shit and weird openers, even wearing weird clothes, just for the hell of it because it’s fun. And you’re not trying to impress the girl with any of it, you’re just having your own FUN.
And then you pull your ego out of the interactions, and to the girls it will feel far more natural and normal, and less weird, and less forced, and less stiff and you’ll find yourself pushing interactions, not to get a good reaction, but to actually get the girl into bed.
And replace the ego with more like a narcissistic extreme self love, where you can use the narcissitic incantations. Shifting validation from external sources, like your friends or from girls, and making it an internal self-talk of self-love, a form of self-validation that you CAN control…
4 thoughts on “Is It Better To Be A Big P.I.M.P. Or Stay Humble? Why Your Ego Can Crush Your Progress”
wow….so glad I am not a man. Or an attention freak. What a shallow life egotistical people must lead…
I just realized that I have a shitty ego. I have really good nights, and feed off the reactions. I like to hear “Damn Nick had the hottest chick last night” and the competition games my friends and I have. When I have a couple good outings in a row I feel that I’m on fire, but when my night ends badly (or a rejection happens) my esteem shoots to new lows. I never realized that its better to have fun, and enjoy those around you… not just the kill
You have to learn to enjoy the ‘shitty’ nights. It’s not about getting laid, it’s about having FUN. And the fun is what draws the women in. Then you’ll be able to become more consistent with less lows.
Big PIMP ego or stay humble? Leave your thoughts here…