Ask yourself this – in your quest for glory, have you priced yourself out of the monogamous relationship market?
Put simply, as you become an increasingly high-value man, you will find most women to be less and less relationship-worthy, until you become frustrated at the low quality of 99% of the women out there.
Not only won’t you find girlfriend-worthy women, but you won’t be able to stay monogamous over the longhaul.
Take my own situation:
- I earn a very nice passive income. I don’t need to report to any boss. I don’t need to go to work.
- I’ve travelled all through South America, Europe, and Japan. I can hop on a plane and visit any exotic beach or country I desire, at any time, and run my businesses from a laptop computer.
- I’m 6 feet tall, hit the gym hard, and stay in excellent physical shape. When I dress well, women turn their heads.
- I know enough attraction “tactics” and have solid inner game so that I can walk into any bar or club, approach 20 women, and usually have a new potential girlfriend by the end of the night.
- I’m not a “nice guy” pushover, but can turn on that bad boy edge that excites women. I speak loudly, with breaking rapport tonality, and I’m not afraid to talk and get physical. Meeting new women is both fun and easy.
- I’ve bedded enough women to experience all shapes, sizes, and types – Asian, blondes, brunettes, thick ones, thin ones, curvy ones, leggy ones, etc.
- I weed out bad habits. I don’t drink, smoke, take any drugs, watch much television, or lose my temper and so on.
- I’ve worked on becoming a generally fun, easy going guy to be around.
These are high-value traits that women generally look for in a man and a sexual partner.
None of it happened by itself. I’ve focused *heavily* on self-improvement.
Why?
So that one day I could meet that “awesome soul mate”, a girl that had both a knock-out body AND had her head screwed on straight.
The High-Value Man’s Dilemma And Paradox
As I achieved more and more in life, I faced an unexpected paradox and dilemma.
Through the massive drive to build-up my value as an “awesome boyfriend”, I increasingly priced myself OUT of the monogamous relationship market.
A traditional, monogamous relationship with one girl became less and LESS desirable to me.
“Pricing Yourself Out Of The Market” – The World War I Example
Take this simple analogy.
From 1914 to 1918, millions of young men join the Army to fight in the European battlefields of World War I.
These young men had visions of honor, glory, and fame. Most had never left their hometown and it was a chance to travel. It was a chance to have adventure. Maybe they could escape 10 hour work days at the local factory. Maybe they could find a wife.
The reality was, they ended up in waterlogged ditches and ate terrible food. Disease was rampant. On orders, entire lines of men ran directly into machine gun fire. Like lemmings, thousands of men charged directly into the oncoming bullets to their immediate death.
Lines of infantrymen would run into machine gun fire armed with bayonets, only to be mowed down by the hundreds.
Could that same thing happen today?
NO.
Today, most Europeans and Americans have priced themselves out of the ditch-warfare market.
With big entertainment (movies, games, TV), a myriad of cheap food options (fast food, restaurants, sweets), convenient travel, comfy office work, paid vacations, and an Internet-educated public, most young men will simply NOT sit in a damp ditch for months on end. Most young men will simply NOT volunteer their lives to run directly into machine-gun fire armed with bayonets to their deaths.
Most young men in this modern age have TOO MUCH TO LOSE.
Your average guy lives more like an emperor compared to 100 years ago
They know what war is REALLY like from movies, television, and the Internet.
They won’t throw away their lives so carelessly like that.
Nowadays, armies need to pay young men to fight, and pay them well. And even then, most young men have no intention to join up for “glory”.
They’re priced out of the market for World War I ditch warfare. (That is a GOOD thing.)
It’s the same with monogamous relationships.
As you become an increasingly successful man with more options, more knowledge, and more experiences, you have more to LOSE by attaching yourself to a woman in a monogamous relationship.
Consider this,
#1. Most Women’s Outer Beauty Is Largely An Illusion
In the hometown I grew up in, even a slightly attractive young woman drove me crazy.
But once you travel all over the world and have met hundreds of women, you get spoiled. The girls that used to turn your head back home now just look “Meh”.
And once you’ve been in a few relationships with attractive women, you come to realize that “makeup and fakeup” accounts for most of their outer beauty.
Sofia Vergara with and without her makeup
Take off her high heel shoes, and the illusion is shattered. She’s short.
Remove her makeup, and the illusion is shattered. She has blemishes.
Just check out these âBefore And Afterâ photos of Victoriaâs Secret models.
Take off her sexy dress, and the illusion is shattered. She eats poorly and has no muscle tone.
And if you’re a fitness fanatic like me, you realize that most attractive women actually have poor diets, don’t exercise, and are rife with bad habits.
2. Most Women Are Financially Needy
Most women are lost and don’t know what they want to do with their lives.
When you start dating a woman, you realize that she could use financial help or she’s unhappy with her work.
Sooner or later, you’ll feel like you need to help her out or help fix her problems.
So you feel guilty letting her suffer without help, and you feel even worse when you help and start to feel trapped into supporting her (money-wise or time-wise).
In other words, for successful guys, the vast majority of women look like financial or emotional vampires. They suck value from you, without offering much in return.
3. Most Women Are An Emotional Mess
Shit storms. Dumb drama. Emotional roller coasters. Overreacting.
“People major in the minor things of life,” as Tony Robbins puts it.
As you gain emotional mastery in your life (not repressing your emotions, but rather living in and expressing the better ones), you find you have less and less tolerance for the dark side of women’s emotionality.
You feel like you’re babysitting them through their bullshit and it’s a waste of your time and energy when you could be on an exotic beach somewhere meeting hotties.
4. Most Women Are Time Vampires
Girlfriends will waste your time like no other.
Without a relationship, you can travel all over and do what you want.
Now, your girlfriend wants you to do stuff you have no interest in like going out to dinners or going shoe shopping with her at the mall. In other instances, she outright wastes or disrespects your time.
If you’ve been in a relationship you’ve experienced this plenty.
5. Women Lose Value With The Passage Of Father Time
Women LOSE social and sexual value as she gets older.
Jennifer Lien, who played Kes on Star Trek Voyager, in 1995
Once she feels she “has you”, women almost universally begin packing on the weight. She lets herself go and she eats and eats.
Jennifer Lien in 2010Â (Hat tip: Karea)
That slim waistline and fine curves vanish.
With the years, fine lines, rough skin, and graying hair makes her look less desirable.
At the same time, you, as the man, GAIN value with time.
Graying hair makes you look distinguished.
Your passive income rises.
And suddenly younger girls look increasingly attractive, AND they’re increasingly attracted to you.
So with time, your sexual-market value increasingly diverges from the woman’s. Your sexual-market value rises gradually while hers declines.
And you become increasingly unhappy.
6. Women Don’t Want You To Be Your Best Self
Women will always try to put the brakes on your success.
It is NOT in the woman’s self-interest for you to achieve your “full potential”.
A woman does NOT want a guy with tons of money, who can travel anywhere, and can attract and bed girls left and right.
Yes, a woman DOES want a “successful guy”, but only so far as that his success is invested in HER and HER progeny.
A woman wants a guy to bring income, but not to the point where he earns so much that other women would become attracted.
A woman wants a man to have freedom, but NOT to the point where he can jetset to an exotic beach every weekend with bikini girls on it.
A woman wants her man to be attractive, but NOT to the point where other women are throwing themselves at his feet.
A woman wants a man to be confident, but NOT to the point he can walk up to any hot girl and begin chatting her up.
Women DO want a man that will take care of the kids. But they DON’T want the “ultimate man” who is reaching for the sky. They want a man that is “enough”. And the problem for really action and success-driven guys is that they always find the woman trying to hold them back and put the brakes on their full potential.
The Result – Monogamy Looks Increasingly Like A Bad Deal
Again, with increasing life success and life experience, you come to realize that women are great for sex and fun… but that NO woman is worthy to be a “life partner”.
Monogamy starts to look increasingly LESS attractive.
It doesn’t mean that you don’t desire meeting that “soul mate” or “special girl”. You do.
But your eyes are open. And you can’t find a girl that you’d feel comfortable or happy devoting yourself to.
After all, if you can meet new girls every week, travel anywhere in the world to exotic places, work a 20 hour workweek from a laptop… why would you want to deal with all the downsides and restrictions that comes with monogamy with ONE girl?
Brazilian girls at the beach
You feel the you’d have to give up too much.
So with success and experience, you increasingly price yourself out of the monogamous relationship market. And at some point you reach a TIPPING POINT – 99% of women are simply NOT worthy of being your exclusive girlfriend.
They simply don’t add enough value to your life to justify committing to them.
Why So Many Celebrity Couples Break Up
Just take a look at celebrity couples.
Celebrity couples are almost always BOUND TO FAIL.
Take Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore.
Ashton is recognized. Walking into a bar, he’ll instantly have the attention of the hottest girls there. He’s got money, he’s got social proof, and he’s got that pretty face. He can go to any country in the world and party with models in Brazil, Italy or Miami.
The reality is, no woman can compete on his level. 99.9% of women will HOLD HIM BACK. As girlfriends, they’ll become needy, emotional, time-sucking vampires.
Ashton’s fling #1 – Sara Leal
And as Ashton ages, he only become more sexually desirable – more successful and more distinguished.
Ashton’s fling #2 – Brittany Jones
No woman, not even Demi Moore, could really tie the guy down indefinitely. Pushing 50, Demi Moore is aging and losing her looks. Ashton is not. He’s only rising.
That’s why he’s been philandering with 20 year old hotties, and Demi and Ashton have broken up.
Celebrity couples break up. Why? The guy is simply TOO POWERFUL… he has priced himself OUT of the monogamous relationship market! And after a few years with his Hollywood actress, he doesn’t want to be held back any longer. He wants out.
SO, Who DOES Benefit From Monogamy?
For most men, being monogamous with one woman IS a very GOOD thing.
And for most men, the pool of “desirable women to marry” is huge.
Let’s take hypothetical Average Joe.
Joe is overweight. Joe is short and stubby. Joe has a lot of curly, black body hair. Joe is not exactly pretty as a picture.
Joe Rules
Joe doesn’t exercise and Joe has bad habits like drinking, losing his temper, and emotional eating.
Joe works in an unexciting, unchallenging low-end office desk job.
Joe gets tongue-tied and nervous around attractive women. He’s too nervous to approach them. More than that, Joe’s not curious about learning how to do it either.
Joe has problems following through on projects, and lacks the drive to really excel. Joe’s happy watching television and eating high-calorie foods after work.
There’s nothing terribly wrong with our Joe. He’s cool to hang out with. But on the dating market, Joe’s just… average.
And being so average, the vast majority of women would certainly be a great catch for Joe.
Even a homely-looking, emotionally unstable woman willing to take Joe as a husband would give Joe,
- Sex.
- Companionship to fill in the otherwise passive-entertainment emptiness of his free time.
- A guiding voice to steer him clear of his bad habits and be a moderating influence.
- A woman to protect and provide value for (providing value or “giving back” brings purpose happiness).
So for Joe, a man with few sexual options, any woman, even if she’s homely looking and has her own slew of problems, even if she’s a time vampire and emotionally unstable… is a very GOOD CATCH.
THAT is the kind of guy who should snag a girlfriend and stick with it.
And even if you’ve got a lot more going for you than our Joe (you make a good income, you exercise, you don’t drink like a fish, etc), the balance will probably tip toward having a girlfriend is a GOOD THING. The benefits of having a relationship will outweigh the negatives of it.
The Outlier’s Pyramid
The problem is really an outlier’s dilemma.
Outliers are those guys who have *extraordinary* options and choices on the dating market.
Take a look at the Outlier’s Pyramid below.
On the bottom rung of the pyramid are people with few to no relationship options. The very old, the mentally ill, people with extreme social phobias, hard core drug addicts, people with no sex drive, extreme eccentrics, the woman with 25 cats, and so on.
In the second rung rest the vast majority of men and women. They largely follow the cultural trance and mediocrity is the general norm. For example, a single divorced woman who is 40 years old, somewhat chubby, earns $10 an hour, and doesn’t apply herself. She has limited attractiveness, but the dating pool of equals is large.
On the third rung (about 1 in 25 to 1 in 50 women) we find the “hot girls” or the “8s, 9s and 10s”. These are the kinds of women that can put on high heels and turn heads.
Women with higher dating-market value than the general population.
All the men on the second rung desire to get with women on the third rung, but they have little chance. Instead, they usually end up marrying a homely-looking women from their own rung, the second.
On the fourth and top rung are the male outliers – men who are real go-getters, have weeded out bad habits, exercise, look good, are well traveled, bank income, and have tight game. This is the most rare group of people.
The surprise is, pretty girls far outnumber the male outliers.
The Outlier Male
For every 1 male outlier, there are 100 “hot girls” from the third rung that would like to fuck him, catch him, and keep him.
And that’s where his “quality problem” regarding monogamous relationships comes in – there are too many sweets in the candy store to tempt him away.
The Male Outlier’s Dilemma
A male outlier DOES want to meet that “one special girl”.
And yet in every budding relationship you start to feel TRAPPED.
You feel the girl is holding you BACK.
You feel the girl is more trouble than she’s worth.
You feel you’re babysitting her emotions.
You feel you’re missing out on everything else you COULD be having and experiencing.
Men who are outliers feel torn.
They have this fantasy of meeting a WORTHY girlfriend with the body and the brains that doesn’t cause the drama and bullshit or get fat down the road.
And yet they enjoy the adventure and excitement of traveling, of building a business, and of meeting eager, new women.
It’s Lonely At The Top
Here’s the thing. It’s LONELY at the top.
The more you achieve, the more you’ll pull away from the masses.
And the closer you reach the moon, the smaller and the girls look.
By expanding your life’s options to ridiculous levels, you largely price yourself OUT of the monogamous relationship market.
So… What Does It All Mean?
It means that, (if you’re ready to swallow this), you’re better off NOT committing to any one single girl.
You’re better off ditching monogamy.
It means wearing, what I call, “The Black Hat”.
Where instead of seeking to be “the provider”, you accept being the “bad boy” that girls want to hook up with and you accept the abundance of opportunities in your life for what it is.
