Self-Amusement is a particularly important concept for nighttime game, like at bars and clubs. Less so if you’re doing day game, but the principles are still important.
The idea of self-amusement is that you want to have FUN meeting girls. That going out is not supposed to be so serious, and the state you want really is to be totally relaxed and giving out positive energy.
So self-amusement can be yelling, singing, busting jokes, chatting up the people around you, talking to your friends from across the room. Making silly faces at girls, poking girls, playing games with the girls like thumb wrestling. Saying things that are absurd, hilarious, offensive, non-sensical.
Basically have your own fun.
Be positive, radiate it!
So the key here is that you want to practice making yourself laugh. So that you can just walk up to the girls and just make yourself laugh, and the girls will instantly be into it.
Because if you’re going to go out, you might as well make it fun. Because if you’re not having fun, let’s face it, the club and bar are pretty miserable. So you’re number one question you should be asking yourself is, “How can I make this FUN for myself?”
Why Self-Amuse? It Draws Women In
Self-amusement draws the women in like crazy… because when everything is FUN for you and no big deal, everything because FUN and no big deal to the girls either, because of state transference.
So you can say shocking and wild things that might otherwise make a girl pissed off, but she’ll feel good about it, because YOU feel so good. Meaning she’s going to pick up on your good state, not the content of your words.
And that’s part of the self-amusement, is positive leading. Plow over any bullshit or negativity a girl has. Just ignore it. Ignore any bullshit or negative nonsense and plow the girl over with your positivity and what will happen is, the girl will be attracted to your better state and you’ll pull her in, she’ll want to enter your reality of fun and positivity if you just persist a little.
And then you never look like you’re getting rejected either. It’s more like the girls are simply leaving your party which is more fun than theirs.
Don’t Be So Logical And Serious
Because here’s the thing. Most guys in bars and clubs are being too logical. They’re too logical and they’re too safe. It’s like they’re giving the girl their resume. “Hi, my name is Joe, I’m a cool guy you should get to know and I have X, Y, Z going for me, and listen to this funny routine I memorized.”
Screw logical approaches, screw rational thinking. You want to become the party, even if it feels retarded. You want to approach, be positive, fun, and dominant.
Self-Amusement Versus Reacting
So let me breakdown a comparison of self-amusement to reacting to the environment.
Self-amusement: you control how you feel from inside, instead of letting the outside environment and outside stimulus determine how you feel. So whether you’re getting good reaction or bad reactions, it doesn’t matter, your state is internally generated.
Self-amusement: stronger emotions, you are where the party is at.
Self-amusement: you persist, you stay in set, because how you act and respond doesn’t depend on how the girl is reacting to you. You bring the fun, and you allow the girl to react to you.
Self-amusement: total fun and nonsense instead of being logical and calculating.
Self-amusement: you’re generating the fun instead of looking for other people to make you happy and bring the fun.
Self-amusement: you’re making fun to amuse yourself. It is NOT meant to impress the girl or convey value.
Self-amusement: you don’t care about the girl’s reactions, you have self-trust that all people on Earth respond well to fun and positivity through the law of state transference.
Self-amusement: You’re pumping your own state instead of looking to the girls to pump your state.
Self-amusement: You’re in your own personal universe, in your own reality of fun and positivity, sucking girls into your vortex, instead of looking to the girls to make you happy with validation.
Self-amusement: You generate your own positive energy internally, you’re not pinging off the environment or girls to determine how you should feel.
So that’s a basic breakdown of how a guy who is self-amusing himself sees the world, versus a guy who is reacting to everything in his environment and looking for positive validation from girls to make him feel happy.
Make Everything Self-Amusing
So the best way to self-amuse yourself and be a cool, charismatic guy is to find everything in the world as funny and entertaining to you.
Instead of being pissed off or down, or walking around depressed, instead by the fun, positive guy who finds everything self-amusing and funny. And the girl will feel lit up just by being in your presence.
If the girl is having fun then she’ll keep coming back to you for more of it. Look at it as like you’re offering her a gift of good feelings. Not that you’re trying to pump up her feelings, but by making yourself amused and happy and feeling good, you’re giving her a part of yourself.
Lower Your Standards
The key to becoming self-amused then is you’ve got to lower your standards for having fun. You’ve got to be able to make everything fun and be able to have your own fun, even if you’re by yourself. You can clap your hands to the music, smile, say hello to girls in funny and strange ways to see what kind of funny and strange reactions you’ll get.
It’s like if your household chore is that it’s your job to wash the dishes, and you hate washing dishes. You’ve got to decide that washing dishes will be your favorite task and start to love it. You’ve got to lower your standards of happiness.
Don’t Be A “Dancing Monkey”
Now, here’s a word of warning.
Self-amusement is not about getting giggling attraction from girls or acting like a clown to entertain them and get their approval or make the girls like you.
It’s more about pushing the boundaries of pissing them off and breaking rapport. You’re trying to make yourself laugh, not the girls. That’s very important. This is NOT about impressing the girls and making them like you, but about having your own FUN.
So it’s not funny to the girls. It should be funny to YOU.
You’re getting your pleasure and kicks from the girl’s reactions, positive OR negative. And because you draw her into what YOU think is funny, now the GIRL will often think it’s funny.
