Not sure why you’re not getting more dates?
A plateau is where it seems like you’re stuck at a certain level and you’re not really making progress. Maybe you’ve gone out a lot, but you haven’t ended up with a girl… or it seems like you’re doing the same thing again and again and you’re in this endless loop of repetition where you’re not breaking through to the next level.
Maybe you have sticking points you’re having trouble breaking.
Or maybe you’re just not sure what’s going on and you just feel stuck in a rut.
So here’s some tips I have for you to break through those plateaus.
#1. Have a no-excuses attitude.
Don’t take any bullshit and you’re going to go for the really hot girl no matter what, even taking action or saying something that seems like it would not even have a 3% chance of working, but you just force it out.
Like you see a hot woman at the grocery store and the logistics are all fucked up and you have nothing to say, but you just do it anyway even though you think your chances are 1% of getting anywhere with her.
That will force you to become that guy that always steps up and is a bad ass, and you do that enough and it will change your whole identity with it, breaking the plateau.
#2. Hit on girl after girl after girl and hustle it shamelessly.
Go for sheer volume with no ego and no excuses. That will help rewire your brain and get far more reference experiences to break through your plateau.
#3. Go out every day
Even if it’s just for 15 minutes or 20 minutes a day. That way you keep a level of momentum and you’re not constantly having to start yourself back up from zero every weekend again, and that will help you break through your plateau.
#4.Go for that Perfect 10 girl and blow them off.
So you open really hot girls, 8s, 9s, and 10s, girls that most guys would tear their right arm off to have sex with, and you open the girls, interact, and blow them off. And that’s more challenging than it sounds as these are girls that 99% of the guys will never sleep with in their lives, and you’re just tossing them aside like they’re stale bread. But what that will do is help you get past your outcomes and nervousness and it will break your plateaua.
#5.Create rules that you start living by
Like if you see a certain level of cute girl, you must just automatically approach and say hello to her, and blindly follow your rules and force yourself to open and seek solutions instead of just sitting back and rationalizing a million reasons why you couldn’t talk to the girl. All that extra experience of pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone will break your plateau.
#6. Do whatever it takes to put yourself into state.
Clapping your hands, dancing, doing silly movements, talking a loud, and start having FUN.. doing whatever it takes no matter how weird or uncomfortable it feels to get there, so that at least you’re happy even if your night sucks. But what will usually happen is that if you force yourself to build into a good state, your night will go pretty well, and doing that consistently will break your plateau.
#7. Don’t Seek Instant Gratification.
If you are looking for instant gratification in game and you’re not getting more dates, you will become frustrated.
Like you’re thinking you just want to get laid and you’re needy for a girl and game is a quick fix, then you will find yourself giving up fast.
Because, guys who are successful are out there being social with ALL girls, no matter what the girls look like, ugly or pretty, a lot of time they’re just being sociable and warming up their social muscles. And overall, they’re just building momentum, having fun, and building their state. And learning THAT skill, can take time. It takes practice.
It can take you weeks, or if you are more of a loner or socially awkward, it can take months and months of retraining your brain to actually ENJOY meeting new people and talking to new people and getting over your anxiety about it.
AND only then will you start to get laid, and it’s a more about the process of getting there that is going to be fun and enjoyable, and a challenge, but it’s the challenges in life and overcoming them that we become most proud of and look back on as accomplishments and worth doing it.
But not the sex itself. The sex itself will give you a two day high, “Yes, I got laid!!!” but then you’ll fall back into your old habits and thought patterns and the high will go away. And you may even feel a bit empty after the sex, like “Oh, that’s it? What do I do now? What do I want out of life?”
So looking for instant gratification, instant solving of your problems, you will be disappointed if you’re looking for quick fixes to your emotional state. And if that’s all that’s on your mind, you’ll just go out there, feel anxiety, not want to approach, or you do an approach and you feel like shit and then you give up, because it wasn’t an instant solution – look, don’t be in that mindset.
Instead, look at the long road and enjoying the process of transformation and trying to enjoy the girl right in front of you for the social interaction.
#8. Keep Long Term Goals
Another problem you might have when not getting more dates is just being incapable of having long term goals.
Like you get big IDEAS, but you don’t follow through for more than a few days on anything.
And this is those guys that tend to do badly at school, or they go in all directions with many ideas but with no focus. They have trouble committing to a plan and sticking with it over time.
The kind of guy that gets all excited about working out, but only goes a few times to the gym and then falls off. Or he starts a diet for a few days and falls off. Or he decides he wants to learn a new language, does it for a week, and then falls off. He plans a trip to Costa Rica for a vacation, or Las Vegas, but then doesn’t follow through.
He decides he wants to meet women, he gets excited about it, and then doesn’t follow through.