That’s actually a hard reality for most outliers to swallow, as they weren’t born outliers.
They only grew into it with life experience and taking massive action. And as cultural conditioning teaches us that we need to find “the one” and “settle down”, it can be tough to make that transition into accepting a life of true sexual abundance.
In actuality, this website will be of help to three groups of men.
- Group #1. Guys who are at that Outlier Level and want to learn to have fun and be fulfilled without getting obsessed about “finding the ONE girl to complete me”.
- Group #2. Outlier males that DO have a girlfriend or wife and want to minimize the drama and bullshit and keep their woman sexually desirable for years to come.
- Group #3. For guys on that second rung of the pyramid who want to break out and take it to the next level.
This site is for all men who wish to reach the top, but also for men already at the top – and how to meet women and navigate relationships to work for YOU. Even if you’ve essentially priced yourself out of the monogamy market.
Jesse out đ
P.S. If you’ve got an opinion on this (and you almost certainly do), be sure to leave a comment below. I’d like to hear it.
Thanks !
You sound like you hate women and came up with a system to make yourself feel better.
Hahahahaha! Seriously? Another one of these articles, written by a 6 or 7, who is trying to tell other 6, 7s and 8s… how to land a “hottie.”
As a 40+ year old woman, who has also traveled the world and dated quite a few men, I am fairly certain that I would not give this supposed author the time of day, aside from responding to this post. While I can appreciate self-assured input, I cringe at ignorance. It amazes me that you think a woman’s “value” diminishes beyond her younger years. Obviously, as the years pass, it becomes more difficult to produce a child (for both genders), but as far as physical beauty, not all older women are less attractive than the younger ones. I totally get that many older women tend to let themselves go, but on the same hand, I have personally seen younger women in their 20s with cellulite on their legs and more fine lines than I will have in a lifetime. Why? Because it essentially comes down to genetics and how one takes care of him/herself. I, myself get “hit on” by younger men frequently… just as much as I did when I was 18- no kidding. I shall also insert that I hardly have any “fine lines” or sagging issues. Still 5’7 and weight 125 of tight, smooth skin.
I always find it comical when I read articles like this, not only because I find them to be absurdly ignorant, but also because they’re almost always written by a man with deeply-seated insecurity issues and “something” to prove. These types of men come with a scent that can be detected a mile away. (They are usually the ones with every line of men’s cologne on their vanity counter, color-coordinated closets, impressive cell phones, technological gadgets, GQ magazines in their “bachelor pads,”and of course, the most expensive vehicle they can lease to define themselves. Another common behavior I have noticed is that they all flock to the women who aren’t interested and ignore them… because that exact same insecurity that prompts them to write these types of article ALSO makes them wonder why worthy women will not give them the time of day. These dudes are a dime-a-dozen. Boring. Blah!
This thing about this Jesse traveling the world? I doubt it. Why? Worldly people know better than to think inside a box. This article reeks of confined thinking.
Would I be attracted to him in a bar? I doubt it. I don’t care how much money he has. I have my own, and I am NOT a feminist. I just happen to like men who have substance in between their ears… intrinsic men who are comfortable in their skin. NOT the extrinsic types who devote themselves to writing articles on how to “get” the perfect “10.” Real men with genuine confidence don’t need a trophy. They ARE the trophy. And guess what? They wouldn’t be caught dead writing an article like this. End of story.
10/10 answer, the dude reeks of pseudo science and lamery, theres no black or white, no predefined categories in life, this article happens when you stay too much inside your brain and own reality
there’s definitely something about a woman’s (at least sexual & reproductive) value diminishing. I’m in my 20s and have a hard time being attracted to 28/29/30 and above. I either have little attraction or lose attraction fast. There is something about age, the difference between a girl in her late teens and early 20s, and a girl 30+ that’s just so different.
So while he may be ignorant, and while there’s a chance he has some of those insecure qualities you claim, he makes a point that’s not unfounded.
As a tall good looking guy I can tell you, depending on phases, and environments I’m in, I definitely become more or less attracted to monogamy. When I’m loaded with attention with hot girls left and right and can have whichever I want, I literally cringe at the idea of a relationship. When I’m in scarcity of girl for an extended time, I start fantasizing about monogamy. So just from experience there is something to it.
Jesse,
Great article. I am actually a dating coach as well, and I match every single quality you’ve ascribed to “outlier males.” I have bedded hundreds of beautiful women and I’m so good at cold approach at this point, I can pick up and seduce nearly any woman I want. I currently have a long-term girlfriend who wants to marry me, and I’m very torn about the right course of action (I love her but I also want new women). You seem to have a good understanding on this dilemma, I would like to speak with you for a few minutes and wouldn’t mind compensating you for your time.
Regards,
Jason
I am crying with laughter at these comments. Clearly you need therapy and some self discovery. Selfish, Insecure and Superficial.
Clearly you wouldnât be able to handle a relationship or stay in one because you have too many issues. I recommend you do some meditation along with all those work outs Mr. Testosterone. Deep inner peace comes from being humble, gracious, kind and thatâs when you find love. When you are an open, deep understanding and compassionate human being that cares for things other than himself.
I hope you find your way and have a higher purpose for yourself and the world than being an international playboy before you realize all the âhottiesâ youâll be fucking will be getting lower and lower quality until you end up alone, sad with no one whoâs cares about you.
Bless
No, he’s right those sexual diseases are big problems and not just in the U.S. There is no sure solution for this growing problem. Be very careful with who you sleep with especially those girls who are easy or desperate. There have been a few cases where vengeful women intentionally infect several men with AIDs/STDs and have been caught; its a real mess.
Ha! One major problem with being this “high worth” womanizer…….theres this disease, called genital herpes, that condoms do not protect against entirely and that 1-4 Americans has! Lets see how many girls you want to sleep with when your penis breaks out in blisters 6x per year!
Jesse. I didn’t even bother reading the majority of what you wrote. It became apparent quite early on that you hate women.
This isn’t about how “high value” you claim you are, this is about your inferior complex that you are not consciously aware of.
A REAL high value male has respect not just for himself but for everyone around him.
No man or woman with healthy true self confidence goes around trashing others the way you have.
Please stop lying to yourself and deal with your insecurities.
Its really sad.
And this is coming from a pretty girl.
I started looking these up when people started playing dumb games with me on dating sites. Ugh. As if dating isn’t stupid and awkward enough without people playing “special” games. You’ll never catch an intelligent woman that way, dears. We’re smart enough to figure out your tactics and trace them to their various pseudo-scientific sources.
Makes me glad I never go to bars. Christ on a freakin’ stick.
I couldn’t agree with you more. This Jesse guy thinks he’s figured it all out.
You don’t know god
You are the definition of a selfish, unconsidered fuckboy.
Well the high maintenance women are the Worst ones of them all since they’re independent, selfish, greedy, spoiled, picky, narcissists, and so very money hungry as well since it is always about them. They want the Best of all and will Never settle for Less because of their Greed And Selfishness which makes them such Losers anyway. They’re really to Blame my many of us Good men are still Single today and always will be.
This article is true. My name is Kaylem and I am 24 years old living in manchester, UK and i have never been in a serious relationship in my whole life. I work part time at a job so i can focus on being a enterprenuer for financial freedom, i am learning to cold approach in daygame and nightgame, i am going to swim, hit the gym and do some exercise. I have been single and happy all my life and I have never felt insecure and lonely about it. All of my friends are in relationships now. I have never been ambitious to stick with one girl for the rest of my life, even if i do fall in love with a girl i will never make any girl exclusive in my life. This article is great and has really helped me, thanks Jesse. Freedom and single forever
This article is very true, I am a young good looking guy six foot one tall and have plenty of money and I can’t stand to weigh myself down in any relationship and almost every guy I know seem to be in one making me feel lonely. But in about a week or two I usually find a hot girl to hook up with. Doesn’t last long but it’s a lot of fun for the time being.
Man I really love this, absolutely fantastic and true over the top, I would rather be single and a FOREVER BADBOY than a stupid boyfriend,or worst, a HUSBAND. I always read your articles man and they re all PURE GOLD, keep it up,a huge hug to you , Martin from Argentina.
you have to decide what you value the most, money or a relationship
both are hard work, most guys cant excel at both at the same time
I feel like I’m giving up on romance, but I agree with much of your essay. I’m single. I prefer this freedom versus marriage or a monogamous relationship. I accept the fact that I will die alone.
Sadly, I’m on the bottom of your ladder. I have no aspiration to change. I am physically fit and buff. I run marathons. I have a PhD. But I’m extremely eccentric. Im ugly. I dress like a homeless hippie. I’m addicted to opiates. Im poor.
I have a high iq. I cannot stand being around stupid people.
Despite being at the bottom I can go to a fancy party here in Europe, talk to 20 women, and get a few phone numbers.
But There is never a spark. I don’t bother having sex with them. I always go home alone. I delete the phone numbers. . I never find my soul mate.
Oh my god, I don’t get it what are you bragging about – I wouldnt give a second look at you if you would have approached me. From your brags and photos seems that you dont have personality, you’re fake,- so thats why you attracting needy and all mentioned above girls. Maybe yes you have money and thats what lots of girls like; but from photos seems that you lack self confidence and you wouldnt approach a strong woman – who’s got looks, money etc, and deep down you know it… you know all that psychology stuff
Idiot
Will you be my boyfriend?
I’ll be your anonymous manfriend.
I am Heather McCarthy I have someone who doesn’t talk to me ,but if we break up I really need to find someone.Its almost lime he doesn’t care and we barely talk.
I’m an African American; where my rung? lol j/p. Great advice man.
thanks
Your blog is amazing. I’ve referred to this article before as it really speaks to me personally. I currently have a girlfriend and feel exactly like how you described, “torn” “like she is holding me back” and that I’m missing out on everything I could be doing. I have the game and looks to be able to approach and attract “hot girls” and I understand completely what you’re talking about when you say that a girl wants you to be “successful” but only to a certain point. It makes perfect sense. All I want to do is build my business, travel the world, and be with many different beautiful woman, but I feel trapped in my relationship. She is a great girl, pretty, smart, success driven, makes plenty of her own money and is physically fit. I’m not worried about her letting herself go at all, but I have that burning desire inside to be free. I don’t know what the hell to do. And I don’t want to break this poor girl’s heart either. Thanks, just letting you know I appreciate your article because it resonates with me and I haven’t really found anything else online written from this unique perspective which I consider to be my own.
thanks man, I appreciate it
There are many valid points to this article but what you, Joe, lack is emotional stability. You lack a truthful and deep emotional connection with someone. Those Brazilian girls you’re banging left to right also don’t give a flying crap about you. They will not take you to the hospital in the middle of the night if you’re running high fevers. They see you for your assets, nothing more, nothing less.
The advice you give is at best suitable for a very superficial life.
johns , hookers and pimps.
Idiot!!!! Your lack of maturity is staggering…clearly you have no depth or vision of your future…. Laughable at best….
Actually, we live in age when many of the people at the top are not particularly bright. They’ve secured their status by cultivating good connections rather than demonstrating merit. Lacking the level of intelligence required to avoid a vamp, they eventually get taken out by these aggressive sirens; ergo, these women DO serve a useful purpose, albeit a negative one.
Sad but true!
There is no need to be committed when you are not ready yet. Successful men can enjoy life as much as they can same with women. That’s the bottom line. However, there will come a time, and I have been a witness of this, you would need someone to be there by your side. I can sense you haven’t found the right woman yet. You’ve met women who have existing baggages and might still be bitter. Women’s thinking are different.
I can’t blame your experience. But not all women are emotionally shitty.
Somehow, it is an insult as you are generalizing women.
Yes, likely, ok to have superficial fun as long as you are honestâŠâŠâŠoh but thatâs not really part of your strategy is it? So you are selecting for a certain type and creating a certain dynamic that unsurprisingly leads to dissatisfaction on both sides. Seduction science, really? There is more science that shows men who connect and bond and are conscious of the Coolidge effect can channel that less harmfully. Less harmful is always more fulfilling.
Amazing piece, thanks jesse
I am in this position. Every lady I meet adds zero value to my life and I get bored very quickly. After reading this, I now know why. Great article! Most women are Time Vampires!
An amazing and very thought provoking article. I know it’s been years since you posted this but I just wanted to say you gave me a lot of food for thought.
Thanks!
Excellent article, and this is exactly the clarity that I needed. As a successful, in shape and attractive 30 year old man (i say this not to toot my own horn, but to explain myself), i have felt lost and separated from the rest. I see my friends who have 9-5 day jobs, getting married and having kids and living life by the book. Then i compare myself and get frustrated as to why can’t i find that? But, it’s great to know that im not alone. Not one girl i’ve dated from the area, have i felt deserved me or had enough to offer me. I always felt that i was babysitting and being held back. So, this article made me realize that its ok to feel this way and not to settle. To continue having my fun and to stop putting so much pressure on it. To realize that i am much different than the rest in the area, and that its ok. So thank you.
Interesting article. Sadly, I find myself in the bottom tier. Despite the fact that I have a PhD, a high IQ, empathy, live overseas, am in excellent shape, I cannot find a woman.
I have 3 things holding me back. I’m poor because I subsist on my research scientist. I devoted my career to studying alzheimer’s disease when I should have used my brilliant mind to go into something like investment banking.
Second, I’m ugly. Red hair and freckles.
Third, I cannot do small talk. I mentioned above that I have a high IQ, so I find most people talk about nonsense.
ps
sorry for the typos. I couldn’t edit my post. i meant to say that my income as an academic scientist at a national research institute in europe is very poor, and it is not enough to attract the love of a woman:. That’s not entirely true. I get enough propositions from other bottom tier women, but they are all obese, have children, are drug addicted, watch television; have no hobbies or passions in life.I’m going to die alone.
I would be an outlier but unfortunately have gravitated too the wrong women. This is a very true perspective wish I read this 7 years ago. #TiedDown #WTF
Thanks Christine. Your words bring me great comfort & articulate perfectly why I choose to remain single until i may meet someone looking in the same direction not looking to kill my spirit or me theirs.