You Sill Need Sexual Intent
Another thing. You also want to have sexual intent when you do self-amusement. You can have a lot of fun and shenanigans and get tons of interest from women and own the bars and clubs and have girls all over you.
But just having FUN itself is not enough to get you laid. You also need to have sexual intent and physical leading and persisting in the set as well. You still need to man up and push the set. So you’ve got to balance self-amusement with making a connection with a girl and moving it forward.
Make Going Out FUN
Focus less on the goal of “getting a girl to like me” through a trial of sweat and tears, and work, and trial by fire, and needing manly balls of steal, or needing to go through this incredible regimen of constant self-improvement to just make a girl like you.
But transform the process into what it should be. FUN!!
Transform it into a process that actually RECHARGES your batteries, and doesn’t tire you out.
So that you can go out in a single day or single evening and meet a bunch of new girls being very CHILL, very easily, with NO pressure, get a lot of girls instantly-on attracted to you, and having a casual FUN time doing it.
So that you feel better, there’s far less pressure, it feels good, you feel happy, and meeting women becomes like your time off.
It’s chill, it’s all cool, it’s fun, it recharges up your batteries, and as a side effect to just being this glorious aspect of your life, you get laid with cuties! As just part of the process of going out being cool and FUN.
Spending more time of your day happy and smiling and feeling energized and positive.
Itching to go outside, because you KNOW you’ll be meeting beautiful new girls, you know that they’re going to be into you, and you know you’re going to get physical with them.
Where going out is FUN.
Going out is a blast.
Going out is truly awesome.
As a great way to have new adventures.
And to bring happiness and aliveness and vitality BACK into your life!
To develop a full dating life where you can meet a hot girlfriend who’s really into you.
“What To Say” to girls and self-amusement
Now if you’re having issues with your conversation being boring, or not having something to say, it’s because you’re being too serious in what you want to say and trying to impress the girl.
Instead, you want to move toward being positive, playful, silly, not trying to impress her, and think of how you can make this FUN. How can you self-amuse YOURSELF with this girl?
And if you make the conversation about having some silly fun, and self-amusing, the girl will have fun too.
Force The Fun
Basically, you want to FORCE the fun. Be the party. That no matter what is going on, you’re going to make this fun somehow, you’re going to force it.
That’s what being the guy who is the life of the party is!
You know, the guy where everyone in the room can be tired and beat and slow, and this guy shows up and the whole energy of the room changes. Him being around, you start getting excited, laughing, it’s fun, because the guy is forcing the fun.
So how do you force the fun?
Basically having a really strong frame of positivity and that everything is awesome and any situation can be made fun!
Also, you did it by lowering your threshold to have fun. You see, most people set a very high bar for feeling happy. They think they can only feel fun and happiness if they’re on vacation on a tropical beach, or if they’re getting laid with a hot girl. They need all these conditions checked off before they think they can feel good and positive.
But really, having fun and feeling positive is always a choice.
You can just DECIDE to have fun in any moment.
And if you FORCE it, even if the girls around you are being bitchy or neutral or boring, if you FORCE the fun, they’ll enjoy your state more than they enjoy their own, and they’ll gravitate to your fun, literally getting sucked into your frame of positivity no matter what.
Now this forcing the fun, and self-amusement is really critical in a club environment where it’s essential to suck women into your positivity, and somewhat less so in day game.
But even day game you can still be laughing with the girl, joking around, and she’ll love your for that. The key is not to be canned, but to ride on the edge of chaos and let it free flow.
So just self-amuse yourself, enjoy life, and girls will want to be around you. Don’t look for things in your environment to tell you now is the time to be happy, don’t wait for someone else or something else to pump you up with happiness, being happy is a decision you make in every moment.
Having Fun Takes Energy
And that takes energy. Feeling good and having fun and sucking girls into your reality does take energy. It takes work to force that smile, to force that positive energy, to laugh, and to embrace what the moment is giving you and express that.
It’s really easier to sit down and fuzz out in front of the television, it conserves energy to chill out.
So while intellectually we think, “Yeah, I want the girls, I want the party, I want the fun and happiness,” in reality it’s easier to just sit back and check our email.
So you do need to take action, and massive action at that to start the self-amusement process and start changing your habits and neural circuitry to be conveying fun and positivity – to be fantastically fun throughout your day, in a way that DRAWS people in.
But once you’ve got that, girls are attracted to you because you exude the party, they want to be around you, and they want to be just like you.
7 thoughts on “Self-Amusement And Making Girls And Dating FUN Again”
Great article however i feel if you force the fun you are not been empathetic of others could you expand on that further. I tried to get advice on this topic from this blog however it just says all this crazy stuff
I suppose for guys like me who are silent/reserved or have been called boring once too often, only laughing if I liked the subject at hand, these are some good pointers. I guess it’s sort of like the “fake it to you make it” mentality? Although, I’d rather be honestly having a good time than forcing myself to.
Still though, thanks for the tips Jesse.
Jared, you can fake it till you make it, but genuinely you want to practice having a good time with everything you’re doing through the day
I agree… I believe it definitely makes sense to self amuse yourself and be completely self reliant on your energy level… By not taking everything and everyone so seriously, when this mass programming is a joke to begin with. HAHAHAHAH!
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