Look, you’ve got to focus and stick with an action plan for 3 months. So anything big you want to do, like travel, or find a new job, or learn a language, or lose 20 pounds of fat and gain 10 pounds of muscle, or get anywhere with women, these are BIG projects that require at least 90 days, 3 months, of commitment and focusing.
And that may mean on streamlining other things in your life, cutting out things that aren’t useful to you like games or television, or time busters like checking email 10 times a day, or cutting out bad vampire, time-sucking friendships, and streamlining your time so that you can commit for 90 days, through thick and thin.
#9. Understand Meeting Girls Is Not A High-Risk Adventure.
Another problem some guys have is just viewing the game as this high-risk adventure.
Viewing it as this arduous process of needing balls of steel and dealing with fierce shit tests and bitch shields and needing to conquer the game becoming master PUA manipulator and this is the ultimate challenge, the pinnacle of what can be mastered by man.
You know blowing the whole thing up into something more than it really is.
Look, even if you’re just a very average looking guy, as long as you smile, make eye contact, say hello, neutral tonality, accept yourself, trust in your own actions, touch the girl a little, riff and vibe, come across as generally chill and normal, and you are social with everybody like that, you’ve separated yourself from 99% of the other guys. That’s all you need to lay cute girls.
It’s not this super test of steel to do the double-flip backwards super-rama pattern that must be delivered at this exact point, and if not the girl will laugh at you, so bring your balls of steel bro.
Look, this is not a high risk adventure. 95% of cute, normal women are actually very friendly if you have the fundamentals of just smiling and being relaxed, and the voice.
So don’t blow it up into something HUGE, don’t think of it as this Mount Everest to be conquered.
Take it one day at a time, make small improvements each day, practice each day, and just like you would at the gym or learning a language. Just add another little thing each day and practice consistently, and with time it’ll be over. One day you’ll be like wow, I got this. This isn’t that hard.
#10. Be Consistent.
Conversely, a dating problem many guys have is that they’re too casual about it, they’re not consistent enough. Just going out for a few hours on a Friday night, is probably going to be really slow going.
Like if you hit the gym once a week, you can’t expect to become this muscular Adonis that girls are drooling over for his pecs.
You know, really you need to spend two hours a day three times a week, to make progress in a quick pace. And be consistent and dedicated going out. Even if you’re just standing there with your dick in your hand paralyszed by anxiety, just be consistent and go out.
Yeah, because that lack of consistency and dedication will really kill you. And ideally, 3 times a week. And even better, on 3 times a week for four hours at maybe bars and clubs just being social, and on the other days, one hour for some casual day game walkups or sleepy bar nights, just to keep the momentum going a little.
But remain consistent about it. Make it something that you ARE going to do, just like you would just take a shower in the mornings. Make it a habit.
So, choosing some of those, or ideally doing ALL of them will bust through a plateau pretty quickly and get you more dates because they all involve pushing yourself beyond your normal comfort zone, and that’s generally the reason that plateaus happen… because you’re not really pushing yourself, and you’re stuck at a certain level of comfort of just doing what you’ve always been doing before, and that’s why you don’t really break through to the next level.
And remember, everyone gets stuck, that happens, it can happen quite often, and it often means you’ve got to take some massive action of this kind of level if you want to break the plateau quickly.
9 thoughts on “Not Getting Dates? 10 Ways To Break Through Your Sex Plateaus”
Jesse, I really like your website. You are awesome man! Right on money! What do you do for living? your 90 days point, I totally agree. I am exactly like that. lol. Point #8 is the best!! I tried to search your Costa Rica experience but couldnt find it, do you have it? I am planning to stay in Costa Rica or Colombia for 3-4 months. I work in IT and can work from any where in the would as long as I have internet. I am looking for beautiful girl for long term relationship. Lets see, how it goes.
as a woman…i think rule #1 is the best! just got for it..dont hold back!
you are a genius
Thanks. Like your blog too
5 hours a day seems like the optimum for good productive socialization, for an hr or two are necessary for warmup, warming up being crucial just like at the gym, and with an hr of moving around, Finding The Right Spot At The Right Perch At The Right Watering Hole At The Right Place In The Right Town, that only leaves an hr of comfort level functionality and ideally one peak hr, at which something should happen nightly, a nice risque flirt, or some hugging and squeezing and touching, or a spontaneous Hook Up, but usually at least one moment that could wind up on a forum like this, and having a really social job, sales or customer service or courier, even Tax Preparer helps, allowing for a solid eight hours of warmup and flirting, like Earlier At Work, when this young auburne lady took me for a discreet and not unprofessional, at least altogether, Tour of Her Tattoos… and THAT all happened before 10 PM, which is when most Playrs just start a-showing up. Like the Lady said: GO BIG OR GO HOME.
I’m of the opinion that traditional dates are for losers:and I know you agree.
But good advice nevertheless.
yes, dating in the traditional way – but taking a girl on a “date” is perfectly cool if you keep your alpha characteristics and the date isn’t about sucking up to her
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