In the context of this article, i realise I am a Tier 3 woman wanting an outlier not for his money (I have my own) but for his beautiful mind and that thing humans have-a heart. Emotionally unavailable people are the scared, unstable ones, justifying their worth by their so called perfectly crafted life in place of their ability to love.
Congratulations! You are admired but you are not loved even by the low self esteem beauties you attract. Tragic existence really. Go refigure your end game maybe..
Hope all of you reading the article find & retain true love whether you think you want it or not. Xx
well said
anyway it seems difficult to find a guy with heart if he’s an outlined asshole
Well said Tai, well said.
Outlier status is more readily achieved when living abroad. Status is boosted immediately due to income differential. In tropical regions, being a white guy is an automatic status boost. But, everywhere you go, third rung “hot girls” are still sought after. Third tier women always have an inflated sense of their worth and seek to manipulate men for money, and there are always enough successful men that competition is still going to cost you.
When overseas, I prefer to pick up the second tier women; older, not super attractive, somewhat overweight, has kids, divorced, needs help financially.
What you get in return is really nice. Women in their mid 30’s to mid 40’s want a lot of sex. The dark, middle-aged ones are ready to be submissive. You can make them do anything to satisfy your particular fetishes. She will always serve you sexually, sucking on demand, anything.
If you like, you can get rough or very dominant & they will take it. She will be your maid. She will be cooking, cleaning, breakfast in bed, take care of all the shopping.
She is realistic about finances. Helping her is not costly, you are not buying expensive gifts for her. You can help her a lot and its costs less that going on dates with expensive tier three hot girls.
She is realistic about her prospects and will remain loyal. She probably will not sleep with any other men, for fear of loosing you. Often, she will understand that you have other girlfriends in your home country or on other foreign assignments. She will ask you to marry her, but will not leave when you decline.
The only thing you must do is to avoid causing her shame. Be courteous in public, treat her family and friends with respect. That tier-two woman will treat you like gold. In private, you can be as nasty and rough as you like. Anything goes, she will take it.
I think you have only know shit women. The other 400 women in the club who dont want to be your girlfriend are probably of a lot better calibre than the 20 that would be. Have you ever considered that you are nowhere near the top of the pyramid, but struggle to grasp the fact that you are probably not even in the top 50% of people.
As much of an ass that Ashton Kutcher is, he is in a whole different league to you.
Hugs and kisses
Steve
I think he hasnt met the right girl yet.
Enjoyed the well-written article Jesse, thanks. Keen to comment even if I’ve not taken the iniative to write anything online myself… đ
Agree with the content of what you say but the tone comes across as self-important. Nobody can excel at everything as time is limited. You’ve got money, good looks, can travel the world and bang Brazilians left, right and centre – so what? Yes you’re at the top of the dating/social pyramid but you have to have a competitive, self-centred, elitist view of life to pigeon-hole Joe as average beyond this.
Agree that to an extent life is a game/test that people perform at but just as validly it’s a blank canvas on which there isn’t better or worse and rather a room for artistic differences? Joe might have less hot sex than a geriatric panda but perhaps he’s got a fab collection of home brews and enough humour to make an eagle smile!?
there are some truth to what your saying, but you are someone I would not want to hang out with. I think you are overrating yourself and probably need attention to feel good. so yea
totally right on; your information is lifesaving; thank effing god I used my common sense when i was young! and now your rubber stamping it! now that I’m older the 18 year olds “say” they want a guy their own age but they do the total opposite; I’m a total outlier never had or wanted a GF no need; i can just donate my sperm to anyone worldwide so my genes are not going extinct, when I die i’ll have a thousand kids
(this is the way it was 50,000 years ago the way it’s meant to be; by the way– just like in the romance novels that outsell any other book written by and read by women).
It sounds to me that this “outlier” man you describe actually has emotional intimacy issues. Of course when you bang everything that walks by sex will lose value to you. You’ve turned something that is supposed to be special into a sporting event. So why is it ok for a guy to use women for sex but women can’t use men for money? Both are equally horrible yet you complain of a woman’s interest in you financially while you plow through half of the female population. It’s you who isn’t good enough, and deep down you know it so you keep trying to fill that void with meaningless sex. You are so hypercritical of yourself that you project that onto others. You are never good enough for yourself so why would anyone else ever be good enough either? All you are doing is trying to make excuses for why you are a douchebag who uses women. You sound so bitter about women being humans with human flaws. In the end, sure you might end up with a hot looking chick at 60, but you’ll still be lonely because you won’t have experienced love…you are shallow and incapable of connecting on a deeper level. You will never understand how beautiful life can truly be when you share that connection with someone.
hey thats awesome man, i am an outlier LOL, i feel like a gigantic weight has been lifted from my shoulders, so i had an aha moment LOL, but i knew this subconciously i guess bcz i knew i could have any chick i want in a club bcz of my looks and i noticed that on beautifulpeople dot com 99 percent of the people are single like me LOL
Yes very valid . But to play the field for decades requires an emotional resistance most don’t have . If your dating attractive women who are trying to make you fall in love , invariably you will!i don’t understand how you can advise people not to fall in love when it’s hard wired into our phyci .
â99% of women are simply NOT worthy of being your exclusive girlfriend.â What about that 1%, then? What if a manâor an “outlier man,” as you put itâactually prefers monogamy? Or are you implying that that’s impossible?
This is pretty much legit. If you flip it over to the opposite sex for an extremely successful woman who knows her worth, she will also is not compatible for 96% of the population. It’s better to be alone, enjoy one’s accomplishments–both personal and financial until you meet someone who is your equal as a developed human being, and not stereotypical gender roles such as women who wants to bag a successful man for further her progeny or a rich men wanting a trophy wife because he grew up as a beta and still feels like one. I personally think in love, both people need to be alphas in how they are developing as human beings–having self-worth and growing into the best people we need to be, for ourselves before we can give to others. Love ultimately is two people looking in the same direction, not one person sucking the life out of the other one. Our only job as human beings is ascension, making ourselves better, the world better, enjoying the time we have here & in the process, if we can find someone on that same journey, all the better. If not, everything is such a time suck.
Coming from a high value female’s perspective, I scoff at what Jess considers a great life. He comes off as though someone never being in love, never had a close loving relationship with a female, never being dumped by someone he truly cared about. Life is not about partying and sex, he is unfortunately living too shallow of a life to realize that. He is making profit off of these tier 4 type guys, and those guys are so insecure and desperate to believe any crap and hype from this “so called” high value man. Let’s get the definition straight, a high value man actually need to possess values and have some convictions which these players obviously lack. A high value woman can smell the scent from miles away and choose not to waste their body and emotions on such superficial, unworthy men. Get ready to reap what you sow.
best comment
“They have this fantasy of meeting a WORTHY girlfriend with the body and the brains that doesnât cause the drama and bullshit or get fat down the road.
And yet they enjoy the adventure and excitement of traveling, of building a business, and of meeting eager, new women.”
Well ‘you can’t have your cake and eat it too’ i.e. one cannot have two incompatible things. Therefore “The Male Outlier” must choose between monogamy, the life of a “bad boy” or a bachelor etc. I don’t see how you instantly reach to the conclusion that he is “…better off ditching monogamy.” You only have to look at some famous rich men that some Outlier males yearn for monogamy so that their genes can be reproduced in the next generation and to have someone (their children) to inherit their wealth.
I comprehend why you choose such a lifestyle, however I don’t mean to be critical but does’nt this seem to be a somewhat entitled and narcissistic view, I think the important question you should be asking is “how would I like to be remembered”? If one thinks so highly of himself than surely he has the capability to empower himself and others to make changes for the greater good, not just for himself.
I’m a girl and do want my significant other to reach his full potential; I want the guy I’m with to be the best. I want him to be the guy every girl in the room wants and am actually turned on by other woman wanting the guy I’m with. In fact, I would find it embarrassing if he was rejected by a girl. A lot of girls just have an irrational fear of being cheated on but if you’re a woman who doesn’t have that fear, you’re not going to care if he talks to other girls or does what he wants.
I agree with some of your points. I do believe that dating is important, so you can find someone you see as a match. I believe that passion and drive are important factors for success. I have to ask: at what does sleeping with the 10 become pointless. Once you have a Porsche, it is cool at first, but eventually you get used
Interesting. However, i must disagree. I believe every outlier is different. My boyfriends parents have been together for 26 years. His father is head of a very successful law firm and his mother works in a high position in the IRS. Both travel alot. Both still love eachother immensly. Everyday after work, they sit together with my bfs younger brother and have dinner as a family. They walk the dog together everyday. They train for long distance running/triathalons and marathons. The dad still brings his wife flowers home. They support eachother and encourage eachother to achieve greater success. Yes, theyve had arguments and disagreements but they havent held eachother back. Eventually, you will want someone to share your life with (unless you are a psychopath incapable of emotions)- someone you can open up to. Your hormones will settle and you will find that one girl who is not Hot in your eyes, but beautiful. Her aging looks wont matter to you. You can have all the money, success, and girls you want but when youre near death, youll realize that none of that mattered cause you couldnt share your joy and passion with someone. You just need to open your eyes and stop grouping all women into one category. You seem to have such a negative view on them. It makes me wonder if ones really hurt you and you cant bring yourself to open up again to one. You place them at such a low level. Your view is how i felt about men for a long time after i was sexually abused by them.
May I simply just say what a relief to uncover someone that truly knows what they’re talking about on the web. You certainly know how to bring an issue to light and make it important. More people have to look at this and understand this side of the story. It’s surprising you are
not more popular because you definitely have the gift.
Well unfortunately with most single women nowadays that are such horrible creatures with no personality and manners at all which really explains it because of Feminism. Many of us single men can’t even meet a normal good decent woman anymore these days since most of these women are just real men haters altogether, and many of us very smart single good men are now going MGTOW because of this since these women really are to blame.
Hahahaha have you ever considered that is what YOU attract and are selecting for somehow?
I really do think that your article is super fantastic. You used the best description i could ever think about men. Two words, Men are best described as players and jerks.
I am actually right about how I think and how I feel for men. Most of them are trashy, cannot be trusted, user, maniac and doesn’t deserve respect.
So i definitely salute those young girls who just use men for money. after all money can buy you all the things you want except love. Because love doesn’t exist, its just all in the mind and deceiving.
Well, what can I say, good luck, have fun and get ready for aids…..
I forgot to mention: some time ago I read about a study on men of the past who excelled in various areas. The study stressed how such men achieved their better contributions while bachelors. After marrying, their productivity dwindled. Researchers maintained that the reason lied in men striving more while trying to attract mates. I think that your article offers a more likely explanation.
Well done. This article rings true beyond its original scope: monogamy is a bad deal not only very successful guys, but to every guy who’s worth his salt and is self-contained, because all the points you’ve outlined would still hold. I’m not tall, I’m not muscular, I don’t make six figures, yet after having been there and done that, even I have realized that women are more hassle than they are worth. I think that young men’s reasoning is clouded by their raging hormones, and social pressure, otherwise they would stop and question the return on their investment before it’s too late.
Keep up with the good work đ
Your article is interesting, but you’re mostly classifying people by their income, looks, and charm. That leaves out many important things.
When I was in college I passed up better-paying jobs to work full-time for a small electronics company. They gave you the opportunity to do whole projects by yourself and made top-of-the-line stuff. By graduation I knew more about circuits than most of my professors. I stayed with the company and spent the next few years saving it from going under, when they lost their main customer due to politics. We survived, I made full partner, and now we’re starting to make decent money again. I’m 25, just paid cash for a house, and may be a multi-millionaire in the next two years. If I’d taken a higher-profile, higher-paying job, I’d be in a cubicle today inching my way up to $85K/year. Instead, I chose work I enjoyed, lived frugally on limited income for years, and saved a company I liked and people I cared about. And I did much better than I would have simply pursuing income and status.
I actually benefited from being poor. I couldn’t afford restaurants or supermarkets, so I started buying food from Farmer’s markets. The result is that my diet was mostly free-range meat, organic dairy, and fresh produce. I also started swimming in a public pool everyday, because I needed to alleviate stress and couldn’t afford to go out. As a result of these lifestyle changes I became very healthy, lean, and fit. Even with money, I still live this way. Being poor was actually a great opportunity to learn self-sufficiency and resourcefulness.
You’re obviously better at meeting women than I am, but I think I’m actually happier in relationships than you are. Are looks really that important to you? Why not make friends with an average looking girl who has a wonderful personality. Really get to know her. Go hiking. Cook for each other. Stay up all night talking. Realy get excited about knowing her. Forget about how fast you can seduce a model in a club. This is about making a real connection, not polishing your seduction skills. Ask her out, and keep your money and polish out of it. If she wants help, help her solve her own problems rather than do it for her. You’ll build a real connection that way. And the sex will be amazing, because you’re really getting to know each other. It gets to be a whole drawn out game. You might find yourself enjoying life far more than you would playing the “game” with yet another model.
JH, it’s obvious from your comment that you haven’t lived the lifestyle of hooking up with model quality girls that are ten years younger than you. Because if you had, you’d realize it beats having an average-looking long-term girlfriend any day.
I’ve done both and believe me there’s no competition, there’s just no question which makes a man happier.
Yep
outliermale is right. There is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING like bedding a perfect 10 and knowing you can do it again if you want to. However, there is something that doesn’t get discussed that often in the community, namely, what are the costs of being a player? I can say from personal experience that being a player absorbs a large part of your mojo, that is not available to be directed elsewhere. Was Richard Branson a player? How about Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, or Jeff Bezos? Not one of these guys was what you would call a swordsman, yet they were incredibly successful. Andre Agassi was a player and married a model. He went from number one in the world to not even ranked. Then he decided to get serious. He divorced the model, cut off his hair, and became number one again. Bill Clinton was a player and it almost cost him his presidency. Ditto Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian Prime Minister, and Nicolas Sarkozy the French President. Being a player is a way of life, but it often precludes success in other areas,
the only thing wch freaks me out n makes me want to marry anyone is the thought of being alone n unsafe being a girl đ had i been a guy, i wud definitely hav ruled out getting committed n married.would never hav wanted to settle down …i dont know if i am stupid fr saying this but thats how i feel .. i m from south asia n m glad to kno that ppl in other parts of the world also share my sentiments..lol…bcoz here in pakistan..not getting married isnt even an option fr a woman đ
not to mention….i really lyk dragging ppl along…chatting to guys widoit serious intentiom….n m scared of commitment…on the other hand, too choosymy soulmate or wutever u call it… sometyms i feel lyk this is not being outlier n the outliers actually hav som kind of personality disorder …they cant fit in with the general definition of social values the society teaches them…. i do get attracted to bad boys i admit…but only in the virtual or online world…i m sure the moment i meet him, all my excitemnt for him will vanish…i wil see him a real person..a threat whoto my single stable life..n eventually i ll stand alone bcoz i hv already weeded out the normal good guys outa my lyf bcoz they r too good…lol… wutshit đ
i am a female and sort of agree with this article…it holds true for both the outlier male and female…maybe the outliers are so much above the normal people who accept the lifestyle the society has imposed on them, that the outliers are sort of disconnected frm this world….the outliers mostly liv in a mental world of their own with a desire to achieve somthng extraordinary… its so true that its lonely at the top….i dont kno if i m an outlier…but i feel lonely even now..even though i am in my late 20s only… i dont feel lyk the normal ppl around me hav any idea wuts going on in my head…i havent found a single guy who was interesting enough đ the good looking ones r just so goofyn so unintelligent…the normal looking ones dont attract me physically… *sigh*…maybe i hav to bring my standards down…but i m clueless…cant find a single person intetesting enough…man or woman…to spend time with đ maybe i m a perfectionist n i need to stop obsesing over finding the perfect friend, perfect partner, perfect coleague n so on n so forth đ
Even if you are in fact as amazing as you say, you have about 4 years before your outlier status comes to an end and the cutthroat competition of women 8-10 years younger than you sidelines you. The cruel joke nature plays on women is that their value declines over time while a man’s increases. Take heed.
Generally true. The only way a woman can overcome that is if she maintains excellent habits, and I mean excellent. No drinking, no TV, no sedentary, no junk food- lots of exercise, eating right, practice posture, and so on.
True true true….. Its an universally known thing marriage is a scope for women to “settle” in lives leaving the guy in utter shambles. Marriage is more of a girl institution to make the woman survive the rest of the life who would have actually screwed up the career and life. Such a setup is even worse in India where unsuccessful girls who would have screwed up their lives look for ok ok guys who are financially stable kindof handsome help them come out of pits. Once out of the pits the same girl would start commanding you and become a cancer !!! U ask for divorce and you are done…. she gets the regular paycheque from your side to survive the rest of the life….. LOVE /ROMANCE Anywhere in picture ???? LOVE ROMANCE my foot…. its just a setup for finding convenience !!!
I’m also what you would consider an outlier male. I’ve been studying game for years (around 9 years, before I finally gave it up), have had some awesome experiences with very hot women (bedding many and dating many), and also have passive income streams that allowed me to quit my job and travel around the world.
I agree with your post almost entirely (though, I am married now). The one thing that irked me a bit is the constant mentioning of height. “Tall” as an example of an outlier. “Short” as an example of an average Joe loser. I can tell you that height is very much a superficial issue forwarded by a society that does not really have a deep understanding of anything. I’m surprised that you mentioned it (with the wisdom of the rest of this post).
the game of woman has begun
new zealand is the smallest nation, thats why we are at the top of the pyrimad
why is monogomy the dreaded curse, I come from a tribe whose triple-greats grandfather had 9 wives and lots of children, yes New Zealand, our culture is so flowing with promiscuis females and outlier males that when the rest of the world meets us we lose most of them, Jesse I was recommmended to you from The Sheik, which was similar to going out with the hottest and being chased by girls, and this pyrimad seems similar to being the smallest nation on earth who doesn’t allow any moron nation no matter how big their balls are to bring nuclear power over to us, we dont find our inner game voices of forum power by having nuclear weapons, do any of you?
Jesse, your articles are very smart and I have difficulty disagreeing with you. However, this one fails in regards to children. Studies show that men also have a biological clock. Not that men lose their fertility like women, but a man’s age can effect the health of their children. Particularly troubling is the high incidents of autistic children fathered by men in their 40s and up. So, the alternative could be to become an under 40 father and then live a single life free of any needy women holding you back. Sounds great except that children are the neediest influence in anyone’s life. Therefore, I propose that this article only apply to men who do not want children, ever.
Good point raised Anonymous, thanks
There is 0 empirical evidence that suggests salary is positively correlated with being single. In fact, economists have found what seems to be a negative correlation — on average, being married corresponds to a salary 26% higher than of someone who is single.
And how much of your 26% more salary is available to you when you are married? A single guy always owns 100% of his salary.
Jesse You are with out a doubt 100% correct in your findings I’m experiencing this right now as we speak and your observation of the human condition as it pertains too this subject is ON POINT…speaking from an outliers perspective .The fact that you have such strong opposition voicing their opinion is proof of the people that WOULDN’T be categorized as outliers and are in what I call the 3d(s) Denial Delusion Dysfunction.In closing Jesse Keep telling it like it REALLY is as the truth can be tampered distorted misrepresented and above all eliminated to a fault …The facts as described in this post are priceless and indisputable ..you have my 100%attention .and for all the naysayers out there….. extraordinary is something you are ‘born “with and it attracts everything so to those who object !!our types already expect you not to understand the obvious.stick to what feels comfortable to you .Midas Touch
Proove ur that top of the world guy before teaching others.From ur photo ur average looking at very best,and a real alpha doesnt teach others shit.U aint what u say.U maybe had some success but not how u want us to believe.NOWHERE NEAR.Most things u said is BS in the real world.In my country 1/4 women is pretty (eastern europe),so ur figures mean shit for quite a few hundred million men
Thanks Lucien, we need people like you in the world.
Oh honey you’ve just made me appreciate my husband and all his average joe-ness more then anything has in years.
I’ve typed and erased multiple times, I just don’t really know what to say that doesn’t come out as insulting or condescending. I guess what I can say is that no matter what our station in life we all have options. Your options are no doubt broader then mine or my husband’s, but that is not to say that we are without options. We do not choose to stay in a relationship because we are worried that this is the best we can do. Based on your requirements for an ideal partner, both of us have had opportunities to upgrade in the ten years we’ve been married.
I’ve erased yet again because from the information I’ve read on your site I think you have a very strong understanding of people and know that there is more to relationships then looks and money. But I think that our relationships are formed and strengthened through our struggles, and those of us with less have had more opportunities to grow together through our struggles. So while I’ve had the chance to cheat or leave, the thought of hurting my partner is enough to make stay. And the relationship we share, the home and life we have made together is worth more then any hot piece of ass.
fair enough. But keep in mind this post was not written for couples like you pr your husband, but to help out a small slice of guys living in a particular lifestyle niche.
Flawlessly logical. And equally cold. You will never know love. Not really. I would try to explain but it would be a waste of breath. I pity you.
đŻ 8)
Excellent article Jesse! You’ve hit the nail on the head! I’ve always been very motivated and success-oriented. I ended my first marriage after a dozen years as I wanted more out of life (she got complacent, closing in on herself)….then I found a hotter, younger, sexier, more compatible GF and eventually got married to her. Well, I continued to strive and became even more successful, build my businesses, move ever farther up the pyramid, but eventually became too incompatible for even my 2nd wife. I couldn’t figure what this was all about until I read your article – this clarifies the Paradox greatly! THANKS for your WISDOM!
Great comment thanks đ
I do not agree w your opinions on women.
1) MONEY vs LOVE Not all women are looking for money or super rich guy. I had many rich guys wanting me but i didnt want them coz i dont love them (there was no spark). We women r looking for love, pure love.
2) BODY MAINTAIN. In my country, most ladies will take care of themselves. We know our responsibilities to care our husband. For us, Husbands = King.
Im sorry to say, your article is so bias n doesnt count on each part of the world.
Thanks for the perspective from outside the West
Interesting article. I am a woman who has arrived at the same conclusion as you – without a great partner monogamy is best. Perhaps life must be this way – no human can live the perfect life? I think I’ll pop out and get my 25 cats tomorrow….
Thank you for your article! I am soooo glad to have a name to put to these types of males! I am extremely attracted to outlier males (or at least the idea of them as they are rare to come by) and once a girl has been around one, and recognizes his potential and uniqueness in the dating field, she realizes that the average man just will not make her happy or put up enough of a challenge to keep her stimulated…mentally, emotionally, or physically. Girls will let themselves go and become needy if they don’t feel challenged. Same with men. But thus comes the dilemma..because inevitably…the smart, pretty girl who has the drive to match him knows that every outlier male is never going to be satisfied with her and rightly so because if he were to settle down and commit then he would become comfy and lose that drive that made him so attractive in the first place and then he loses his game… So then the question becomes what has to happen for the outlier female (If that’s what you could say I am?) and the outlier male to be in a happy relationship? I almost wouldn’t mind having an open relationship down the road after all the fun and excitement if he got bored as long as he came home to me and was still intellectually and emotionally connected to me and on my level to offer some kind of long-term stability. Is that the wrong train of thought? Society says it’s not ok for a woman to be okay with a man have a little bit on the side but at the same time if I want an alpha and this is the inevitability of the alpha male then I either accept this or else settle for letting myself go with the average guy who isn’t going to satisfy me? And I have been in a relationship with a super committed, never cheated on me male and I just got bored… I am 24 and in roughly 12 years of dating I have been around 2 outlier men(but never in a relationship with?) …one recently thus the whole inquisition into this because it’s thrown me off track… Does anyone think outlier men and outlier women can be compatible? I would love to figure this out.
This all just seems like very unenlightened babble to me. To be an outlier, male or female, doesn’t mean you have to sleep with a ton of people. You only have to have the ability to do it because you take care of yourself, lead a healthy life, are intelligent and people are attracted to that. Being in the entertainment business, I’m constantly around outliers of both genders. Only a small fraction of this already small percentage sleep around with a ton of people and fail to have monogamous relationships. The common trait I’ve witnessed to be in that even smaller fraction is narcissism.
You can be an outlier and still have the ability to empathize and sympathize with others. You can look past your own needs and put someone else first. It’s fine and dandy to keep trying to push yourself and paying attention to your own personal growth. Not enough people do that. But if you find that’s all you pay attention to then I feel like you’re missing a lot of what is important in life. There doesn’t have to be a dichotomy between being an outlier and forging human bonds.
Sure, you can be all outlier who only pays attention to themselves and is constantly bedding the hottest person you can find without really finding out anything about them. You can do whatever you want, really, because you don’t have anyone in your lives that demand attention. At the same time, this isn’t criteria for an outlier. There can also be top-tier men and women who compete with themselves and push themselves to the brink and also have people in their lives that they have forged strong bonds with and manage to have flourishing romantic relationships as well. It isn’t about being an outlier that makes having monogamous relationships hard. It’s the traits that some outliers happen to have, specifically over self-involvement.
When I see people like you who push themselves it makes me happy that there are other people out there who want to better themselves, but then I look more in-depth at what you write and I’m saddened. You don’t seem to be doing anything altruistic with your talents, and I’m sorry, helping men on the internet become like you doesn’t cut it. For all the bravado you show, you seem to have missed that fact that forming tight-knit relationships, whether romantic or not, is a trait that a top-tier person should have. People who have worked on themselves profusely normally don’t have a hard time relating to others as long as they stay humble and not prideful. We are all just a little blip on the radar of life and none of your triumphs are going to mean a damn thing in the long run if you don’t have actual people in your life to be proud of you and support you. You can achieve some of the greatest things in the world, but when you die no one is going to truly miss you. Sure, people will be sad your gone. They’ll talk about how intelligent you were or what great insight they may have believed you had, but they won’t really miss you because they never really knew the real you.
Life is short and a life of constantly trying to climb higher on a never-ending tree will prove to be fruitless if you don’t have good people to bring along. I hope someday that your self-learning takes you across the chapters of humility and caring. I went for a long time without them and now that I do I realize how fruitless my life was. It’s nice to be an outlier, but feeling superior will always be a self-involved outliers downfall. Your status can’t be everything. I’m only an above average female actress and I don’t find you all that attractive. Since I don’t find you all that attractive, and that’s pretty much what you’ve banked your whole lifestyle on, you have absolutely nothing in the personality department to offer me. What I’m trying to get at is humbleness is important because you may consider yourself an outlier, but not everybody else does.
First,i liked the article.
I felt most of the things described in such way or another.
I guess at you pyramid i will be placed closer to the top too but….
I day i woke up and realized that i was concentrating to much on how to get woman(including a lot of literature and a seduction course) than on HOW TO MAKE THIS RELATIONSHIP WORK.
Like you i broke up with one girl after another,always blaming them and finding the excuses,that you very well mentioned(neediness,drama…)
At some point i realised that a part of the problem is ME.
At this point i came across some books,you probably read or heard of.
I’m talking about John Gray.The basic book is:”Men are from Mars and Women from Venus”,but the deeper one i STRONGLY recommend you (if you haven’t read it yet) is “Men Women and relationships”. you will never use the words
like “emotional vampire”,drama,bullshit etc.
This lexicon of your(which was mine too for years) is a result of a family where a father was Macho type and the mather a Victim type.What i saw was my father’s neglect of disrespect of my mom’s feelings.So you absorb this and become a Macho type too…
The diarespect to woman’s feelings comes from the lack of understanding the reason for them and even deeper misunderstanding of the men/woman mind differences.If you think you are a woman’s mind master,just because you can seduce her it is wrong! ONLY THE REAL understanding of a woman’s mind will help you keep a relationship work.
The secret,by John Grey,is reveiling your Feminine part(becoming less Macho).It means allowing yoursef some emmotions,becoming softer,more naive,romantic,maybe even a bit needy too”
Yes! This may reduce you seduction success a bit,but will “hill” the relationships.
This is absolutly crutial.I used to be around 90% Macho before.I could not say ” i love you ” to a girl(i felt it was to female).Now i am not like that anymore.
I balanced my male/female fitures better,let’s say 60% : 40%.
Of course,i’am still more masculine then faminane,but i am not afraid to show my feelings anymore.And i learned to listen to girls,understand and respect.
The bottom line is: seduction is great but it is not enough! Read some deeper philology(J.G is a doctor in psychology,not a seduction muster like us) and balance you masculine/feminine characteristics
well said,
it is correct.
An example of a “there and back again” outlier lifestyle would definitely be Russel Brand. I recommend you check out both his auto-bio’s.
He was a total wuss, turned into an outlier, got married to katy perry, then went back to being an outlier again.
Is there really any correlation between happiness and being an outlier male?
It’s either:
1) Get the job, Get the wife Get the Kids.
or
2) Get blissnosis, Get the chicks, get outlier status.
haha sweet example
Jesse,
First, a caveat – I am an aspiring outlier male, so I haven’t yet achieved this lifestyle and therefore haven’t experience it firsthand.
However, I’ve known several and followed many more online, and I’ve started to see a pattern with these guys. That is, the ones who I view as the healthiest – mentally, emotionally, and spiritually – eventually tire of the perpetual bachelor lifestyle and settle down with a beautiful girl. I remember AFC Adam saying one time that any guy who says ‘I can’t imagine being bored with sleeping with countless women’ has yet to break through to true mastery of the game. Once you do master it and you’ve had years of adventures, those same games just don’t have quite as much appeal. Yes, you will always be attracted to younger women. But as you get older, the value that comes from being in a committed relationship rises. When I’m 45, I might want to fuck a hot 21 year old, but on an emotional level she’s simply not someone that I can connect with. However, at that point in my life, having someone who has been with me for years and who trusts me absolutely would be incredibly valuable. I see it as a trade-off – yes, at some point in my life I probably will give up sex with any woman I want in order to pursue a monogamous relationship, but in return I’ll gain a deep connection with another human being that has true value.
No woman is ever going to be perfect for you. But then again, your never going to be perfect for another woman, either – and it seems like you neglect to mention that in your article. No matter how much you develop yourself or how awesome you become, you will still be short of perfect – and there will be room in your life for a beautiful, intelligent, emotionally stable woman to help fill in the gaps in your life. Love is difficult, because it requires you to rely on someone else, which goes against a lot of the things pickup teaches. But the rewards are also great, and I don’t think your article really addresses that side of the issue.
To end on a positive note – you made some really good points and definitely got me thinking. I just think there’s another side to the issue.
Stephen, I’ve noticed the same thing as well with outliers. Great response, a true reflection of the real world.
Jesse… this by far is one of the most eye opening articles for any man who has been willing to delve into introspection and then subsequently spend the time to fix and develop the best of who he is and can become in all realms.. financially, intellectually, physically etc.etc… I am divorced with children, was married for many years. I’m now in my very early 40’s. I’ve already seeded my progeny, that’s done.. it has been all about me for quite a while, looking into who I am, why I was the person I didn’t like in the past and what I wanted for myself moving forward. I took what I already had physically and forged it.. underwear model body…. check.. well north of 6 figure income.. check… Mensa I.Q.. check.. blah..blah..blah… Whatever. I love the person I am now.. and it took work to bring me out of my shell and release all the baggage.
Your article struck a real cord.. primarily because it’s so true on many levels. I am at times astonished finding where I am at in life. Furthermore, I am even more astonished at the dysfunction of the “pretty girls” in your pyramid. I am an extremely romantic man, very communicative, cordial, chivalrous etc.. but I am no pushover. In the dating world of the “pretty girls” I have often found that after a period of time, usually 2-3 months of seeing any woman, I will often get the “I’m in love with you” and almost at the same time the “I can’t be with you” speech. Quite a dichotomy, however, in EVERY case these women have always come back to apologize and ask for a second chance and have divulged that they broke things off because they were SCARED poopless of what they had found in me and wanted to leave before I left them. These women have all been, doctors, lawyers, bankers, etc. etc., very intelligent, financially independent women. However, in every case I have come see the same issue. When these “pretty girls” or even the “outlier girls” gets what they believe they are truly looking for, they have no damn clue what to do.. they run. This basically says, that they never ran the scenario through in their minds and their heart that the sunset is possible and if it arrives, swim, run and grab it.. meet it with equal yoke, but accept that you’re worthy of getting exactly what you want. I’m still having an amazing life, meeting new people and living with an open mind and eager heart.. Onward to new adventures!! đ
Thanks, nice comment !
I feel bad for Jesse. Hes in a field where you have a bunch of unenlightened men with hangups. So defensive. I dont agree 100 percent with the article, but thats why descretion is advised in everything you witness. Hes here to present his portion of reality to us and its up to us to find value in what he offers even if you completely disagree at least you get an idea on what viewpoints are out there. I’ve had a lot of “aha” moments and great insight from jesse’s articles that helped create introspection of myself or helped guide me to a new level of understanding. Unfortunately “hate” will come to anybody who shares a opinion on life, no matter how pure the intentions.
this ‘article’ is so idiotic that i have posted it on a number of psychology boards, simply to bring a good laugh to people.
Oh, so that’s where all those recent letters with praise have been coming from đŻ â
I am curious, what percentage of men would you say are good with women naturally, and what is the total percentage of men that are good with women?
JD, can approach, meet and are generally okay with women in most situations? It’s a pretty small fragment of the total population. Less than 1%
Hi,
From my own womanly “lust experience“ :
you make your rules as an outlier ,you are fair and honest towards your girlfriends and this is beautiful if you all like it.Maybe some women are like that -they would be friendly with each other and it would build ONE LOVELY SEX FAMILY – maybe you could even put them all together in your kitchen asking them to cook for you:one will make a cake ,the other will do some soup ,the third one will make your eggs!And THEEEN –
you will all eat your dinner and chose the order for sex.While you are with One -the others are watching Benny Hill:0) Wow -lovely! Â Â
The moment HE started showing OFF his OTHER GIRLFRIENDS – I felt sick .It makes a woman think -my gosh he KNOWS I have strong feelings for him and he doesn`t MIND to show me his sex “adventures“ ….my “Temptation“ with my own friends !…how much he cares?“ …If you are a sex addict at least keep it discrete…that was a big “turn off“ for me ….all my passion gone ,and I am actually happy  as it opened my eyes .I have been in a long relationship for 14 years now,sex got a bit boring it`s true ….but I would not swap a man who has been faithful to me for so many years ,with ups and downs ,on the bumpy road …but had me as his Only One …..and ,I don`t know why he is like that to me ….as I learnt from your site Jesse that it`s men`s nature to “have it all“ !!!
It made me realizing that if he sacrificed “having it all“ for me -maybe this is the essence of LOVE ….I do not have a sex god but have always had “inner peace“….after what has happened recently -I`m just happy I am back on my way to this “inner peace“ …and the Sex Gods we both can be with SOME Jesse`s advice -and thank you for that:0) Â
Hey Jesse,
Never been to your website and this is the first time Im reading this article. Let me just say that what you wrote here is EXACTLY the same conclusion that Ive come to as well. Im actually surprised you put this down on this blog as many people don’t know WTF they are talking about. But essentially, once you become the outlier it definitely becomes SUPER LONELY. Why? because regardless of the many hot chicks you get or are with, emotionally you start feeling like No One Girl is left to match you. You even start feeling like not even Many friends can Match you! What you’re stating here is just the inevitable, it doesn’t matter how many chicks come to post against it. Truth is Truth, and the truth can hurt but My personal feelings is that even though what you posted here is all true, its still possible to meet one chick or maybe even more then one chick (why limit to 1?) who CAN really hold you down. A girl doesn’t have to be $1million in the bank and look like a playboy model but if she’s halfway there and has the same mindset to incredibly succeed and destroy all obstacles in life then it can definitely work. The whole point is successful people get a thrill from the chase, the adventure, and never wanting to give in or settling down. Im always trying to improve myself and I’m my own worst critic and nightmare in the never-ending spiral to supersede myself but you DO gotta make concessions and even verbally speak with the girl(s) about this so that they can know.. OK.. If I really want to keep and be with this dude, Im going have to go all out to improve and to be successful as him. Once she’s in this mode, then you’re both fighting to keep each other and know you can lose each other at any time.. Whats better then that? đ Cheers from New Jersey and props for calling out what I already suspected as the Rio De Janeiro Beauty Misconception Scam đ haha.
Thanks, you summed up exactly what I was saying very succinctly. Â And true there are obviously many great women out there that will push you forward rather than be a burden, but why stress out about finding one? Â Women can be great for just the pleasure of having the company of all types of women without putting one into a permanent exclusive contract with you
Women aren’t stupid, Jesse. I wouldn’t invest in a guy who keeps me around as a backup and doesn’t take me seriously. I supported my ex husband budding business and was breadwinner for a while, cause I loved him and he was good to me. My current fiancĂ© was (and still is) very popular w girls. Pussy came easy to him. When I met him I wasn’t looking to commit and I was re evaluating my life. He had to put some serious work to pull me closer. And then, BAM! He fell in love, I fell in love and things just lined up. By the way, when I met him I made more doe and managed to get him on board to my company- I wanted him to be successful- I am competitive with my partners and we fuel each other up. But we also have each other’s backs in the company. That counts for a lot, wouldn’t you think? P
Fucking brilliant man. So much wisdom in this post. Thank you thank you thank you.
Thanks George
great work jessy,
when you get board at the top
start over at the bottom LOL
wilson
I was wondering how The St Valentine`s Day looks and feels like to the “Outlier “?………
i seriously think all u men who read this guys posts are crazy and definitelly have SOME SERIOUS ISSUES. i feel especially sorry for few of the guys who wrote above whom are super sweet and kind and whom i sense would be much better of if they talked to a woman in their lives,sister mother or a girlfriend trusting that she might not be a FREAK! i believe that the author of this website may have been bullied and no girl ever wanted him so now hes turned into this GIRL HATER!
i havent heard him say one single thing about women that was uplifting or kind. i m ashamed of you and i m seriously SHOCKED over how many followers u got.
ONE OF MY EXES IS FOR SURE ON THIS SITE Cause i recognize some of the crap u PREACH here ,things with 60s and ALL THE SEX BULLSHIT!! and like stay single and move and bla bla bla. CANT BELIEVE MEN READ YOUR WORK!! this is plain EVIL…and i gotta be honest i told everyone that this guy i was dating was retarded and that the ideas he got ,I HAD NO CLUE FROM WHERE WERE NONSENSE AND ILLUSIONS but i just tonight discovered your website……….
i will take some serious time to investigate and read more of ur articles and i m sure that some of the tips ur giving are good and might work on some girls like to get sex etc if thats all ur after.however once u guys talk little bit more she ll definitelly not cry over LOOSING YOU .if thats your and your followers GOAL that good. FUCK AND NOT GET SERIOUS GOOD!! u r doing a great job. however i dont think no person alive on this planet can stay in that mooode for that long……..??????????? WEIRD!! AND SICK at the same time………
So i just wanna say that with real inteligent and goregous ALFA FEMALES your game will NEVER WORK or maybe it will if HES A BEGGINER like she senses theres still somethn human in him LOL like my ex was and shes thinking hes little confused!
why i say a begginer is cause i m convinced that my ex prob just recently discovered ur site hahaha as he was a true begginer and i could so notice that hes trying hard to keep DETACHED!!
warning to all men,trully intelligent women ,and trully SELFCONSCIOUS WOMAN whos also trying to control and manipulate u CAN soo SEE RIGHT THROUGH YOUR GAME RIGHT AWAY! LIKE I SAID TO MY NOW EX OF 4 MONTHS.PLAYER MET A PLAYER I was in it just for the GAME sake to figure out what kind of WEIRDO I GOT THERE!!
Not exactly sure what non-sense you’re preaching here exactly. So you’re mad that your ex tried to be a player, so you but you’re the real player so you outplayed him?
Strong hypocrite.
It`s funny isn`t it đ Maybe she was a bit drunk â
Sounds like you’re projecting anger toward your ex-boyfriend onto me. Yikes â đ
To begin with, the advice in this article “to stay single” applies to a SMALL SUBSET of men. Like 1%. At most. So don’t freak out. It doesn’t mean all your future boyfriends are going to dump you.
Also, it’s quite possible that your last ex-boyfriend left you because of his own personal issues, or because of your personal issues, or both. It may have nothing to do with outlier males or anything in this post.
Where does Steve Jobs fall in, I’d think the outlier đ nonetheless he found fulfillment in having a family and dedicating the rest of himself to work. Chasing pussy is time consuming, even if you become the god of seduction tricks. Another note: young women’s marrying much older may not be so inclined to stay physically faithful. Example, from family I know: she, daughter of a famous country star, married an older stock broker who got testicular cancer later on. Result: he had to drive himself to chemos, while she had fun n Florida… Before her he had a sweet loyal wife his age. Don’t count on having young pussy around when u get old and start break down. 1% commit to lonely road forever, or you got to plan out your life earlier
wow your a stupid fucking idiot.
obviously uv never been in love before.
im glad ur going to die alone.
fool.
haha typical woman.lol
We collect what we seeded…
Just stumbled upon your site, GENIUS ARTICLE MAN.
I can attest to this being a fact, I am a pretty good looking guy, very quick on my feet and funny and good with girls. In college, pretty much a drunk alcoholic alpha who banged girls. I used to be fat in HS, never really got girls but college because of it being a new start I crushed it completely.
But when I’d bang a girl, I’d get SO into her and because I’ve realized I was running some “Breakthrough Comfort” type stuff (I think I am a natural turned educated PUA natural) she would fall in love with me. But legit maybe 30 bangs in I’d be like “Eh, she’s cool but she has some cellulite and her vagina is squishy like all the others.”
So I’d go onto the next one. And the next one. And the next one. And I realized, esp. when you start having ALOT of sex, I’m talking like 5x in a day with 2 different girls (5X together, not 5x each) you really start to lose all notions that they are special or different or anything.
And truthfully, the phrase that behind every great man is a great woman, is pure nonsense. Women will tell you you’re fat if you get chubby, then they’ll tell you you’re too muscular and you make them feel uncomfortable when you eat a ketogenic diet for weeks….they will tell you you should have a better job, but god forbid you start to work longer to get rich, they will tell you that you’re just money hungry and “I guess I’m just not materialistic like you”.
I don’t hate women but I really feel the plight of the super-alpha/outlier man is far tougher than that of a hot girl because not only do you feel different from all your guy friends but no girls are truthfully worth your time.
Thanks for the insight. So let me get this right. All I need to do is hit the powerball for 40 or 50 million dollars, get some plastic surgery to look like Tom Brady or Brad Pitt, take some type of growth hormone into my bone marrow and go jet setting on my new jet plane and I will be picking them up left and right. Yah! That’s all I have to do. Thanks for solid advice on how to transform. Now I see, it’s that easy. Really!
You are clearly not an Outlier so what you need to do is man the fuck up and stop being a wretch with your shit storms and overreacting bullshit you little pussy. Stop complaining and crying because no one gives a shit. Rather than sit on your fat ass why don’t you get up off your sofa, stop under achieving and disappointing yourself and others, and do something constructive… you swine! What is your moronic comment talking about… You don’t need to do any of that. Here’s what you need to do step by step:
1) Sort your fucking life out and reach for the stars you! How are you going to be in the big leagues if you can’t even play in the small ones. DO MORE and DO BETTER.
Hopefully this is what a dumb little shit like you needs. Harsh but you need this. There is no anger or hate here… just extreme pleasure from hurling wise words at you to develop you into something better. It was my pleasure.
You forgot a vital point…
SCRAM!
Who is this Kev Daxx??
Listen boy, whores make life worthwhile… so before you trash what you bang, maybe you should ask yourself… are you just really empty inside and venting your repression? Go get some real life experience, and by real life experience I mean AIDS, and then come back and put your ball sacks on red.
I am the 1%. Who survived.
Mother fucker god damn you make a solid point.
Ol’ Lar will shoot you straight like a bullshitter that knows he’s being bullshitted to.
Can anyone disagree with that? That’s what I thought.
That silence speaks a thousand words.
no silence. i disagree. wow. “whores make life worthwhile” your just as much of an idiot as the guy that wrote this article.
@ Kev Daxx aka 18 yr old kid.
Daxx the way you expressed yourself gives alot of your immaturity away that you lack in experience from basic relationships that is unspoken and learned from experience. grow up Daxx
@Sand—-
Didn’t ask ya, but alright.
@smart, you really think he’s being serious? hahaha Jesus, let me guess another internet forum junkie that has too much to say online and not enough getting back to his world of warcraft
I feel very few people who read this post will get it.
This post, like Jesse said, is for the outliers of the world. Not everyone is an outlier. There is only a small percentage of outliers that exist. There needs to be people that disagree, in fact there needs to be A LOT of people that disagree with this post, so that the second rung of “the masses” can exist.
If everyone agreed with this and everyone did the same thing, the world wouldn’t go round.
This post pretty much nailed the exact place I’m in right now. And everyday I feel myself taking another step down the path of the never ending journey of progress & greatness, I also feel myself take a step further away from the thought of ever getting tied down. Monogamy is a socially conditioned belief that the masses are conditioned to believe because it’s what everyone does, so everyone assumes it’s the right thing to do. People also have this belief, because they don’t have options. When you have options, and you know what you’re worth, then your opinion on this matter will change heavily from those without options.
I’m not saying I’ll never get locked down or will never marry, and I’m not saying there aren’t girls that do peak my interest & captivate me. But the more time passes, the more progress & feel myself make & the more extraordinary of a human being I feel myself become, the more the number of these types of girls that peak my interest & captivate me decreases. When you hit that tipping point Jesse mentioned, you can’t help but lose sight of only being with one girl. It’s impossible. Your value & status in society won’t allow it, the more status & value you have, the more society will gravitate towards you.
Which is why I’ve also come to the realisation that it depends what league you are playing in. If you’re aiming for the girls in the “A-League”, the “10’s” out there, you better be playing in the same league yourself. Status-wise, value-wise, health-wise, financially, emotionally, all congruent with each other and of your inner & outer self.
I’m 24 and bedded more girls than 100 guys’s lifetimes combined. The more girls I know I can have, the more I strive to aim higher, and not stop progressing. The thought of being stagnent & not making progress makes me feel like I’m going to explode. That’s why financial freedom & fame are what my target is set on, and I’m not stopping until I’m there. It will inevitably mean my view on anti-monogamy will grow stronger, but when you’ve seen it all, you can’t help but see no other alternative. And funny enough, when I reach it, I’ll be aiming for the next peak. It never stops.
It’s all status & value relative. If you disagree with this post, I hate to break it to you, but if you’re dating a chick, and a guy with more perceived status & value to her comes along when you’re not around, she can’t help but feel attraction towards him. Yes some girls will stay faithful, and those girls are special because they have control over their emotions which very few girls have. The girls that don’t stay faithful however, yes some are out-right cunts, but it’s also not all their fault. We’re human, and we can’t help our human instincts of gravitating towards those who will provide us with the highest survival, security & reproductive values (status & value). That’s human nature.
So that’s why if you truly want the 10’s, you better make sure you’re a fucking 11 yourself. This is just a civilized animal kingdom we live in. If you’re happy settling for the masses of mediocrity, you’re not wrong. Everyone has their own different wants & needs. Me, I don’t see an alternative than only aiming for the A-Leagues.
Until you’ve been through what Jesse talks about in this post, you will disagree with it.
Sick post my man, you hit it the nail smack bang on the head. This post will be worth reading at least once a week.
Kev
great post. i agree.
My question to you is, do you feel more motivated when you have a hot girl who ‘s obsessive over you? Or do you find it annoying; like it’s impeding your progess?
Jesse, this post is spot on!! Amazing write up. Only the outliers can understand it fully and agree with it like Kev said. I know exactly what you mean and I thank you for putting this out there. You’ve taken what was a slight mess in my head, put in in words and given me clarity! I read this bang on time for where I am in my life right now. Great to know others out there feel the exact same way đ
Dan
Thanks guys for all the positive feedback, I appreciate it
I was already at that point where I was starting to doubt the value associated with monogamy. This article just tipped the scales.
Not saying I agree with it completely, but it really voiced a very important message: *The ratio between well put together “outlier” men and attractive women is SIGNIFICANTLY in our favor. *
I just came from a whole night of partying, and sadly, my AA got in the way (that rhymes!). But I honestly believe that if I read this thing before I went out, I would have been a lot more confident and would have had a lot more fun.
TLDR: I now don’t give a fuck (in every positive sense of the word).
Thanks, man!
Backstory: 25, software engineer, used to be overweight, came out of a 5 year relationship last year, live alone. Spent the entire year improving myself: tripled my salary, lost 30 pounds, re-did my wardrobe, bought a car, moved to a great, high value area. Work will take me to Canada in a few months, where women aren’t as conservative. Once our product pops (and it really, realistically looks like it will) should give me enough passive income to do whatever the hell I want by 27.
And reading this just makes me want to even better.
Nico, good luck on the passive income project
I can’t agree with you, simply because of my own lifestyle. I’m a self-made ‘nomad’, with a girlfriend who enjoys similar freedom (that she earned for herself, not through me)
We travel the world and have a great time just sharing each other’s company. My professional success hasn’t affected the relationship. Maybe that’s because she’s quite successful too, but I think the argument is ultimately flawed.
Some relationships are strong, others are not meant to be.
Companionship and intimacy is just as important as sex, in my opinion.
Jack, how long have you two been together? After all, “the male outlier’s dilemma” often doesn’t present itself until 3 years or more into a relationship.
My brother emailed this link to me. It was an interesting article.
Mitch- I really agreed with much of your commentary.
Jesse- The pathos in this article was strong. I kept getting emotionally charged thoughts about past relationships- this immediately ensnared me into the “illussion” that the so-called outlier male is on the top of the food chain. I was thinking about it a little more; here’s a different different perspective.
1.) Outlier Males are a romanticized notion.
Most laymen’s will read this article and be like, ” Whoa! That son of a bitch is right! However, they aren’t thinking about the work it took for your to get into your presented situation, the lonliness which may or may not come with travel for yourself, and the countless relationships it took you to get in your situation; maybe you are the outlier male, but this formula should be tweaked based on the individual.
2.) Girls are a necessary evil.
“you can’t live with them and can’t live with out them.” We are forever caught in a catch-22. Ok, so what the hell do we do about it? Well, evolving males need to be aware of what they “want” in life, and force themselves to need more. This is where girls come in!
I lived out of hostels for a few months, so i don’t expect many luxuries, but when i have a “HOT” girl who forces me to compete harder, i become more motivated, focused, and goal oriented. Are their drawbacks? Of course! The point is, the right girls will make you “need” to strive for more, we just need to protect ourselves more and not get encumbered by overbearing responsibilities such as houses, kids, and mortgages which will prevent us from reaching our idylic goals.
3.) Every outlier is different.
Ok, everyone who reads this will get a different picture in their head.
The guy who can’t get a girl: Well, if only i could be more like this guy! (the poor schmuck) He will get depressed, eat a corn dog, and whine about how his life isn’t good enough or unfair. ” Where did i go wrong”.. wah wah wah.. blah blah blah.
The guy who get’s girls, but want’s more: (most men): Hmmm.. good article! this guy knows his shit. What the hell! I should be better than this dude. Ok, im dumping my girlfriend and starting a website! (or moving). These Rash and impulse decisions are based off are inherent desire to compete with one another and be the best. They fail to recognize the long road of success.
WTF, why does it always come back to the tortoise and the hare analogy!
Enlightened individuals: There is alot right and alot wrong about this article. He obviously has experienced some type of success, but what can i do to build on the point he’s impressing upon his audience. How can i navigate to a similar situation? What options are available for me at my age, status and income? Can i start something now? What experiences can i begin to gather to compete with these people?
These questions aren’t meant to belittle what was a “great article!” They are meant to add to the discussion. I rarely post on anything, but i enjoyed your theory and reading about it. Cheers mate! đ
Thanks for the thoughtful comments James.
great stuff..applicable to life in general.
interesting points… interesting way of thinking. but wow, the most arrogant man in the universe. yuck.
I’m just stating dry facts. And I bothered to tediously write this all down in an easily readable format to help other guys (a truly arrogant guy wouldn’t bother, believe me). If the dry facts come across as arrogant to you, so be it.
Not facts. Just your cynical opinion
Haha Alex, you are the type of guy who is quick to judge and assumes things have to be your way and the world should be that way. Sorry brah but Jesse’s article is spot on, especially in the type of economy we live in. Even if you are gifted with golden looks, if you cant pay your bills or rent, the chick will dump you, easy! đ Wake up and be glad you can either make something happen for yourself or be like everybody else who is stuck and needy with the first girl he happens to meet.
As someone who is 2x the age of most people on this site I can tell you. Jesse is SPOT ON!!! I have been in long term relationships (15+yrs) and short term. I have chased the hottest babe’s (and gotten them…sometimes 2+ at at time) and I have followed ‘my heart’ and ‘social norms’ been with the girl-next door or my high school sweetheart. I have also made millions and been a successful broker as well as eschewed wealth and had the love of 2 or 3 flower girls at a time with hair down to my ass and tinted glasses. Follow Jesse’s Advice and Mystery’s. Be your best, find the best women and have awesome children all the while leading a rockstar life with your rockstar wife. NEVER SETTLE. NEVER EVER, EVER, EVER! Your DNA and GOD (if you believe in one) wants you to go beyond the past. Now, if only more women had the courage they expect of us men. But, until that time. Seek the highest point’s in life, maintain and propagate. Have courage when no one does.
All it takes for evil or mediocrity to exist, is good men to do nothing
Dark Paladin
a man went to finland, went to a church and saw a red phone with a ten thousaand price for a call, he enquired and they said its the direct line to god, he then went to america and went to a church, there was a red phone with a ten thousnd price for a call, he enquired and they said its a direct line to god thats why its so expensive, he went to fiji, and went to church, there was a red phone, ten thousand dollars a call, direct phone to god. He then came to New Zealand, he went to a church, there was a red phone 40cents a call, he enquired, they said, “Bro youre already in paradise, its a local call here”
Self-made successful person here. Too thought-provoking that it’s going to take a couple more reads to fully grasp the reality.
I’ve had similar sentiments in my mind for awhile – but reading this is painfully real more than ever.
I’m in the process of getting to the top. This past year has seen me increase my cash flow substantially, moving out from home, getting my own place, getting my car, more women, etc.
If anything, I’ve noticed that the more I move up in life, the more people try to bring me down – even my own family.
I am definitely feeling the loneliness of success. It truly is a real feeling. At first I thought I was crazy, but it really is natural to simply cut out the people in your life that prevent you from success.
You lose friends, you lose women, you even lose family in my case.
I find myself now more than ever looking around and feeling bored in social situations, bored with the things I used to do – my mind is stuck on constantly improving myself and my business.
Just remember – the more you increase your value and reach for the top, the more that people will try to take you down. Your ghosts will come out to haunt you. Girls will try to knock you off the top.
Never give in – stay strong, stay consistent. Don’t get soft. Everyone else is simply jelly.
EXACTLY TRUE! Maybe it has a lot to do with jealousy, rivalry and dysfunction but I’ve found that my family members are the same way as described; they want to preserve the status quo so they will try to wear you down, trip you up and run you down and if they succeed they will gloat about it. It’s like *auto-reject*. They feel they’ve got to cut you down and keep you down and hold you back in order to hold onto you and then of course they won’t respect you so it’s just a hell storm of negativity they create. It’s like someone once said, “A woman will ruin a relationship if you let her and then she’ll hate you for that.” Well, even immediate female relatives and near relatives of both genders will be close enough to compare themselves with you and they may well want to appear better by way of comparison, which means they will be bent on seeing to it that they negatively impact the trajectory of your success. There is a book out called, “Feminine Psychology”. It was written by a student of Freud, prior to the feminist era (error). Karen Horney writes of how a wife will try to sabotage her husband’s success out of a sense of resentment despite the fact that it hurts herself and her children as well as her husband. Think about Tiger’s wife flying into a public rage that ends up costing more than a hundred million in endorsement revenue…
Jesse , this is a great analogue in an analogue, a story in a thoughtful story showcasing the naturalistic “open minded men and women”. If i’d be a judge the discussion goes to the next round, and my man Joe touches me.
Your Best Work Yet!
am mentally ill and still everyone says I only date pretty chicks, like who cares about that anyway, I know plenty of mentally ill chicks too dude and they are worth having sex with cause theyre smoking hot so pyrimads may just be last years way of communicating your theories, tho hey chicks suck but if you can’t handle it anywhich way, any outcome with them then I guess poor old mentally ill male over here will just keep on dating and hanging and talking to hot chicks while i’m at the bottom of the no hope for me pile
Jesse, this dropped into my inbox at just the right time! A great piece. Just this evening a girl who I admit I do quite like (despite me being determined not to get hooked with one girl as I am trying to work on my game at this stage in my life) invited me out – the event sounded lame, it’s too cold out and most important, I have work that needed doing by the morning. Stuff to move me forwards to reaching my dreams! She texted me and said I was being “boring”, “normal” and “an old fart”. Well that pissed me off! I sent a short reply that explained how I was doing the work necessary to exactly prevent me from becoming “boring” and “normal”.
She, hurt, said she’d just wanted to see me.
I felt bad because I am not an asshole and fall for girls I like too easily. But I am determined not to be an Average Joe. You pretty much exactly described an old friend of mine. He thinks he has “made it” – got a homely wife, a kid, just moved out of the city to a house in the burbs, got a little A to B car. He is happy. Yet I detect in the things he says and in his entire demeanor that he is a terrifed little bitch. Terrified by life. By what it may do to him. To his little oasis of calm. I find it pathetic and as a result see very little of him these days…
I was sat here this evening thinking of not much else than the text with the girl, whilst trying to concentrate on my work. It made me realize how much further I have to go with my game. I am still so much at the mercy of my emotions! I fall in love too easily. Anyway, this girl is, disapointingly, sexually reserved in a few ways that would make it impossible for us to be in an LTR. I have a knack for picking the ones who won’t do certain things, if you know what I mean!
Anyway, I have digressed – to sumarize – I am geting closer and closer to having my “work from a laptop” dream become a reality. I am re-committed to breaking bad habits and forming new and better ones. I am planning on leaving my country to travel South America for years whilst working from said laptop! And during this time, I wish to expand my game to master level.
Perhaps when I am in my mid-40s I will wish to pick a girl to make a family with. It’s not far off…
Thanks for the piece, it was great.
Gift đ
Thanks for sharing your story Gift. The South America trip sounds like a good idea. I did a 10 month stint down there, lot of fun. Learn Spanish (or Portuguese for Brazil) before you go though, use the Pimsleur program!! đ
My observations:
1) The quality of this discussion is a testament to the readership that Jesse has. Once in a while, his acute views will draw people out of the shadows that you didn’t suspect were reading his stuff regularly. So kudos, Jesse.
2) The lifestyle that Jesse describes, working on a laptop from x beach in any country in the world is a metaphor for what most of us strive for: liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Artists, athletes, or scientists, in the end, we’re all working to find similar personal fulfillment.
3) Being “talented, smart, successful” etc., does not equate to an ability to having our love lives all figured out. Many who have it going on individually and professionally struggle just as much as anyone else when it comes to managing relationships.
My conclusion (and my personal experience) tell me that I agree with Jesse. He’s not saying a solid monogamous relationship is not advisable. He’s saying that most of us will outgrow its usefulness. And that’s a fact!
In addition, there’s no question that most women eventually reveal more baggage (emotional or otherwise) than initially anticipated. It is up to each person to decide if they want to overlook that baggage and stick with the relationship; but no one can argue that it’s usually “the law of diminishing return” in action…
What I have discovered personally is that a man is better off investing in himself and building up his own status. Women fill automatically be there, and I mean all women — your mother, your sister, or harem if that’s your thing. Women will be there because they are biologically and socially conditioned to respond to status and to a man capable of being a rock for his own.
So, rather than focusing all our energies on finding the perfect and ideal romance, which 9 times out of 10 will lose its luster after a little while, men are better off focusing on making themselves that island of strength that will attract women of all kinds, shapes and color. That’s my 2c.
So you are saying “Build it and they will come?”
Or in a more Machiavellian outlook: Women are a means to the ends of Sex. When one wears out with age, or breaks down emotionally, get a new one.”
Am I missing anything Jesse?
Great reply Mitch, it’s nice to read when a commenter like yourself puts it in words better than I can. To other readers: it’s not that monogamy is bad when you first start it, it’s just likely that you’ll outgrow that particular girl within a few years time.
Hi Jesse,
Some of the articles you posted before, for instance the one about male conditioning, and your general beliefs on pick up are just short of genius. However, I have to disagree with you on the point you’re making here.
I. You’re assuming there are no girls out there like you, striving to attain outlier status.
2. you’re equating your own modest income and ability to attain it without a 9-5 desk job as something super successful (kudos to that I’ll admit its pretty great)
I think what you’re forgetting is that life is not necessarily just about traveling across the world, checking out beaches and girls.
Some of us might strive to be famous writers, professional athletes, or even scientists eg. people with a tangible value and ability for other people’s benefits and enjoyments.
This argument applies to celebrities as well. I consider celebrities in general to be normal people with luxurious lives and inordinate amounts of fame. That doesn’t mean they reached self fulfillment. I find that most truly TALENTED actors (eg those that are passionate about their careers) are not the ones on the tabloids.
You immerse yourself in a life dedicated to voyeurism, partying, travel, hot sex, and luxury, and of course you’re going to immerse yourself in shallow, like minded people.
Do you think that smart, dedicated, physically attractive men and women who care about other things besides money and emotional cuddling don’t exist? They do. That’s a different kind of outlier status you have to be to find them. Research facilities, training camps, art studios, that’s where you’re going to find such people. The hot ones are rare yes but they do exist and I’ve seen them. They certainly won’t be caught nearly as often at the clubs as the women you complain of.
Thanks for commenting. Oneâs professional has little to do with being an oulier male with women. If you can walk into a bar, talk to 30 girls, get 3 phone numbers, and have a new girlfriend out of it every weekend, that makes you an outlier male with women. Having financial means is just a bonus.
Writers, athletes, scientists, even homeless bums can be outlier males with women.
Regardless, if you have a myriad of sexual options and temptations because you can easily meet girls, and your girlfriend stops doing the things that originally made her attractive because âshe has youâ, thatâs a recipe for a breakup. Thatâs the message of this article, and itâs not that controversial.
On a side note: Women and men that like to travel, be physically fit, party and have hot sex arenât more shallow than the rest of the population. Theyâre typically smart, adventurous, go-getters. In fact, many ânormal peopleâ living ânormal livesâ are pretty shallow too. Shallowness can be found in all groups and types of people.
Well said. I agree with every point you make, in particular regarding shallowness. I also agree with your generalization on how women act.
All I mean to say is 1. a “WORTHY girlfriend with the body and the brains that doesnât cause the drama and bullshit or get fat down the road”might be rare but she is out there.
2. you’re more likely to find her in certain circles over others. The more normal things a girl does and desires, eg dressing up and going to clubs to catch a guy and keep him, the more likely she will be normal and commit those five sins(not being ironic) you originally mentioned.
passions are great because normal girls(or so I find) do not have them.
For me personally, I’d be more likely finding a worthy girlfriend in lets say a ballet studio than a night club. Why? Normal girls aren’t going to work at anything. If I go to a club I might see thirty hot girls but statistically, as you said, they’ve got great makeup and a winning personality for the night. Down the road Iv seen it was an illusion.
But, in the ballet studio, maybe I find only one really beautiful girl there. But she’s got passion and talent (again not traits I consider normal) and she’s not trying to deceive me as she would in a club. If I’m lucky, this is not the kind of girl who goes to clubs anyways? Why, maybe shes too classy. Maybe shes just too dedicated to her work. Will she be as clingy as the girl at the bar every weekend? Probably not. This girls got something going on she can be confident about. See what I mean?
All I mean to say is a perfect/ near perfect girl can exist if a near perfect guy can exist, and perfect/near perfect girls and girls should be able to make perfect or near perfect mates if they choose.
In random population they might be rare but there are ways of tracking them down.
You’re right about finding worthy girls in a ballet studio. Or girls that do sports in general – body building, swimming, dance – as part of their regular habit. It demonstrates that they won’t get fat just because they find a man and have good habits like dedication and consistency. If a girl doesn’t work out or do a sport as a passion (about 99% of girls don’t unfortunately) she’s guaranteed to balloon up. Again, that’s why I generally advice successful guys NOT to get their heads all whacked over a girl.
Hey Jesse!!
very true article!
Only thing is: what happens when you as an outlier male also reach the point of being non-attractive
for example when you hit your 70/80s and on, you will also need to share your life with somebody at least for companionship, and she better be a wife, cause she is bound by a contract to not leave you at the first misunderstanding or mutual attraction decrease. At least not that easily.
So in the end even the outlier uber mega playboys, will want to settle for somebody to grow old with. Alternative is lonely ageing, which is not the best thing in the world.
Attractiveness is not really an issue. I’ve taken 50 year old clients that look dumpy and unstylish and hooked them up with 25 year old girls.
Of course, you’ll get to a point when you can’t get it up and you can’t walk. At that point you need a companion, not so much a sexual partner. But that won’t happen until you’re 70+ if you take good care of yourself.
There’s no point in locking in that young girl to be companion while you’re in your 20’s or 30’s. If you can easily meet girls every weekend – again, this is for outlier males mind you – you can very easily wait until you’re at least in your 40s if not 50s and 60s to find a young girl to watch over you.
Thumbs up Jesse!
thats some wicked philosophical vibe there man..!
there are a numbre of things that stand out here;
1.Outlier level guys have tighter ratings for women they’ll vibe with
2.Committing becomes increasingly undesirable coz you feel no one woman deserves your entire style, committment and all the hardwork you’ve put into making yo’self a better male
since i started reading your newsletters, i’ve consistently implemented some good alpha male traits into my system, sometimes i would get results the same day i start trying out something…sometimes i can already figure out teh entire outcome of an approach i’m planning and it comes to pass, it’s soo exciting..further, i can read the signals on a girl as i apply touch escalation and other concepts, making it even more fun….generally time comes when all you see is the end result and stop focusing on the nitty gritty of geting there coz you’re confident with every move you make which by now happens unconsciously……eventually you get this feeling that you can handle any hottie. therefore, only the best will do which comes back to the argument of your post here,it’s a nice summary of what i’ve been thinking about lately. when i finally get your e-book, i’ll be a boss and soo choosy đ
cheers man
Pascal, sweet, sounds like you’re having lots of success đ
Great article and better discussion.
I think this ideal “happy medium” is close to what “polyamory” is all about.
This is a topic I have give a lot of thought too. For some time I’ve had this discomfort when I imagine myself in a long-term relationship but my major concern is with regard to having kinds. That is something I want 100% but of course I’ll need some mom(s) for them đ
Kids are tricky, because to properly raise kids you need to put yourself second. That means sacrifice – sacrifice of your time, sacrifice of your energy, sacrifice of your sexual value, sacrifice of future sexual opportunities. A lot of men get around this problem by being “deadbeat” Dads to multiple women, of course. But let’s assume you’re a “nice guy”, then you need to carefully weigh the decision of having kids.
To answer your last statement, that’s true..Maybe it’s semantics I’m talking here. You say that from your experience the ideal “happy medium” is multiple bonding girlfriends.
I assume you mean that sex is the big important thing here, and not quite the “bonding relationship” part that you’ll have with other girls. If it’s between the scenario I described, and having multiple bonding girlfriends, basically the same in terms of possible fulfillment I assume?
And one thing that you don’t mention here is, if you CAN be with other girls in the process..do you see long term partnership/companionship/deepening “love” with someone as something positive that can grow in a longer term relationship? Is this something you still seek out? Or have you found most girls to not be up to par for you?
But thanks for clearing all this up, I was looking at the “exclusive girlfriend” part wrong when reading this.
Best,
Eugene
Eugene, it sounds like you’re looking for a perfect solution where you can deeply bond with girls but also not be trapped. There’s no perfect solution, it’s a trade-off. Keeping a little distance and space in exchange for not feeling boxed-in down the road.
Check out this thread on harem management as well:
http://www.seductionscience.com/forum/7694-harem-management.html
Hey Jesse thanks for the response. I don’t want to emulate him no. But I’ll admit I was surprised in the article when he said he wanted to find a partner and settle down.
And I agree that his issues will follow him, and he admits that in the interview himself. He just said he wasn’t ready for a “meaningful relationship” with someone years back, and now he’s at a point where he can at least work through is issues if he’s with someone.
1) whats you’re take on the whole being more fulfilled when you can be “emotionally vulnerable” with someone you “love”, or someone you want to share experiences with? Or are you in line with the whole “love fades” thing because we’re evolutionarily programmed as men to seek out woman and variety etc and that a majority of that is just chemicals in our body.
2) Are you saying that once you reach a particular point of success in life and with women, that you realize that you don’t need all the bad stuff that comes with having a girlfriend, and that it outweighs the good stuff? I remember you talking about “starlight” girls and having that 1 girl you have the real relationship with, and other girls that you have on the side that you still have relations/sex with but they’re not the one that you go back to.
Say for example you had a girl who you actually thought you could be with (who knows how long, at least at the current time), and she’s into watching you have sex with other girls, even willing to be in the next room and listen and wants to be with other girls herself for you. And she wants to please you and make you happy. So you have that relationship and you still get to have sex with other girls. And she says that she’s ok with that as long as she knows you come home to her at night, and that she’s the one you love. Does that make the situation different? Or are the major problems still there? (again, this is an ideal scenario)
My takeaway from what you’re saying is that :
1) Just from her being a woman, and since most woman have issues, and since you’re only going to become more valuable and successful in business/woman (ideally), that her emotional issues, neediness, not wanting you to be wanted by other women, etc…will take their toll and you’d realize you don’t want or have to be with her. And you’re strong enough to move away because you know you have options.
2) The love aspect fades and you’d generally be happier and better off having casual to more serious relationships with girls ongoing, instead of having a main relationship with 1 girl. Even with the scenario I described earlier.
Sorry for such a long post, but I’m in a similar situation with the scenario I described and this has been on my mind a lot. I don’t have the experience/insight you do so I would really respect and appreciate your opinion on this.
#1. It’s BOTH. You feel drawn to bond with one woman exclusively, and then once you’ve done that you feel drawn to create space and seek variety. BOTH will happen. Guaranteed. Fact. The key is to RECOGNIZE that this will happen, and instead to stay in the “happy middle”. You can bond with a girl, but not exclusively. Fact is, if you have lots of options, within a month you can have multiple bonding girlfriends.
#2. Yes, the more success and sexual opportunities a man has, the greater the downsides of having an exclusive girlfriend. At a certain point, the downsides outweigh the upsides. However, the upsides always outweigh the downsides AT THE BEGINNING when you feel that “falling in love” feeling, so a lot of guys get tricked by their hormones and attach to one girl, only to feel boxed-in later.
In your scenario of a girl who likes threesomes with you, that is NOT being in an exclusive relationship. That’s a great relationship, because it allows a high-value guy to let out the “steam pressure” building in the tea pot. However, that requires you to be very alpha and dominant and leading. You can’t be lazy with that, because all girls want to become exclusive if you let it slide.
#1. Yes
#2. If your girlfriend is into other girls – she provides companionship in your male desires – that marks an exception. But then again, it’s no longer an exclusive monogamous relationship with the girl, is it?
This happens to me in literally every relationship I’m in, even as the quality of women increases to the point I can legitimately say the girlfriends are fantasy-like women.
One problem I have is that I feel a great sense of guilt when I realise that this woman is in love with me and has invested herself in me. At one point I feel the same way and go headlong into it. However even when I love the girl I do always end up feeling boxed-in and frustrated by only sleeping with one woman, no matter how smoking hot she is. It’s actually a strange feeling when you’ve got a woman who is absolutely a 10 in terms of looks, personality and accomplishments and yet you are still tempted every time you go out alone. As you say Jesse, this isn’t a problem when you are an average Jo or a guy who is just happy that fate gave him this smoking girl. When you know you can go out and get hot women consistently it is very difficult, if not impossible to resist that urge over the long-term.
The only benefit to having a girlfriend for an outlier is that you can devote more time to your life-missions such as business and hobbies rather than spending time meeting new women.
Just getting back into seduction after some years of relationships and appreciating your advice Jesse! Your words are so true and helpful its like being brought back down to earth again. Thanks for everything!!
Thanks!
I’d be very interested in hearing your thoughts Jesse on this interview here :
http://www.forbes.com/sites/michaelellsberg/2012/01/18/tucker-max-gives-up-the-game/
It’s an interview with Tucker Max. I don’t idolize him but here’s a guy who, while he has issues, has no problems getting girls..and has all the money and success in the world. And he says that what he wants now is to find a partner in life and get married, someone to share experiences with because he realized that even after he had all the success and things he thought he wanted, he still wasn’t fully happy.
The interview is a bit long but very insightful, and I’d be very interested in hearing your thoughts.
Eugene -I really like your comment,good you posted it.
If you spend your life running behind “chicks“ and having lots of sex then it will have a taste of common “water“ (with full respect to water)…maybe you just get tired of it ,as you would get tired of eating pasta twice a day …..?…if you “treasure“ sex then it becomes more exciting and special???
Thanks. I skimmed through the article. He says he tried to cover up his emotional problems with beer, money, and bar girls, and it didn’t make him happy.
So he found a girlfriend and stopped going out almost altogether.
Look, you can’t find happiness outside yourself. Money, girls, and even an exclusive girlfriend will only give you temporary happiness.
He’s trading one kind of stimulation for another.
He also calls people in pickup “f***ing losers” in the article and rants pretty hard against them. Even though he spent years and years going from one girl to the next and banging 100s of girls himself. It’s so easy to judge other once you’ve already done it yourself. Sounds like a guy with a lot of issues. He’s pissed off. Is this a guy you really would want to emulate?
And even when he gets with an exclusive girlfriend, his issues will follow him.
At some point, 10 years down the line with his girl, she’ll lose sexual value and his may only rise. And he’ll feel a lot of temptation to look for more girls, since they’re so EASY to get. The fact is, this girlfriend doesn’t solve anything for him in the long run.
You don’t need to go to either extreme, like this Tucker guy, where it’s either 1,000 one-night-stands or getting married. You can always keep your options open to be in the happy middle. Everything in moderation.
Love you insight, Jesse.
Calm, Respect
& Warmth,
its is simple,sell ever thing , get a back pack, Start over
down where the rubber meets the road that where the fun
and adventure Is. wilson
Yessss….Joe rulesss!!!!! đ …and it is Joe who will have ups and downs with his special woman ,who will kick the ball with his son and listen to a song sung by his little Princess…and this is Joe who might find the One to lean on when sick or sad….and this is Joe who will share his dreams with the One ,and who will be welcomed by a melting smile of LOVE in the morning….
And Joe won`t be stressed about his big belly because SHE loves him the way he is and there is no need to stress out,pretend you like sth you do not,go for plastic surgery not to feel too old etc etc ,….because she cannot even notice it – she can see LOVE through Joe`s eyes …well unless Joe is not good in bed …than it`s a bit ,maybe…different..I suppose….
ohhh Joeeeee!!!
You’re right Katie. Being an outlier male DOES come with disadvantages. It’s like having a selection of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream in front of you at all times. It’s not always healthy. It means lots of choice and easy sex in place of the steadiness and comfort that a relationship can bring.
Average Joe has has limitations as well though – he’s looking at porn and fantasizing about women he’d like to try once in his life, but never will.
It’s a trade off in costs and benefits.
The world has both kinds of people. It just is what it is.
And at the end of the day, the core argument still stands – outlier males will typically fail or fall out of exclusive relationships. They can save themselves a lot of time, trouble, and money when they come to understand that.
sure is lonely at the top….
đ
Leave your comments / opinions below…
Jesse,
Firstly, you’ve presented a fantastic thesis on the formula for extinction. Any guy who successfully follows your advice will end in one short lifetime their genetic line which has been vigorously and painstakingly sustained since the beginning of life itself. There is a reason we want to find our “soulmate”, “one true love”, etc… and settle down: evolution. The same evolution that resulted in your existence rather than your father the “male outlier” fucking around with a bunch of women with “sexual value” but no result which counts.
Secondly, that picture of Joe is undoubtedly AFTER he’s been married for years and years. He was probably sexier and more manly than even yourself before sacrificing all that to a scatter-brained-time-sucking-soul-vampire in order to do the most important thing: BREED successful children, not fatherless failures*. It’s ironic that you paint a picture of an outlier male who is so successful and driven yet has neither the energy nor brains to manage the realities of a relationship.
One more thing about Joe – chances are he doesn’t want, nor need, to find and bang random women. Not because he doesn’t find himself worthy – he could easily get a “hottie” into bed (seriously, most of the types of girls who sleep around aren’t all that bright, which is why they spend most of their effort on their looks, and they tend to like nice things, which Joe can easily afford). No, it’s just that his self-esteem and confidence are well intact enough that he accepts that this was part of his youth and that those years, while nice, have passed. Joe’s “been there and done that” and he’s moved onto the next stage to which there’s no point in regressing.
* Not all fatherless kids are failures but statistics show the odds are against for a variety of reasons raging from financial security to mentoring. This is no fault of a single mom, just the fact that parenting is a handful even for 2 parents. A single mom has done well if she can provide just for a kid’s essential needs.
Extinction? What a shallow view of life. If it were merely about this, you’d bang several chicks and leave them to sort it out for themselves while you enjoy yourself. It would be so wrong, but at least you’d sleep soundly knowing you weren’t going to be extinct. Breeding to avoid distinction is the most pathetic excuse one could ever have for having children. What a disgrace…
Would like to see your response to Dohn Joe, Jesse…
Dohn Joe, you’re assuming here that a guy who sleeps with many women or has many girlfriends will never have any children, and thus be snuffed out by evolution.
That’s simply WRONG. Just because you have sexual options and you keep your options flexible doesn’t mean in one’s long life that you’ll never have kids. And that pretty much invalidates your entire argument.
You also say that Average Joe doesn’t get more sex because he’s “moved passed that” of having sex with young new girls. I’d submit to you that most older gentlemen would JUMP at the chance of having more sex with younger girls if they had the chance. But they don’t. Because they can’t, and it’s not by their own choice that they can’t. Just look at how much net porn is watched out there.
About “fatherless failures” kids. I’m not saying that by having multiple girlfriends you can’t be there for your kids. You can. And the reality is, upper class men have generally ignored the child-raising throughout history. Kings, Dukes, and Renaissance Merchants generally left 99% of the children raising to women.
Again, there’s NOTHING WRONG with being monogamous and raising kids as a doting Father. It’s quite admirable! But the fact is, if you can go out any weekend and hook up with a 20 year old hottie that is 15 or 25 years younger than yourself (no matter how ‘dumb’ that teen hottie is), you will be extremely torn about staying in a monogamous relationship with your aging wife. If you CAN’T hook up with younger girls very easily, it isn’t much of an issue. But if you CAN do it, it becomes a HUGE issue of hot sex and freedom vs comfort and stability.
Very intriguing article, but a bit one-sided. You neglect to account for the Outlier female. That would be the female who is tall, in shape, attractive, financially stable (including a good credit score and an ability to avoid impulsive mall trips), emotionally aware and stable, and in a high-powered career but avoiding being the bitch career woman and still good with kids and cooking, and lastly enjoys and needs sex as much or more than most men. Believe it or not we exist and we suffer from the same dilemma. I started married, but as my career took off, I began to become better at self examination and dealing with issues, I watched my husband continue to gain weight, refuse to quit bad habits, fail to get a job, go to school and constantly lose his temper. Obviously that had to end. My career still moving forward, I found more time to spend in the gym, focus on myself, and enjoy doing what I want when I want. After several years the itch to see what is out there started, but unfortunately there is nothing. I wouldn’t even date an Ashton Kutcher, because while on the outside he seems great, his desire for extreme attention screams that he is riddled with emotional baggage I don’t have the time for (not saying I wouldn’t screw him though). Not to mention I need someone who has all that and a capacity to deal with children. Those men don’t exist, not even in the Outlier Male. I have since become satisfied with the single life. I enjoy the fun of dating, though it is hard for most men to understand that I don’t want to get serious, the freedom of doing what I want when I want without worrying about how it will affect the fragile emotions of a man. Wearing what I want without my significant other worrying about who is checking me out. Basically everything you described about the Outlier Male, but turn it to a female and you have where I am. I am often asked by friends why I wonât settle with the nice man I was just dating who is financially stable, good with kids, in good shape, and seemingly emotionally put together. I can always answer with a very realistic issue that makes him unfitting for a long term relationship, something undeniably incompatible with myself and why would I settle for less than perfect? Additionally the majority of men that are attractive to me for those reasons that would make them an Outlier Male are usually older than I am. I am 29 and refuse to date anyone under 32, because they are never where they should be otherwise. The issue then arises as most end up being 37 or above, they are getting older. While yes, fully dressed in their suit they look distinguished and impressive. But, take off the suit and the muscle definition is starting to fade. The body hair is getting thicker and needs maintenance more often. I am in the gym 4 days a week and I already have a good muscle structure, resulting in defined abs, arms and legs. I want the same, washboard stomach, sexy arms, and muscular legs. I want someone with the looks and the power to throw me around in the bedroom a bit. And that brings the concern of how long can he keep up with me? I am very active and have a very high sex drive. I donât want to injure my man. I also donât want to deal with a recuperating night at home when I would rather be out doing something active and fun. Or put off sex for a night because he forgot to take a pill. Not trying to be harsh, but it is a reality. My sex drive is only increasing while the sex drive of an older male begins to decrease. And letâs not pretend that once a man settles down he doesnât let himself go. Those 6 days at the gym turn into 4 then 2 then none. Eventually the coach and a home cooked meal appeal more than the effort of getting dressed, working out and going on the town. Tell me one guy who would pick the gym to sleeping in later after a good dinner and a night of extreme sex when he isnât concerned about looking good for the bikini model on the beach. On the other hand even when I was married I never let my shape go. I worked out everyday to stay in shape. After 12 years I can still fit into the same clothes as I did before, only difference is I have more muscle tone now than I did then. Point being donât discount the Outlier Female, because in reality she is on level above the Outlier Male you describe.
Too many outlier females are very bitter towards men. Women are emotional; therefore, many adopt the lifestyle discussed for different reasons.
Tinder is swamped with your type. The 28-36 yo’s that think they are a great catch because they are ‘independent’, or ‘financially secure’, or ‘nympho’, or ‘degreed’ or ‘well travelled’ etc.
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And the gym rats. Women who cant stop the aging of the face become obsessed with the body, because it actually can hold on a few years longer.
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A woman who has the qualities of an outlier man, is NOT a desireable woman. We’ll take a coy, shy, unsure, insecure teenager anyday over a confident 27yo.
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Women in their late 20s to mid 30s need to stop believing all those Cosmo articles (written by mid 30s women btw) that claim youre gonna be fabulous at 35 and guys will still line up for you.
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Its ironic that most women dont want to marry when they are most marriageble (18-22), but they are desperate to get married when their marriage value has dropped through the floor (32+).
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They will find when they hit 33 and the music stops and they look for a chair, the chairs will be occupied by all the sweet Naomis of this world who grabbed all the best men in their early 20s.
Charity, thanks. Pricing oneself out of monogamy is then both a dilemma of those few outliers females as well. However, the plight of the outlier female does not diminish the plight of the outlier male, they simply co-exist in parallel.
So true. That’s why we are all lonely people. We’ve all become outliers to one extent or another.
Well-rounded outliers aren’t lonely. There’s lots of lonely people in the world because most people are NOT outliers. If everyone were an outlier, that would negate the very definition of what “outlier” means.